Movies I Missed....

by Jeanne Adams

Hey gang! Sorry for the late blog today. I was under the weather a bit yesterday...feeling better today, thank you. One of the "good" things about being a bit less energetic than usual is that I got to clear out the TiVo and watch some movies I'd been meaning to watch.

I watched five episodes of my dear, darling Special Agent Gibbs and his NCIS agents then followed that up with an after lunch serving of NCIS:LA. LL Cool J is SUCH a treat for the eyes.

Here's my problem. I've got two kids, both of whom are sports-boys and have extracurricular activities. I'm writing books and managing a household and generally running like a crazy woman.


I have great plans to watch a movie with the hubster, settle back into the big chair and a half and snuggle up with him and some popcorn and watch some of those DVDs we bought one another for Christmas. (We do this - buy the latest one for one another, because we'd buy it anyway, but it gets a present for one of the boys to give to the parent for a relatively low cost. The 21st century version of buying dad a tie or pencil leads or handkerchiefs)

Sorry, I digressed. Anyway, the challenge for me is, that I seldom have time - or make time - to sit down and watch the chick flicks and fun movies full of explosions that my boys buy me for birthday or Christmas. I have good intentions...but there are books to read (which I can take with me into the car pool lane) and I've been listening to Despicable Me in the car over and over and over again, thanks to the built-into-the-van DVD player. I love it, and can now quote every line. But I can't watch it, so the DVD in the van is very little use for ME when it comes to watching those waiting DVDs.

It has to wait for a sick day.

So, long story short (or is it too late for that?), yesterday, I got in some movies. I watched The Blind Side. WOW! What a fabulous movie! Made me want to root for the Baltimore Ravens - somethign I've been resistant to because I don't like that the shall-not-be-named-owner pulled the team out of Cleveland and took them to Baltimore. Grrrr. Nothing against Baltimore but...

Again, I digress. But it was a GREAT movie. I missed seeing it in the theatre. I'm really sorry about that because it would have been great on the big screen. Sigh.

I also missed Batman Begins. And Master and Commander. And Tangled.

I had wanted to see ALL of them in the theatre, but with babysitting and movie costs so high, books due, baseball schedules, (...my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wife to murder, Guilder to frame for it...I'm swamped!)....it's just been impossible.

What movies did you miss on the big screen? Any you bought on DVD and still haven't watched?

When's the next "sick day"?

Grins.

Let's Go to the Movies!

Yesterday, while I was pondering what to post about today, I hurried out to the mailbox (hurried because it was COLD!) to see what my grumpy mailman had brought me. Yay, no bills! And, yay, the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly! And bonus, it's the 2011 Movie Preview issue.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a huge movie fan. So in honor of this, I decided to share which movies I'm looking forward to this year along with some trailers.

I Am Number Four (out Feb. 18) -- This movie is based on the young adult novel by Pittacus Lore (a pen name of James Frey -- yeah, that James Frey, but I'm trying not to think about that whole Million Little Pieces fiasco). It's about a teenage boy who has extraordinary powers, one of nine young people who came to this planet from a planet called Lorien. An enemy is hunting the nine, and Numbers One through Three have already been killed Number Four is next because they can only be killed in order. The screenplay is by Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, creators of Smallville, and Marti Noxon, who worked on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, as well as newer shows like Grey's Anatomy.



Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (out May 20) -- I have to admit I had mixed feelings for a long time about this movie because, being a big fan of the Elizabeth and Will storyline I didn't know if it'd feel right without them. But the trailer looks great, and let's face it, Johnny Depp is freaking awesome. Just ask Tawny. :) Plus, it's Jack Sparrow looking for the Fountain of Youth and Ian McShane as Blackbeard!



Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (July 15)-- I'm so looking forward to this movie, and not at the same time. I so want to see how the movie is done, can't wait to see Ron and Hermione finally have their kiss, but when the credits roll at the end it'll all be...over. I suspect I won't be the only person shedding tears at the theater.



Breaking Dawn, Part 1 (Nov. 18)-- Following in the footsteps of Harry Potter's last film, Stephanie Meyer's last book in her Twilight series will be split into two parts.

Cowboys & Aliens (July 29) -- Daniel Craig. Harrison Ford. And, I kid you not, cowboys fighting alien invaders. It sounds nutty, but I saw the trailer back when I saw Deathly Hallows, Part 1, and it sucked me in. Maybe because it was so unexpected.



Captain America: The First Avenger (July 22) -- What can I say? I loves me some superhero movies.

Thor (May 6) -- Remember what I just said about superhero movies? :)



Red Riding Hood (March 11) -- A much darker, much different telling of the classic tale. The trailer I saw at the theater looked great.



Green Lantern (June 17) -- Superhero movie!



Are you looking forward to any of these movies? What other ones are on your must-see list for 2011?

Not So Happily Ever After?

by Anna Campbell

A couple of treks to RWA Nationals ago, I watched a film I really liked on the plane. This is rarer than it sounds - I find I'm always a bit on edge when I travel which means I don't settle down and immerse myself in the story. Not only that, but the sound quality is usually bad and you get lovely interruptions like your neighbor wanting to go to the toilet or the captain telling you the engines have failed (actually I'm joking about that - and I hope that continues to be a joke!).

Anyway, I recently got this particular movie out again to watch in more comfortable circumstances and I loved it.

MISS POTTER is the story of Beatrix Potter, the children's author, and the way her life took completely unexpected directions once she started to break free of the restrictions hedging a well brought-up, upper middle-class miss in Edwardian England.

It's a lovely film, if you haven't seen it! Renee Zellweger plays Beatrix and most of the story concentrates on a poignant and very sweet love affair with her publisher Norman Warne (played by the very yummy Ewan McGregor - wonder if he's related to the Mr. McGregor who had troubles with Peter Rabbit!).

Because the story was tied to what happened in Beatrix's life, there was necessarily a very sad conclusion to this romance. Although the story is one of triumph through tears when Beatrix ends up moving to the Lake District and saving vast swathes of beautiful countryside from the developers by buying up farmland and eventually donating it to the National Trust. The fact that now we can go to the Lake District and marvel at that gorgeous scenery is largely thanks to this visionary, remarkable woman. Oh, and she does find a new love too which is nice!

But after I'd blown my nose and wiped my eyes (seriously, it's a ten hanky movie, this one!), I thought about how rarely these days I see a film or read a book without the requisite happy ending.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE happy endings! It's one of the reasons I (and about a billion other people) am addicted to romance novels! There's nothing better than going through all those trials and tribulations and learning experiences with the characters, then seeing them get their reward at the end.

But sometimes I think the emotionally satisfying ending isn't for the hero and heroine to ride off into the sunset together.

Yeah, you know where I'm going. To Casablanca! Well, the movie at least!

Would CASABLANCA still be considered a classic if Humph and Ingy had decided to let her marriage vows go hang? I actually don't think so - although I think much of the emotional power of the story has a lot to do with how much we want these two to be together.

Actually movies of the 40s seem to specialize in these stories where we want the protagonists to be together but unfortunately their moral compass, which is one of the things we admire about them, makes that impossible.

It's many years since I saw NOW, VOYAGER with Paul Henreid (at least he got the girl in CASABLANCA - not so much in NOW, VOYAGER!) and Bette Davis. Actually one of the things I remember about it (other than the famous line when Bette says, "Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars. ") is the way Jerry (Paul H) and Charlotte (Bette) share cigarettes as a substitute for kissing - not sure it would work for me! But then I'm not a smoker. Paul puts two cigarettes between his lips, lights them both and passes one to his lady love with a VERY significant look!

Like MISS POTTER and CASABLANCA, NOW, VOYAGER is another triumph through tears story. Actually it's interesting that so many of these movies are either modern films set in historical times or older movies. The contemporary world doesn't seem to like the hero and heroine being in love but apart.

My last selection of a not so happily ever after is the famous one that people talk about whenever they're trying to define the romance genre. According to a lot of definitions, a romance HAS to have a happy ending which means GONE WITH THE WIND is not a romance.

Actually I think it is - they just don't end up together at the end!

I'm not sure whether it counts as triumph through tears either! It's not really my favorite movie although my mother absolutely loved it. I kinda think Scarlett deserves to be left at the end! I haven't read the book - never been able to get into it - but in the movie I was cheering for Rhett when he tells Scarlett he doesn't give a damn!

Anyway, I highly recommend MISS POTTER if you haven't seen it. And Beatrix Potter's life was amazing - click on the Wikipedia link on her name if you're curious to learn more about this extraordinary woman.

So do you occasionally enjoy a story that doesn't have a traditional happy ending? Do you have any favorites? Have you seen MISS POTTER? Oh, and does anyone have Ewan McGregor's phone number? I want to go down to the carrot patch with him and look for rabbits! Snork!

You Make Me Feel Like Dancin'

by Beth

My younger daughter is going to see Step Up 3 tonight and can’t wait to see if this third movie lives up to the first one of the franchise. We both loved the original Step Up – her because of Channing Tatum and me because of the dancing *g* (Okay, Channing’s cute, too!) I’ve been a fan of musicals and dancing movies (movies with dancing IN them, not movies that can dance *g*) ever since I was little and saw Grease. I sang along with the album daily and even had a Grease book I read so many times, the binding came apart!

Some of my favorite movies with dancing in them include:

Footloose. Oh, how I loved Kevin Bacon as Ren, a city boy forced to live in a small, country town where one of the rules was No Dancing. And how about that soundtrack? Hearing any of those songs takes me back in time!

Dirty Dancing. This one came out during my teen years and all of my friends and I LOVED it! How awesome was Patrick Swayze as the boy from the other side of the tracks? *sigh* Nobody puts Baby in a corner! And the dancing? Soooo sexy!

Flashdance. I’m not sure which I loved more—the movie, the soundtrack or the off-the-shoulder-sweatshirt trend *g* It was a bit risque but the dancing was fun and fabulous!

Singing in the Rain. A wonderful classic with Gene Kelly that had it all: superb dancing, great songs, romance and humor! Still an all-time fave *g*

Do you like dancing movies? Which ones are your favorites? And a very important question: Are you a good dancer?

Starring as me ...

by Anna Sugden

I was watching American Gangster the other night (hubby's choice and surprisingly good) and got to thinking about what it must be like to have a movie made of your life.

Reading the extra booklet that came with the DVD (yes, I'm a geek when it comes to those DVD extras!) I saw that Denzel Washington had actually met Frank Lucas - the gangster of the title - and that Russell Crowe had met the cop who brings Lucas down.

Which got my brain working - what must it be like as an actor to meet the person you're portraying? What must it be like to have someone making a movie of your life ... while you're still alive! I reckon it would be really interesting to see how someone viewed your life and your achievements, as well as what you're like. And, what fun to see someone playing you - especially if you got script approval and casting approval *g*.

Then, I read an interview with my favourite hockey player (for those of you who watched the gold medal hockey game - he's the Team USA player who scored the goal with seconds left to take the game to over-time - that's my boy! *g*) and he was asked who he'd like to play him in the movie of his life. He replied Denzel Washington, because he was a good actor, which made everyone laugh. Then, he said "Yeah, I know he's much taller than me." which brought the house down! (You can see why!)

Anyway, I wondered who I'd like to play me in the movie of my life. The answer that sprang to mind immediately was Audrey Hepburn. She'd be perfect ... if you squint you could see a vague resemblance LOL. Okay, so she's far too gorgeous and elegant and poised, but work with me here *g*.

The other person who would be good would be Julia Roberts - I used to have long hair like that and she used to be quite curvy.



Or perhaps Susan Sarandon. I think she'd be able to do the whole under-stated English thing (southern style *g*).





Or maybe Mariska Hargitay or Stana Katic - they could do the exotic look.




I asked my lovely hubby and he suggested Marisa Tomei (He's loved her since My Cousin Vinny!)

So, who do you think should play you in the movie of your life? Any suggestions about who should play me? What about any of the other Banditas - who could play them?

Movies With Game

by Beth

I came across a list of the Best Sports Movies of All Time (you can check it out here on Moviefone) which got me thinking of all my favorite Sports Movies. To narrow it down a bit, I thought I'd name only the movies about sports that my kids have played.

Baseball (softball for my daughters) - Three immediately come to my mind: League of Their Own, Bad News Bears (when I was young, there was even a Bad News Bears TV show *g*) and...Angels in the Outfield (my son must've watched that movie a hundred times when he was little!)

Soccer - Bend it Like Beckham! This was the first movie I ever saw Keira Knightly in *g*

Football - Rudy (of course *g*) and Little Giants (yet another movie my son watched over and over *g*)

Track and Field - Chariots of Fire. It has to be this movie as it's the only one I can think of about this sport :-)

Hockey - Miracle and yes, The Mighty Ducks *g* When our son goes to play hockey, my husband always tells him to hit the 'knuckle puck'...which, of course, makes our son roll his eyes and mutter under his breath about un-cool we are (so not true! we are very cool!)

Basketball - Hoosiers! I could watch this movie over and over again! We caught part of it on TV the other night and got to watch Ollie sink his free throws to win the game. I love that scene because he shot underhand just like my father-in-law did back when he played in high school :-)

My son has also ran cross country and my daughters play volleyball but I don't think I've seen any movies about either of those sports. I'll have to do some research *g*

As for favorite Sports Movies, in our house Rocky, Caddy Shack and Remember The Titans are all on our list *g*

What are your favorite Sports Movies? Favorite scenes in those movies? What sports have you played? And if you checked out the Moviefone link above, how many of their 25 picks have you seen?

Hooray For Hollywood!

by Caren Crane

I love movies. I adore films of all genres, from slapstick comedies to experimental indies to reality-baring documentaries. I also love the Oscars. The hoopla, the mad campaigns, the red carpet preening and the acceptance speech snafus.

This year, the Academy expanded the Best Picture category from 5 films to 10. This has made this year's Oscar race a bit more...interesting, let's say. Some big box office hits have been nominated, but few Hollywood insiders believe a wildly popular film like Avatar will win Uncle Oscar, no matter how many billions it makes at the box office.

I have another passion, however. I love underdogs. I like to root wholeheartedly for those fortune frowns upon, who have more guts and willpower than credibility. Those with more luck than skill, who come from behind to surprise the crowd. Those who fight the good fight, even if they are ultimately defeated. (Yes, Firefly fans, I was thinking of our beloved Brown Coats, thus the picture of Nathan Fillion as Capt. Mal Reynolds!)


Here, for your consideration, are my underdog Oscar picks for tonight:


Best Picture - Up. It was romantic, heartbreaking, funny, uplifting and just plain fun for all ages. An animated picture has never won Best Picture, so its chances are slim to none. I loved Inglourious Basterds (and yes, that IS how it's spelled) but even a Quentin Tarantino movie has a better chance of winning than an animated one.



Best Actor - Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker. I didn't see this movie, but this kid obviously came out of nowhere and has almost no chance of winning against the likes of Jeff Bridges, George Clooney, Colin Firth and Morgan Freeman. So, Jeremy Renner it is!


Best Supporting Actor - Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds. Now, Christoph Waltz is an exceptional actor and he was such a sadistic rapscallion in this movie that he won me over forever. The Academy, however, prefers weightier roles such as those carried by nominees Matt Damon, Woody Harrelson, Christopher Plummer and Stanley Tucci. I fear Christoph will be snubbed by Oscar, so he has my vote!



Best Actress - Forget Meryl, Sandra, Helen and Gabourey. My vote goes to Carey Mulligan for her role in An Education. Even though it's one of those movies only movie snobs and fans of art house films saw, the Academy will not give Carey the love. That's okay, she'll get it from me!





Best Supporting Actress - This is a tough category because all the nominees were so fabulous, but I think Vera Farmiga of Up In the Air will be snubbed. I expect Mo'Nique to win, actually, even with two nominees from Up In the Air on the ballot. Anna Kendrick was wonderful, as were Penelope Cruz and Maggie Gyllenhaal, but I expect Vera to get the least love of all these talented ladies.


Best Director - Jason Reitman, Up In the Air. James Cameron worked years and invented technology in directing Avatar. Kathryn Bigelow practically invented a whole new way to tell a war story with The Hurt Locker. With Precious, Lee Daniels brought a story to the screen that no one thought could be told with sincerity, passion and dignity - but he did that and made it look easy. Quentin Tarantino climbed right out on his usual loony limb with Inglourious Basterds and had the unmitigated gall to kill Hitler in the middle of WWII - hilarious work of genius! So, I think poor Jason will get totally overlooked in the shadow of all this filmmaking greatness and slink home without a statue. (Plus, he looks like one of those guys I knew in engineering school who liked me but would never ask me out because dating would have wrecked his grade in thermodynamics. Pffft!)

I won't even bother with all the other categories because really, who even saw any of the Live Action Short Films? I do think my beloved Coraline is an underdog in Animated Feature, especially since Up was nominated, but I couldn't even hazard a guess about Sound Mixing or Sound Editing. They never choose who I would for Cinematography, either, so pfffft on the Academy.


Who is your favorite front runner - or underdog - for the Oscars? Which of your favorite movies/actors/actresses was totally dissed by the Academy this year (hello, Robert Downey Jr.!)? And will you be watching the Academy Awards at all - maybe just the red carpet coverage? Do tell!

It's That Time Again

by Beth

It's that time again! Time for Summer Movies! Some blockbusters are already playing but there are plenty more to be released in the next three months. Since we rarely go to the movie theater and only hit the Drive-In about once a summer, my goal this summer is to watch at least a few new movies in the theater. Here (in no particular order *g*) is a quick list of the ones I'm willing to pay good money to see:


Up. I'm a huge pixar fan and I've already been cracking up at the trailer, especially the dog with the talking collar *g*


The Proposal. I love both Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds and this romantic comedy looks like a lot of fun!


The Ugly Truth. Another Rom Com, this one with Katherine Heigl and the super yummy Gerald Butler *sigh* (What can I say? I'm a romance writer. I love romantic comedies *g*)


Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Yes! The next HP film will be out in July! My kids and I (and millions of others) can't wait :-)










Funny People. I recently saw the trailer for this and it looks really good and Seth Rogan cracks me up *ggg*


Here are some I'm willing to wait to watch when they come out on DVD:



X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Don't get me wrong, I love Hugh Jackman and enjoyed the first two X-Men movies (especially the first one) but since it's been out for a few weeks I know I probably won't get a chance to see it.





Star Trek. I've never been a Star Trek fan but this movie looks so good, it may just change my mind :-)


Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Looks really cute and I adore Jennifer Gardner.


Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I realize some movies are better seen on the big screen and I'm guessing this is one of them but if it's as long as the first one, I'd rather be home where I can pause the movie for snack breaks *g*


What movies will you try to see at the theater? Anyone else enjoy the Drive-In? Have any of you ever walked out of a movie theater because you thought the movie was so bad? What's your favorite snack to splurge on at the theater? If you could take the Golden Rooster to a movie this summer, what would you see?


If you want to check out the movies I've mentioned, click on their titles. I've included links to their official websites. Just don't forget to come back ;-)

by Donna MacMeans

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!

And that means it's movie night!

I love going to the movies - sitting in the dark with my husband - munching on popcorn - sipping on a diet coke. It's the best. I've even been known to be influenced by the big screen in devising possible plots. I imagine we'll be choosing a movie to see tonight, but I'm not sure which one.

Of course, our dear friends in Hollywood have given us some guidance by announcing the nominees for the Best Picture of 2008. I always try to see the nominees so I can root for our favorites for the academy awards.

The nominees for Best Motion Picture of the Year are:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Frost/Nixon

Milk

The Reader

Slumdog Millionaire

Have you seen any of these? I've seen Benjamin Button - and it was good. I've seen the stage production of Frost/Nixon but not the movie. And that's it. I believe Slumdog Millionaire is basically a love story with a lot of chase scenes and action. I haven't seen it listed at the major theaters here, but now that's it's nominated, perhaps that will change.

The nominees for Performance by an actor in a leading role (can we just call them heroes?) are:

Nope, not this guy (sniff). Australia was nominated for costume design and that was it. (Of course, if the award has anything to do with the frame upon which the costume hangs....)

The real nominees are: Richard Jenkins in The Visitor

Frank Langella in Frost/Nixon

Sean Penn in Milk

Brad Pitt in ...Benjamin Button

Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler

Not the most flattering picture of Brad Pitt that I've seen.

As for the nominees for best performance in a leading role we have :

Anne Hathaway in Rachel Getting Married

Angeline Jolie in Changeling

Melissa Leo in Frozen River

Meryl Streep in Doubt

Kate Winslet in The Reader

I'm afraid I haven't seen any of those movies, either. Not a one is a comedy, which is my favorite. So tell me - Do you have any recommendations for a movie tonight? Have you seen any of these - what did you think? Do you have a particular genre preference when it comes to movies (or are you in it for the popcorn)? Who do you think will take home the oscar at the Academy awards?

I'll pick one of the comments to receive a feather boa so they can watch the awards in style. Also I'll include a copy of THE TROUBLE WITH MOONLIGHT because the blue cover goes really well with the feather boa. Besides, you never know...perhaps one day it'll be picked up for a movie. Are you listening...

It's only a game! Or is it?... A crisis of Values

by Cassondra Murray


No, this is not about politics. In fact, I’m trying desperately to escape that.


It is about something much stranger. The mind of a writer.

Have y’all seen that movie, How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days? It’s a great chick flick. Humor, drama, Matthew McConaughey (I’m not a big fan, but he ain’t hard to look at.) and Kate Hudson, a cute, smart girl who—and this is SO rare these days-- gets the guy without benefit of surgical enhancement.


For you who have NOT seen it, the movie opens with Kate as Andie Anderson, serious journalist who wants to write about world peace, forced to write fluff for Composure Magazine, a materialistic rag for women. Andie is in the office with her friend.

Friend: “Andie, there’s an envelope here for you.” (waves mysterious white envelope in Andie’s face) “You know that editor at Sports Illustrated—the one you’ve been shamelessly flirting with?” (Andie gasps and snatches at the envelope) “Looks like it paid off.” (Friend hands over envelope and Andie tears it open like a mad woman.)

Andie: (dances in a circle) “Wooooohoooooooo, I just got tickets. In. The. Tenth. Row!”

Friend: “For what?”

Andie: “Only THE most awesome display of athletic grace on the planet!”

Friend: “The Ice Capades are in town?”

Andie: (dances madly in a circle, waving tickets) “No, the NBA FINALS ARE IN TOWN!!!!!”

Andie has just received a coveted pair of Nicks tickets—for the first game of the finals.

I am a girl. I freely admit this.

I can put on the goo and fluff when I need to, and I like pretty clothes. I even did the pageant circuit when I was young, hot and in shape. I like sparkly stuff, candles, bubble bath and good wine.

But I’m kind of an odd girl. I like the outdoors. I like shooting and archery. I like canoeing, rock climbing and rappelling. I don’t hunt but I can field dress a deer.

I own a big chainsaw. When I took the ASVAB to get into the military and scored high enough to do anything I wanted, my first choice was some job where I’d get to blow stuff up. (No lie. That’s what I asked for—“got anything where I can blow stuff up?”) I can mix mortar and I can build things. I can plumb a house properly. I like to fish. On my do-before-I-die list is “Learn to operate a bulldozer and a track hoe.”

But sports?

I don’t get it.

At my local Mexican restaurant, when they have football on the tube (not AMERICAN football—it's soccer) I actually enjoy it. But let’s face it. Some of those Central American sweaty hunks are dang HOT.

The fact that I like looking at hot men in great physical condition is NOT the same as appreciating the sport. There’s a country song I hear now and then called “I’m A Lucky Man” and one line goes… “Last Sunday when the Bengels lost, Lord it put me in a bad mood…..” This has never happened to me.

Because I studied photojournalism as an undergrad I had to shoot every sport available in the northern hemisphere. I liked soccer best. And yet I’ve never gotten interested enough to follow it. Something is apparantly wrong with me.

I. Don’t. Get. It. It’s a ball made of leather and filled with air. Where it ends up is irrelevant in the larger scheme of things. I just don’t care. I would guess some of you feel the same.

But there’s trouble, you see. Big Trouble that’s not going away.

This trouble started about mid-October. We get season tickets to the symphony orchestra. If you’ve never been to a symphony concert you haven’t lived. You can FEEL the music. It’s powerful. I leave on a slightly different dimension than the one on which I arrived. A higher dimension.

Sixty to Seventy people—each of whom is one of the best performers on the planet, and has spent nearly his or her entire life devoted to the intensive study of an instrument—all up there just for me, working together to bring something static to life—to make it breathe and soar—for those few minutes in time to act as one and create something that will never happen exactly like that, ever again anywhere any time. And I GET TO SEE IT! To feel it. To be forever changed by it.

So I was sitting at the symphony the other night and a distressing thought occurred to me. A horrible thought. A thought that could cause a shift in my entire system of values.

In my weird writer’s mind, the understanding of the gift happening in front of me smashed headlong into that first scene in the movie with Kate Hudson and the footage they showed of the Nicks games and I had an Oh Sh*t moment.

That professional ball team—that’s a group of individuals, each of whom has devoted his or her entire life to his sport—though his instrument is his physical body and the way it handles a ball, and his skill is, among other things, brilliant teamwork—to perfecting its use and the performance, just as a dancer would—and they’re all together at that game, working like crazy to make something happen—in a clash against another group, perhaps as talented as THEY are, and this clash of wills, of physical prowess, of skill, of talent, of PASSION even—gets played out in front of me and I get to see it. To perhaps be elevated by it. To even, perchance, be CHANGED by it?


But I don’t. Cuz I never watch. Cuz I don’t care.

But maybe I should? Maybe now I MUST!

There are vast numbers of people who care. They gather around tvs and in arenas and behind coffee tables loaded with snacks and beer and put incredible amounts of energy into caring.

Why? There must be a reason.

And if I decide to care (and I believe I might be on the verge of caring whether I want to or not) how do I learn about this? The rules of any given sport are like quicksand. It’s a quagmire of complex “if this then that, but if THAT, then this other thing…” ..and they change from little league to high school to college to pro. The athletic conferences alone are confusing.

It’s like firearms and weapons calibers.

Why is a certain caliber called what it is? For example, the rifle caliber .45-70 gov’t (you say this as Forty-five, seventy, government) Why is it called that? It’s a .45 caliber round with 70 grains of black powder. (A grain is a measurement of weight).

Are you zoning out yet, the way I do with sports regulations? No?

Try this one. .30-06. (Pronounced thirty-ought-six). Thirty caliber with six grains of black powder? NO! Thirty caliber, invented in 1906. Let’s consider the .380 (Three-eighty). It’s actually a 9mm short. The cartridge is 9mm in diameter. But a pistol chambered for .380 will not shoot 9mm ammunition. A 9mm MIGHT shoot .380, or it might not. HA!

The .38 Special (Thirty Eight Special) is actually .357 inches in diameter. Is it a three fifty seven? NO! They’re different. And is a .38 Special a “Saturday Night Special?” NO! It could be, but it’s not necessarily.

NOW are you confused?


Heck, even I’m confused, and I know about guns.

So back to sports. A foul in football is not the same as a foul in basketball, is definitely not the same as a foul in baseball. I think a foul in football isn’t even called a foul. A penalty maybe? I know sometimes they throw some flag on the ground, but that’s not the same as flag football, right? And then they stand around for like half an hour deciding what to do then they play for thirty more seconds then stand around again.

In basketball, you have only so long to shoot, right? Well, not necessarily as far as I can tell. There’s something about a shot clock. And depending on the league you’re allowed to touch the net or not, and the shot line is in a different spot. I’m reeling here.

Then there’s the goal line in football. I went to cheer my friend’s senior running back (why are they called that? Nobody can explain this to me. Everybody runs, after all. Half back—I see nothing missing on this man. Why is he called a half back?) on for his final game. They were behind, then after half time they took off like crazy. I started cheering. OH, NO! How was I supposed to know that at half time THEY SWITCHED GOALS!????? I was cheering for the wrong team!



Knowing men the way I know men, and their general aversion to touching each other in any kind of affectionate way that does not puncture a lung or knock loose a kidney, what’s up with that bottom patting on the football field? As far as I can tell the ball is not in play when the bottom patting is going on. Does the “no touching” rule for manly men get thrown out if you’re in a football uniform? Does it have something to do with the tight ends?

Now that I’ve gotten sorta interested, or at least seen the potential value in being interested, how am I supposed to figure out what is going on?

I know that some Banditas are sports fans. Jeanne ( La Duchesse) actually flies to Chicago to watch the Cubs play. And not just cuz she lives with sports fans. SHE LIKES IT! Anna Sugden is a hockey fanatic. Even at writing events, her phone pings her with hockey scores. Donna, Jeanne, Posh and Nancy have been, at one point or another, involved in rivalry based on Buckeyes, Lions and some other strange stuffed creation from North Carolina.

I’m in an awful state. My very way of being is in flux. My core life values are teetering on the edge of...perhaps not collapse, but at minimum, significant deflation.


Do I just pick a team and start to care? How do I choose?

Is it possible to catch up and actually understand? Am I doomed to be eternally confused, cheering even though the team is running the wrong way?

Do you care about sports?

Which ones and why?

How did you start? Do you have to be “born into it?”

What is your favorite team?

Do you have a favorite sports hunk or hunkette?

If you had to pick a sport to learn about, what would it be?


Third base in baseball has nothing to do with third base in romance and is CERTAINLY not related to a three-pointer, but they are ALL related to SCORING. And getting to any one of the above seems really complicated.

Third base in romance is the only one I actually understand.


Help a Bandita out. Throw me a line here!

Oh, and how the blazes do those soccer/football players keep their socks up?