Pay Attention

by Cassondra Murray

I’m about to tell you a secret.

It’s the secret, I think, to why we fall in love with heroes, both fictional and real. I think it’s the secret to romance.

We’re approaching Valentine’s Day, and to illustrate the secret, I’m going to tell you about one of my best romantic gifts ever. It was from my husband, a few years after we were married. Now let me preface it by saying he’d made his share of blunders in previous years. There was the anniversary when he gave me a rug.

Yes, a rug.

Poor fellow. He’s learned a lot since then.

But this best year ever, he left me a note that asked if I would pick up something for him at an office downtown at 11:00 in the morning. I went. The receptionist handed me a wrapped box with my name on it.


Inside was a set of lingerie from Victoria’s Secret and a note that told me to go to a florist around the corner. The florist gave me a bouquet of gorgeous wildflowers and a note that told me to go to my chiropractor’s office. The chiropractor’s receptionist gave me another box with another gift and another note. That one sent me next door to the massage therapist for an hour-long massage.

V-day. The day that men dread. The one day of the year specifically dedicated to that thing most men find completely baffling—romance.

But if you think about it, romance, in all of its forms, boils down to one thing. When we’re dating and falling in love, this one thing comes naturally. Men do it with great focus, and to that focus, if there’s any chemistry at all, women respond with intense passion. It’s irresistible, you see, this one thing that is ultimately romantic.

I’ve already told you what it is.

The one thing guaranteed to bring about romance is….paying attention.

Once we’re in a committed relationship we tend to forget that. We begin, perhaps, to take one another for granted a bit. Or maybe we get too busy. Life gets in the way. Maybe we get lazy.

This next week, roses will go for three times the normal price because demand is so high. But honestly, is it really ROSES we want? I don’t think so, though they are lovely and wonderful to receive. It’s not chocolate either, though that never hurts. Jewelry isn’t a bad substitute, but that’s what it is—that's what they all are--substitutes. Tokens. Material attempts to say what we feel--or at least what we want to feel.

Paying attention is how we’ll know what to give to our beloved on the day set aside for romance. Paying attention is what will make the gift work, because really, the true gift--the gift only the loved one can give-- is the attention. The tokens we give—the dinner out, the evening in, the meal cooked and served—that’s the external indicator. It’s very telling that people run
around like mad at the last minute looking for something….ANYTHING….to give to their love for Valentine’s Day. Those people haven’t paid attention, and often the gift will be nice but will….well…it’ll ring just a tad hollow.

Because it’s the attention we crave. That undivided attention we got from our mate when we first discovered one another. That belief that we were truly interesting enough to arouse deep passion in another person. Having someone know us at a level far deeper than surface. To be known—to be seen—and to be loved and appreciated. That’s addictive. We want it, and we never stop wanting it.

I’ll remember that scavenger hunt forever because he cared enough to pay attention to what would make a wonderful day for me, when I hadn’t even asked for anything. Wasn’t expecting anything. It was stunning, and I was speechless.


Here's that ad again....the one I used in my Killer Kisses blog last fall. Really now, does this guy look like he's thinking about the football playoffs?

Sometimes it comes down to something as simple as turning off the tv. If you're a guy, the first time you kissed her, I’m betting you didn’t have one eye on CNN.

Ladies, The first time he kissed you, I bet you weren’t worried about who’d get off the island on Lost. The first time, I bet you were looking at, and thinking about, each other.

All those novels we Banditas write--and the ones we ALL devour as though they were the very air we breathe? Those heroes tend to be...well...focused...on the heroine. And I think part of the fix we get from the stories is living out the fantasy of having that undivided attention many of us haven't experienced since we were dating. Based on the entertainment men frequently choose, I have to wonder if part of the fix for them is also the fantasy of having someone who's not just hot, but hot specifically for them. Maybe, maybe not.

Could that be the secret to rekindling that first-time feeling? Remembering to really look at one another again, inside and out? Stopping long enough to pay attention?

So how about you, Bandita friends? What’s the most romantic thing someone’s done for you?

Have you done something incredibly romantic for someone else—something he or she LOVED?

What sets your senses tingling and captures your focus like nothing else?

What’s your idea of an incredibly romantic, but real-life, here-and-now possible date? And what about it makes it romantic? Is it the setting? Is it the person you’re with?

How do you recapture the romance in the craziness of modern life?

When was the last time you, or your significant other really, truly paid attention?

Is there a character in a novel that stops your heart and takes your breath because.....he's paying attention?

Denise Rossetti Swings by the Lair

Christine Wells writes: Denise Rossetti may not own bucket boots but she has a killer pair of red CFM heels--you can see them on her website. This Australian author of erotic romance and sizzling fantasy romance has written two novels and two novellas for Ellora's Cave and has just scored an impressive 4 book deal with Berkley for her scorching fantasy romance series.

Her latest release is her novella, Coming on Strong, in an Avon Red anthology called A Red Hot New Year. Denise also happens to be my critique partner and an all-round wonderful woman. So please welcome her with a hearty Bandita cheer!

A Red Hot New Year, out November 27 from Avon Red

4.5 Stars from Romantic Times

This New Year's Eve, turn up the heat . . .
At the stroke of midnight a new year begins—a time for passionate resolutions and brand-new pleasures; a time to let go of past restraints and embrace new sensual boundaries. Four masterful writers offer a quartet of boldly erotic tales guaranteed to heat up those winter nights.

Coming on Strong by Denise Rossetti
Sam Jones's laid-back charm and Aussie drawl have never failed him - until he meets Gina McBride. The little Yank has to be the most skittish woman he's ever met, and the most intriguing. Making love with her is an experience that makes Sam's eyes roll back in his head, but she won't do it with the light on. Then there's that sexy little growl in the back of her throat when she comes, and she's so strong…

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Visit Denise’s website to win an ARC of A Red Hot New Year! Contest closes 30th November.
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Finding Your Own True North by Denise Rossetti

I’m absolutely fascinated by the creative process – the way it’s so different for each of us, the utter joy and satisfaction it can bring. For me, writing is the most creative thing I do. I can knit very well indeed, sew a little, even garden, but that’s it. And in these areas, I’m a craftsperson, not an original artist.

But writing? Ah, that’s something wonderfully organic. The stories well up from somewhere inside me, no planning, no outlines with dot points. Mind you, it’s never easy – never! Dorothy Parker said, “I hate writing, but I love having written.” I don’t hate it, not at all, but heavens it’s difficult! I have to dig deep for every word. Plod, plod, plod, word after word, sentence after sentence, until The End. And I purely adore having written!

A few weeks ago, I was a tutor in an online workshop for Romance Writers of Australia. Romance 101 Bootcamp. There were other authors lending their considerable skills to character development, pacing, conflict. I was asked to do a session about the Writer’s Life. We talked about the Writer’s Compass and its four Points – Priorities, Personalities, Place and Space, and Permissions.

The participants impressed me with their clear-eyed courage as they did the soul-searching required to examine the place of creativity in their lives, each one looking for her own True North. And then I was awed all over again as they formed resolutions, declared them and followed up a week later by reporting on the changes they’d made. They were inspirational.

BTW, I warned them I’d probably come over like a Bossy Big Sister, or a noisy little cattle dog, nipping at their heels. The metaphors are a trifle mixed, but you get the idea, I’m sure! So here we go…

If you’re honest and brave, you can assess the PRIORITIES in your life relative to each other – family, work, finances, health, spirituality, community – and then add in your creative pursuit, whatever it may be. It’s that thing you do for yourself alone, the thing that gives you the gift of joy. Music, Art, Craft, Writing, Dance, Acting, Gardening. Whatever.

You will know too, how the PERSONALITIES around you usually react. Some will be indifferent, others will support you magnificently in your quest for creativity, and some – well, they won’t. Or can’t.

But what many women find difficult, I think, is giving themselves the PERMISSIONS they need. Permission to do what, you may ask? Ah well, you’re the only one who knows the answer to that.

Permission to sit quietly, all alone, staring into space? Permission not to be perfect, to hit an off-note on the piano, to write a sloppy draft? Permission to buy takeout for dinner? Permission to let someone else comfort a crying child? That’s a hard one, isn’t it?

All too often, sheer desperation compels us to carve out our own time and space, but without giving ourselves real Permission to do so. The result?

Guilt. Or exhaustion, because you’ve had to steal your “me-time” from sleep.

I’m a terrible mother/wife/partner/colleague. I’m so selfish. What about dinner/ballet practice/career/laundry? They’ll never understand. I wish I hadn’t… Sound familiar? Are you already saying to yourself, yeah sure, giving myself Permission sounds good, but I can’t because… Fill in the dots.

What makes your Priorities and Permissions worth less than anyone else’s?

It was years ago that I first read Virginia’s Woolf’s A Room of Her Own, and it made a tremendous impression on me. Such irony and intelligence, so exquisitely written. Back in 1928, Woolf pointed out that in order to write, a woman must have five hundred a year and a room of her own. I don’t think too much has changed, do you? (You can get it here for free - It’s short. Read it.)

Yes, financial independence is easier to come by, it’s even expected of women these days, but that room of one’s own… This is what I’ve called PLACE AND SPACE, because physical place and psychological/emotional space are intertwined. Of the two, mind-space is the most vital, because not everyone has the luxury of a study to themselves. I don’t. I share with two people I love beyond measure – my husband and my daughter – but it bothered me so much that I finally bought an office divider from a second hand store and set up my own space behind it. As a side benefit, I no longer have that prickly, vulnerable sensation in the nape of my neck as I sit with my back to the door. You can see my Place and Space here. You can also see that tidiness is not something I value. *smile*

Paige Cuccaro runs a wonderful site called The Cave - with photos of writers’ Places and Spaces. It runs from Susan Elizabeth Phillips to Laurell K. Hamilton to Lisa Kleypas to Jenny Crusie and Bob Mayer. Fascinating and revealing all at once!

So, think about the Writer’s Compass and its four Points. I’d love to hear your thoughts, especially on Permissions and on Place and Space. And please, you don’t have to be a writer to join in!

What have you given yourself Permission to do that has pointed you at your personal True North, given you the joy and the frustrations of the creative process ? How have you set up your Place and Space? Alternatively, what have you found most difficult and what is your solution?

Three lucky readers who comment will win signed over-sized postcards of my Ellora's Cave covers. And don't forget the contest to win a signed ARC of A Red Hot New Year on my website!

And in the interests of Full Disclosure, I should tell you that my children are old enough to be independent, My Beloved does the shopping and the cooking and we have a cleaning lady. But I do have a day job and I’m still Officer In Charge of the cat’s litter box.

Colette Gale Fires up the Phantom

Interviewed by Anna Campbell



ANNA: Colette, thank you so much for coming over to party with the Banditas today. I can't wait to hear about your new release Unmasqued, an erotic re-telling of The Phantom of the Opera. What an intiguing premise! But first I'd like to ask you about your writing history. Give us the goss on Colette Gale before she was published!
COLETTE: I'm ecstatic to be here! The Banditas have really made quite a name for themselves in such a short time--I'm completely impressed. Thanks so much for having me. Okay, the writing history. Well, Colette Gale is actually the pen name of my alter ego who writes historical paranormals, and who has been a guest here on the Banditas in the past. But Unmasqued is Colette's first book, and we won't talk about that other girl today, other than that she is multi-published. :-)
ANNA: I'm so looking forward to reading it and finding how you deal with the sexual tension between the members of the central triangle in the story. Can you tell us about Unmasqued?

COLETTE: Well, the story came about because of my dissatisfaction with the ending of Lloyd Webber's musical version of The Phantom of the Opera. I mean, he made the Phantom passionate and attractive, and showed us how much he and Christine loved each other--and even more so in the film version--and yet he has Christine leave the love of her life to run off with that milquetoast Raoul at the end! Quelle horreur!

(I must confess that I've seen the Phantom play many times, and that when the movie came out, I had this hope that maybe Lloyd Webber had tweaked it enough for it to end the way I thought it should have ended. But no.)

So I set about writing my version of the story, explaining why Christine left with Raoul, forsaking her passion for Erik (the Phantom). It started off being just a fun project for my alter ego, when she was between other books (those historical paranormals), but when she finished the book, her agent wanted to see it--and then she sold it.

The book is an erotic novel--not an erotic romance. There is a line between the two, in my opinion, and although Christine and Erik do have their happy ending, as one would expect in an erotic romance, and they do not have intercourse with anyone other than each other, the book leans more toward erotic fiction. In fact, when I sold this book, my editor and I--and all of her colleagues--had long discussions about where this book belonged.

Did it belong as an erotic romance (yes, because there's a love story at its heart and a happy ending), or a straight erotica (yes, because the sexual situations are more like what one would find in that type of novel)? It really is sort of smack dab between them.

The book is definitely not for everyone, because it's not merely explicit sex scenes between the main characters. The settings, the motivations, the situations, are all important to the story, yet they're sexual and erotic in nature.

(I talk more about my opinions on erotic romance v. erotica, and erotica v. porn during this interview at Bam's site.)

ANNA: I gather you're drawn to darker heroes (I'm sure that's one of the reasons we get on so well!). Tell us about your Phantom, and how he's different from Leroux's original creation, and Lloyd Webber's as well.
COLETTE: Oh, Erik is such a tortured hero--in all three versions! Leroux created a horrible, murderous genius, Lloyd Webber romanticized him, and I took it a few steps further and made him complete hero material. Hot, possessive (in a good way), honorable, and madly, madly in love with our heroine.

He is probably the most tortured hero that I've ever written. I loved doing it, because I knew from the beginning how much he loved Christine, and how much of a risk it was for him to reveal himself to her. He'd watched her from the shadows, gotten to know her and to love her through his tutoring--but to actually talk to her, touch her, be with her...he was risking everything. So at first, his fear is obvious through his need to control the situation, to keep her from really seeing and knowing him--because once she did, he feared her rejection. Yet, he can't stay away from her.

Yet, Christine was never afraid of him. Ever (well, except when she takes off his mask, but that's well into the book). She recognizes their connection, their kinship, their passion, and she wants to get to know him.




ANNA: Your byline on your website is "seducing the classics" which I think is brilliant. I notice your next book is a re-telling of The Count of Monte Cristo story. Can you tell us a little more about this?
COLETTE: Yes, my next book will be released in May and it's titled MASTER: An Erotic Novel of The Count of Monte Cristo. I loved writing this book more than I thought possible. The book by Dumas is fabulous--if unbelievably complicated and long--and it was a challenge to streamline it enough to focus on the love story between Edmond Dantes and Mercedes Herrera while explaining what else is going on behind the scenes, but I had a blast doing it.

For those who aren't familiar with the story, here's the back cover copy for the new book:

Betrayed by his friends, Edmond Dantes spent fourteen years imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit. Now, miraculously freed, he returns as the rich and powerful Count of Monte Cristo, seeking revenge on the four men who sent him to jail...and determined to have the woman he has never been able to forget.

Mercedes Herrera was devastated when the man she loved disappeared and was never heard from again. After searching for Edmond, she had no choice but to marry one of his friends...and for the past fourteen years, she's lived in an empty, abusive marriage, mourning the loss of her love.

When the Count of Monte Cristo arrives in Paris to put his plan of vengeance into play, Mercedes alone knows Edmond Dantes has returned. But this harsh, angry man sends chills down her spine even as his very touch reminds her of the passion they once shared. She realizes soon enough that his plan to avenge himself on the men who incarcerated him also includes another sort of revenge...on her.

From the seaside town of Marseille...to the exotic caves of Monte Cristo Isle...to the glittering ballrooms of Paris unfolds an erotic battle of wills and unquenched passion between one of literature's most famous pairs of star-crossed lovers.

As I said, it was so much fun to write. And for those who are familiar with the story, I'll also divulge that Haydee has her own subplot, and so do Valentine and Maximilien.

In comparison to Unmasqued, I would say Master is a little less edgy and dark, though no less erotic. However, my goal when I write erotica is to arouse and titillate, as well as to tell a story, and I try to keep to the promise of at least one orgasm (the characters, not the reader!) per chapter--and I'd say that aside of one chapter in Unmasqued and one in Master, that pretty much holds true.
ANNA: Do you have any more classics in your sights? Why do you think people keep returning again and again to these archetypal stories?
COLETTE: I'm currently working on another proposal to my editor, and we have several ideas in mind for future classics that are just begging to be seduced. :-) I think the reason people like these kinds of stories, and like to be able to get more explicit, is because often the setting and situation are inherently sexy--but at the time they were written, sexual explicitness wasn't exactly mainstream.

For example, in the original Count of Monte Cristo, there is a scene in what is described as Aladdin's Cave (which is on the Isle of Monte Cristo) in which not only does the eating of hashish occur, but also an orgy. Yeah. But it's only alluded to, not described in detail. (I, uh, took care of that little detail when I wrote my version.) And there's lesbianism in the book as well, and a whole host of sexual innuendo--in Monte Cristo as well as in the original Phantom novel (don't try and tell me that Christine spent a week with the Phantom and nothing happened. Uh, no.), and other classics.

Now we have the ability to tell the stories that have always been behind and beneath the words in all their glorious detail.

Having said that, I know that I have certain literary favorites that I would hate for anyone to mess with in this way (Little House on the Prairie, LIttle Women, Pride & Prejudice)...and there are people who feel the same way about Phantom and Monte Cristo, and others. And that's okay. To each his own!
ANNA: Who are some of your favorite writers?
COLETTE: As far as erotic fiction goes, I've been influenced by Bertrice Small's Skye O'Malley books, The Story of O, Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty series, and Madeline Oh's PowerExchange.
ANNA: Can you give us some insight into your creative process?
COLETTE: I have no idea where I'm going most of the time, until I get there. :-) I write basically one draft, cleaning and revising as I go.
QUESTIONS:
Do you think there's a difference between erotic romance and erotica? Do you have a favorite classic that you wish had gone further? Have you found yourself wanting to rewrite a book or a movie's ending? Which movies? Which books? Why?
WIN:
Colette would love to give one of our honorary Banditas a copy of her new erotic novel Unmasqued. A comment will be chosen at random on Wednesday, 8th August. Good luck!