Happy Mother's Day!!!!

By Jeanne Adams


Happy Mother's Day, Banditas and Bandita Buddies!!! Thanks for coming over to hang out with me on Mother's Day.

Whether you're a mom, or just have a mom, or are mom to a four-legged creature, you have an amazing talent to get things done. I do include myself in this, as I'm sometimes astounded at how much I do get done. Not much of it has anything to do with my actual WORK, but I do astound myself at how many endless loads of laundry I do, including making sure uniforms are washed, pressed, belted, and ready for baseball, basketball, more baseball, and even, in the fall, football.

Which brings me to my focus for today. I'm a baseball mom. (I'm also a basketball mom, but that plays a distant trumpet to baseball). I have notes in my daily calendar which read "be sure baseball uniform is ready" and "practice jersey!" and "tournament uniforms!" These notes help keep me abreast of the demands of a heavy-duty baseball schedule for my eldest son who, if I do say so myself, is one damn fine baseball player. Just so you know, I am a master at getting grass stains out of baseball pants - although I do confess that I've had to throw one mud-saturated, grass-stained, sopping wet mess of a pair of baseball pants into the trash.

My youngest is just beginning this baseball journey. He's not the absolute maniac for the sport his older brother is, but he's getting into it. He has baseball practice too, on Saturdays, which is frequently right in the middle of when his older brother is playing, which means we have to split up, and it already means more uniform washing, that goes without saying.

I also now know the names of a tremendous number of players in various major league positions. I know virtually all the players on the Chicago Cubs. Being fond of the Atlanta Braves myself, I know a lot of them. The local team, the Bethesda Big Train, is fun to watch. And thanks to being a baseball mom, I now know about stances, swings, defensive plays and just exactly what a catcher is responsible for.

Between you and me, I'd so much rather be watching football.

Seriously. I adore it. My eldest likes it in a pale, "that's niiiiice" kind of way, and can play it and like it, but really, it's alllllllll about the baseball. My youngest however, to my glee, seems to be interested. Ahhhh.....maybe ONE of my boys will follow in my sports-footsteps! (Although since my DH played football, basketball, baseball and rugby, they have a lot of footsteps, if you know what I mean!)

Stephen Covey, the master of management, was counseling a man once who wanted to grow closer to his young son from whom he'd been estranged. Covey advised, "you must come to love whatever your son loves, and as you appreciate and love that thing, your son will come to see you clearly, understand that you're trying to connect, and reach out to love you too."

I mulled that over for a long time as my boys came along. It was important to me to understand my boys, to be there for them. I quoted the Covey line several times to myself as my eldest grew: I must love this thing that my son loves.

Baseball.

I used to think that watching baseball was like watching paint dry. My husband also loves the game, but you know, spouses frequently like different things, so I thought I was off the hook.

Hey, I love dog shows and showed several of my dogs to champion status and one to a Best in Show. (And no, that's not me, but it is my breed!) My DH could really care less, kinda the way I felt about baseball. But he tried to understand it, and even to supprt my dog-show-habit, and like it. I could do no less, so we'd go to games and finally, my husband explained the strategy of the game, which elevated it to a more interesting event, but still....

Then the boy came along and from 5 years old on, he would almost obsessively watch The Game. I never needed cartoons-as-babysitter, I could just turn on a baseball game. Nine innings of work would then await me, because the boy was engrossed and didn't require my attention.

Grins.

When he got a bit older and began to play, I really HAD to pay attention. According to Covey, I had to learn about the game if I wanted to connect with him and understand him.

So, I became a baseball mom.

One day, I will probably be one of those moms, seated in some big-league stadium, grinning like a Cheshire Cat as my boy is introduced as the starting pitcher. Or the all-star outfielder. Or the catcher. I'll grin as they play the National Anthem - which he used to believe ALWAYS ended with PLAY BALL!!! - and I'll grin as they take the field. I can pretty much guarantee you, that win or lose, I'll still be grinning at the thought that my long lanky baseball boy has become a Big League Player.

And yes, I'll be the one yelling at the Umpire, cheering on his teammates, just like I do now, and whistling loud enough to be heard in the next county.

Whether he does or doesn't make it to "the Show", he's my boy. He and his brother are what make me a mom. They also make me a more well-rounded person (hey, I know from baseball!), and a better human being because they love me with their whole hearts.

If you are a mom of daughters, you may know a lot of this sports stuff too, thanks to Title Nine, but in addition you may have had to learn - *shudder* - about cheerleading, or Justin Bieber, or - *double shudder* - dance class.

Or if you're a pet-mom, you've had to learn about clean-up, hairballs, just how much fuzz is IN that chew toy, clipping nails, and the general maintenance that goes along with being a loving, responsible pet-mom.

Go you!

The question of the day is this:

What have you learned to do, or learned to love, because of your child/children/or pets?

What have you put up with, especially if you're a pet mom, that you thought you would NEVER tolerate?

What about being a mom of any variety, has made you better?

If your mom, as mine is, has passed on, what would you say to her about all she did for you? (I'd say thanks for the laundry, as I now know JUST how much work that really is! Hahahah!)

One Mom's Encouragement--Dianna Love Passes It On

by Cassondra Murray with Dianna Love

Y'all pull up a bar stool and put in your order for a glass of wine or one of Sven's fabulous cocktails. I've poured myself a glass of California Cabernet, and I want to celebrate a new--and very different--project by lair favorite--and my long-time friend, Dianna Love. She's just launched something that's *cue valley girl squeal* totally awesome, and I want her to share it with you, and the reasons behind it.

If you're a lair regular, you know by now that Dianna's first book won a Rita Award, and she's gone on to co-author two successful series with #1 NYT Bestseller, Sherrilyn Kenyon. The first was Sherrilyn's original BAD Agency series. The lastest is Dianna's brainchild--the rockin' Belador urban fantasy series.

Many of you have read my interviews with Dianna in the past, and been inspired by her drive, determination, and what seems like a bottomless well of energy, which she draws on when pursuing something she cares about. I recently learned that she gives her mom a lot of the credit for encouraging Dianna to go for her dreams and follow her heart--first into art--and later into her newest passion, fiction writing.

As we head into the weeks before Mother's Day, I asked Dianna if she'd share a little about her mom, what that encouragement meant to her, and how that's led to her sponsoring a national art contest based around her latest book.

Welcome Dianna!

Dianna: *lifts her glass of Australian Shiraz* Thanks! It's always great to be back here in the lair!

Cassondra: You’re an inspiration to a lot of people because you’ve basically had two very successful careers. Many of the Bandits and Buddies know that you were an artist before you were a writer. But that's key to your latest project, so for those new to the lair, will you tell us briefly about your “past life?”

Dianna: Sure. My life revolved around art pretty much from the first time I picked up a crayon. I was blessed with the ability to draw photo-realistic art and by the time I was in middle school, I was selling detailed pencil portraits for $5 each to earn money for art supplies. My parents had five kids and no extra money for frivolous use of school supplies like paper and pencils. I have never forgotten an uncle who worked in a paper mill and brought me a ream of paper once when he came to visit. The memory of that gift has stayed with me since grade school.

Cassondra: What a great gift for a budding artist.

Dianna: *nods* Over the next few years as I grew into my teens and on into adulthood, I went from drawing portraits on 18” paper to painting them 20 feet tall way up above the ground. When I was first living alone at seventeen, I used my art to do side jobs between three “regular” jobs I held during the week. By age twenty, I was building a business in painting signs and murals. Over the next thirty years, I expanded to creating massive three-dimensional objects for unusual marketing projects and eventually created unusual high-tech advertising pieces for events like the Olympics and companies such as Coca-Cola.

(Cassondra interjects: That Coca Cola sign on the left is in downtown Atlanta--it's an example of the kind of projects Dianna's company built.)

Cassondra: I’ve known you for a long time, but only recently came to understand the roles your mom, and her encouragement, played in your art career. We’re coming up on Mother’s Day, and we've got a lot of moms in the lair with us today. I think they'd love to hear a little about your childhood and your mom. I especially love the story about the tv station interview. Will you tell that one?

Dianna: *takes a sip of Shiraz* Yes. My mother was no wallflower, but she was a wife during an era when the man had the last say in a house. With five children, there was no doting on any one, but I remember my mom coming to first grade just to see something I’d drawn. I thought I was in big trouble *grin* – that was the only reason a parent was asked to come to the school back then -- but I’d used my newsprint sheet of paper--anyone remember drawing on newsprint?--(*cassondra raises hand*) to draw an involved series of the Billy Goat’s Gruff cartoon, and I guess my teacher was impressed, because she called my mom in to see it.

By the time I reached sixth grade, my mom had gone through years of having me draw at the kitchen table and on anything I could get my hands on, plus I’d won some art contests by then.


Cassondra: But in sixth grade something pivotal happened?

Dianna: Yes. We had two six-week sessions of art that year. I was in heaven. Free art materials and time to draw--but more about that later.

My art teacher entered a batik I created in a national contest, which I knew nothing about until they announced in home room that I’d placed 3rd…and that I was to be interviewed on television. They might as well have said I was expected to travel on the next moon flight.

Now back to that "time to draw" in class thing....My dad had grown up during hard times and expected us to only study in school—and that didn’t mean drawing or painting. Art was a waste of time and money to him, so when I told them about the television interview, he said no.

I had never heard my mom naysay him, but she said yes. She dressed me up and drove me to that interview. The first and second place winners were seniors who they also interviewed. Everyone was very nice, going over questions with me before they started rolling.
That was a memorable experience to be sure.

But more than anything it made me realize that my art did count because my mom said so. Never underestimate the power of believing in your child.

Cassondra: How did you use that belief and encouragement—how did you transfer it into something concrete as you moved through your teens and into your adult life?

Dianna: My mom would do anything for her children for the short time we had her (she had a heart attack and died when I was seventeen). She patiently listened to every story, helped with everyone’s homework and cut no one slack when it came to being a good person and the best you could be at anything.

Because of her encouragement and pride in what I’d created, I never considered giving up my art. But my father told me I couldn’t depend on it to make a living. I believed that as a teen, and took mechanical drawing in school to appease him. Being a strange right brain/left brain artist who loves math, I aced the class, but one thing it did was show me that I hated the idea of engineering or architecture.

I never walked around thinking I’d be the next Rembrandt painting portraits all day, but neither did I enjoy working in an office, so I gravitated to painting signs and murals. Living alone at seventeen is a two-sided blade of positive and negative. Every day was a struggle to survive back then, but the positive is that the only voice I heard was my own and that one told me to follow my heart.

I have always felt as though my mom is nearby watching over me and I still feel her spirit with me in everything I accomplish.

Cassondra: *swirls wine in glass* I want to talk for a minute about passing on the encouragement your mom gave you. I’ve seen you sit down with new writers and help them through tough spots in the writing--or in the business--more times than I can count. But your encouragement of others didn’t start when you started writing. Once you had your own sign business and your own shop, you helped other young artists get started and taught them how to do what you did. Your consistent willingness to teach others and share the work and success might seem counter-intuitive to some people. Will you talk about why doing that fits your basic philosophy of encouraging others?

Dianna: It goes back to my mom's influence. She would stop to help any child anywhere. I remember her saying that she hoped someone would help her children when they needed it if she wasn’t around to do it at some point. She was the original “pass it up the line” person who helped others because that’s who she was.

I’ve never thought about how often I do it, because helping others is just a natural part of my being. I never considered my competitors in business or art to be my opponents or enemies, and I feel the same way about writing.

My philosophy is that the better job we all do in whatever field we’re in, the more successful we all will be and when it's writing, that’s good for readers and the business. On top of all that, it makes me very happy to see others succeed, so I benefit too.

Cassondra: When you made the switch from painting to writing, did it feel as though you were giving up one dream to pursue another? Did you have any moments when you wondered if it was the right thing to do? If so, how did you make your decision?

Dianna: I loved painting, but I’d spent so many years away from home working, in everything from cold to suffocating heat, that my urge to write came at a good time for me. I’d been making up stories in my head, so when I reduced the amount of time I was climbing to paint and build, I started writing these stories down in between times I spent painting in my home studio.

But the writing really captured me. My husband kept telling me I couldn’t continue to paint huge walls and write books, because the schedule was killing me. I work every day, but my writing was demanding so much I couldn’t keep up the pace. So I finally made the decision to go full time into writing. It was a difficult decision because I’d spent my life building a business in art, but this is where I refer back to the question about helping others--back to what I learned from my mom.

I had so many friends in the sign business by that point that I was able to place all my clients in good hands and help my friends at the same time. My husband still oversees two large sign maintenance contracts we have, but I’m rarely involved in that now.

Cassondra: You've shared how art competitions played a role in your development as a young artist. When did you first get the idea of sponsoring a national art contest, and what’s your purpose in doing that? And why the focus on high schools in particular?

Dianna: I kept thinking I wanted to create an image of Feenix, our sweetheart gargoyle in the Belador series, and started sketching on it when it hit me that this would make a fun art contest.

I had the opportunity to enter art contests from 3rd grade on, and those played a part in building my confidence in a field everyone considered a waste of time. I can’t tell you how often you hear that you can’t make a living in that field – I proved them all wrong. *grin* I think confidence-building is especially important for young artists who might let naysayers talk them out of pursuing a dream.

When I came up with the My Feenix Art Contest, I wanted everyone to be invited whether they hand -drew pictures, created on the computer or made stuffed animals, so the contest has three categories-- Flat Art, 3-D and Digital-- for each of the two division--the High School Student division and the Adult division.

Cassondra: You’ve spoken before, here in the lair, about your dogged determination to remain true to whatever you’re passionate about. I’ve heard you say “A bad day painting was better than a good day doing anything else.” How does this art contest play into that, and how do you see it encouraging others to follow their passion?

Dianna: I do believe following your passion should be at the core of what you do if you want to be happy in life. I think just entering an art contest is a big step for many artists who are timid about submitting their art to a professional group.

The contest has no entry fee and all of the initial submissions are sent as jpgs. There’s a category for digital art, but even the hand-drawn and three-dimensional art is submitted as photos for the first round. We did this to make it as easy as possible for anyone to submit.

Sometimes just the act of doing one thing to move your craft forward is all it takes to get you thinking more seriously about your art--and that's true of writing too--of whatever your art is.

Cassondra: Our Bandit Buddies run the gamut from late teens to parents to grandmothers, and everything in between. What would you say to our visitors in the lair today about pursuing their dreams at any age, and how would you suggest they encourage others in their lives to do the same?

Dianna: That’s a great question, and I have a story about how important that is.

Years back, I attended a social event at the home of a female business associate. I commented on the beautiful still life and landscape paintings in her home by one particular artist whose name I couldn’t decipher.

Her mother, who had come to live with her that year, was from Puerto Rico and spoke no English, but the woman loved to watch Bob Ross’s Joy of Painting television shows where he gave art classes. Her mother was in her mid 80s when she picked up a paintbrush for the first time in her life and shocked everyone with her talent. It been a secret passion of hers forever, but she never had the opportunity to try. Now her family has these amazing paintings to remember her by.

A lot of people have those secret yearnings.

I think we have to stop once in a while and ask the people closest to us, “Is there anything you’ve ever wanted to do that you haven’t and you’d like to do now?” Or just listen—pay attention-- when we hear that new or different sound in their voice when they’re telling us about something that has caught their attention.

Have an open mind about listening. That’s all it takes sometimes to encourage someone to pursue a dream.

*Bandits and Buddies shift to make room as Sven and Paulo set trays of snacks on the tables and bar*

Cassondra: If someone is an artist—or KNOWS an artist—who might like to enter the My Feenix Art Contest, how do they get more info?

Dianna: You can go to www.myfeenix.com and find out everything you need to know. The instructions and entry forms are there on the site. Top prize in each adult category is $1000. Top prize for students is an iPad, plus money for school art departments and books for school libraries.

Help me spread the word--and pass on the encouragement. It's never too early--or too late--to go for your dream.

Cassondra: Feenix first appeared in BLOOD TRINITY, first book in the Belador series, which was released last October. The second book in the series, ALTERANT is scheduled for release September 27th. You can read an excerpt of BLOOD TRINITY, see the blurb for ALTERANT, and meet the Beladors at www.authordiannalove.com

What about you Bandits and Buddies?

It’s not always a mom who plays the role of encourager. Has anyone ever encouraged you at a low moment? What did they say?

Have you gone for something that scared you, and been encouraged in doing so by either watching someone else, or having someone tell you to go for it?

What have you gone for “against the odds,” or what are you going for right now?

Have you taken a moment to encourage someone else in the pursuit of an important dream or goal? Who was it? Your child? Brother or sister? Critique Partner? Friend?

Who has made a difference in your life with a touch, a card or phone call or a word when you most needed it?

Sven is passing another round of drinks, so eat, drink, and tell us how you've helped spread the encouragement, or been encouraged at just the right moment.

Oh...and tell us what drink Sven is mixing/pouring for you. *grin*

Dianna is giving away two signed copies of BLOOD TRINITY and one of the coveted Belador t-shirts!

Guest Author: Susan Mallery, ALREADY HOME

Hosted by Kate

Hey, banditas, I'm thrilled to welcome my good friend, Susan Mallery, to the Lair! Susan's next book, ALREADY HOME, is coming out in a few days and I can't wait for you all to read it! It's a step away from the romance she usually writes. ALREADY HOME is a fabulous, emotional story about a woman with two mothers. Take it away, Susan!

Does anyone else get ticked at advice columnists when they advise people to see a therapist? I mean, okay. I understand that therapy is healthy and is sometimes necessary, but I feel like that answer is a cover-your-butt protective move.

When people write to an advice columnist, they want honest-to-goodness advice. They do not want to be told to ask someone else for advice.

Plus, it deflates my voyeuristic balloon. (Yes, it’s all about me.) I want to read about the crazy things people do and think and say, and then I want the advice columnist to present a solution that I can either cheer or mock.



Here are letters from three characters from ALREADY HOME. I want you to give them advice. I promise not to mock you… unless you tell them to see a therapist.

Dear Banditas,

I made a big mistake. I opened a kitchen store. What was I thinking?! I don’t know anything about running a store. I’m a chef. Or at least, I was. I seem to have lost my mojo in the kitchen, which is why I thought opening a store might be a good idea. But it was an impulse, and now I’m drowning. I have three years of lease payments to make and no clue what I’m doing. The last thing I need is another complication…

So of course that’s exactly when my birth parents show up unannounced in my store. And Banditas… they’re weird. They said the Universe told them to come. They’re from California, they would have named me Butterfly, and they don’t eat dairy. Seriously, what kind of person chooses to live without cheese?!

But they said I have two brothers and a niece on the way. And my birth mother looks a lot like me. I am a little curious about the life I didn’t have. But what if I hurt my real mom by spending time with the woman who gave me birth? What should I do?

- Torn in Texas

***

Dear Banditas,

My daughter! My little Butterfly! For 31 years, we celebrated her birthday. Missed her. Waited for her to find us… until the Universe told me not to wait any longer. Finally, our family is reunited. Why is she fighting it? I want to share the world with her, and we’ve lost too much time already. If she doesn’t open her heart to me, how will she open herself to the man I’ve found for her? I don’t want to wait any longer. How can I convince her to stop turning me away?

-Earth Mother



***

Dear Banditas,

My daughter’s birth mother is getting to be a pain. I don’t hate the woman; how could I? I was born to be a mother, but I couldn’t have children. Serenity made my life complete when she gave Jenna to me. I want to be open-minded about this whole thing, but Serenity is being way too pushy, and my instinct is to protect my daughter. Why is Serenity so insistent that Jenna jump whole-heartedly into a relationship with the birth family she just met? Why does everything have to happen now, now, now?

How can I help my daughter? Should I step in and tell Serenity to back off? Or should I encourage Jenna to get to know the people whose DNA she shares?

-A Real Mom

Okay, Romance Banditas, put on your Advice Columnist hats. Pick a question, or respond to all three. What advice would you give the women of ALREADY HOME?

And while you're thinking of Susan, you absolutely must rush right over and join her Members Only area at http://www.susanmallery.com/. There, you'll find extended excerpts, contests, freebies, exclusive short stories, games and videos, and more.

The Mother of all Days

by Christine Wells

I woke this morning with the mother of all hangovers and no children in my house. It was almost eerily quiet as I rose and groped my way down the hall to get aspirin. I groaned. Someone really ought to turn that sunshine down a notch.

Thoughts surfaced slowly as I sipped the fizzing water. They came, roughly in this order:

1. My head hurts.

2. If my head has to hurt this much, at least it was in a good cause--Champagne and canapes by the river with great company; my first night out sans enfants in about 6 months.

3. Despite the jackhammering in my head, I feel almost human--also for the first time in about 6 months.

4. It's Mother's Day. Oh.

5. It's Mother's Day and my babies aren't here.

6. I really should feel guilty about that.

7. Hmm...

I searched and searched for that familiar pang of mother-guilt, but nope. Not a flicker. Not a twinge. You see, my two gorgeous boys were at their gran's for the night, so my Dearest and I could attend a birthday bash for one his partners at The Firm. We had a fantastic time. We felt like a couple again rather than just parents of the same children. We made each other laugh. Even the hour long wait for a taxi home didn't diminish the fun.

Late this morning, we went to pick up the boys and that rush of love when I saw them again nearly bowled me over. They were grubby and happy and we celebrated Mother's Day with fairy cakes decorated by my 5yo and more Champagne (for the adults, of course). You know that thing about the hair of the dog? It works.

I couldn't really find it in me to feel bad about abandoning the two of them to doting grandparents while I had a whale of a time being an adult and talking to other adults for an evening, having a night of blissful, uninterrupted sleep and lazing in bed until 9am.

When I think about the mother/child relationships in fiction that really resonate with me, they're the relationships built on a foundation of deep, abiding love but the superstructure is anything but stable and predictable. Sometimes walls are put up between people, sometimes vital supports are torn down with harsh words and unforgivable deeds that spring from widely divergent characters and points of view. But if that strong foundation of love is there, the mother and child can always grit their teeth and rebuild.

The Gilmore Girls is a fascinating study of mother/daughter relationship through three generations. Lorelei (centre) and Emily (right) are two very strong characters who love each other deeply but who constantly clash due to their very different outlooks. With her own daughter, Rory (left), Lorelei attempts to correct every wrong she perceives her mother did her. But even though their relationship is so close as to be more like best friends than mother/daughter, Rory eventually rebels against Lorelei's plans for her, which coincidentally echo many of the plans Emily had for Lorelei before she became pregnant in her teens. If you haven't seen this show, rent it, buy it, steal it, watch it. It's smart and sassy and fun and deeply emotional. Jenny Crusie could have written the script. Every episode is its own little masterpiece of dialogue, character exposition and comedic timing.

I'm not the kind of mother I thought I'd be. I haven't given up all sense of self to raise my children, and I no longer feel I have to. But there are small ways in which, sadly, I've let my child self down. When I was six, I vowed that when I was a mum I would NEVER wet my fingers with my tongue and rub away a smear of spaghetti sauce on my child's face, yuk! I'd NEVER say 'perhaps' when I meant no or 'soon' when I meant 'much, much later' or make my children go to bed early or stop them eating lollies or make them brush their teeth. Ahem. Guilty on all counts.

If you're a parent, what do you find yourself saying or doing that you vowed you never would? As a daughter or son, what's the first time you realized your mother was a person, an entity with her own dreams and needs and fears?

Did you do anything special for Mother's Day?