Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Honesty...Such A Lonely Word!

posted by Joanie T

Helloooo, Banditas! How are you? It’s so wonderful to be back here in the Lair, shooting the, er, breeze with my old chums! But, since the theme of this blog is honesty, I must admit something…I’m really only here because I’m dying to come to the Romance Bandits party at RWA National. You hear the rumors, right? The cabana boys, the frozen drinks, Nora Roberts on karaoke singing Endless Love…who wouldn’t want to come? And last year, according to rumor, Joan Kayse won the Girls Gone Wild flashing contest. I wasn’t supposed to tell, but in the interest of full disclosure, I felt I had to. Sorry, Joan.

I jest, of course. Joan asked me to pick a theme for today’s blog that would be relevant in some way to my upcoming release, ALL I EVER WANTED (isn’t that the best cover?). I figured honesty would be a good one.

One of the things I love about this book is, of course, the hero. Ian is a man incapable of lying, even when lying might be a good idea. Ian is honest to a fault…he can’t schmooze, he doesn’t sugarcoat anything, refuses to play along with anything. So different from Callie, who feels the need to make everyone like her. Callie will do just about anything to keep on the sunny side, overlook anything, go to any lengths to paint people in the most flattering light. She just can’t dislike anyone…especially her boss, Mark­—the guy she’s loved since time immemorial. He’s got to be a good guy. He just has to be. ’Cause she wouldn’t love him otherwise, right?

Staying positive is not easy for Callie, especially when we meet her. See, a few months ago, she had a five-week relationship with Mark, and it was perfect. For her. For him, not so much. He broke up with her, saying the timing wasn’t right, and now, the morning of Callie’s 30th birthday, it seems maybe the timing is finally right. And it is. Just not for her. Mark’s in a relationship. Yep. He’s met someone else

Don’t you hate when that happens? Oh, lordy, that’s the worst romantic feeling there is, I think. Things used to be so perfect…and now, let’s be honest, things rather suck. You’re still in love. He’s moved on. You’re still thinking about him every waking moment…he’s feeling no pain.

And so Callie, who’s extremely honest when it comes to her feelings­—extremely honest and, er, open—falls apart. In line at the DMV. In front of everyone. She can’t help feeling things so acutely…it’s just how she is! Blubbering out her woes to her sister as she waits to renew her license, taking comfort from the strangers in line (well, some of the strangers), Callie suffers from what one gentleman calls “emotional diarrhea.”

Oh, the humanity! We’ve all been there. Want to hear a story? Of course you do. That’s why you’re here, right? Back when I was a youth, my boyfriend of about a year took me out to dinner. Nice restaurant. He actually called me and asked, too…the whole “Are you free on Friday night?” It was so freakish and bizarre and romantic, I should’ve sensed a tremor in the Force, if you will. But I was obtuse (am obtuse?), and so I figured a marriage proposal was coming my way.

Oh, squee! I bought a new dress, called my best friend, got a haircut. So, so exciting! Off we went to the restaurant. Boyfriend and I been a little itchy and scratchy lately, sure, but we loved each other! Mostly! So this had to be the night he’d pop the question, yes?

Um…nope. Not so much. He proceeded to tell me he thought our relationship had run its course and it was time for us to break up.

And here’s what I said. “I don’t think so, pal. No. Nope. Not gonna happen.” Because, first of all, I had bought a new dress for this occasion, and it was a killer dress, and I was not going to have it become my breakup dress, I can assure you! Secondly, I loved this guy! Right? I had to, right, because we’d been together for a year! So, in a nutshell, I basically refused to let my boyfriend to dump me. Even if he was a jerk. Oh, no. We were going to stay together, dang it, and we were going to be miserable, thank you very much!

See, like my heroine­—who is more like me than any heroine yet, I think—I really thought that if I did everything right, I’d get the results I wanted. I had yet to learn that we can’t force people to act the way we think they should. Sadly, we don’t get to control other people (such a shame!). My boyfriend and I stayed together for a few more awkward months before I finally let him pull the plug. It took a while to really and truly be honest about that one—things just weren’t going to work.

It’s hard to be honest sometimes, don’t you think? Whether it’s with ourselves or with others…admitting that maybe someone isn’t the best friend or coworker, maybe. Admitting that we have to do better on some front. That maybe it’s not someone else’s fault…it’s ours. Ouch! I hate that, don’t you?

So tell me…when was it tough for you to tell the truth? Were you ever in a situation like Callie, unable to stop being honest…and blurting out way too much information to the masses? I’ll pick a commenter and send her an advance copy of All I Ever Wanted.

And as always, thanks so much to the lovely Joan for inviting me to be here. It’s always such a pleasure!



jo robertson said...

Great blog, Kristan, welcome back to the Lair. You had me going with the whole Joanie and Girls Gone Wild. I had this image burned in my brain. Kinda cute, actually!

ALL I EVER WANTED sounds delightful. I always love a hero with brutal honesty, a sort of blunt, no-nonsense kind of attitude. You gotta love that on some level, especially if he's wise enough to know the answer to the question, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

jo robertson said...

Oh, looks like I got the rooster! Whoo hooo! I think I'd take him to my CP's house tomorrow and let her FIVE -- yes F - I - V - E -- dogs give him a tumble or two.

When I taught English it was hard for me to learn to balance genuine praise with helpful criticism. There's a fine line, especially with adolescents who are just learning to find (or not) their writing voices.

Helen said...

WEll done Jo I am sure he is going to have fun with those dogs LOL

Great post Kristan thanks Joan for inviting Kristan along again today.
Oh this book sounds good total honesty hmmm not many people around like that I guess or that I have met LOL.

I try to be honest all the time but I really don't like hurting peoples feelings so the old say from me is if I can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. Although I am sure that I have said the wrong thing lots of time without thinking off hand I can't think of anything that I have said lately.

Have Fun

Tawny said...

Hi Kristan and welcome back to the Lair. I love your books and can't wait to read this one :-)

I've got a horrible habit of blurting EVERYTHING. I think I amuse my editor, because she knows all it takes is a few well-placed questions and I'll dish all the dirt there is to dish.

So I try to make it a habit to stay as quiet as I can. It never works, but I do try.

btw, do you have pictures of JoanieT and her girls gone wild moment? I think the cabana boys might like them for their rooms *beg*

Christine Wells said...

Hi Kristan! Welcome back to the lair. Great to see you got into the spirit of things... You fit right in! Joanie, thanks for roping Kristan in to talk to us today.

Honesty--I wouldn't say I'm terribly forthcoming about emotional stuff, but I do tend to give TMI on occasion and then wish I hadn't! My mother always said not to tell even one person if you really wanted to keep a secret and she's right! I don't know why I so often forget that. I'm much better at keeping other people's secrets than my own.

I'm really loving contemporaries at the moment, and ALL I EVER WANTED looks right up my alley! I'll look forward to it!

Woohoo! Jo got the rooster today!

Barbara Monajem said...

I've done my best to forget all those embarrassing moments when I tried to fool myself (and maybe others, too). In fact, I actually *have* forgotten a lot of them. No, *all* of them. I have absolutely *nothing* to report. :~)

I'm with Helen re "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." That way, theoretically at least, one can be honest and also not hurt anybody's feelings.

All I Ever Wanted sounds painfully good! And a lot of fun.

hrdwrkdmom aka Dianna said...

Hi Kristan, so happy you are in the lair. I love the sound of your book. I haved lied to myself on several occasions and tried to will a hea into being but if it isn't there it just isn't. For the most part I just don't say anything rather than be negative.

Anna Sugden said...

Yay! Kristan is back in the Lair! Thanks, Joanie for tempting ... luring ... bribing her back *g*.

In the interests of honesty, I have to admit that after your last visit, I became a total fan girl and bought all your books. I love contemporary romance and am thrilled to find another author who writes 'my kinda stuff'!

I try to be honest. I also try to be constructive or hedge rather than lie. *g*.

I try to not say something behind someone's back that I wouldn't be prepared to say to their face ... but sometimes I slip *g*. Especially if people pick on my friends - than I become a rabid b*tch.

I'm usually pretty good with secrets, though I have to battle the urge to spill!

Laney4 said...

Like Barbara, I too have done my best to "forget" my embarrassing moments, although they tend to pop up in nightmares every so many years or so just as a reminder, probably, that they evidently are not out of sight out of mind yet.

I forget lots of things now that I'm in my fifties. Fact of life. The only good thing about this is that I forget the stuff that made me upset too.

I could try really hard to remember something right now, but I don't want to recall times of great embarrassment. I DO know that I turn bright red and there have been at least three occasions in my lifetime when this has happened. I'm just not going there. Sorry.

Joan said...

btw, do you have pictures of JoanieT and her girls gone wild moment? I think the cabana boys might like them for their rooms *beg*

Um...they don't need pics...they there :D

Joan said...

Speaking of fan girls, Anna S., I totally became one of Kristan's back in SF....That WAS the one where I totally "fan girled" all over her at RWA lunch.

Poor Kristan's not been the same since :D

pjpuppymom said...

Hi Kristan! Congrats on your upcoming release. I'm counting the days until I can get my hands on it! Great cover, btw! I love the dogs on your covers. In fact, it was the dog on the cover of Fools Rush In that caught my attention in the book store and caused me to buy my first Kristan Higgins book. One book was all it took to make me a devoted fan.

I'm much better about speaking my mind now that I'm older. Being totally honest was much tougher in my younger years when I was always so afraid of hurting someone's feelings. Okay, it's still tough because I would *never* want my words to hurt someone but I have become a bit more open and assertive in my honesty.

pjpuppymom said...

Girls gone wild, Joanie? What happened to that pledge of "What happens at the Bandit's party, stays at the Bandit's party?" :-)

Laurie G said...

What makes what we can't have or shouldn't have:
chocolate, bad boyfriends more attractive?

I've seen it happen to myself and girlfriends... the worse a guy treated you the more you wanted to be with him. Was it the challenge to get him to change?? Can a guy be too nice??

Too much information- My kids say that is a major fault of mine. I think it's because I'm nervous in crowds and I ramble to fill in the dead space.

I do tend to be very honest if someone asks me if I like something or not.

Relationships are usually not on the same time schedule. I was ready to settle down way before my husband was. Luckily we compromised and we're still together 33 years later.
I'd love to read Callie's story in All I Ever Wanted!!

Gillian Layne said...

Kristan, I love your work! I'm not much of a full disclosure gal. I'm mostly the one blurting out all sorts of inane happy comments in hopes everyone around me will get along.

Is that an Irish Setter on the cover? We had one when I was growing up. That dog could run for hours. :)

Virginia C said...

Hi, Kristan! I identify all too well with your post! I lost my job last November for being too honest, not being a "yes" person, and for actually providing superior customer service in a customer service position! Something that really, really bothers me is when I call a customer service number and get less than satisfactory service. I have worked with the public all my life, and I try to treat people in the manner with which I would like to be treated. I also believe in resolving a problem the first time without having to make repeated contacts for assistance. In my last job, I would advise my supervisor about problems that came up with operational procedures, the company website, email issues and so on. At first, I thought that she was being receptive, and really addressing my concerns, which were also our customers' concerns. What I discovered was that she was just a "bobblehead"--bobbing her head to me and bobbing her head to her superiors. She never backed me up when it came to handling accelerated customer service situations, and she never advised management that I was trying to correct important issues as they arose. When I would ask her how to proceed with some very difficult customer contacts, it would sometimes be weeks or months before I got an answer. In the meantime, the customer would repeatedly contact our company looking for an answer to their question. I could never be comfortable with treating people that way! I actually worked on my own for five years as an unpaid economic development advisor to bring this company to my home area, which is seriously economically depressed. I worked there three years, was number one in seniority, never missed a day of work, and earned numerous customer compliments and call handling awards. I was terminated, my health insurance ended that same day, and it took me two months to get my unemployment benefits started. My job was divided between the two people that I had trained as backups. They were half my age and had half my seniority. I'm still not a "yes" person...and I still don't have a job : )

Then said...


Congratulations on your release!

Thanks for the Billy Joel moment. You've just catapulted me back to the middle school gym, lights low, speakers blaring, sitting on the bleachers with that nervous sticky feeling inside, dying for him to ask me to dance.

Hm... Rather, no thanks? ;)

Actually that's when I used to say everything, tell the whole truth. Yeesh. But my worst moment of horrible honesty was in college when I was certain a friend of mine knew her boyfriend was sleeping with his ex, CERTAIN because EVERYONE ELSE KNEW IT. Apparently, she was the only one who didn't. When it slipped into conversation, I wasn't even thinking. Ouch. Fortunately she got over it pretty soon (she moved on to much better), but I don't think I'll ever be, and it sure taught me to keep my mouth shut.

Virginia C, how totally frustrating!

Hellie Sinclair said...

I tended to be a lot more honest when I was younger--when I saw things more in black and white. I'd call a spade a spade.

I remember calling out a spade to my sister once (who is 15 years older than me and should know better)--however, I don't think I could do it now. I see a lot less in black and white. And I'm a lot more delusional.

I have to say, Kudos to you for telling that schmuck that he couldn't break up with that night--and thereby turn the dress into a "break up dress." What the devil are boys thinking to take you to a nice restuarant to do the breaking up? Don't they know if they'd only done a bit more wining and dining, you probably wouldn't have had to break up to begin with? Schmucks.

Kristan said...

Oh, at last! I'm in the comment section! Am technologically challenged and had to reset a password all by myself, and it was horrible!

Anyway...thanks for the lovely welcome! Some great stories out there, great stories!

Like a lot of you, I've also had to tone down my impulse to blurt the truth, and nothing but the truth. I'm getting better, though I do tend to weigh with relationship advice a little too much. "He WHAT!?! Dump him! Dump him now! Oh, you're engaged. Well, mazel tov!"

Note to self: Think first. Speak later, or not at all. ;-)

Kirsten said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer Glew Brady said...

I seriously LOVE being your Facebook friend. It makes stalking you, and everything you write, so much easier. Thank you.

I love being honest. I'll practice that right now and declare that I really, really want your advance copy. :)

I've grown a better filter as I've gotten older and hopefully less selfish. As a result, I'm getting more positive reactions to my truth telling. I tend to be honest in bathrooms, in a stall next my friend, plus the acoustics are awesome. I also am one those honest, blunt souls who, even though I don't know you, will tell you you have something in your teeth, a booger hanging out of your nose, that your slip is showing or your boob is hanging out (oh. you meant for your boob to be hanging out? oh. sorry. nice breast.)

Karen said...

I don't tend to blurt. More often I freeze instead of saying something I ought to. The older I get, however, the more my inhibitions begin to drop. Hmm. OTOH some people might find some of biology-related comments too much... :)

Jess said...

Funny Blog Kristan! I can't wait to read All I ever Wanted. I've been hooked on your books since Too good to be true.

I was in a relationship that should have ended at the 6 month mark but lasted 4 years! It was on again off again. When I finally broke it off, I let him down gently even though that wasn't what he deserved(He was emotionally abusive). A few months later, I was having coffee with my best friend and I run into my ex. He asked me why I didn't call him on his birthday. That's when I lost it! The flood gates of truth burst open and I let him have it. I told him I wasn't obligated to call him for anything anymore and I told him to get over it. I looked over at my best friend and she was in shock. I'm a really easy going person so I never act that way. But he struck a nerve and I'm so glad I went off on him like that. It gave me a sense of closure, kind of like a "screw you" moment. I never had one of those before and it felt good. Really good. :)

Gannon Carr said...

Good morning, Kristan and congrats on your upcoming release! The dogs on your book covers get me every time, especially since I have two wonderful dogs---they are currently sprawled out next to me on the couch. :-)

I try to be as honest as possible, but I don't ever want to hurt anyone's feelings...unless they hurt me or someone I care about first!

Becke Davis said...

Oooh, salt in the wound, Kristan! I went last year and it was sooooo much fun!

But this year, instead of shooting the . . . breeze with the Banditas, I'll be at a family wedding in Chicago.

And while it will be fun to see so many of my relatives in one place, I am really, really sad I will miss all the fun at National.

Oh honey, I always blurt out too much to the masses. Can't seem to help it.

And yet I've been in that painful honesty situation, too. When I met my future husband I was still technically going steady (yes, this was high school) with the guy I'd dated all through high school.

Yes, he'd moved to another state and we only saw each other once a month anymore, and yes, I knew I was going to break up sooner or later, but I was so afraid to actually say the words, I waited until it was painful for both of us. Until I officially went from being a friend to my future husband, to being "in a relationship."

Oh my god, it makes me want to slap that 17-year-old (almost 18-year-old) girl for being so brutally honest with the long term and not entirely faithful boyfriend.

It honestly never occurred to me that I could hurt him, but I did. It was pretty awful, as brutal honesty awful is. Even if I had to do it anyway, I should have done it sooner, and before it became so complicated.

Ah well, your books often make me think, and I always love them - especially your heroes. I can hardly wait for this one!

Karen Olson said...

Love the cover, love the dog on the cover!

I had a problem at one of the newspapers I worked for because if someone made a decision that was stupid, I said it was stupid. Let's just say that when I quit, my boss held the door open for me.

Collette Thomas said...

Omigod, this unable to lie thing, and the breakup rather than the proposal gave me a deja vu experience. Last Christmas I was dating someone who I thought for sure was going to ask me out on New Year's Eve. I was so sure I bought a nice outfit. Two days before I finally spoke up.... He gave me a look and said he had already asked someone (before he met me.) Yep, I was devastated. He'd been still dating an ex. I then had to ask since it was after Christmas what he bought her for Christmas. I got the usual flowers, wine, I think some candy. He told me gold earrings. The man could never lie and was always honest with me. I knew about her, but didn't figure on his having already asked her out for New Year's Eve. We did end up going out on Valentine's Day. And what did I get for Valentine's Day?

Yep...a pair of gold earrings. Of course he no longer sees her, and we continue to go out. I have to say he does have this honesty, but is always careful about how he says things, yet never lies.

Collette Thomas

Lori said...

I'm a huge fan Kristan and the book sound great!

I have a theory about honesty and age..I believe that as we get older the tolerance for nonsense (or B.S.) becomes less and less...first rearing it's ugly head as I approached 40...I noticed I would say things to people like "that's a lovely skirt your wearing, do they make it in your size?" and after it pops out of your mouth in a joking manner, you think - Lord, did I just say that? And get away with it? You don't want to say something like that to someone over 40, because the tolerance is less and less... and what you will get back will be really you find yourself being extremely honest with people 35 and under!

Kristan said...

It can be so hard in a don't want to be with this person forevermore, but you don't want to hurt them, either. There's no easy way to hear that, or say it. I once broke up with a boyfriend, saying simply, "I think we're done, don't you?" Guess what? He'd already bought a ring. Oopsy. Clearly, we weren't quite on the same page...

Unknown said...

Congrats Jo on the rooster!

I am one of those that tend to blurt out to much information, most of the time!

Your book sounds fabulous and I am sorry to say I have not read your books before but will be adding them to my to buy list! Thanks for sharing with us today!

Joan said...

or your boob is hanging out (oh. you meant for your boob to be hanging out? oh. sorry. nice breast.)


Joan said...

The dogs on your book covers get me every time,

Gannon, this brings up my campaign to get Cricket on Kristan's next cover....

I've started a Facebook campaign like they did for Betty White to get her on SNL.

So far I have 2 followers...well, one as Cricket is having a hard time typing :D

Thea said...

I was madly in love with a guy and yes, he was all wrong for me. The head knows but the heart never listens. What can I say, he had the most amazing Popeye arms. Loved his physique. He was kind of a bad ass cop. But when he was with me he wasn't BA, he would cook, clean, read Good Housekeeping looking for recipes, and just be puppy dog sweet. He would send me cards and letters addressed to the 'prettiest girl in NY)and I'd get them! When he wasn't with me, he was mad, bad and waaaay too wild. So one time I was with him when he got very drunk and disorderly. I'd never seen him like this. The next day he was quiet and well, embarassed. I let it go. But then he started being 'unavailable' and finally, sent me a telegram saying 'it was nice knowing you but it's over'. In spite of the crushing hurt, I always thought it was such a novelty getting a telegram like that and would tell people all the time. Until, finally, my best friend said to stop. That it made me look pathetic. But even now, I still think it was an 'interesting' way to get dumped. I still wish he contracted bubonic plague, too. Oops, hope that wasn't too honest! lol thea

krisgils33 said...

Great blog, great story. The refusing to let the boy break up with you reminded me a Seinfeld episode. Honesty has to be one of the toughest things. I would rather tell a small lie than intentionally hurt someone's feelings. I also wish people would do the same for me, even though I mostly prefer people to be honest with me about things. Strange conundrum. Can't wait to read the new book!!

Nina Pierce said...

Since I married my high school sweetheart I don't have any of those moments with former loves. But I've watched a couple of my kids try to hang on to relationships that were sinking. It's so hard to watch. Love the post. And the cover of the new book is gorgeous!

Gail Chianese said...

Kristan, congrats on the new release, it sounds like a fun book and I can't wait to pick it up.

Honesty - such a double edged sword. Be honest and you could lose friends, family, jobs. Don't be honest and lose the same.

I try to be honest, but almost always try to do so in a way that won't hurt someone's feelings. Of course, if they're being a witch...

As for relationships and lying to myself, no, never. LOL. Way to many times in my youth - I look back and really wonder why.

Hank Phillippi Ryan said...

Kristan, you're so hilarious. Your breakup dress. SO funny.

I try not to blurt. I just say it to myself. Later. Sometimes, I walk down the hall in the office, muttering.

Eager to read your new book! xoxo

Kristan said...

Of course I meant for the boob to be hanging out, Joan! That's the look these days! What? It's not?

One the places where I've dropped honesty is with a certain relative of mine who shall remain nameless. The lighting in her boudoir is insufficient, shall we say, and certain, ah, certain extras go unnoticed. Okay, okay, we're talking facial hair. When I pointed out that perhaps she'd like to invest in some depillatory product, I was accused of being mean. more honesty. "How do I look?" she'll ask. "Beautiful!" I'll answer. And as long as I don't look directly at her, I can pull it off.

Kristan said...

Hi Hank! (Waving madly). Lovely to see your name here.

Joan as for the Cricket campaign, I'm sorry to tell you that Elvira, a blue parrot, has way more friends. Tell your pooch to get on it.

Joan said...

Pooch!!! Pooch!!!!

Ah, now Kristan....Cricket's little kitten feelings are hurt!

And um, HONESTLY? She could take care of Elvira ....:-0

catslady said...

I think the truth can usually be told in a nice way and not be mean about it. I think most people know if you are trying to be helpful or truthful and not just critical. "Oh, you got your hair cut" which acknowleges you noticed but without going overboard saying how wonderful it is. I know other people who say the same thing and I appreciate the fact that they may not like it so maybe I'll try something different next time lol. But to not say anything seems more hurtful.

Kathleen Long said...

Kristan - I had to follow your Facebook link over to the Lair. I, too, have become a huge fan girl thanks to my agent telling me how much she loves your work. I can't wait for your new title -- sounds great and I LOVE that cover. (Serious...cover envy)

As for honesty, well, I tend to babble when I'm avoiding saying the truth. (Note to my friends here...when I babble to you I'm being honest...honest.) Actually, I could learn a thing or two from my 4yo who is always brutally, boldly, painfully honest.

Best of luck with ALL I EVER WANTED! Fun blog. ;o)

Andrea said...

Ooooh, what a great blog, Kristan! I have a habit of blurting things, too. That doesn't mean I've never lied, just not too often (mostly as a child). Now, my 10 yr old son, who is autistic, has never lied. It's like he can't lie. He is so literal and always precise. If I say that it's 8:00 and it's really 7:58, he'll tell me, "No, Mommy, it's 7:58." LOL! But, I love it...and him. :-)

Looking forward to the new release!!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Hey Jo! You got Goldie for the day. Make him mind the grand kids or be useful in some way. Snork!!

I'm with you on the Joanie Gone Wild moment. I actually did a double take at the monitor.

I mean i remember the karaoke, but that part must be after I went out with the caba...nevermind. Grins.

Kristan said...

Oh, my gosh! What was I thinking, Joan! A thousand apologies to Cricket, who gallops down your hall like a herd of Chincoteague ponies. Elvira, watch your back.

Kids are horrifyingly honest. Once my son said to me, "Your eyebrow has as bald spot, Mommy." How do you respond to that?

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

OMGosh, Jo, your CP has FIVE dogs? My house is overful with just three. Grins.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Oh, before I get caught up in commenting on everything - my usual M.O. - WELCOME TO THE LAIR, Kristan!!! Grins.

I love your books and it was such a pleasure to be the one to give you the news of your RITA nod this year. Grins.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Tawny, I wouldn't say you're a "blurter" at all. grins. But I do like to sit next to you....

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Hey Barbara! Great to see you here. I was at the Borders and your book was on the rack at the cash-wrap. Sold two of them for you. Grins. Love it when I can say to someone in line, "Hey, here's Barbara's book! Isn't this great that it's here? Oooh, yes, you'll love it...." Grins. My youngest son is a good foil for this. Ya'll should thank him because he usually starts the game:
"Do you know THIS author, Mama? What about THIS one?"

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Anna S said:
I try to not say something behind someone's back that I wouldn't be prepared to say to their face ... but sometimes I slip *g*. Especially if people pick on my friends - than I become a rabid b*tch.

Grins. Yep, this is my policy. I don't say it if I wouldn't say it to them, or wouldn't mind them overhearing it. Grins. Otherwise I get in Waaaaaay too much trouble.

Secrets I can keep. Gossip...not so much. Grins. So, I stay silent.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

PJ said: Girls gone wild, Joanie? What happened to that pledge of "What happens at the Bandit's party, stays at the Bandit's party?" :-)

Well, see...we practice the art of De Nile. "No, of course not, we didn't see that. Us? Never!" whenever any salacious subject arises.

Or anything arises that we don't WANT....snork.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Virginia said: What I discovered was that she was just a "bobblehead"--bobbing her head to me and bobbing her head to her superiors.

OOoh, what a PERFECT description! I've worked with these, alas, so you have my sympathy. Good on you, though for doing your best to do right by the customer!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Hi Katherine! Good to see you.

You said: her boyfriend was sleeping with his ex, CERTAIN because EVERYONE ELSE KNEW IT. Apparently, she was the only one who didn't. When it slipped into conversation, I wasn't even thinking. Ouch.

Okay. *Wince*

Kate Carlisle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Kristan said: I do tend to weigh with relationship advice a little too much. "He WHAT!?! Dump him! Dump him now! Oh, you're engaged. Well, mazel tov!"

Note to self: Think first. Speak later, or not at all.

Heehee. Have to LOL about the relationship advice. So true! I can't count the times I've literally said that very thing. "Kick him to the curb!!!" *friend extends left hand with diamond* "Ah. Oh. Well. Congrats, Best Wishes and Mazel Tov!"

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Becke said: Ah well, your books often make me think, and I always love them - especially your heroes. I can hardly wait for this one!

I like them for that reason too, Becke! :>

We are going to miss you at Nationals, girlfriend! Tons and tons. But have fun in Chi-town!!!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Thea said: But even now, I still think it was an 'interesting' way to get dumped. I still wish he contracted bubonic plague, too. Oops, hope that wasn't too honest! lol thea

Snork. Well it IS an interesting way to get dumped. Snork.

However, I like the plague idea...

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Kristan said: "How do I look?" she'll ask. "Beautiful!" I'll answer. And as long as I don't look directly at her, I can pull it off.

SNORK!!! Too funny! "Well, except for that massive HAIR, you look maaaaahhhhhhvelous, dahlink!"

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

*waving* Hi Hank! Hi Kathleen!

Kathleen, your agent recommended Kristan? WTG, Kristan!!! Grins.

Anna Campbell said...

Kristan, great to see you here! I love when you visit the lair! I adore that new cover - you really do get lovely artwork! And the dogs are always great! Congratulations on the new release. I love the sound of it - love that clash of opposites thing that creates a whole greater than the parts. And cringed at the boyfriend story!

Looking forward to seeing you in Orlando! I always get excited months ahead when I know I'm going to catch up with my Banditas and Bandita buddies!

Anna Campbell said...

Hey, Jo, congrats on the rooster!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Kate said: It's a win-win! Besides, embellishment is fun and creative! Of course, I do have to remember which lies I've told when and to whom. It gets a little tricky sometimes, but it's worth it.

Kate. Snork. You should write books, you're so good at this stuff...snork. What? You DO write books?

Heehee. You're so funny. I have to say that often it is just easier to do what Kristan said she did about her aging relative. "Oh, no, you look fab!"

Grins. Or just lie 80% of the time. As you say, it has it's fun moments...

My problem is, I have a TERRIBLE memory for that sort of thing. To whom did I tell what? Who knew the real story? Why? Which story did I tell? Eeeek!

Kristan said...

Hi Jeanne! Love your sound effect and must use it sometime. Cindy Gerard always mocks me for my made-up sounds...blick and gah...says I sound like a cat gacking up a hairball. Such a sweetie, Cindy is!

Here's an occasion when I wish I could be totally honest...when someone knows me, but I don't know her, but the window on admitting that I don't know her name has closed years ago, so here we are again at some school function or whatnot, and I'm pretending to know her and in fact am sweating over the fact that I STILL don't know who she is, though clearly, she knows me...Lordy! I hate when that happens!

Kristan said...

Hello, Anna! I won a signed copy of your book in the Brenda Novak auction...I'm feeling squealy just thinking about it. It will be very nice to see so many writer friends in Florida! Speaking of boob flashing, I just got my RITA gown, too...indecent exposure is a definite possibility. Must invest in some duct tape...

runner10 said...

Kristan's book sounds fabulous.
Sometimes I have trouble being honest when a friend ask me if her outfit makes her look fat. How to answer that one? Hard to do since I ask the same question.

Suzanne Ferrell said...

Hey Kristen, welcome back to the Lair! And Joanie, thanks for having her! I'm pretty sure my TBR pile just grew, again...can't wait to read this one!

The ability to lie or not to lie, huh? know one of my favorite movies is Liar, Liar with Jim Carey. Besides the poignancy of the movie, the crazy situations he ended up in, trying to lie, but couldn't kept me in stitches!

As for me? Apparently, given the situation, I can have a real poker face. At least that's what a patient told me when we were doing a blood transfusion and things looked bad. She said I never let her know how bad, but my boss, standing behind me? Patient said, "she needs to take lessons from you, because I knew I was in trouble looking at her."

But that doesn't always work. Get me angry? Yep, you'll know it!

Angela said...

Hi Kristan,

Great blog post. For me, the hardest thing is always being honest about how I contribute to a problem. Blaming things on others is just so much easier.

Example: I had this teacher in college that I thought was out to get me. I'm a musician,and this teacher had reservations about my abilities. He told me when I didn't measure up and I resented him for that.

I figured the feeling must be mutual since I felt my resentment so keenly. In a nut shell, my bad feelings toward him were HIS fault, or so I thought. Every time I heard his name my stomach would cramp and resentment would bubble inside me.

Then, one day, I was taking a personal inventory of my life and realized all that resentment was my problem, not his. When I called him to apologize for my ill feelings, he was completely clueless to my inner angst. But being the nice man that he was, he still listened to my appology.

Now I only have the best of feelings toward my old teacher. But I had to fess up to get to this point.

Jennifer Glew Brady said...

Joan, I'm glad you found the breast comment funny. I'm a modest girl, and so I don't get it. Or maybe I just like people looking me in the eye when I speak and not my mammary glands.

Wow. Reading all your stories makes me glad I got to marry the first man I ever loved.

I am also grateful for honest people. Like the woman who tapped me on the shoulder when I was in line at the grocery store with my two young children. She told me about the lollipop that was my hair. Wasn't that nice?

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Angela said: Now I only have the best of feelings toward my old teacher. But I had to fess up to get to this point.

Wow, Angela, good for you! :>

Do you play violin or viola? I can't tell from the small piccie. Grins. Love the strings....

Jennifer Glew Brady said...

Kristan, Not knowing someone's name and you can no longer just straight out ask completely bites.

I'm a big supporter of the "Hello My Name Is..." name tags. I think we should wear them all the time. How nice to be able to say, "Why thank you Phil for holding the door for me.." to a stranger.

My husband and I have standing orders when it comes to the not knowing someone's name. If a person greets me by name but I don't immediately say, "Oh hi Beth! This is my husband Paul." He is supposed to step right in and say, "Hi. I'm Jen's husband Paul. What is your name? " We have save each other buckets of embarrassment that way.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Jennifer Glew Brady said: She told me about the lollipop that was in my hair. Wasn't that nice?

Well, it wasn't nice that you had lollipop in your hair, I guess! Urg. Having kids and having hair, it's inevitable that they meet at some point. I thought I was going to have to cut mine once, when my oldest decided to see if he could two-point his gum into the trash can just as I walked into the kitchen....URG.

Nice of someone to tell you though. I'm always grateful when someone keeps me from looking sillier for several MORE hours than I already have been...heehee.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Jennifer Glew Brady said: "Hi. I'm Jen's husband Paul. What is your name? " We have save each other buckets of embarrassment that way.

Oh, isn't that a GREAT way to save the situation? My hubby is a big fan of this ploy too. I almost always remember the names and clue him in, but on the rare occasion I don't he's right there with that very line. Love it!

Paula R said...

Hey Kristan, you have quite the guest list here today. Thanks for the heads up. Just wanted to drop in and show you some love.

I love the book already. And poor Callie...I can't wait to read it. No stories to share for me, but I hope you do get to go to the party at Nationals, just so I can live vicariously through you. Have fun. Don't count me in. Good luck everyone.

Peace and love,
Paula R.

Joan said...

Wow!!!! I see I'm not the only, FAN...that Kristan has!

Great to see so many of the BB's and welcome to our new commenters.

Um...excuse me. My kitty has a blue feather hanging out of her mouth...Ohhhhh, Cricket.....

Paula R said...

Another thing, Kristan, I prefer honesty, no matter how much it might lay it on me any time okay. I will just cry in private...LOL!!!

You are too funny.

Peace and love,
Paula R.

Suzanne Ferrell said...

Joanie:Um...excuse me. My kitty has a blue feather hanging out of her mouth...Ohhhhh, Cricket.....

Uhm, why does Cricket have a blue feather?

She really needs to spend time haning with Rocky-the-wonder-dog...he's way too mellow!

Kristan said...

Okay, that's a great question. When someone asks, "Do I look fat in this?" what do you really want to hear? I for one don't ask that question. Ever. I mean, I have a mirror! If I look fat, well, that's what Spanx is for, right?

Jennifer, I too have had the "thing stuck in my hair" event. Except it was a Lego figure of Darth Vader with gum in place of a head...the head was lost, my son was being resourceful. Way cooler than your lolly, I'm sorry to tell you.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Kristan said: a Lego figure of Darth Vader with gum in place of a head...the head was lost, my son was being resourceful.

Wow, Darth AND gum. That's a real winner long did it take to get it out of your hair?

Joan said...


Kristan has said there is a blue parrot named Elvira lined up to appear on her next cover instead of Cricket.

Um, Cricket didn't take the news too well :-o

chey said...

I found it hard to admit to myself that the "career" I had spent 4 years studying and training for was a job just like many others I'd had.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Chey said: I found it hard to admit to myself that the "career" I had spent 4 years studying and training for was a job just like many others I'd had.

Ouch, that is a toughie.

Tami B said...

Love the blog can't wait for the book! I'm a sugar coater from way I am hard wired to preserve everyone else's feelings

Modokker said...

Great Blog. First time here and i really loved your post. Sounds like a great book too. My first serious boyfriend was almost 2 yrs younger than me. We'd been together for gosh at least a yr i guess and he decided he needed breathing time so he broke up with me. I was devastated. didn't think i could make it on my own lol It was serious business at the time. A couple weeks went by and i found it was more than ok i was darn fine. Of course that's when he wanted me back and i said nu uh! lol I went into the Army several months later and we actually did get back together but that didn't last either. I ended up meeting my husband while in the Army and in the Persian Gulf during Desert storm and we've been 18 yrs this month.

Love is a tricky thing is it not? lol

Lisa B
Modokker AT yahoo DOT com

Kristan said...

Jeanne, was I supposed to get it out of my hair? I kind of like it...

Lisa B., I hear you, sister! Isn't that SO ANNOYING? "Sure, NOW you want me, now that I've scraped you off my shoe! I don't think so, buddy!"

And look how nicely things turned out for you!

So many fun stories, you guys! I think you're all very brave and honest...except for you liars out there... ;-)

Jennifer Glew Brady said...

Darth Vader, that dark villainous enforcer, was in your hair? Good gravy, you are way cooler then me. I hope you didn't have to call in the Rebel Alliance to get him out of there. That would've been embarrassing.

Do I look fat? Yeah, silly question in most cases. And if you get an honest answer you weren't hoping for, too bad.

I like to ask: Does my butt look better in outfit #1, or outfit #2? You get good feedback and also have someone admit your butt looks good. Win-win really.

Anna Campbell said...

Kristan, you have no idea how stoked I am that you bid on one of the books I had up at Brenda Novak! Seriously flattering! Hey, do you think a photo of you flashing would be worth money? It ain't cheap to fly to Florida, yanno! Snork!

Marian Pearson Stevens said...

Your cover is great, Kristan!

I like the break-up dress. LOL.

Can't wait for the new release!

Barbara Monajem said...

Thank you and your son, Jeanne. I need all the help I can get!!

Denise said...

Hi Kristan! I just finished reading Just One of the Guys the other day, and I loved it!! I have quite a crush on Trev now...=)

As for honesty...I do think of myself as a fairly blunt person on the whole. However, when my friends or family ask me my opinion on things that they've made/created/written (artwork, food, papers, etc) that I don't really like, I do tend to tell little white lies - I won't go so far as to say that the creation is amazing, but I certainly won't give my real opinion. When it comes to something regarding appearance, though, like how an outfit looks on someone, I'll try to be honest but in a nice way - so long as the person has another outfit to change into - because it's what I'd want someone to do for me.

Caren Crane said...

Kristan, it's so great to have you in the Lair! I just wanted to say I am a big fan girl and LOVE your books. They have exactly the sort of humor and quirky characters I appreciate. Thank you for being such a great writer and gifting us with your stories!

As to honesty, I tend to say exactly what I think, though I have learned to bite my tongue when necessary. People generally can tell exactly what I think without my saying anything, though, since I have what Diana Gabaldon called a "glass face". No poker face at all!

Susan Sey said...

This is such a great topic, Kristan! I myself struggle with honesty. NOt that I'm a liar, but that I hate to make waves. If there's a small, social white lie that keeps things calm & smooth, I'll totally tell it rather than risk the truth setting off some kerfuffle. And usually, the lie starts a kerfuffle of its own but do I learn my lesson? I do not.

This is one of the things I love about my husband--his kneejerk honesty. He doesn't waffle around, just spits out the truth & moves along. It's inspiring.

So I love the idea of your heroine & your hero at odds over something like this. I'm really looking forward to this book!

Caren Crane said...

Kristan, here's my way too honest breakup story. In college, I was all hung up on a guy with whom I had been on-and-off for about 18 months. I had also hooked up (in an "off" time) with a gorgeous guy who was NOTHING but a good time.

I decided, since the on-and-off was moving from NC to CALIFORNIA, that I would break up with the good time and devote the last few weeks to him. STOOPID!

The good time and I were at our college campus, so we went to a classroom and I proceeded to diagram the problem for him...on a chalkboard. I think I ended with a firm resolution of why I should no longer date him and maybe even a QED. *sigh* No reforming a geek, is there?

I did agree to have breakup sex with him, though, which made me feel better about the way-too-honest-and-geeky breakup. *g*

Cassondra said...

Hi Kristan!

Thanks so much for joining us today!

And I love the sound of this book. Yes, I can relate. Oh, I can schmooze with the best of them, and admit that I'm a right fair liar when I need to be, but I'm not only NOT proud of that (though it is a very useful skill), I hate hate HATE to do it. I despise it when a lie comes out of my mouth. I feel all smarmy and....ick.

It's that belief that we should not weave tangled webs, and that what goes around comes around..

But the reason I can relate is that I've had those emotional meltdowns where I just let it all hang out. Not many, thank God, and not in front of large groups of people, thank God. But the people I was in front of did get a bit wide eyed, because when I let fly, I really let fly.

It wasn't pretty.

But I'll tell you that having been through it, when I see it happen to someone else, that saying what needs to come out whether it's actually good for anyone else or not, I smile and nod and send that person a little prayer and some good vibes. Cuz at times like that, you need some good vibes, ya know?

Joanie, thanks for bringing Kristan to visit with us!

Paula Sharon said...

Every day, Kristan.

Nice post, and I can't wait to read the book. That is the nicest cover yet.

I too used to be one of those people pleasing, see the best in everyone, patient to a fault, Pollyanna's (actually a nickname of mine as a child). Then menopause hit. Or perhaps it's a natural maturity or the world weary wisdom of experience. It seems I have less patience and tolerance for beating around the proverbial bush these days. I try to say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean. I think you can say anything to anyone if you say it with compassionate honesty. Honesty is still the best policy. Unless of course you're talking about your mother- in-law's cooking or the size of your husband's--ego.

Unknown said...

OH, and the HEA and lying to yourself...ah yes, I have stories.

One in particular...I was sitting in the car in a parking lot at the university, making out with the boyfriend of the moment. He was an absolute jerk, and I, in my young woman's state of low self-esteem (I did my fair share of that which makes me cringe now-- searching for myself in the arms of guys whe were...well...NOT honest) was mad for him. He kissed me and was making all the right motions--doing all the right things-- and my intuition (which, I might add, has failed me only twice in my lifetime)-that niggle which I had learned, even then, to trust implicitly, said, "He's gonna dump you."

Did I listen? OH NO! I stood firm. "NOOOOOOO!!!!" said I. And I proceeded to move ahead as though nothing were wrong, though my gut had already told me that something was, indeed, amiss.

He went back to his old girlfriend a couple of months later, and yes, he'd been considering doing so since...da da da DAAAAAAAAA....that week when my intuition clued me in. Or would have, if I'd listened and been honest with myself.


God, I remember that pain, and it hurt like few other pains have hurt.

You know when you ask a middle-aged woman if she'd go back to her 20s and she says, "Only if I could take my middle-aged brain with me." ?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Unknown said...

Jennifer Glew Brady said:

I tend to be honest in bathrooms, in a stall next my friend, plus the acoustics are awesome.

You know...I might have to blog about that right there! That's a really brilliant observation.


Of all the places you want to be acoustically perfect, a BATHROOM is not one of them....just sayin...

Kristan said...

Oh, ouch! Some of these stories HURT! See? We all lie to ourselves at some point...the truth hurts too much, but in the end, maybe not as much as the lies we tell ourselves. Ah, well. Live and learn, right gang?

Well, I guess it's time to pick a winner...Jennifer Glew Brady, come on down! It was...I admit in the name of honesty...the boob comment.

Thanks to everyone else for the lovely welcome to the Lair, for all your painfully honest moments and all the times you chose (very kindly) to keep the truth to yourself.

Thanks to the lovely Joan Kayse for having me (those pictures are available for a nominal fee, by the way). Always so, so nice to hang out with the Romance Bandits!


Joan said...

Congratulations Jennifer!!!

Thanks to you Kristan for visiting with us today! You're great fun and the BEST author!

Seriously everyone. If you HAVEN'T read out right now and get her backlist...then get your mom and sisters and friends and strangers on the street to read them too!

Jennifer Glew Brady said...

WOO-HOO! To be honest, I'm doing the Perfect Stranger's Dance of Joy in my kitchen right now!

I would like to thank the academy....

Thanks wonderful Kristan, I am beyond thrilled! I always mark your book release dates in bright purple on my calendar. I cannot wait to read your new book!

Thanks Lair Ladies. I'd never been here before, you are really fun.

Kirsten said...
This comment has been removed by the author.