How to Seduce a Billionaire

By Kate

Today I'm showing off the cover of my upcoming Harlequin Desire, HOW TO SEDUCE A BILLIONAIRE! This is Brandon Duke's story, the third book in my Duke Brothers trilogy, and I'm thrilled that RT Book Reviews gave it 4-1/2 stars, saying: "Laugh-out-loud funny in spots and a consistently entertaining read, the unexpected romance of Brandon Duke and Kelly Meredith will give readers a wholly warm and joyful feeling."

Now, even though HOW TO SEDUCE A BILLIONAIRE won’t be on the shelves for another few weeks, I’m talking about it today because my mother has been on my mind a lot.

Now, you might be asking yourself what my mother has to do with seducing billionaires. My mother is definitely asking herself that question! (Hi, Mom!) So I’ll tell you why.

Beyond the powerful heroes, the beautiful settings, and the hot romances, one of the constants in my Duke Brothers trilogy is their delightful matchmaking mother, Sally. I enjoyed writing about her so much. She’s smart and funny and charming, and she loves her three adopted sons unconditionally. Lately, she’s made it clear that she wants grandchildren and to make that happen, she needs her sons need to hurry up and fall in love and get married. Having overheard Sally talking to a friend about lining up eligible women for them, the three Duke men (who have no interest in marriage, naturally!) realize they now must be on their guard at all times.

I grew up with four brothers. They each had dozens of friends who hung out at our house, and my mother was the person they all went to whenever they had problems with girls, with school, with their own parents. It’s not that my mom was particularly cool or overly permissive—trust me, she wasn’t! But she was friendly and smart and always willing to listen. I based Sally Duke on my own mother, which makes Sally one of my favorite characters ever.

I hope you fall in love with Sally, along with Brandon Duke and Kelly Meredith, my hero and heroine in HOW TO SEDUCE A BILLIONAIRE. You can read an excerpt or buy the book right now (at a reduced price!) on the Harlequin website or find it on bookstore shelves two or three weeks from now.

When you were growing up, was there one mother in your circle of friends who was the “cool mom,” the one who always listened to everyone’s problems and gave common sense advice? Did your mom pressure you and your siblings to marry, or did she have a more hands-off approach? Do any of your friends have a matchmaking mama?

In anticipation of the third book in the Dukes trilogy, I’m giving away a copy of my first two Duke Brothers books, THE MILLIONAIRE MEETS HIS MATCH and SWEET SURRENDER, BABY SURPRISE, to one random commenter today!

One Mom's Encouragement--Dianna Love Passes It On

by Cassondra Murray with Dianna Love

Y'all pull up a bar stool and put in your order for a glass of wine or one of Sven's fabulous cocktails. I've poured myself a glass of California Cabernet, and I want to celebrate a new--and very different--project by lair favorite--and my long-time friend, Dianna Love. She's just launched something that's *cue valley girl squeal* totally awesome, and I want her to share it with you, and the reasons behind it.

If you're a lair regular, you know by now that Dianna's first book won a Rita Award, and she's gone on to co-author two successful series with #1 NYT Bestseller, Sherrilyn Kenyon. The first was Sherrilyn's original BAD Agency series. The lastest is Dianna's brainchild--the rockin' Belador urban fantasy series.

Many of you have read my interviews with Dianna in the past, and been inspired by her drive, determination, and what seems like a bottomless well of energy, which she draws on when pursuing something she cares about. I recently learned that she gives her mom a lot of the credit for encouraging Dianna to go for her dreams and follow her heart--first into art--and later into her newest passion, fiction writing.

As we head into the weeks before Mother's Day, I asked Dianna if she'd share a little about her mom, what that encouragement meant to her, and how that's led to her sponsoring a national art contest based around her latest book.

Welcome Dianna!

Dianna: *lifts her glass of Australian Shiraz* Thanks! It's always great to be back here in the lair!

Cassondra: You’re an inspiration to a lot of people because you’ve basically had two very successful careers. Many of the Bandits and Buddies know that you were an artist before you were a writer. But that's key to your latest project, so for those new to the lair, will you tell us briefly about your “past life?”

Dianna: Sure. My life revolved around art pretty much from the first time I picked up a crayon. I was blessed with the ability to draw photo-realistic art and by the time I was in middle school, I was selling detailed pencil portraits for $5 each to earn money for art supplies. My parents had five kids and no extra money for frivolous use of school supplies like paper and pencils. I have never forgotten an uncle who worked in a paper mill and brought me a ream of paper once when he came to visit. The memory of that gift has stayed with me since grade school.

Cassondra: What a great gift for a budding artist.

Dianna: *nods* Over the next few years as I grew into my teens and on into adulthood, I went from drawing portraits on 18” paper to painting them 20 feet tall way up above the ground. When I was first living alone at seventeen, I used my art to do side jobs between three “regular” jobs I held during the week. By age twenty, I was building a business in painting signs and murals. Over the next thirty years, I expanded to creating massive three-dimensional objects for unusual marketing projects and eventually created unusual high-tech advertising pieces for events like the Olympics and companies such as Coca-Cola.

(Cassondra interjects: That Coca Cola sign on the left is in downtown Atlanta--it's an example of the kind of projects Dianna's company built.)

Cassondra: I’ve known you for a long time, but only recently came to understand the roles your mom, and her encouragement, played in your art career. We’re coming up on Mother’s Day, and we've got a lot of moms in the lair with us today. I think they'd love to hear a little about your childhood and your mom. I especially love the story about the tv station interview. Will you tell that one?

Dianna: *takes a sip of Shiraz* Yes. My mother was no wallflower, but she was a wife during an era when the man had the last say in a house. With five children, there was no doting on any one, but I remember my mom coming to first grade just to see something I’d drawn. I thought I was in big trouble *grin* – that was the only reason a parent was asked to come to the school back then -- but I’d used my newsprint sheet of paper--anyone remember drawing on newsprint?--(*cassondra raises hand*) to draw an involved series of the Billy Goat’s Gruff cartoon, and I guess my teacher was impressed, because she called my mom in to see it.

By the time I reached sixth grade, my mom had gone through years of having me draw at the kitchen table and on anything I could get my hands on, plus I’d won some art contests by then.


Cassondra: But in sixth grade something pivotal happened?

Dianna: Yes. We had two six-week sessions of art that year. I was in heaven. Free art materials and time to draw--but more about that later.

My art teacher entered a batik I created in a national contest, which I knew nothing about until they announced in home room that I’d placed 3rd…and that I was to be interviewed on television. They might as well have said I was expected to travel on the next moon flight.

Now back to that "time to draw" in class thing....My dad had grown up during hard times and expected us to only study in school—and that didn’t mean drawing or painting. Art was a waste of time and money to him, so when I told them about the television interview, he said no.

I had never heard my mom naysay him, but she said yes. She dressed me up and drove me to that interview. The first and second place winners were seniors who they also interviewed. Everyone was very nice, going over questions with me before they started rolling.
That was a memorable experience to be sure.

But more than anything it made me realize that my art did count because my mom said so. Never underestimate the power of believing in your child.

Cassondra: How did you use that belief and encouragement—how did you transfer it into something concrete as you moved through your teens and into your adult life?

Dianna: My mom would do anything for her children for the short time we had her (she had a heart attack and died when I was seventeen). She patiently listened to every story, helped with everyone’s homework and cut no one slack when it came to being a good person and the best you could be at anything.

Because of her encouragement and pride in what I’d created, I never considered giving up my art. But my father told me I couldn’t depend on it to make a living. I believed that as a teen, and took mechanical drawing in school to appease him. Being a strange right brain/left brain artist who loves math, I aced the class, but one thing it did was show me that I hated the idea of engineering or architecture.

I never walked around thinking I’d be the next Rembrandt painting portraits all day, but neither did I enjoy working in an office, so I gravitated to painting signs and murals. Living alone at seventeen is a two-sided blade of positive and negative. Every day was a struggle to survive back then, but the positive is that the only voice I heard was my own and that one told me to follow my heart.

I have always felt as though my mom is nearby watching over me and I still feel her spirit with me in everything I accomplish.

Cassondra: *swirls wine in glass* I want to talk for a minute about passing on the encouragement your mom gave you. I’ve seen you sit down with new writers and help them through tough spots in the writing--or in the business--more times than I can count. But your encouragement of others didn’t start when you started writing. Once you had your own sign business and your own shop, you helped other young artists get started and taught them how to do what you did. Your consistent willingness to teach others and share the work and success might seem counter-intuitive to some people. Will you talk about why doing that fits your basic philosophy of encouraging others?

Dianna: It goes back to my mom's influence. She would stop to help any child anywhere. I remember her saying that she hoped someone would help her children when they needed it if she wasn’t around to do it at some point. She was the original “pass it up the line” person who helped others because that’s who she was.

I’ve never thought about how often I do it, because helping others is just a natural part of my being. I never considered my competitors in business or art to be my opponents or enemies, and I feel the same way about writing.

My philosophy is that the better job we all do in whatever field we’re in, the more successful we all will be and when it's writing, that’s good for readers and the business. On top of all that, it makes me very happy to see others succeed, so I benefit too.

Cassondra: When you made the switch from painting to writing, did it feel as though you were giving up one dream to pursue another? Did you have any moments when you wondered if it was the right thing to do? If so, how did you make your decision?

Dianna: I loved painting, but I’d spent so many years away from home working, in everything from cold to suffocating heat, that my urge to write came at a good time for me. I’d been making up stories in my head, so when I reduced the amount of time I was climbing to paint and build, I started writing these stories down in between times I spent painting in my home studio.

But the writing really captured me. My husband kept telling me I couldn’t continue to paint huge walls and write books, because the schedule was killing me. I work every day, but my writing was demanding so much I couldn’t keep up the pace. So I finally made the decision to go full time into writing. It was a difficult decision because I’d spent my life building a business in art, but this is where I refer back to the question about helping others--back to what I learned from my mom.

I had so many friends in the sign business by that point that I was able to place all my clients in good hands and help my friends at the same time. My husband still oversees two large sign maintenance contracts we have, but I’m rarely involved in that now.

Cassondra: You've shared how art competitions played a role in your development as a young artist. When did you first get the idea of sponsoring a national art contest, and what’s your purpose in doing that? And why the focus on high schools in particular?

Dianna: I kept thinking I wanted to create an image of Feenix, our sweetheart gargoyle in the Belador series, and started sketching on it when it hit me that this would make a fun art contest.

I had the opportunity to enter art contests from 3rd grade on, and those played a part in building my confidence in a field everyone considered a waste of time. I can’t tell you how often you hear that you can’t make a living in that field – I proved them all wrong. *grin* I think confidence-building is especially important for young artists who might let naysayers talk them out of pursuing a dream.

When I came up with the My Feenix Art Contest, I wanted everyone to be invited whether they hand -drew pictures, created on the computer or made stuffed animals, so the contest has three categories-- Flat Art, 3-D and Digital-- for each of the two division--the High School Student division and the Adult division.

Cassondra: You’ve spoken before, here in the lair, about your dogged determination to remain true to whatever you’re passionate about. I’ve heard you say “A bad day painting was better than a good day doing anything else.” How does this art contest play into that, and how do you see it encouraging others to follow their passion?

Dianna: I do believe following your passion should be at the core of what you do if you want to be happy in life. I think just entering an art contest is a big step for many artists who are timid about submitting their art to a professional group.

The contest has no entry fee and all of the initial submissions are sent as jpgs. There’s a category for digital art, but even the hand-drawn and three-dimensional art is submitted as photos for the first round. We did this to make it as easy as possible for anyone to submit.

Sometimes just the act of doing one thing to move your craft forward is all it takes to get you thinking more seriously about your art--and that's true of writing too--of whatever your art is.

Cassondra: Our Bandit Buddies run the gamut from late teens to parents to grandmothers, and everything in between. What would you say to our visitors in the lair today about pursuing their dreams at any age, and how would you suggest they encourage others in their lives to do the same?

Dianna: That’s a great question, and I have a story about how important that is.

Years back, I attended a social event at the home of a female business associate. I commented on the beautiful still life and landscape paintings in her home by one particular artist whose name I couldn’t decipher.

Her mother, who had come to live with her that year, was from Puerto Rico and spoke no English, but the woman loved to watch Bob Ross’s Joy of Painting television shows where he gave art classes. Her mother was in her mid 80s when she picked up a paintbrush for the first time in her life and shocked everyone with her talent. It been a secret passion of hers forever, but she never had the opportunity to try. Now her family has these amazing paintings to remember her by.

A lot of people have those secret yearnings.

I think we have to stop once in a while and ask the people closest to us, “Is there anything you’ve ever wanted to do that you haven’t and you’d like to do now?” Or just listen—pay attention-- when we hear that new or different sound in their voice when they’re telling us about something that has caught their attention.

Have an open mind about listening. That’s all it takes sometimes to encourage someone to pursue a dream.

*Bandits and Buddies shift to make room as Sven and Paulo set trays of snacks on the tables and bar*

Cassondra: If someone is an artist—or KNOWS an artist—who might like to enter the My Feenix Art Contest, how do they get more info?

Dianna: You can go to www.myfeenix.com and find out everything you need to know. The instructions and entry forms are there on the site. Top prize in each adult category is $1000. Top prize for students is an iPad, plus money for school art departments and books for school libraries.

Help me spread the word--and pass on the encouragement. It's never too early--or too late--to go for your dream.

Cassondra: Feenix first appeared in BLOOD TRINITY, first book in the Belador series, which was released last October. The second book in the series, ALTERANT is scheduled for release September 27th. You can read an excerpt of BLOOD TRINITY, see the blurb for ALTERANT, and meet the Beladors at www.authordiannalove.com

What about you Bandits and Buddies?

It’s not always a mom who plays the role of encourager. Has anyone ever encouraged you at a low moment? What did they say?

Have you gone for something that scared you, and been encouraged in doing so by either watching someone else, or having someone tell you to go for it?

What have you gone for “against the odds,” or what are you going for right now?

Have you taken a moment to encourage someone else in the pursuit of an important dream or goal? Who was it? Your child? Brother or sister? Critique Partner? Friend?

Who has made a difference in your life with a touch, a card or phone call or a word when you most needed it?

Sven is passing another round of drinks, so eat, drink, and tell us how you've helped spread the encouragement, or been encouraged at just the right moment.

Oh...and tell us what drink Sven is mixing/pouring for you. *grin*

Dianna is giving away two signed copies of BLOOD TRINITY and one of the coveted Belador t-shirts!

Guest Author: Susan Mallery, ALREADY HOME

Hosted by Kate

Hey, banditas, I'm thrilled to welcome my good friend, Susan Mallery, to the Lair! Susan's next book, ALREADY HOME, is coming out in a few days and I can't wait for you all to read it! It's a step away from the romance she usually writes. ALREADY HOME is a fabulous, emotional story about a woman with two mothers. Take it away, Susan!

Does anyone else get ticked at advice columnists when they advise people to see a therapist? I mean, okay. I understand that therapy is healthy and is sometimes necessary, but I feel like that answer is a cover-your-butt protective move.

When people write to an advice columnist, they want honest-to-goodness advice. They do not want to be told to ask someone else for advice.

Plus, it deflates my voyeuristic balloon. (Yes, it’s all about me.) I want to read about the crazy things people do and think and say, and then I want the advice columnist to present a solution that I can either cheer or mock.



Here are letters from three characters from ALREADY HOME. I want you to give them advice. I promise not to mock you… unless you tell them to see a therapist.

Dear Banditas,

I made a big mistake. I opened a kitchen store. What was I thinking?! I don’t know anything about running a store. I’m a chef. Or at least, I was. I seem to have lost my mojo in the kitchen, which is why I thought opening a store might be a good idea. But it was an impulse, and now I’m drowning. I have three years of lease payments to make and no clue what I’m doing. The last thing I need is another complication…

So of course that’s exactly when my birth parents show up unannounced in my store. And Banditas… they’re weird. They said the Universe told them to come. They’re from California, they would have named me Butterfly, and they don’t eat dairy. Seriously, what kind of person chooses to live without cheese?!

But they said I have two brothers and a niece on the way. And my birth mother looks a lot like me. I am a little curious about the life I didn’t have. But what if I hurt my real mom by spending time with the woman who gave me birth? What should I do?

- Torn in Texas

***

Dear Banditas,

My daughter! My little Butterfly! For 31 years, we celebrated her birthday. Missed her. Waited for her to find us… until the Universe told me not to wait any longer. Finally, our family is reunited. Why is she fighting it? I want to share the world with her, and we’ve lost too much time already. If she doesn’t open her heart to me, how will she open herself to the man I’ve found for her? I don’t want to wait any longer. How can I convince her to stop turning me away?

-Earth Mother



***

Dear Banditas,

My daughter’s birth mother is getting to be a pain. I don’t hate the woman; how could I? I was born to be a mother, but I couldn’t have children. Serenity made my life complete when she gave Jenna to me. I want to be open-minded about this whole thing, but Serenity is being way too pushy, and my instinct is to protect my daughter. Why is Serenity so insistent that Jenna jump whole-heartedly into a relationship with the birth family she just met? Why does everything have to happen now, now, now?

How can I help my daughter? Should I step in and tell Serenity to back off? Or should I encourage Jenna to get to know the people whose DNA she shares?

-A Real Mom

Okay, Romance Banditas, put on your Advice Columnist hats. Pick a question, or respond to all three. What advice would you give the women of ALREADY HOME?

And while you're thinking of Susan, you absolutely must rush right over and join her Members Only area at http://www.susanmallery.com/. There, you'll find extended excerpts, contests, freebies, exclusive short stories, games and videos, and more.

Just Point Your Finger and Laugh

by Christine Wells

Lately, I've come to a conclusion that is both slightly depressing and rather freeing.

I am one of those mothers who make all the other mothers feel good.

I am the mother who arrives at school, wild-haired and sans makeup, carrying a rigid 3 year old who is still screaming because he didn't get into the car first; simultaneously trying to calm her anxious 7 year old because we're a little later than usual and he won't have the privilege of turning on the class computers.

I am the mother who forgets her camera on sports days and begs a friend to snap her child, who sends her son in uniform when it's one of those 'wear orange for an obscure cause' days. Who looks vague when people mention tuckshop, Parents and Friends' Association and slings a money at any fundraising initiative rather than commit to actually spending the time. Because she knows she'll either mess it up or forget entirely.

My name is Christine Wells and I am a writer on a deadline.

Not sure if you all have experienced something similar to the kind of haze that falls over a writer when she's in the writing zone, but it is an awesome and frightening thing. I can lose track of time, forget all but the most crucial responsibilities. When I'm in that phase where my creative brain seems to take up all the space in my head it is very hard to shift gears into Mommy mode.

Take Easter, for example. The note that told parents we had to make an Easter bonnet so that our children could participate in the junior school Easter parade didn't find its way home to me. I knew about the parade of course, but last year, the kids made their hats in school.

Arrived on the day before Good Friday (early because of those dang computers) and waited outside the classroom for the teacher. The horror when all those boys and girls started streaming up the stairs with their fancy hats on and here was my poor 7year old with not a feather, curly pipe cleaner or painted egg to his name.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME????" I wailed. My son looked at me with his gorgeous big eyes as if I'd run mad. "Oh, yeah," he said.

"Never fear," said I. "I'll go home now and make one." He shrugged a little. "OK."

That resulted in what has to be the fastest craft activity in the history of the universe. After raiding the local newsagent for supplies, I had an extravaganza of a hat ready and raced back to the school to deliver it. Then I went home and cried. Everyone knows this kind of thing scars a child for life!!

I AM A BAD MOTHER!!!

But when regaling the other mothers with my incompetence later in the day, I realized that I perform a very useful and important function in our little community. When someone else is mortified by some glaring omission they've made, all they have to do is look at me.

And then they feel better.

You might imagine, then, that it's with great relish that I write heroes and heroines who are far more competent than I could ever be. In SWEETEST LITTLE SIN, Lady Louisa Brooke is a crack shot and a keen horsewoman. When she's asked to spy for her country, she's unschooled and makes mistakes but she learns quickly and has bucketloads of courage, especially when protecting her loved ones.

Lady Louisa doesn't forget what time her secret assignations are or leave her pistol in her other reticule when the going gets dangerous. I bet she'd make a mean Easter bonnet, too.

The ruthless and dangerous Marquis of Jardine is frighteningly competent. He has uncanny omniscience and cunning, which makes it a challenge to deceive him, as Louisa is intent on doing. But he has one vulnerability, and that's his love for one steely-eyed blonde.

So here's my question to you, readers. Who are your favourite gutsy, competent heroes and heroines? Any funny motherhood stories to tell? C'mon, share the humiliation. At least you'll make everyone else feel better!

Last month, I offered a prize of Sweetest Little Sin, which will be delievered to the winner as soon as they reach my hot little hands! The winner is: Deb!!!!

This month, I'm doing something a little different. Louisa and Jardine first come onto the scene in an earlier book, THE DANGEROUS DUKE, so today I'm offering three signed copies of THE DANGEROUS DUKE to three lucky commenters. Be sure to let me know if you want a copy, as I know a lot of you have already read it. Good luck!

Girlfriends We Need

by Suzanne Welsh
There's an e-mail that's been passed around for years that I periodically receive. It talks about the girlfriends we have in our lives and how they serve to help us through different stages and problems we encounter along life's journey. Every time this pops up in my e-mail, (often from my mom or one of those girlfriends), it always makes me smile, get a little teary-eyed and think of those women who have come to mean so much to me.

So, here's my list of women:

1) My mom. Yep, she's one special lady and I'm lucky enough to still have her in my life to talk, laugh and cry with. She taught me to read, to love books and wasn't the least surprised when I called long distance to say , "Hey, guess what? I'm writing a romance novel." Her reply? "I was wondering when you were going to do that." My mom has woo-woo moments...it's really kind of freaky. One of my kids will do something bad or dangerous or life altering...Poof Mom calls to say, "Is so-and-so okay? They've been on my mind all day." I won a writing contest. Poof, Mom calls and says, "Is something going on with your writing? It's been on my mind all week."

Mom is also a nurse. She's one of the two reasons I became one. The other was watching Hot-Lips Hoolihan pass instruments during surgery on M*A*S*H. I wanted to be that smart, confident, efficient and still compassionate person. The bonus? When the bad stuff hits the fan, I can always call and chat with mom about patients, doctors, ugly stuff. She understands. (Yep that's me, ready to go do surgery, just like Mom.)

2) My sister, Sam. Many of you may have several sisters, some none. But I was blessed with a younger sister who has the wickedest sense of humor and isn't afraid to say what she thinks. On top of that, she gets my mushy side and loves my kids. Cynical at times, irreverent at most, she was the person who taught my son to fish, play pranks on his sisters and sing to AC/DC songs as if every seven year old should know the lyrics! We've fought, laughed, cried and hugged through good times and bad.

3) My friend Marion. Hey Marion!! Waiving madly in case she's reading this. We met in first grade, but became really good friends in middle school. This was the friend I first talked about boys with. (I still talk about MEN with my friends, but she was the first.) She knew my crushes all through those teen years. We cruised High street together oogling all the OSU boys partying on a Friday or Saturday night. We learned to do all the cool dances in her bedroom before she forced me to watch horror movies. We've gone through weddings, babies, grandbabies, and family loss together. I know her strength, her heart...and we know all the blackmail stories about each other!

4) Nursing friends. This is a BIGGGGGGGG group, since I've been a nurse for nearly 30 years in 7 hospitals in 3 states. These are the women who've been in the trenches on busy nights, held me while I cried to release adrenaline in the cluster**** that just happened or the death of a baby. These are the women who get what it's like to eat chinese stirfry out of an emesis basin and think it's normal. They can laugh at raunchy jokes or find humor in the odd things humans will do to themselves at any given day or night. (Please ask me in a bar about the lady and the snuff!)

5) The Writer Foxes. These are my Texas writing friends. My CPs and those women who understand my passion for writing. These are those ladies I can get drunk with and they may not stop me from acting a fool...(Sandy Blair) but laugh with me later about it. They push me, teach me, support me. They are my sanity!

6) My daughters. Two totally different women I've been lucky to raise, know and love. I see in them the hope of the future. I've been priveledged to watch them find the loves of their lives. Artists and singers, they're talent always amazes me. They're book lovers, like their mama, grandmama, great grandmama! I couldn't be prouder of either of them!

7) And finally, The Romance Bandits. How does one say to 19 friends scattered all over the world in four countries and three continents how much they've come to mean to me? When we got together last July, it was like being with my sisters, only I didn't have to fight with any of them! We laughed like we'd been friends all our lives. These are friends I plan to have the rest of my life!

So, who are the girlfriends in your lives?

The Mother of all Days

by Christine Wells

I woke this morning with the mother of all hangovers and no children in my house. It was almost eerily quiet as I rose and groped my way down the hall to get aspirin. I groaned. Someone really ought to turn that sunshine down a notch.

Thoughts surfaced slowly as I sipped the fizzing water. They came, roughly in this order:

1. My head hurts.

2. If my head has to hurt this much, at least it was in a good cause--Champagne and canapes by the river with great company; my first night out sans enfants in about 6 months.

3. Despite the jackhammering in my head, I feel almost human--also for the first time in about 6 months.

4. It's Mother's Day. Oh.

5. It's Mother's Day and my babies aren't here.

6. I really should feel guilty about that.

7. Hmm...

I searched and searched for that familiar pang of mother-guilt, but nope. Not a flicker. Not a twinge. You see, my two gorgeous boys were at their gran's for the night, so my Dearest and I could attend a birthday bash for one his partners at The Firm. We had a fantastic time. We felt like a couple again rather than just parents of the same children. We made each other laugh. Even the hour long wait for a taxi home didn't diminish the fun.

Late this morning, we went to pick up the boys and that rush of love when I saw them again nearly bowled me over. They were grubby and happy and we celebrated Mother's Day with fairy cakes decorated by my 5yo and more Champagne (for the adults, of course). You know that thing about the hair of the dog? It works.

I couldn't really find it in me to feel bad about abandoning the two of them to doting grandparents while I had a whale of a time being an adult and talking to other adults for an evening, having a night of blissful, uninterrupted sleep and lazing in bed until 9am.

When I think about the mother/child relationships in fiction that really resonate with me, they're the relationships built on a foundation of deep, abiding love but the superstructure is anything but stable and predictable. Sometimes walls are put up between people, sometimes vital supports are torn down with harsh words and unforgivable deeds that spring from widely divergent characters and points of view. But if that strong foundation of love is there, the mother and child can always grit their teeth and rebuild.

The Gilmore Girls is a fascinating study of mother/daughter relationship through three generations. Lorelei (centre) and Emily (right) are two very strong characters who love each other deeply but who constantly clash due to their very different outlooks. With her own daughter, Rory (left), Lorelei attempts to correct every wrong she perceives her mother did her. But even though their relationship is so close as to be more like best friends than mother/daughter, Rory eventually rebels against Lorelei's plans for her, which coincidentally echo many of the plans Emily had for Lorelei before she became pregnant in her teens. If you haven't seen this show, rent it, buy it, steal it, watch it. It's smart and sassy and fun and deeply emotional. Jenny Crusie could have written the script. Every episode is its own little masterpiece of dialogue, character exposition and comedic timing.

I'm not the kind of mother I thought I'd be. I haven't given up all sense of self to raise my children, and I no longer feel I have to. But there are small ways in which, sadly, I've let my child self down. When I was six, I vowed that when I was a mum I would NEVER wet my fingers with my tongue and rub away a smear of spaghetti sauce on my child's face, yuk! I'd NEVER say 'perhaps' when I meant no or 'soon' when I meant 'much, much later' or make my children go to bed early or stop them eating lollies or make them brush their teeth. Ahem. Guilty on all counts.

If you're a parent, what do you find yourself saying or doing that you vowed you never would? As a daughter or son, what's the first time you realized your mother was a person, an entity with her own dreams and needs and fears?

Did you do anything special for Mother's Day?