Saturday, August 4, 2007

Hunky Heroes In The Lair

posted by Aunty Cindy and friends

As Bandita Caren revealed in the comments earlier this week, the Bandit Lair has several levels of chambers, caverns and secret hiding places. Many of these places are occupied by Hero Hunks, who are the heroes (and sometimes villains!) of all the Banditas' various manuscripts, ideas, and Works In Progress (WIPs).

A few days ago, your old Aunty was hanging out in the lower levels and she ran into a couple of historical Hero Hunks who are about to be loosed on the reading public by two of our soon-to-be-published Banditas. Sebastian Laidley, Earl of Carleton will be appearing in Christine Wells’ “Scandal’s Daughter” in September, and Lord Nicholas Chambers will be in Donna MacMeans’ “The Education of Mrs. Brimley” in October.

Being the generous sort that she is *winks* your Aunty thought our Bandita Buddies/Readers might enjoy talking to these two rather naughty heroes BEFORE their books are released. Aunty encountered Lord Nicholas with his sketch pad, charcoal, and some refreshments in one of the not-so-secret rooms of the lair so she sat down for a little chat.

AC: Please tell us a little bit about who, where and WHEN you are. You appear to be wealthy, how did you manage that? Other family members we should know about?

I am, quite frankly, who I am. Questions about philosophy are best directed to my brother William, the Marquess of Enon. Unless, of course, you'd like to join me in a bit of brandy? [AC graciously accepts the snifter from Lord Nicholas' hand, noticing that he squeezes her fingers as he passes it to her.] Then we can discuss poetry and painting, seduction and sensuality. But you should come here, close to the fire. Our Yorkshire winters are long, cold and damp. Let me take that bulky shawl. Such lovely skin as yours should be seen, not hidden. You don't mind if I sketch while we talk? Is it too warm? [A fine sheen of perspiration shines on AC's brow but it has nothing to do with the room temperature.] Feel free to loosen a button or two. We're far from London and society's ridiculous rules. It is, after all, 1876.

AC: Lord Nicholas, I understand you are an artist, specifically a painter. Were you born with this talent? How long have you been engaged in this pursuit? And do you specialize in *ahem* risqué subjects?

NICHOLAS: If you've consulted my brother or my father, they'll tell you I'm no artist...certainly not one worthy of hanging in the Royal Academy. They'll tell you I'm more of a black sheep, as it were, hiding out in provincial Yorkshire to avoid family obligations - whatever those might be. I trust William to handle those responsibilities back in London. My sister, Arianne, understands, but she's off on some continental jaunt and thus not about to support my interests.

However the tavern women, they know me well. One needs the occasional diversion from painting landscapes, you understand. [AC does indeed!] The curves and shape of a woman's body, the play of light and shadow. God truly knew what he was about when he created the feminine form... ummmm... It's probably not a good idea to gulp that brandy, you might find it goes straight to your head... then again, let me refill your glass. [AC offers her empty snifter and this time she squeezes Lord Nicholas' fingers! OOPS! Perhaps she is a wee bit tipsy!]

Perhaps you'd consider allowing me to capture your generous spirit on my canvas? I know the villagers refer to me as "Lord Bedchambers," but I assure you, you are perfectly safe here alone without a don't have a chaperone, do you? [Aunty prefers not to divulge exactly how long it has been since she needed a chaperone.] No husband about to storm the manor? Ah...he trusts you. A remarkable and rare virtue, trust.

I've been trying to convince that delightful young widow at that nearby school for matrimonial-minded females to pose for me. She's resistant, but I have something that she wants. What's that you ask? [Actually, AC thinks she can guess.] Why I have knowledge...the kind of knowledge that comes from experience, lots of experience. The kind of knowledge that the young Mrs. Brimley lacks and desperately needs if she's to teach her charges what to expect on their wedding nights. How does a widow not have this knowledge, you ask? That's an excellent question, but one that she must answer. She expects much of me, you know. She expects honor and respectibility, but then, she's new to the area. Let me refill your glass... [AC hiccups and figures WHAT THE HECK? One more for the road...]

AC: All right, in keeping with Cassondra’s post on Friday, how DO you “savor the sensuous?”

NICHOLAS: Savor the sensuous - what a delightful expression. I believe that sums up my existence. I don't give a fig for society, preferring instead to savor the sensuous. Tell me -- do you know about an artist's tools?

AC: Actually, yes, because my DH is an artist too.

NICHOLAS: Have you experienced the pinch of an ox hair brush against your lovely sensitive skin, or perhaps the silky stroke of sable as it glides across areas untouched and unseen? No?

AC: Er… um… No, my DH is a sculptor.

NICHOLAS: Imagine how the tip of that sable brush would feel if it was moist, like a pair of appreciative lips. [AC begins to pant and splashes the remains of her brandy on her face.]

Aunty Cindy, you appear to be a little overheated. There's a blush on your cheeks that I assume comes from your proximity to the fire. Perhaps you should loosen a few more buttons, I'll be happy to assist...

Caren, Joan, and Jo, resplendent in their bucket boots and masks, swing in through the window to save Aunty’s virtue. Much rapier slashing and crop snapping ensues. Lord Nicholas, hugging his brandy bottle close, sneaks off to another hideaway in the lair, hoping to corner Suz or Tawny.

As of this posting, AC has not yet forgiven Caren, Joan or Jo. However, we did locate Lord Nicholas, minus his brandy bottle. Feel free to ask him some questions. You'll enjoy the answers!


jo lewis-robertson said...

ROTFLMAO. So delightful, your little interview, AC and Donna. Personally, I can't wait to get the so very wicked Lord Bedchambers into my . . . well, bedchambers. Hmmm, what to do with that pesky husband of mine?

You guys are a hoot! What a clever idea, can't wait for the next interview.

Aunty Cindy said...

Watch yourself, Jo-Mama!

I still have a score to settle with you (and Caren and Joan!) for bursting in to "save my virtue..." AF IF!

*swings away via the rafters in search of her next Hunky Hero to interview*

TinaFerraro said...

Okay, AC, HOW SOON until I can "buy" Lord Nicholas and bring him into my home??? October, you say? I'm starting a countdown of the days...

Thanks for this wonderfully amusing blog!

Suzanne Welsh said...

*Strong hands slowly stroke the skin, rubbing all the best places, kneading, pulling on the muscles--from arch to toe. Slowly the lady of the night awakens, pulls out her ear plugs and hears the low growl of her faithful hound and her own soft moans as the handsome and very wicked strangers works the aching out of one of her small feet.*

Suz: Ah, I see you've lost your way Lord Bedchampers, er Chambers. Wasn't your interview with AC? And might I ask how you knew I think feet rubs are a near orgasmic experience? Also, is there some dark secret in your life that makes you dismiss society in favor of your pursuits? Or what is the one quality a woman would need to capture your attention for life?

*She moans again as he switches to the other foot...the hound growls again, and she shoos him out the door with a wave of her hand. Go away dog--this is afterall my dream.*

Caren Crane said...

So sorry, Aunty. We truly thought your, er, virtue needed defending. Perhaps we should have checked the status of aforementioned "virtue" (as well as the status of Aunty's reputation!) down at the tavern before we rushed in, rapiers drawn!

Though, now that the heat of battle has subsided, I recall Lord Bedchambers was rather dashing. All that artistic angst...and those cheekbones! Oh, my, it is rather warm in here. Wherever did that brandy decanter get to?

[Pours a tot of brandy into a snifter, sinks into a velvet armchair, pulls off bucket boots and lapses into a daydream starring Lord Bedchambers...]

Nancy said...

Fabulous interview! Reading it was great fun. And kudos to the window-crashing banditas!

Cassondra said...

Nice job AC and Donna!

Ahem...Tell me, Lord Bedchambers..what most inspires you, (cassondra fans self) and what has been your most...uh...challenging project to date?

Cassondra said...

Seriously, I can not WAIT for this book.

Helen said...

Love the interview AC Lord Nicholas is one person I am very keen to learn more about do I really have to wait till October to get to know him better, what colour eyes do you have Lord Nicholas and hair how tall are you I suspect you are going to be a very good teacher can't wait.
Thanks Guys
Have Fun

Donna MacMeans said...

My dear Suzanne -

I'm afraid "Suz" does not do justice for a woman such as yourself. Such dainty feet with skin as soft as down, I couldn't resist. And such fine sturdy ankles...may I raise your skirt a bit higher? Just so that I might glimpse the magnificent calf that follows. I could devote a canvas to your dainty digits.

We have the time, dear Suzanne. No one will disturb us. The spinsters at the school are so afraid that my association will damage the reputation of their school, they leave me alone so I can pursue my painting.

May I say that you have the one quality that I find most alluring in women (let me move that skirt just a bit higher...the sight of the curve of your knee quite takes my breath away). I prefer that a woman has intelligence and a quick wit. I can't abide those silly, squealing debutants that wish to pose for me in hopes of binding me in unwanted marriage. And I'd like a caring soul. There is far to little of that in this world.

Perhaps a little higher, dear Suzanne? I am after all only a man.

Lord Nicholas Chambers

Donna MacMeans said...

Dear Cassondra -

Now that is a name worthy of a sensuous woman, just the sound of of it rolling off the tongue is worthy of a poem. What was it you asked? What has been my most challenging project to date? I'm determined to try my hand at a painting worthy of admission into the Royal Academy's summer exhibition. I envision painting a woman in the Grecian fashion. Unfortunately, I haven't found the model as yet that inspires me to attempt such an undertaking. My last model did not keep her appointment. Perhaps you might take her place? It will require a number of sittings here in my studio. I'd pose you on the dais, there, in the center of the room and I'd worship at your feet with my brush and paint. You, all of you, would be forever immortalized on my canvas. What say you, Cassondra?

Lord Nicholas Chambers

Donna MacMeans said...

Dear Helen -

My brother, William, and I both have the same dark coloring of my father. But the similarity between us ends there. I've been told that my eyes are so dark that one can see the reflection of flames from the fire in them, though I suppose that is more fancy than fact. My height is sufficient for my needs, and undoubtably for yours as well, you little minx. What exactly would you propose we do to take full advantage?

eagerly anticipating your reply -

Lord Nicholas Chambers

Helen said...

Perhaps you would like to start sketching me what position would you like me in.
This is so much fun I will have to check back later I am taking My grandson to Taronga park Zoo for the day I will pop back in as soon as I get home Have fun ladies.

Caren Crane said...

Lord Chambers,

I have awaited you for well over an hour now. Even Banditas have families who worry after them, you know. I would like to speak to you forthwith about your high-handed treatment of Aunty Cindy, who is known to you as "Mrs. Munoz".

I have heard in the village and from the fine ladies at the school that you are the veriest of scoundrels.

(By the way, I hope you don't mind that I have partaken of your very fine brandy and temporarily shed my bucket boots whilst I wait.)

Thank you for your consideration of my request for an audience. I eagerly await your arrival in the library.

Stacy S said...

That's great! Looking forward to the book.

Trish Milburn said...

What a fun interview for the Wild Weekend. Donna, I'm looking forward to your book.

Joan said...

Nicholas (giggle) stop!

Oh, um.....

AC, we only came in as back up for well we know your skill with your crop.

It is part of the Bandita code of honor that we protect and defend each other against the ravages of smooth tongued rogues.

Though a foot rub never hurt anybody. Suz, move over.

Aunty Cindy said...

Alas, Tina, I think we are ALL counting down the days until Oct. 2nd when we can ALL "bring Lord Nicholas home with us!" I only hope we haven't run him too ragged before then.

First he was caressing Suz's knees, then he had Cassondra up on that dias (in VERY LITTLE besides her bucket boots, I might add!), and heaven only knows what he was doing to our honorary Bandita from DownUnder, Helen!

I do believe I saw him just a few minutes ago, headed for the library with an entire cask of brandy over his shoulder. Such a naughty scoundrel!

Reputations and virtue are so highly over-rated, don't you agree?

off in search of the Earl of Carleton for another interview

Caren Crane said...

Lord Chambers,

I hope this note catches up with you soon. A lady named Helen wandered in, looking for the studio. She said she had an appointment for a sitting and seemed most distraught at your inaccessibility.

Also, a couple of rather disheveled Banditas (Suz and Joan) had to be escorted to a waiting carriage by your valet and a couple of burly footmen. It seems they were unable to support themselves any longer!

I am unsure what sort of household you are running here, but it seems highly suspicious and, dare I reiterate, scandalous!

I have consumed more than my share of the brandy and expect to see you soon. You have much to explain.

Caren Crane said...

Aunty, I heard a rumor in the village earlier you were seeking the Earl of Carleton. Alas my niece Phoebe, who is familiar with the family, reports that Lord Carleton is lately indisposed.

Apparently, the illness requires frequent use of the chamber pot and round-the-clock nursing by his doddering Nanny Wells.

No doubt Lord Carleton will be on the mend soon and you may conduct your interview. But please, Aunty, do behave like a lady and do not, under any circumstances, meet with His Lordship unchaperoned!

Aunty Cindy said...

Laidley laid low by illness? Yes, I heard that rumor also. But Aunty will bet her left bucket boot that the rogue is just recovering from the after-effects of TOO MANY HOURS spent in his favorite gambling hell!

I'll catch up with that rascal yet! And when I do... Of course I will behave with the all the delicacy and PROPER DECORUM that goes with being a Bandita of my station. *ahem*
who does not need a chaperone but rather ACTS as a chaperone (and apparently Joan and Suz needed one!)

Donna MacMeans said...

Ladies...Ladies...Lovelies all =

I propose we follow the sage advice of Lord Byron, who wrote (hic) these wise words selected from his many immortal poems:

"Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter, sermons and soda-water the day after."

Follow me to the library and we will drink, and read poetry, and drink, and see what progresses, shall we? (hic)

Faithfully yours (tonight) -

Lord Nicholas Chambers


Keira Soleore said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keira Soleore said...

Hallllooooo, my lord Bedchambers.

Nicholas said, "...certainly not one worthy of hanging in the Royal Academy."

Oh, my. I'm certainly glad you're alive to sketch my portrait, and are not being hanged in the Royal Academy.

Do you use all your senses in your art? As writers, we're told to write sensuously—not to be mistaken with sexually—and so I wondered if you also sketch sensuously? Which would you say is your strongest sense? And how do you use it in the pursuit of your art?

A suggestion, if you please, my lord. Give Mrs. Brimley a copy of Fielding's Tom Jones to better understand the mysteries of the sublime (corporeal variety), before venturing into practical experimentation with yourself.

Do you have a particular...what's that word?...liking for feet? All feet? Only women's feet?

Mrs. Munoz wrote, "...heaven only knows what he was doing to our honorary Bandita from DownUnder, Helen!"

Heavens! He's already at third base with the honorary Bandita? Looks like the guards (Caren, Joan, and Jo) are snoozing—too many donuts, most likely. Keira-to-the-rescue!!

Ms. Tina: I didn't realize my lord was for sale. I should approach Lord Enon at once to find out the asking price.

Kirsten: I wrote about music recommendations in the earlier post.

A snifter for Keira, a snifter for Keira.

Helen said...

The party in the Library is going to be fantastic I'll be there with bells on (so you know who I am )
Thanks for a wonderful blog heaps of fun.