By Kirsten Scott
So the other day, I was in the bathroom at work and two of my worst faults collided: my impatience and my vanity. My vanity, because I was anxiously checking out my rear-end in the mirror, and my impatience, because I was walking even as I was staring at myself. Now, obviously, it's hard to stare at one's butt and look ahead at the same time, so I made the only rational choice: I kept looking at my butt.
Which meant I walked right into the door, when someone entered the bathroom from the other side.
How's that for embarrassing? There was really no excuse for me not to be watching where I was going other than the fact that I was staring at the reflection of my rear in the mirror. No excuse at all. Red-faced and slightly dizzy from my impact with the door, I wandered back to my office and thought about my sins, and times I've received instant karma -- metaphoric payback on a very concrete level for my wickedness.
Vanity and Impatience. These two get me in trouble all the time. The bathroom door at work was only the beginning. I've also walked into my share of lamp posts, from checking myself out in store windows, and made stupid errors in cover letters and submissions because I was too impatient to look at them ONE LAST TIME.
And then there's gluttony. Just a couple of weeks ago, I ate an enormous bag of cherries for dinner all by myself. In my defense, the kids and husband were away, and I was plugging away at the WIP, and what else are you going to do while you write but eat? At least I was eating fruit and not Tim Tams. Anyway, my punishment for that sin? Well, I don't want to go too deeply into the particulars, but let's just say I'm glad I didn't have to share the bathroom that night.
Yeesh.
As for lust? I got that one covered too. My punishment there really isn't much of a punishment at all, because his name is Leo, and he's my first born, and I love him to pieces. :-)
Sloth? I don't think I'm particularly slothful (it doesn't fit well with the impatience) but occasionally I do like to laze around on a massage table. I also like to sleep a lot, and I know as a teenager, I was always going to bed before everyone else and then wondering about all the things I'd missed. No instant karma there, but some "what if..." sort of moments.
As for greed, I did get into a bidding war with someone on Ebay just a few days ago for a Hanna Andersson dress for my daughter. I don't know if it was pride or greed, but I refused to stop bidding until I'd won, and spent way more than I should have on a used cotton dress. Deep sigh.
I've managed to steer pretty clear of wrath and envy. Wrath, because I'm just not a person who carries around a lot of anger, and envy, because I'm awfully happy with my life, so it's hard to envy anyone else's.
What about you? Any sins to confess? Ever experienced instant karma? Is anyone out there as vain as me? Please tell all! Make me feel better!
58 comments:
Is he staying in OZ for the day
Have Fun
Helen
helen you're fast
You're both fast! My goodness! Now go back and read the blog, ladies! :-)
Congratulations, Helen!
Kirsten loved the post that is something I have never done sorry I steer clear of mirrors if I can they are not my best friends and even when I am putting make up on I just watch what I am doing and don't really see myself.
Something that I like to do is watch people when I am shopping or walking I notice things around me and often I get glared at because they obviously think I am staring at them (something I was always taught not to do) I just like to observe other people and their reactions to surroundings and the way they react to children etc. That is probably a bad habit I have but I can't recall any instant karma at the moment but I do believe in Karma it there.
Have Fun
Helen
Ooh, yes he is, Helen! Congrats on the GR!
Oh, and Kirsten, I'm sure I've got lots of sins to confess--impatience is big (yes, that's me grumbling behind you in that super-slow moving checkout line I've chosen). And I don't think of myself as particularly vain, but I have unwisely chosen the cute-but-painful shoes more than once and lived to tell the tale. And I'm in a teen-adult ballet class at the moment with a bunch of kids way less than half my age and trying not to think about how my body compares (or doesn't ;p)
Ah gluttony... yep, that's me hiding the yummies from the kids--or maybe that's just plain greed. Yikes! No particular instant results I recall, but maybe I don't want the kids picking this habit up...
I've got sloth covered well, too--I'd rather be sleeping or reading than most anything else, and did and do a lot of procrastinating. That didn't work out too well in college, and I can't say that it always works well these days either...
Boy, I'm not sure I want to go on! This self-examination is not giving me a pretty picture in the mirror! I think I'm going to go comfort myself with some chocolate!
Helen, I love looking at people as well - you just have to hope that they don't realize you're staring at them. But then of course they do, and if you're me, you have to restrain the urge to stick your tongue out at them like a two year old. ;-)
Hope you're having fun with that naughty bird!
Way to Go, Helen!!!!
Great topic, Kirsten. LOL on the cherries. Uh, as you were eating them, weren't you thinking Instant Laxative???
I so get the checking out your butt thing. Doesn't EVERYONE want to know what she looks like from the rear? Hello, that's the spot people stare at when they think you don't know they're staring at you. Especially guys.
Hmmm, my sins of the flesh. Gluttony has got to be at the top of the list. I swear I can eat an entire cake or pie all by myself. Eating is about so much more than the food, you know.
Okay, I'm not lazy. I just pick the areas where I choose to put my energy LOL.
Ooo, Fedora, I didn't mean to make this an exercise in uncomfortable self-examination! You and I can be impatient and slothful together (pass the chips please!), but as for those pointy-toed shoes, well that vanity can catch up with you in the form of foot problems. Huge sigh. I bought my first pairs of extra wide shoes this year and traded in my cute shoes. Even bigger sigh. Hard to be vain when you're wearing extra wide shoes.
Thanks for putting it right out there, Jo! No, I wasn't really thinking, Hmmm, if I eat this entire bag of cherries, will it have the same effect as taking an entire box of e-lax? ;-)
And yes, we MUST know what our butts look like because everyone is checking them out! And that vanity doesn't always interact well with gluttony, does it? Damn it!
Oh, Kirsten, here are the chips--could you pass me some of that ice cream, please? And sure, give me a squirt of whipped cream while you're at it...
Yep, I think age and vanity and all that are combining forces to keep me humbler... those comfy walking shoes don't have quite the same zing ;) But I can't quite see trying to hoof it to the kids' school in cute little heels either!
Thanks, I feel much better now :)
Man, I thought for sure being up this late would get me a rooster. Well, it did get me...err...nevermind.
Love this blog. I'm not sure procrastination is a sin, but it's my biggest downfall. And I have anger issues. When driving the anger issues mix with the impatience issues and then the potty-mouth issues. I'm sure there's a more official name for the potty-mouth stuff but I can't think of it at 1:30AM.
Now I have been known to suffer for the cute shoes (see above...lol) and the checking of the butt in jeans is a totally unconcious thing. For some reason it just happens. I zip them up then turn to the left to check out the rear end. It looks the same everytime so I have no idea what I expect to find different. LOL!
Hey, Helen, he must have enjoyed his day with you! Watch out - he was very naughty when he visited Carol!
Actually, Helen, maybe it's an Aussie thing. But I've got to say mirrors and I don't particularly get along either. Although Kirsten, I laughed myself silly at the karma door hitting you with an instant payback! I believe in karma - I've seen it in action. What's interesting, though, is that it rarely works WHEN we want it to or HOW we want it to but there is a justice in the universe. I sincerely believe that. Hmm, deadly sins? Gluttony (um, revisit the mirror comment above!). Pride, definitely, which has got me into plenty of trouble in my time.
Congrats on the rooster, Helen - you are a fast one!
I'm impatiently waving my hand.
Patience is not my virtue and yet I always manage to get the grocery line with the newbie checker whose register just ran out of paper. I almost leapt over the counter at the post office to retread the tape through the machine when the postal clerk ran out. Lord, he took FOREVER!
Vanity isn't my personal problem anymore. I've reached that age where I really don't give a d@#m how I look *g*. It's a very liberating age!
Gluttony - oh yeah - that would be me. Hide the sweet stuff, the ice cream, the chocolate - because it'll be gone in no time if I'm around. I think it comes from being part of a large family. I learned growing up that if you didn't eat it now, it wouldn't be there later. My hips prove that principle was well learned.
Fun post Kirsten.
I miss icecream, I've had myself on a no icecream diet for two months, and yeah I miss it like crazy, but that's okay it's all for my butt... 29kgs down, 12 to go.... I WILL get there, and then karma will happen and I'll have no money to buy nice new outfits... isn't that the way?
Kristen, I share your ebay woes, only I force myself to stick to a cap-off point. But it can be addicting - the bargain-hunters crack.
The GR and I are enjoying ourselves at the moment eating heaps of chocolate mud cake (yes gluttony) while reading The Dangerous Duke loving the book and the fact that I am being slothful love that sin my favourite pastime reading and eating chocolate.LOL
Have Fun
Helen
Kirsten, you made me snork up my champagne and that hurts!! Brilliant post as usual. I didn't know that about cherries. Lucky they're so expensive here, I could never afford to give myself problems in that area. I do love them, though.
Is it vanity to google yourself far too often? But I must say, there were far too many mirrors in the bathroom at the Langham where we stayed for the Oz conference. Whoa, mama! I did not want to see that. Which kind of segues into gluttony, something I'm struggling to control. Sloth, too. It doesn't feel like sloth when I'm working my butt off at the computer all the time, but it's not actually moving around, so it contributes to the spreadage of said butt.
Impatient, yep, that's me. Do I need to go on?
Helen, congrats on the rooster and I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying The Dangerous Duke! You've made my day:)
Helen, congrats on the GR. Maybe you can be a good influence on him!
Put me on the impatience train! Especially in traffic! I do NOT enjoy driving. I just want to get where I'm going and those people who interfere with that invoke my WRATH! And why is it that every Saturday morning this old man, three days older than God, chooses to drive his tractor down the main road at TEN MILES AN HOUR!!
Sloth and greed are definitely in my corner. If I could I would probably spend my whole life piled up in bed with romance novels, all forms of chocolate, the dogs and cats and not a clock in sight! Can't even have a day of that now as my CP will find out and SCREAM AT ME!!
Poor, Kirsten! It is not fair that a little harmless self-examination got you "doored." I'm afraid that my vanity went with my opera career and my figure! Now I just try to be as comfortable with myself as I can.
I do, however, believe in karma. It may be slow in coming, but it does set things right in the end.
Fedora, if we're really feeling lazy, why don't you just leave the whipped cream in the can and we can just squirt it into our mouths like we did in college?
Yum.
Yesterday we took the kids to DQ for a "back to school" treat and they got a Peanut Buster Parfait. For those of you who might not have tried this confection, it's layers of hot fudge mixed with peanuts and vanilla ice cream. My absolute favorite treat, but I can't have it anymore because of the migraines (no chocolate or nuts). I practically sobbed watching the children eat.
That's why the chips. I'm compensating!
Terrio, I wish I could wear your cute shoes! You can add cute-shoe envy to my list of sins.
I'm with you on checking out the butt--just make sure you stop walking next time you check it. A little piece of advice from someone who cares... ;-)
And I find the potty mouth absolutely hilarious, for some reason. Maybe because I'm surrounded by school-age kid parents who don't swear...
Anna, I am so glad to have left you smiling as you imagined me in pain and horribly embarrassed...heehee. Karma is a bitch, isn't she? Definitely doesn't work out like we plan. That cherry experience...(shudder)...let's just say I haven't looked at a cherry the same way since. As for your pride, it is all well deserved, my dear!
Donna, it's funny you mention that about a large family. My husband is one of five kids, and they are BIG KIDS (he's 6'4 and in his football days was 300 pounds). Dh fondly recalls the days he could eat a pizza at one sitting and drink a gallon of milk a day. (Awk! I can't even imagine the grocery bills!) They never had much money, so food was literally gone the minute it hit the fridge. This led to all manner of practical jokes, with things put into the fridge of uncertain origin, or origin that was not intended for consumption by man, that ended up in the stomach of one of the kids.
Anyway, put together impatience, gluttony, and lessons learned from childhood, and you better not buy full gallon sized containers of ice cream, right? ;-)
Natalie, I'm on a "no sweets" sort of diet as well and the sad thing is, I've managed to compensate with all sort of other yummy, calorie laden foods. For example, chips are remarkably free of refined sugar! As is toast (whole grain of course) and butter. Ummmmm.
Anyway, sounds like you're doing much better than me if you're actually losing weight. Great job!!
Margay, you are much better than I am if you can stick to that cap point! I definitely got carried away. But I'm done now. I got my back to school clothes for the kids and I'm done.
Really.
No more ebay.
Hmmm....maybe just one more thing...auction ending in five minutes! better go!
It's just like that line from the Godfather - what was it the 500th sequel or what? - "Just when I think I'm out...they draw me back in!"
Thanks Christine! Yes, it is definitely very dangerous to live in the cherry growing belt. In season, we can get pretty cheap bags of outstanding cherries. Though I think I will try for smaller bags next year.
I think with all the hard work you've done lately, the word sloth definitely does NOT qualify. Hmm. Maybe we need a different word for "hardworking writers who don't have time to hit the gym because their butt is implanted in a chair"? What do you think?
Actually, I don't think any mom with little ones ever qualifies for the "sloth" award. You just get so tired of running around after the little ones you run out of energy to do anything more for yourself.
But it gets better. Mine are a bit older than yours and I say that confidently (I hope). It gets better!
Oh Louisa, now you've got that terrible country song about the guy driving his tractor down the middle of the road in my head! Thanks!
As you can imagine, I am hopeless when it comes to traffic. I simply cannot sit still. I'd rather cut through neighborhoods and city streets and spend twice as long doing it than sit still on the highway. I don't know what I'd do if I regularly got caught behind farm machinery. It wouldn't be pretty.
You must be pretty patient, though, if you can keep the smile on your face to greet all the nice people who come to shop at Wal-mart! That's impressive!
Margay--I haven't seen the movie, but I can imagine the scene! And I know how he feels!
Ok, the first question that comes to mind is...
Can you be an impatient sloth?
Seems like the impatience would take up WAY too much energy...which sloths don't have.
Very philisophical....
And I have a solution to your impatience in the grocery line....Self scan auto checkout!
I haven't had to deal with cashiers with empty tape rolls, slow poke people with 16 items in the 15 items lane forever. I am in CONTROL of my groceries! Bwahahahahaa...
I'll admit to a major increase in vanity as I've ..um, matured. I think it's the ole "if I rub more cream in those lines will NOT turn into wrinkles" mind set.
As I've lost weight, I find myself checking out the posterior more. I have this pair of jeans that made me think "Wow...not too shabby", LOL.
I do procrastinate although I conquered some of that yesterday and cleaned my bathroom! Hooray!
and warning: Overindulgence in ANY fresh fruit can ellict the same unwanted results. Believe me. I am a medical professional :-)
Joan, of course you can! Hurry up and pass me that can of whipped cream!! ;)
Joan, I am sooo with you on the self-scan at the grocery store. Though I kinda miss the interaction with the people at the store. I do most of my shopping at our local grocery that's a few blocks from the house so we get to know most of the checkers. It's a bit sad not to at least say hello, how are you, KWIM?
And I like the idea of the impatient sloth! We'll invent a new vice. Slothful impatience. Like, when you're impatient about something, but too lazy to do anything about it. *g*
BTW, Joan, I am so impressed with your weight loss. That is such a major accomplishment. You and your behind should be praised! :-)
Here's a question -- does vanity have to mean you think you look good? I spend much more time glaring at my butt (which is small and flat, not nicely rounded, as society might prefer!) than parts of me I think are attractive. I have also begun recently to stare at the flesh under my neck, which doesn't necessarily snap back to attention the way it once did. This is not necessarily a good thing, right?
Fedora, are we going right for the can now?
Haha, I don't want to think about my faults right now :P
Instant karma, no, I don't think so. But recently I've been having discussions with friends about karma, and we're hoping karma will get some others who wronged us *angelface* - like whoever hit someone's car in the parking lot and just left it, things like that.
HaHa! I thought I was the only one to binge on cherries and then get in some quantity (as opposed to quality) bathroom time.
limecello, this is the beauty of karma -- when you pay the price, it sucks. But then you can imagine someone ELSE paying the price, and (rubs hands gleefully together) it's fabulous.
I think there should be a special karmic hell reserved for people who 1) hit cars in parking lots and leave, and 2) cut me off in traffic and then give ME the finger. I wish very expensive speeding tickets on all those people.
Arkiern -- my sister in cherry bingeing! It's hard to stop after just one pound, isn't it?
cute avatar! I just want to snuggle that little guy up and sniff that baby smell right through the computer. :-)
Two words.
ICE CREAM.
Enough said.
:-)
Three words: peanut buster parfait.
Take that.
Congrats on the GR, Helen.
Envy is my sin. Lately I find myself being envious and jealous of people I see on the street who have either a fabulous purse, cute shoes or beautiful hair and skin. I guess this means I'm a hater. I'll only admit to being an occasional hater. I don't want to ruin my image.
Oooo, Jane, I love that -- the occasional hater. I'm not even sure that's a sin. I think that's a talent. It's like knowing when to let go. *g* Moderation in all things, right?
I also find hair a thing to envy. There's a girl in my daughter's ballet class with long blonde curly hair that I absolutely covet. She's only five, but I still covet her hair.
If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.
Late to the party..
Is that a sin of the flesh, being perpetually late? I suppose it is related to sloth... Yup, I'm another of those impatient sloths. Can't wait to hurry up and DO NOTHING! LOL!
Oh, and gluttony! Getting ready to go on a cruise so I'll definitely get to indulge in that one, along with sloth! AH, there's nothing like a cruise to lead you down the sin-strewn path. That must be why I LURVE them so much!
Thanx for a fun post, Kirsten! I have some ice cream in the freezer calling my name.
AC
Kirsten, I'm not sure it's a sin but one of my biggest failings is not paying attention. My husband or kids will be talking to me and...well...my mind will drift.
Not because I'm bored or because I don't want to hear what they have to say because I DO. But because I'll be thinking of a story and just can't seem to wrap my brain around anything else until it's done :-)
H'llo, Hello, HELLO Banditas and Bandita Buddies. I be back from my travels, dusty, tired, and happy. Then there was the first week of school and the start of leisure activities (OMGSTRESS).
Helen, congrats on the rooster.
I publicly declare Kirsten has a very nice butt.
Love your cherry cleansing. Far better for you than a bunch of lax.
As far as my sins go... The ones I'm willing to concede to are: procrastination, anxiety, and a disinclination to bestir myself too much.
YAY KEIRA!!! I have MISSED you! I do love "A disinclination to bestir myself." Sounds like the perfect description of a Sunday afternoon!
And Kirsten, it is not hard to smile at those Wal-Mart shoppers if you are thinking up newer and more painful ways to bump them off!
Hey AC, it's not late on the west coast, right? The party's just getting started over here. You probably just woke up a few hours ago! :-)
The cruise sounds like an excellent way to partake of the sins of the flesh. Gluttony, sloth, and impatience (when you're waiting for Sven to bring the next margarita) are all on board, I'm sure!
So when do you set sail? Any room on board for a fellow impatient sloth? :-)
Beth, I am so with you on this one! I perpetually lose focus at work -- though I suppose in that case it does have to do with being bored...just a little... *g* But really, when you're working on a story, it's hard to think about anything else. Especially, I find, when I'm at the plotting stage. Then my mind goes in a hundred different directions trying to figure things out.
Anyway, I hope you're enjoying the weekend! Thanks for stopping by!
KEIRA!! OLD BUDDY OLD PAL!! So fabulous to "see" you here in the Lair!! Goodness, and you even come bearing compliments for my backside! MWAH!!! I love you!
So....tell us about these travels that leave you dusty and tired and happy! How is school? And stress? Can the Banditas make it better? Soothe your sweaty brow? Send Sven your way to give you a massage?
And you do have such a lovely turn of phrase, my sweet. No wonder you write Regency. You'll do dear old Jane proud.
Oh, Louisa, you naughty Wal-Mart greeter, you! :-) Thinking about ways to knock off your customers? I love it! I always suspected that's what the greeters were thinking -- "Welcome to Wal-Mart, and have a nice day (after I off you!)!"
Took a poll of all of the Wal-Mart greeters I know and that was the consensus, Kirsten!!
Actually, I am fortunate enough NOT to be a door-greeter! If I was I would most definitely not last long. My greeting would be "Welcome to Wal-Mart. Now get what you came for and get the &*^% out!"
I am in a far more dangerous position. I manage the bakery! I make people's food. I have to deal with women who come in on a Saturday morning DEMANDING we make a birthday cake for her dear little precious because she FORGOT to order his birthday cake! How do you forget your kid's birthday???? If I was in labor for hours and had to pass a bowling ball while in the most undignified position imaginable I WOULD REMEMBER THE DATE!!!
Our motto in the bakery is "Never piss off a bunch of women who have access to large knives and a walk-in freezer."
Gee, there's that wrath thing again. Oh well, if I end up going to hell for my sins I am almost certain there is a Wal-Mart there by now. They're everywhere!
Oh Louisa...all that bread! How do you do it? I'd weigh 500 pounds and would eat all day long. That smell! The fresh pastries! Awk!
But I must hang my head in shame. I don't exactly FORGET my kids' birthdays. I just don't plan very well...so I could be that mom. But I'd ask very nicely, and I'd be really embarrassed. I'd be more like, "I have a birthday party in six hours and I ran out of time to make a cake. You got anything in back I can feed to a bunch of kids? It doesn't really matter what it looks like. They aren't picky."
Lol, you all make me laugh! :)
The seven deadly sins huh? Well, let's see...
Vanity - not so much lately, since I'm struggling with post-baby weight a year after the fact, and hate to look in the mirror... (It is just plain WRONG that I weigh more NOW than when I was preggers! That is not karma, that is revenge... I must have made someone very angry!)
Gluttony - Too much of a good thing? Sometimes, sure, but I tend towards healthy foods... I just don't like to exercise!
OMG, I loved the cherry story, one of my fave fruits, but you gotta watch how many you eat! :)
Lust - le sigh... I have three lovely boys as evidence of this particular sin, but I'll never give it up! Plus, I'd be out of great ideas to write about if I did! :)
Sloth - Hubby would say I tend to slothfulness, I'm just plain lazy sometimes. However, nothing is so unsanitary you need to go calling the HAZMAT people over, so I'll live.
Greed - Can't say I'm guilty here, I never buy myself anything, and I'm happier when I'm sharing something than keeping it all to myself.
Pride - This one has bit me in the butt so many times... I hate to admit when I am wrong!
Wrath - Oh, yes indeedy... As a matter of fact, I have been fighting this one the last few days, because my little green monster "Envy" decided to show up... This skank my hubby works with has been trying to 'talk him up' and I just wanna rip her head off, but I can't!!! Calm down, breathe, be the better woman...
I do believe in karma, the Golden Rule, "what goes around, comes around", all that sort of thing. I like to think that what you do will revisit itself on you, so I try to make my life as positive as possible, even if it's hard. Still waiting for that "ship to come in" though... Ahoy! Where are you?
Kirsten, I would so be that mom, too! Does that fall under procrastination/sloth? ;)
LOL, I used to work at Walmart - get this... in the SHOE department! This was back when I succumbed to things like vanity and greed and couldn't have enough shoes! Boots, strappy heels, you name it!
I went in to apply for a job in grocery where a friend of mine worked as manager, and when I was interviewing I got to talking about shoes and ended up there instead... I think alot of one-legged people shop at Wal-Mart, because we always ended up with a pile of unmatched shoes...
Darnit, you all are not helping with my procrastination problems either! I am supposed to be doing homework right now... what a timely post! Y'all have a great day!
..Nothing is so unsanitary you need to go calling the HAZMAT people over, so I'll live...
Kestrel, that is awesome!! I love this philosophy!! :-) And I am with you on the green-eyed monster when it comes to the hubby. Ladies, you best STAY AWAY from my man, KWIM? Hmph!
Sorry to drag you away from your homework, dear! You go have fun now. Maybe if you had a nice bag of cherries to munch on, it would help... *g*
Fedora, I'm not sure if this counts as impatience, laziness, or just poor planning. Maybe all of the above. But here's the best evidence of my poor parenting: my son's birthday was about a month ago, and we never really got around to having a birthday party.
(wince) I know, I know, terrible, right? We had the neighbors over and got a cake and sang happy birthday, and he got to do a sleepover with a couple of friends, so it isn't like he was TOTALLY DEPRIVED. But we were planning on having a birthday party and never really got around to planning it.
So basically, we suck. Is that one of the sins? Parental Suckage?
Louisa and Kirsten!! Have I missed you folks here.
School's not for me, you understand, but for Miss Wee. The stress is mine, however, so do send Sven and Sven's brother along to my home for a duo massage. :D :D :D :D
Louisa, little did I know there lurked this flip-flop-hazard-enjoyer-cum-baker under that beautifully mannered facade of yours. You know, I love you, right? (Note to self: Remind her of it often.)
I agree with Kirsten. It's not that I forget the date or the event, but I may forget details. That's why, I was the one running around Seattle two days before said event looking for anyone who would make a princess castle cake. This was after Miss Wee had reminded me every few days for three months about it. Eventually, we did find one store. And the cake was gorgeous!!
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