She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always starin' at me
While I'm chuggin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kinda crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy
That's the chorus from a Kenny Chesney song, written by multi-hit songwriters Paul Overstreet and Jim Collins. That song is from Kenny's album, Everywhere We Go .
I'm not actually a Kenny Chesney fan, but it's a cute video. You can see it and listen to the song here.
I think tractors are sexy.
Actually, maybe that's not the best way to say it. It's not tractors per se that I find sexy..... it's the men who use them.
Men are strange creatures. (Okay for all you men out there, let me say that I understand you feel the same way about us. Hang on. I think it'll all make sense in the end.)
Let me start with what happened last week.
Last week I was on my mail route and due to a set of unfortunate circumstances I ended up like this.
That's not my car. But that's exactly the way my car looked--with its poor little rear wheel off the ground, and the right front tire dropped off the edge of a culvert. I had to do something. Fast. On a mail route there isn't time for a lot of dilly-dallying around or you won't get the mail delivered and still make dispatch.
I didn't even have to think about it for thirty seconds. I pulled out my phone book and started mentally clicking through the mail stops on my route until I got to what I knew would be my salvation.
Farmers, you see, are capable.
And to me, capable is sexy. But sexy wasn't my point. Well, not much of it anyhow.
I looked at my car and figured that a decent size, capable guy or two could tilt the front end of my car up, reconnect my back wheel with the pavement the way God intended, and I'd be on my way again, dropping off mail, without a lot of fuss.
But here's the key. If it proved to be more involved than a simple push, a farmer would have the tools and the know-how to use them--to get me out of that ditch--because almost all farmers have that one possession that few other people have.
My mail route is mostly farm country. So about three stops from the car-vs-ditch incident there lived a farmer. In a day of unlisted numbers, I've found most farmers are still listed in the phone book. They're available to neighbors who need help. Amazing isn't it?
They both grinned a little, their eyes twinkled a bit too much, but I didn't care.
Do you think they wasted a lot of time standin' around worryin' about the best way to approach the problem?
They didn't even have to talk about it. They stepped off into the ditch, said, "put 'er in gear," grabbed the front end of my car and I was back on the road.
Did I say I think capable is sexy? Oh. I guess I did.
By the time I had the door open to say thank you they were climbing back into their truck.
"Sorry for takin' you from what your were doin," I yelled as the farmer started his engine.
Capable and nice.
I've come to realize as I've grown older that this rare, deadly combination of capable and nice is something I find most attractive in a man.
A lot of modern men, I notice, are missing that capable factor.
Consider, if you will, the yuppie.
The one who drives something like this, for example.
Now Beemers are very nice cars (this one is particularly striking don't you think?), and I've enjoyed driving the ones I've driven. But they don't hold the same inherent "Ride to the Rescue" capability for me as does a truck or a tractor. When a man drives up in this and my car is stuck in a ditch, what do you suppose he'll do? Well, if stereotypes were accurate, he might well whip out some digital doohicky, punch the speed dial number for his secretary, and have her phone a tow truck--and a capable man-- to come and get me out of the ditch.
Okay I like money. Maybe more than some. And that's a really hot car. And all that money may be a major turn-on for some women, but not so much for me. I'll take a guy who'll save me all by himself, without any electronic thingamabob, and without a secretary. The guy in the Beemer may well do that. But the farmer is almost certain to do so. I think it's part of what we love about the cowboy hero, the firefighter hero, and the cop. At least it's part of what I love about those heroes. A perceived undeniable capability that for me, goes with the hard-working, hands-on guy.
Last week, my knights in shining armor showed up in something that looked a lot like this.I know without having ever seen the actual articles, that there was a big honking log chain and a tow rope in the tool box in the back. Along with a few wrenches and screwdrivers, a hammer and probably some jumper cables, and quite likely a small cooler with some cold Coca Cola and a bottle of water or two, in case we got thirsty while they slayed my dragons...uh...towed my car out of the ditch.You can often tell a lot about a fellow by the horse he ri....er....what he drives.
As far as I know, duallies are not the vehicle of choice for serial killers.
And speaking of serial killers, if the guy who stops to help you has actual cow pie and mud on his boots, it's a given that he's probably not gonna rape and kill you and bury you in a shallow grave.
This guy, on the other hand.....
He may well be Prince Charming. But as nice as that jawline is, he's probably never owned a tractor.
Does he look like he could get anyone's car out of a ditch? I'm thinkin he'd be too worried about getting his hands--and suit--dirty.
As I was musing on this subject of capable men, I came across the website of an image consultant named Jae on KinoWear .com .
Jae has a lot to say about image. Particularly about the yuppie image. On one of his blogs, Jae says, "Before I start writing about the Yuppie mentality, I’ll tell you the key to attracting women. Ask a woman what the most important quality they look for in a man is, and the most frequent answer will be: confidence."
Okay, Jae. I'm with you so far.
"If confidence is the key to attraction, how does one come across as confident? Well, after talking to many intelligent women who can better articulate their thoughts than most, I’ve found “confidence” is better explained as self-assurance."
Still with you on this one.
"It’s also something that you are, rather than something that you do."
"All that is required of you to come across as confident, is a healthy love for yourself. "
Sorry, Jae. When we're stuck in a ditch, we need a healthy dose of "Git-r-done." Nothing wrong with being happy with ones self certainly. But....
We need a guy with a dually and a tractor and the know-how to use them. For me, confidence is a matter of competence. Of being capable and knowing it. Not in an uppity sort of way. Just a real-life can-do sort of fellow. No matter what he wears, he won't mind getting it dirty to help me when I need help.
None of the heroes I fall in love with in books--no matter what their social standing, job, or income level, spend a lot of time worried about which bracelet they'll wear that day. This guy is one of the yuppies from Jae's site. Jae, the image consultant, has a whole blog about bracelets for the male. I'm figurin' this fellow on the right doesn't have a tractor. What do y'all think?
A few weeks ago I was having dinner with my husband at our favorite sushi bar when a friend of ours walked by from the back. She had her daughters, ages 13 and 14, with her. It was her daughters' first date. They each had a boy with them. Mom was taking them on a group date this first time, to dinner and a movie. I say, good for Mom.
Now this mom is about five-two, recently left the Marine Corps, has the figure and face of a cover model, and is a corrections officer at the regional jail. A no-BS kind of gal. Like me, this mom has a certain "capability" expectation for the men she dates, and for the men her daughters will date. Let's just say the bar is set fairly high shall we?
While we stood there the young fellows walked up to join mom and daughters. Mom turned to the young men and said, "Did you leave a tip?"
Boy number one's lip jutted into a pout.
"She brought us the wrong food," he whined.
Mom turned to face boy number one.
"Go over there," she said, "and put a dollar on the table."
"But," he whined, lip poking toward the county line, put-upon look on his face, "she brooooought us the wroooong fooooooooooood!"
Mom leveled her "prisoner-done-broke-the-rules" gaze at the kid, stretched out her arm and pointed toward the back of the restaurant.
"You," she said. "Both of you. Go back there RIGHT NOW and EACH of you put a dollar on that table."
The two boys slunk off toward the back of the store--well, as fast as boys can slink with their pants hanging around their knees, hair hanging in their eyes and their caps on backwards. The two daughters started to follow.
"No," Mom said, and grabbed the oldest daughter by the arm. "They have to do this by themselves."
After the mortified daughters and dates left for their allotted five minutes alone in the car, mom told us that she'd had to teach both fifteen-year-old boys how to pump gas, how to check the oil, and how to check the tire pressure and add air to the tires. She was not impressed. They were clueless and helpless.
"No daughter of mine is gonna date a helpless, ungrateful wuss," she said, as she headed for the door. I looked at my husband and said, "What is wrong with those boys' parents?"
It's unlikely that either of those boys will ever own a tractor.
I grew up on a farm you see. And I don't have a lot of patience with bratty, whiney, self-absorbed men, no matter how pretty they are. Even at fifteen, the boys I hung out with knew how, not only to take care of a car, but how to drive. They all learned the same way I learned. By driving their fathers' tractors.
It's a right fair bet that those farmers who pushed me out of the ditch don't shop at the same stores as this Abercrombie fellow. They don't need designer lables to be hot.
They've got common sense, big hearts, time to stop and help somebody, and tractors. Oh, and belts to hold their pants up.
Don't get me wrong. I like a sensitive guy. And this blog is not about financial success or the lack of it. A capable man can be very successful, and a successful man can be capable. But every now and then when I see the way the world appears to be headed, I start thinkin we'd be better off if more men owned tractors.
I said earlier that men were strange creatures. Well, I hold to that.
But women are even stranger. Each of us has her own inner guidelines for how much is not enough, just enough, and too much. Each of us has our own inner sense of how much "he-man" we want in a guy. It's a fine line men have to walk isn't it? The line between "sensitivity" and "total wuss," between "strong man" and "neanderthal?"
Guys with tractors tend to have a fairly good sense of where the line is as far as I'm concerned. Guys who work the land and work with their hands have a certain appeal for me that seems to never go away.
See this cutie pie with her prize-winning lamb?
I would bet money that her daddy owns a tractor and that she can drive it. When a girl can get herself out of a ditch, she generally doesn't have a high tolerance for guys who can't do the same for themselves or for her. Cant, or won't because they're scared of a little dirt.
Do you suppose she'll marry one of these guys?
Nah, I don't think so either.
I'm thinkin she'll pick out a guy with a tad more of that self confidence Jae blogs about but doesn't really understand.
She'll choose a man with real grit and maybe some mud on his boots. A man who can get her out of a ditch, and who won't check himself out in the mirror more often than he checks out her butt.
There's a fair chance he'll wear clothing that fits, whether it's jeans or a suit, he won't have three bracelets, he'll own a belt, and if she's lucky, he'll own a tractor.
I know some of you don't like country music. I don't like all of it either. But this one's worth listening to. Country music is said to be "three chords and the truth." Brad Paisley has that down to a serious art. He's brilliant at pointing out the differences between men and women. He wrote this song, and he's a genuinely nice guy as well.
I didn't ask him when I met him, but I figure he can drive a tractor.
Written by: Lovelace, Kelley/Paisley, Brad/Miller, Lee Thomas
Lyrics copyright-EMI Music Publishing
So what about you? Whether it's a real-life guy or your favorite romance hero, what says "capable" to you?
What says "sexy" about a guy...or a girl, fictional or real?
Where's your line between "caveman" and "knight in shining armor?"
What pushes your "wuss" button?
Is it a car that makes you think "capable?" Or a particular job?
Is it my country background, or do you think tractors are sexy too? If not, what conveyance catches your eye?