Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Golden Rooster Family Reunion








Ah! What’s this? A postmark from St. Poulet? A missive from my sainted maman, no doubt. The poor chicken. She worries so. I am the only of her chicks to pursue life on such a—how shall we say?—grand scale. Dancing along the knife edge of danger is not for everyone, oui? But it must come as a particular shock when held against the lives chosen by that clutch of spectacular dullards with whom I was hatched. So, alors, I shall read her little letter then compose a reply which shall put her pretty head at ease.

My dearest son,

Ah, you see? Dearest? I am her favorite still!

I hope this note finds you well.

If you consider lying in wait on the decks of a private yacht anchored near St. Tropez well, then yes, I am. Indeed.

I know that you are very busy in your international business.

Business which I shall endeavor to wrap up as soon as a certain wily adversary shows himself above deck. Any minute, I expect. Any minute….

Oh yes, yes. I know there are many roads to cross to be as successful as you are but it is a mother’s hope that you will spare some time for your maman and…many of your other relatives.

Ah, my quarry appears! I crouch and….I spring! And karate CHOP and jujitsu KICK and a slash-slash-slash of the…

Un moment. Relatives?

Yes my boy, it is that time once more. Time for our family reunion.

Sacred bleu!

Cousin Delta is hosting it at the old family homestead in St. Poulet, LA. Ah my, the flock has spread far from the coop but all are making an extraordinary effort to attend.

But of course. My ne’er-do-well relations would sooner surrender to the Colonel himself than forsake the chance to importune me for favors, money, liquor and women.

I know you will not disappoint, ma petite.

I shall not, maman! Though it shall try my patience exceedingly to rub feathers with my déclassé brood-mates for even that short time.

It will be June 30th well before the celebration of Independence when all poultry of worth seclude themselves away from the dangers of deep fryers.

You will attend and make this mother proud.

With all my love, my little hatchling,

Maman

And so I begin the long journey back to the broken shell of my youth. To St. Poulet.

Two weeks later…..

A lone vehicle maneuvers its way down SunnySide Up lane, past rows of rice fields to a dilapidated brick mansion.
Bypassing the house, the driver steers down a dirt road to the rear of the property.

Oh, these cursed country two-tracks with their paint-eating gravel! What it is doing to my new coupe!

Aghast, I look at the rusted wire fence beneath spreading oak trees. The din is already more than my nerves can stand.
“Yoohoo! Cousin!”

The squawk makes me cringe. With the fortitude for which I am renowned I step out of the vehicle and (dear Lord) am enveloped in the wings of Cousin Delta.

Normally I have not the slightest objection to being seized to a woman’s breast but merde, ma cousine, a little air? A minor application of pressure at the wing-joint and, ah, sweet oxygen!

“Bonjour, Delta. You have not changed a bit, my dear.” A most unfortunate circumstance, that.

Why mess with perfection?” she laughs, with a saucy twitch of her considerable tail feathers.

“Why, indeed?”

“You ain’t changed much, either, cuz.” She jabs a wing tip into my chest. “No more meat on your breastbone than when you left.”

“Yes, well, an excellent diet and a dedication to the martial arts—“

“And your coxcomb still does that weird thing. Har! Har!”

My wings fly up to my head and….sacred bleu! Ah, this accursed humidity! I have not suffered this particular indignity since my late and unlamented youth here on the family compound. I have done well to shake the dust of this place from my feed scratchers years ago. Perhaps my impressive physique and accomplishments will distract the flock from this most unfortunate nod to history? A rooster can hope, can he not?

But duty first. “Delta, my beauty. Where is Maman?”

“Oh! Your sister’s here. Yoohoo! Junebug! Over here!”

Ahhh, my sister. Elder by two eggs. The pecking order always took on a new meaning when she was around. “Bonjour, Junebug.”

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so glad you came! When Mama said you might, I almost busted a gut, I was so excited. I can't wait for you to tell me about your world travels.”

“Vraiment? Shall I begin with Paris or Prague?”

“I always dreamed of getting out of this stuffy old coop.”

“Budapest is lovely this time of year.”

But...well.. .you know, along came Spur.”

Spur? That bow-legged, self-styled, one-rooster Elvis tribute? She married him?

“Now I have Cogburn and Auspice and Augustus (you remember, the twins?) and Octavia, Sebastian and Putt Putt to chase around."

Good heavens.

*sigh* "I don't suppose I'll ever get off the farm now..." *sniff*

Zut alors! Not to be uncharitable but have you considered keeping your drumsticks together once in a while? I pat her wing sympathetically and scan the yard for the nearest exit. Or at least something shiny. Junebug’s attention span is not her most formidable trait.

Suddenly a long silver limo pulls up outside the hen house. The driver, complete in uniform hurries around to open the door, and who should step out, but cousin Delilah, the madame of the best little henhouse in Texas, dressed in her Coco Channel suit, dark glasses and big hat, she kisses her driver and joins us.

"Hey, y'all, it's been ages since I've been back to see y'all! Hey Junebug, how're all those little chicks? And Delta, lovely as evah!"

Delilah lifts one brow, shakes her tail feathers and saunters toward me...

"Well, well, well, I do declare, if it isn't the Golden One himself.”

I incline my coxcomb graciously. I have a small fondness for Delilah as her hen house is the site of some of the—how to put it delicately—more memorable incidents in an otherwise unremarkable youth. “In the flesh, madame.”

“So, what have you been up to these days, ya old fake frenchie you!"

Fake frenchie, indeed! It seems my original plan—doing my familial duty with as much haste as decent manners allow—is a sound one. But as the finest tail feathers in the entire parish fall under Delilah’s purview, I muster the strength to do the pretty. “Nothing of note,” I say. “But I feel certain you’ve been leading life a merry chase.” She brays out that rough, two-packs-a-day laugh of hers.

“Ain’t I just! I got this new girl—prime bit of thigh-meat, see? Lord, she’s a pistol…”

I lean in, intrigued for the first time all day, but then a dilapidated yellow bus rolls into the yard. It sputters to a stop, belching exhaust fumes from its rear. The antiquated bus driver down the steps and holds out a hand to an elderly hen.

"Git yer cotton-pickin' paw offen me, you smarmy fella," she snarls, leaping to the ground with surprising grace for one so ancient.

I freeze. I am terrified of Great Granny Henster, and rooster enough to admit it. GG is tiny, fierce and extraordinarily rude. She has been, in the lamentable past, particularly cruel about my coxcomb situation. I remain still and pray her eyesight has faded with time.

Immediately GG whirls around and opens the luggage facility beneath the bus.

"Where's my stuff," she demands. "I need my Depends, dammit! I need 'em right now!"

Oh. Mon Dieu.

A sporty Italian roadster roars up the drive to the lair, pulling in behind the school bus. A svelte hen steps out, unwrapping the Hermes scarf and tips down her elegant designer sunglasses.

"Where is that reprobate brother of mine?" Dominique D'Or drawls. "I've flown in from Paris for this, he better have done what he SAID he was going to do."

Pardone? I implied I would perform some…service? For my poseur of a soeur? Ridicule!

She scans the various family members scattered about.

"Interesting digs big brother's found, and such an interesting group of people to attach himself too. Oh, Lord, he invited GG. How does she get around in that bus?"

Dominique thinks I called this meeting? Heavens. She’s delusional. Either that or she’s been drinking breakfast again.

One of the hired cockerels hurries over and asks after her luggage.

"Well, aren't you johnny on the spot," she says, with a throaty laugh. "Of course you can carry my bags. You can polish my eggs too, rrrrrrrrowwww!"

Rrrrrrowwww? Perhaps lunch was of the liquid variety as well.
Leaving the roosterling staring after her, she struts up to the front of the coop and calls, "GOLDIE! Come say hello!"

Seeing no better choice, I trudge after her. S’il vous plait, I pray to whatever diety will have me. Please let it be brief. And if it cannot be brief, at least let it be amusing. I march forward to meet my fate, whatever—or whomever—it may entail….

234 comments:

1 – 200 of 234   Newer›   Newest»
flchen1 said...

Squawk!!

flchen1 said...

Joan, you've truly outdone yourself. Vraiment!

Delta said...

Honey, we don't have any relations named Joan. Sure you don't mean cousin Junebug?

I just adore her chicks...though confidentally she needs to put that little Putt Putt on sugar free feed. Talk about bouncing off the walls of the coop

Maman said...

Delta, ma petite. Do not be rude to my son's guests!

Please, flchen1. You are welcome to our celebration. Please....find a nest to sit on and have some corn casserole...it is Grandmere's recipe

Kirsten said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
flchen1 said...

Merci, Maman, if I may be so bold. Thank you for the kind invitation! The corn casserole looks delicious... I would love to hear more about your fabulous brood! I'm all ears :)

No More Meat! said...

Junebug! Dominique! And you too, human -- er -- Flchen1 -- enough wasting time chatting and eating. We've got a world to change! Who's with me!? We march on Washington tonight!

Wooster the Surfing Rooster said...

DUDES!!!!

Did I miss the reunion?!?! I just flew in from Maui. Boy are my wings tired! Okay, I used a plane, thanks to my big brother GR's like... GENEROSITY. DUDE! He is the BEST brother evah! Even if I wasn't from the same clutch of eggs... We got the same Maman, and cousins, and like...

DUDE! Is that corn casserole? I haven't had any since I flew the coop!

Delila (the madame) said...

My, my, my! It's so nice to see so many visitors at the reunion stayin' up so late. Ya' know we at the "hen house" in Texas have rather late hours!! And quite a few roosters come to visit our tender young chicks, if ya know what I mean!!

By the way, did y'all see that picture of the LaGrange Chicken Farm on the front page? It saw lots of buisness in its heyday! I designed my henhouse to be just like it.

Hey there Fedora! Pull up a comfy spot and roost with us chicks. Maybe we can even get the Golden french boy to tell us what he's been up to. :)

Delilah (the madame) said...

Land sakes! It's that protesting cousin, "No More Meat"! How in the dickens have you been, you ole busy bird you?

Pissenlit said...

*looks around all wide-eyed* Wow. Lively lot. :)

Delilah (the madame) said...

Wooster, come give a cousin a hug! I remember the first time you strutted through my henhouse making all the chicks cluck with your surfing good looks. ;)

Wooster the Surfing Rooster said...

Delilah, Dudette!

I haven't seen you since I visited your house back when I... ya know...

DUDE! How many chicks does Junebug HAVE now?!?! Geez oh man! A guy goes on a surfin safari (Thanks for the advice Big Bro! Follow your dream!) and relatives start hatching out all over the place!

Wooster the Surfing Rooster said...

Hey Pissenlit!

You've got a Frenchie name, so you'll be right at home at this family reunion.

Wanna see me hang ten over at the water trough?

Pass the corn casserole, Flchen1!

Delilah (the madame) said...

Wooster, that Junebug has so many chicks these day, she could open her own henhouse, but don't tell her, because I don't want any competition.

Wooster the Surfing Rooster said...

My beak is ZIPPED, Delilah!

And may I say that is one RIGHTEOUS set of wheels with your name on the license plate! Business must be good. ;-)

Now where is the Golden Big Bro of mine? I need to find out if he can give me a ride back to Maui when this shindig is over.

Helen said...

Fedora well done what a time to get Goldie LOL

Joan

I can't stop laughing this is the best love it.
The Gr's family certainly are a livley bunch and it is so good to meet them after all of this time he doesn'e talk about them at all when he is staying over at my place.

"Have you considered keeping your drumsticks together" love it.

Have Fun
Helen

hrdwrkdmom aka Dianna said...

Hey gang! I was so thrilled to hear about the reunion and so honored to be the photographer. Here is the beginning of the album I am making for the occasion.
http://hrdwrkdmom.com/Banditas/GR/GR-Reunion

I have to go to my day job now but I will be back!

Deb Marlowe said...

Bwa ha ha ha!

Can't wait to read more!

Delta said...

Now, Meatster...don't go rabbling the roost.

I have heard there will be a Washington flocking....but a sedate affair...no feather ruffling.

{Shakes tail feathers...sends accusing glare at her cousin GR's muffled laugh)

Delta said...

Wooster! It's so wonderful to see you!

You brought your surfboard? The only place round here to surf is the bayou. Isn't that where your Daddy used to hand ten? Um, before that unfortunate gator.....

{Grabs Meatie and Woosters wings) C'mon let's go see who else is here.

Delta said...

Hush now, Delila.....you know there are chicklings around...

{whispers} but tell me more about these roosters. You know I've been looking for a mysterious dark haired man...

Delta said...

Ahhhh....Goldie's brought another of his human friends. Welcome...what was it Pissenlit? Helen? Helen you talk just like our cousin Bogen, you know he lives in Australia. He's kind of like Wooster's Daddy but he wrestles crocodiles.

Which he said in his last letter was quite the challenge evading those jaws and shouts for "Throw the chook on the barby"....

{Shiver} The boys from our family do lead exciting lives.

Putt Putt! You get away from that chicken wire!

Maman said...

Oh, my dear Dianna! What a lovely thing to do!

The pictures are wonderful! My goodness....the twins. They've done so well on the pageant tour. Miss Poultry USA and Miss Hot Wings.

Golden Rooster said...

flchen1, ma petite! So it is you with whom I shall pass this wretched day? Ah! You are my silver lining in this extraordinarily dark & sadly over-populated cloud.

Come closer, cherie. The only way to get through a seige is to put our backs together, yes? We must be close, like two peas in a pod. Closer...closer....

What's this? You are shy? How charming! But come with me. I know this dilapidated wreck like the back of my wing. There's a lovely, secluded little coop just over here, where we can be alone...

Maman said...

BTW, Ms. Dianna.....lovely picture of my boy.

But blast it, are his eyes closed?

Oh, dear....no...it's that coxcomb again...

Golden Rooster said...

Maman said: Please....find a nest to sit on and have some corn casserole...it is Grandmere's recipe

What's this? Grandmere has made her corn casserole? This could explain the unfortunate behavior of Junebug's offspring. Digesting a lump of that casserole is the closest a rooster can come to laying an egg.

Which give me a new respect for Junebug & her almighty brood, I must admit.

Golden Rooster said...

No More Meat wrote: We've got a world to change! Who's with me!? We march on Washington tonight!

I see Cousin Protest March is with us today. How...lovely. Yes, yes, by all means. Let's march to DC. Let's stage a chicken parade that passes every single fried chicken restaurant and bbq joint in the country. That's a wonderful idea.

You go ahead, cousin. I'll catch up. First, let me see to my guest's...comfort. Flchen? This way, my sweet...

Golden Rooster said...

Wooster wrote: Now where is the Golden Big Bro of mine? I need to find out if he can give me a ride back to Maui when this shindig is over.

Ah, it's a pity, Wooster. I'm in a coupe (not a COOP, you dullard) and have not the slightest bit of extra room for your surfboard. Surely that ticket I provided you has a return leg?

Golden Rooster said...

Bienvenue, Pissenlit! Do come in! Welcome to my humble beginnings! Please, come here to this quiet corner, and comfort a sorely abused rooster. My coxcomb is sadly dishelved, & requires a gentle touch...

Golden Rooster said...

Helen wrote: "Have you considered keeping your drumsticks together" love it.


Well, I don't mean to be unkind but good heavens. How many chicks does one hen need?

On the other hand, there's a time & a place for...unbridled affection, is there not? Come, my dumpling, let me show you where I used to roost. Take my wing, there's a girl. And watch the step. Just this way...

No More Meat! said...

Delilah, are you still running that...er....hen house? Sister, we've got to TALK. You are being exploited! I won't stand for it!

I say we march! Who's with me?

No More Meat! said...

Oh sure, Mr. Golden Rooster, mock my protests. I don't see you doing anything useful with YOUR life.

Maman! He's being mean to me!

Golden Rooster said...

hrdwrkdmom wrote: I was so thrilled to hear about the reunion and so honored to be the photographer.

And a lovely job you're doing, too.

Now, if we may speak privately?

There's the small matter of retouching the photos to adjust for certain humidity-related cox comb issues? If you could simply photoshop that out of existense, I'd be happy to reimburse you whatever you feel is appropriate. I'd rather spare myself the misery of re-living this unfortunate mess on top of my head every time Delta breaks out the reunion pictures.

Merci, ma cher. You are a doll.

And merci aussi for featuring my cozy little maison on your photo site. It is a charmer, non? And it was a--how do you Americans say?--a steal.

Golden Rooster said...

Deb Marlowe wrote: Bwa ha ha ha!


Zut, alors! What's this? Where's the chicken with such a lusty laugh? I must meet this one. If she is as fair of face & plump of breast as that naughty chuckle implies, I shall not consider this day a total failure.

Come now, darling, don't be afraid, though I am a prime & fearsome specimen. Show yourself....

Golden Rooster said...

Delta wrote: but tell me more about these roosters. You know I've been looking for a mysterious dark haired man...

Sacre bleu, Delta's been visiting the gypsy chickens again, letting those shysters read her fortune in the feed scratchings.

A dark-haired man, you say? At least he isn't Colonel Sanders. Bonne chance, cousin.

But if any of those jingle-jangle shyster hens show their beaks in this coop, they will find their tail feathers airborne post-haste. Delta may be a reunion-loving hen-wit, but (sigh) she's blood. And a man does his duty by his coop.

Joan said...

My coxcomb is sadly dishelved, & requires a gentle touch...

ROFLMAO.....

Golden Rooster said...

No More Meat wrote: Delilah, are you still running that...er....hen house? Sister, we've got to TALK. You are being exploited! I won't stand for it!


Here, now, what's this? Cousin, please. Have a care. I'll join the parade of vegetarians if it's that important to you, but for heaven's sake, leave the hen house of it. Some things are sacred, non?

Et, Maman? For the record? She started it.

Maman said...

Maman! He's being mean to me!

Now, now my chicks. Do not squabble (or squawk) amongst yourselves. This is after all a FAMILY reunion and my Golden boy has traveled far to join us.

Have something to eat. The..um, corn casserole is a bit on the gelatinous side but try the organic tofu bug bites...

Maman said...

You will forgive a mother's concern, my little hatchling, but who are these {scans the growing crowd} FEMALES?

Delta said...

A dark-haired man, you say?

I DID meet him at the gyspy psychic party, Goldie! How did you know? Have you inherited Great Uncle Leghorn's "Wild Sight"?

But you see it's all right. He said he'd meet me in town and take me to his "mansion in the sky.

Dixie Chick said...

Hey, Ya'll! After six long months on the road touring it's so good to be back home again. I swear, I've performed in every stadium from California to New York - but, as long as my fans keep flocking to my show, I'll keep singing my songs!

Oh, but I couldn't eat a bite of that corn casserole - not if I want to fit into my numerous stage outfits. Plus, tomorrow I'm shooting a video for my latest song and you know how the camera adds ten pounds. And let me tell you, when you're under 2' tall, those ten pounds can be a career killer!

Now if all ya'll will excuse me, I just have to go and fix my feathers. Like my cousin, Goldie, this humidity has me all frazzled!

Delta said...

Hi Dixie! So glad you could come...um..and your entourage.

Just put your potluck dish over there on the table. NO, it's NOT a plank over two sawhorses...

It is covered in GG's lace tablecloth...

{slaps wings over mouth} Oops

Treethyme said...

Wow, a special day to grab the GR, flchen1! Are we to assume you are spending the day with the GR, instead of the other way around? You get to meet his relatives!

This post takes the cake -- and it made my day!

Delta said...

Hey there, Treethyme!

You must be one of those "BB's" Goldie has written about.....

Welcome to the reunion. We've got plenty to go around....hot dogs, apple pie, burgers (Meatless for you know who...)nuggets.

{looks around frantically} Where's Putt Putt?!

Dominique said...

**Oh, La! It's started already. The squabbling, the squawking. (And the discussions about Delta and her fortunetellers - fortune HUNTERS is more like!)

Oh, and Big Golden Bro's already got the chickiepoo's lined up and dancing to his tune. *rolls eyes, preens wing feathers* Time to jump into the fray, I guess.***

Bon Jour, Maman! Yes, Maman, I DID get out of bed before ten, but a gal has to preen, now doesn't she? Can't let ol' floppy coxcomb goldie boy show me up.

GG Henster said...

There's that danged meatless, brainless chickeroo, up to her shenanigans again. She ain't gonna march on Washington agin. She done that last year!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

WOW! What a turnout for the reunion. So, The Golden One has some skeletons...er, feathers?...in the closet! :>

Innnnteresting. Nice to know he's not as mysterious and highbrow as he makes out.

So, Maman, tell me about this "unfortunate coxcomb" thing he wants Dianna to photoshop out of his pictures.... Grins.

Maman said...

Ahhhh, Dominique ma bebe....

You know Maman makes no issue of your rest. All us Southern chicks know the value of adequate beauty rest, light lemon scrubs for the complexion, a glass of iced sweet tea, a parasol and...what is it Goldie's friends, the Banditas call them...? Ah, yes. Cabana boys.

{Preens feathers} Now, introduce me to this fine specimen of a cockeril you've brought.

Dominique said...

Oui, Maman, I have been good. Oui, I have been minding my manners and NON, I have not been doing anything nearly as scandalous as my dear brother.

*ducks the cuff Maman sends her way.*

Now Maman, I know he's your favorite, but look at him, consorting with those no-wing-two-leggers! And the things he does! OW! Maman! I know he's a star, but so am I.

*fluffs out feathers, scratches in the dirt*

My new Paris fashion line is coming out in September for the Spring hatching season. *preens*

Dominique said...

Cockerel? Oh, you mean Berenard. *Waves a negligent wing* He's just arm candy. One of the new models. He's seen nothing of the world, so I thought I'd bring him along for show.

Maman said...

"unfortunate coxcomb"

Now, now daughter. You know this is nothing to sneeze at.

I will not bring more attention to my boy's "problem" but suffice it to say, it happened in the nest.

Dominique said...

Maman said: I will not bring more attention to my boy's "problem" but suffice it to say, it happened in the nest.


*Snicker* Figures. All the interesting stuff happens to Goldie in "the nest" *snicker*

Ow! Maman! My feathers!

Dominique said...

What? Sonething I said? Why'd everyone get so quiet?

Cher cousin, I did NOT mean you were a nestling. Just that you were quite....proficient...at nest skills.

*smirk*

FreeRange said...

Excuse me. I'm looking for Mr. Golden Rooster. My name is FreeRange and... well, uh, the hen who raised me said he's my father.

PhaedraMcC. said...

Finally! Y'all just would not be-LIEVE how hard gettin' here from Egypt is! Y'all like my pretty pith helmet? New for this expedition. A little bit big, but hey, diggin' around in the sand, you gotta keep that wicked sun off.

'Course I would been here sooner if a certain golden coxcomb had remembered to send me directions. Well, he sent 'em, but they didn't make sense. "Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning? Huh?" You try telling a taxi driver that!

Flchen, I hear you bein' first means you take cousin GR home with you. Good luck with that, honey. Five minutes on my dig site, and he had the grid strings all in a tangle. Took my assistants two days to fix it up.

Dominique said...

Uh-oh! *smirk* GOLDIE!!! Come over here! You've got coommmmmpannnny!

Dominique said...

Phaedra, how long did it take you to get your assistants untangled? *Smirk* He does have that effect on hens, you know...

flchen1 said...

Well, my "chicks" are home today, so they'll probably be giving Goldie a run for his money :D

Dominique said...

Oh, goody, Fedora. That one needs someone to give him a little competition!

Great Aunt Faverolle said...

Great Aunt Faverolle rolls up in her green Impala, which has outrun many a cop in the backwoods of Louisiana and Mississippi.

Chickies! You know what this party needs -- some 'shine! And I got a new batch right here in the trunk. Fresh from the still this morning. Guaranteed to make your relatives look better!

Dominique said...

Aunt Favie! Thank goodness.

(It was getting WAAAAAY too quiet around her. Glad you rolled up.)

Does that come with a guarantee about the making relatives look better? *smirk* If so, give me a big glass.

GG Henster said...

Favorelle, my chickadoo, bring that moonshine this way. I've had my nap, found my Depends, and now I'm thirsty as a sailor!

(whispers in Favorelle's ear) Keep the lickker away from GR. He's got a problem with his drinking, you know. That boy does everything to excess.

Suzanne Welsh said...

Good lord, a vampire gets out of bed to find the GR having a reunion!! Uhm, I'm wondering why I suddenly have a hankering for chicken fajitas tonight!

Minna said...

Oh, this is just what I need, because right now I'm soo mad. I had been sent 2 books in the same envelope, but one of them had mysteriously disappeared. If there is some curse for thieves who steal other people's mail, I'd love to hear it. Oh, Christine, this reminds me: the stuff you sent me months ago never arrived, either. I guess the thives took that, too.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Yep, Suz, somehow the GR got the code to the blog page - P226, did you ferret that out??? Grrr! - and he took it over. Or his Maman did. (GR got that cunning from somewhere...)

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Minna, so sorry to hear about the thieves. Grrr.

Keira Soleore said...

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant, Joan.

The Lair's now been scooped into The Coop. Welcome to the GR's family of notable worthies. And congratulations to Dianna for being the official photographer to record the ocassion for eggs to come.

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Oh My WORD!

This is indeed a fine feathered assemblage!

So let me see if I can get this straight... Junebug, No More Meat and Dominique are the GR's hatchling-siblings. Wooster was from another brood whose father had a fatal run-in with a gator. Delta, Delilah, and Phaedra are cousins, perhaps from Great Aunt Faverolle? GG is Maman's grandmere? Is she also Faverolle's sister? Or are Faverolle and Maman sisters?

OYE! I'm getting a headache! and FreeRange is the GR's LONG LOST SON?!?! OMG!!! Pass a mason jar of that moonshine!

AC

Keira Soleore said...

I know you will not disappoint, ma petite.

Uhm, GR, when you changed your name to Goldie, did you or your maman mistake your gender, mon petit chou?

PhaedraMcC. said...

Dominique, that wasn't the only effect that rooster had on those hens, if you know what I mean!

He is never coming to a dig site of mine again.

Wooster the Surfing Rooster said...

SQUWAK!!!

Junebug, control those chicks of yours! Putt-putt just "goosed" me with a piece of chicken wire!

(Wooster rubs his tailfeathers ruefully)

Great Aunt Hen-rietta said...

Bloody airlines. Always late. Trust your transport to some mechanical device that pretends to be a bird and that's what you get.

*harumph* It's a long way from Peckham in England to this out of the way place. Has someone put the kettle on? I could do with a nice cup of tea.

Now, where are all my chickadees? I have some corn sweets for you all. Good ness me, how some of you have grown!

Great Aunt Hen-rietta said...

Tea, schmee, I see Favie's got the good stuff ... a little drop in my china cup would be spiffy.

Dominique said...

*strutting up with a drawling laugh* Oh, goodie, more relatives. Here now, Great Aunt Hen, give us a hug. I brought you one of the silk scarves from my new line.

Now, how's our favorite great-auntie?!?!

Wooster the Surfing Rooster said...

Aunty Hen!!!

Howza bout a sweet for your favorite surfer dude? You always said I was your favorite when I was still in pin-feathers.

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

A low-slung, dark Harley Softail rumbles up and parks near GG's bus, spikey feathers obscuring the comb of the all-black-clad young female, product of a one-egg clutch (the rest, tragically,stolen away in the night by a raiding possum)She shoulders out of her leather trenchcoat, revealing a finnish deathmetal band t-shirt and studded wristlets on her legs, a mean-looking Bowie knife strapped to the small of her back. She snarls one side of her beak at the family and heads for the buffet table as the family stops and stares.

Yeah, the black chick of the family is here. Don't get your combs in a twist. Everybody else showed up didn't they? Think I wouldn't show up just cuz none of you will own up to who laid my egg? (glares accusingly at Dominique, then sends an embarrased glance toward the golden one)

Delta said...

Lordy, look what happens when you go off to the store for more chicken feed!

FreeRange? Father? Where's GR? I HAVE to see the look on his face when he hears THAT!

Delta said...

Phaedra! So glad you could make it but um....could you move that sarcophagus away from the pickles?

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

WHAT!?

Just cuz everybody had to take turns sitting on my egg....

ah, whatever.

Delta said...

Oh! What? No, Aunt Favie! No don't... {groans as she pours three Mason jars into the trough)

Somebody stop GG!!!!

Maman said...

Hen-ritetta, don't feed the hatchlings that stuff! They've already had much, too much sugar from the Tim Tams Bogen sent by carrier pigeon!

{Ping, ping, ping

Somebody grab Putt Putt!!!!!

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

FreeRange? Father? Where's GR? I HAVE to see the look on his face when he hears THAT!


GO, uncle! Oh, yeah...goldie's been gettin' him some while the old hens ain't watchin. (wicked grin)

Maman said...

Nonsense, Glenda! You are welcome of course {glares at the rest of the family and whoever chuckled}

Come, talk to grand....er, talk to me!

Delta said...

Careful, Auntie..looks like she stopped by 'Nawlins on the way over...you know I was never quite convinced her "egg" was not a result of {whispers} voodoo!

Dominique said...

*Laughing with husky, lusty fervor*

My, oh my! GG, did you REALLY just spike the trough? Berenard, remind me to stick with my own flask if I'm tempted to sample, will you darling?

*pats Berenard's flexed wing, Berenard struts brainlessly and Dominique rolls her eyes and laughs*

So, Glenda, don't look at me. I'm not old enough to have laid 'ya or brooded ya'! Not my scene anyway. Besides, unlike SOME hens (flicks an eye toward Junebug), I DO know how to say no to eggs.

Smirk.

BTW, Glenda, nice Harley.

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Glenda finally settles in with a plate of casserole and takes a good look around, noticing the lair full of humans. She casts a snarling stare at the golden rooster)

What have you been doing with your time anyway? Who are all these humans? You KNOW the Hengency (common name for the Central Coop of Investigation) doesn't want us fraternizing with the other side.

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Careful, Auntie..looks like she stopped by 'Nawlins on the way over...you know I was never quite convinced her "egg" was not a result of {whispers} voodoo!



Thank you grandmere. (Glares at Delta). I see the casserole is still as...solidly put together...as ever.

Dominique said...

*Dominique sidles over and slides onto the bench next to Glenda*

Oh, do tell, Cuz, or Niece, or...

*waving a well manicured wing*

Whatever. So Goldie's not supposed to be fraternizing, eh? The rascal. He has all these Romance Bandits wrapped around his shiny feathers.

*whispers* They even pay for him to jaunt all over the world to visit with the first poster of the day. Imagine THAT!

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

BTW, Glenda, nice Harley.

In your dreams, Miss Perfect Priss (ducks her head when grandmere stares her down) Everybody knows you started laying eggs before you should.

Nice scarves. Got any black ones?

Pat Cochran said...

This is not to be believed, a Golden Rooster family reunion! In our close neighboring state of Louisiana, the land of the bayou and the so yummy beignet!! I am stunned by each new arrival, I love family gatherings! You are so lucky, Fedora, have you been made an honorary "hen" as yet? Monsieur Golden One, our thanks to your dear Maman for allowing us to "peep" in on your reunion! Adieu,
mon petit!!

Pat Cochran

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Dominique said:

Oh, do tell, Cuz, or Niece, or...

Whatever. So Goldie's not supposed to be fraternizing, eh?


You were NOT supposed to hear that. Can't you keep your beak in your own business?

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
p226 said...

P226, did you ferret that out???...

Being a natural born citizen of the United States of America, I have certain rights recognized by our Constitution. One of the more important ones is the right against self-incrimination. I'll be exercising that right today.

And as for the GR, quit your whining. Sheesh. You're welcome to evade the family and come here. Riverine training is in full swing. Which reminds me... have you had your swim Qual this year?

Dominique said...

*another lusty laugh*

Tres droll. I never keep my beak in my own business. Why do you think I'm so successful?

Oh, and as a matter of fact, I DO have my signature scarves in black. Berenard! Darling, do go get young Glenda one of our delicious black silks. The one with the skull pattern. Yes. That one.

Oh, and as to fraternizing... *smirk* I don't deny that. But I don't lay...eggs. *smirk*

Dominique said...

OOooh, it's the famous..or should I say infamous P226.

I thought I left you watching those blinky lights? Hmmm. You're very clever at escaping...

Glenda, darling, don't lean in so close. One might think you were eavesdropping.

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

(obvious eyeroll)

Yeah. Whatever. You "lay" everything else pretty regularly.. all anyone has to do is follow the feather trail to what happens after that.

casts suspicious eyes on the lone human male who's entered the lair, thinks she recognizes him from another place, another "incident"

Where did the family's favorite son, the goldenone, go anyway? Kinda coincidental that he's disappeared just now, dontcha think?

p226 said...

Hmmm... strange coincidence that. I should point out that it could be entirely plausible that he's hiding from me to avoid being drug into the mountains. The water's up on the rivers here, and a certain someone needs to swim qualify.

* eyeing the goth chick suspiciously

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Well,now, (fondles the black silk.) That's some nice...fabric you're peddling there, Dominique.

GG Henster said...

Too late, Delta! Slurp. Belch! Hehehehehe, ya can't keep an old gal down!

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

P226 said:

The water's up on the rivers here, and a certain someone needs to swim qualify.

* eyeing the goth chick suspiciously*


Sorry, Dude, whoever you SAY you are. This chick doesn't do water. Strictly urban...shall we say...darker work.

p226 said...

It doesn't get much darker than the Coal river at midnight.

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

P226 said:

It doesn't get much darker than the Coal river at midnight.



*taking a different tack

Can't oblige. (flutters eyelashes, waves black-tipped toes toward tall human stranger) just had my nails done. (notices look of abject horror on Dominiques face). Takes another bite of casserole.

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Excuse me, I have to make a phone call.... (hurries to the back of the coop)

p226 said...

turns slightly strong-side away, obscuring the view of a thumb subtly hooking under my shirt

This chick makes me nervous.

Relief at the scary chick's sudden exit relaxes the right arm.

I gotta find that rooster and get outta here.

Dominique said...

*mutters: She's probably going to call black-tipped-nailed reinforcements. Sigh*

So, human, what kind of name is P226? *flutters lashes*

And the Coal River at midnight? Hahahahah! Very funny. Oh, the image of his Goldenness with his feathers wet. He despises that, you know. How you get him to do half the things you do, I have no idea.

*more lash fluttering* Must involve...bribery. Hahahah. Or Chicks.

p226 said...

Ms. Dominique... I'm afraid the GR's motivations are his own. And as for details of what may or may not lure him, I apologize, but discretion is an unfortunate requirement in many circumstance.

Though, I have to admit that seeing him freak out when he crawls out of the mud is a little amusing. But not half as amusing as seeing him in camo-paint.

Cassondra said...

Hey everybody, what's up?

Congrats, flchen on the GR!

Who the heck are all these chickens? Did the Rooster bring these egg-layers here to the blog?

Okay...I need a drink. Sven, are you anywhere around? Imported beer I think...a nice Belgian white ale would be good, really cold...cuz.dang, it's awful HOT here. The air's kinda thick today...sheesh. Maybe we need to get the air conditioning looked at.

Cassondra said...

Hey, where'd the golden rooster actually GO? Flchen, I thought you had ahold of him.

I don't see him anywhere.

Delta said...

Sven, are you anywhere around?

Sven? Does he have black hair?

Oh, my the get together has really...well...gotten together!

But I haven't seen Goldie in a while. His coupe is still here (Lands, don't want to be around when he sees what Putt Putt did to it)

There are a lot of those Banditas and BBs around. Hmmmmm....perhaps he has absconded with one of them?

{Puts feet in mouth and whistles}

Everyone! Start looking for the GR....and where is that Deb Marlowe who brought the dirt cake?

Delta said...

{Pauses in midst of organizing search}

Um, so p226? What color is your hair? The gypsy fortune teller only mentioned a "mysterious dark haired man"....bats lashes (not easy to do for a chicken)

Great Aunt Faverolle said...

Henster, I heard that about GR. Although, I bet he thinks he's too fancy to drink some good 'shine. Probably drinks those sissy drinks now.

Great Aunt Faverolle said...

AC, GG Henster is my sister. Though I must say I got the looks. :)

He's a mason jar full of my best brew.

Great Aunt Faverolle said...

Dominque, Hen is your favorite great aunt? Hmmmfff. That's the end of the good 'shine for you.

Who wants another round?

Pat Cochran said...

The GR in camo paint! Love to see
that, P226, get the camera out the
next time the Golden One is making
a visit to your area!! Speaking of,
did anyone locate the feathered one?

Pat Cochran

Great Aunt Faverolle said...

Good Lord, Glenda! It's 103 in the shade, and you're wearing black leather. I'm getting extra crispy just thinking about wearing that getup.

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

strolls back into the coop from a recon of the grounds, checking to make sure the tall human male didn't bring backup. Sweat pours from her comb, spikey feathers a little wilted

Good Lord, no wonder I work up north when I get the chance. The gulf states in June just suck. scans coop

Still no Goldie? He's not outside either. I just checked. squints suspicious eyes at tall human male

Nice bike.

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Good Lord, Glenda! It's 103 in the shade, and you're wearing black leather. I'm getting extra crispy just thinking about wearing that getup.

Hey, it's what I wear. Get over it.
(Ducks the jar of moonshine Faverolle is waving at her)

No thanks,I've already got a drink. (holds up a glass of sweet tea. That shine would eat a hole in the trough before anybody could drink it. Good thing.)

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Oh, this is just rich. It's hotter than hell, the old hens are getting sh*t-faced, the coop is full of humans, and my super-secret-squirrel-everyody's-favorite cousin is missing.

Helen said...

What a fantastic family reunion so much fun going on I wish I could stay but I need to go to the DDJ not much fun.

Enjoy the reunion everyone

Have Fun
Helen

Junebug said...

What the...? Oh, my word, I almost missed the whole gall-danged reunion! I swear, those kids are gonna wear the feathers right off my tail. *sigh*

And Wooster ate all the corn casserole (not that my thighs need it!). Dianna, you sweet thing, aren't you a doll putting together a photo album? I never can find the pictures I've taken of the little ones. Life is so...confusing...most of the time.

It's so nice to have Brother home, though. It reminds me of when I dreamed of studying in Paris and working as a translator for the United Nations. *sigh*

If only I hadn't met Spur. I knew that cock was trouble from the beginning, but he had such a way about him...

Great Aunt Faverolle said...

Glenda, don't you be dissing my 'shine. I been making this since before you were even an egg, missy.

Junebug said...

Mr. P226, if you have any pictures of my brother in "camo paint", you must send them to Miss Dianna who is putting together a photo album, apparently. Since some of us - okay, me - don't have the wherewithal to do such a thing, we owe it to Dianna to help her out. *sigh*

Junebug said...

Great Aunt Faverolle, could I trouble you for just a tiny bit of your special "punch"? The twins are working my last nerve...

Delilah (the madame) said...

***sauntering back in, smoothing ruffled tail feathers in the process***

Aunty Favorelle!! So glad to see you sweetie, may I have a sip of that shine? I need it to quench my thirst after...oh...uhm...Goldie will be back in after he...er...rests a bit!

Delilah (the madame) said...

Cousin Junebug!! Sweetie y'all have to get that little Putt-putt under control, he's been out trying to take pics of my girls workin!

Delilah (the madame) said...

Well, bless my beak if it aint that little Goth Chick! Sweetie as much as I love black...mostly lace, I do think you have some nice leather there!

flchen1 said...

LOL! Sorry, I'm afraid the GR just got back from day camp--jewelry making and organized rec were part of the agenda today :) I think his new accoutrements are quite... sparkly! Although maybe he should have used camo colors for his designs...

Jane said...

Sorry I'm late to the GR family reunion. I bet I missed all the fun/fights. It's nice to finally meet the GR's family.

Little said...

Finally. I thought I'd starve before we got here. Did I hear something about corn casserole?

Louisa Cornell said...

Stopped in for some shine after a long day at work. This made my day!!! I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time!! Goldie, cher, your family is a gem for true!

Delta said...

Great Aunt Faverolle, could I trouble you for just a tiny bit of your special "punch"?

Heavens Junebug! Wasn't that what got you those dozen chicks?????

Maman said...

Mon Dieu! {wrings wings} Has no one found my little hatchling? We serve dessert soon and I've saved him his favorite....lemon meringue pie, extra meringue.

Please mon ami, find him!

Little Peep said...

What exactly is a cox-comb? And why does GR scowl at me when I ask?

Golden Rooster said...

Now, Chere Maman, I am here. THere is no need for concern.

Golden Rooster said...

I merely had some...business to take care of. Yes, yes, that's it.

*spots P226*

Mon Dieu! What are YOU doing here! Not that you aren't welcome of course...

*checks to see if Maman is still frowning so ferociously*

Ah and look. It is mon petite belle Suz. How is it in your lovely state, my dear? *flicks a feather over Suz's blushing cheek*

And Glenda! I thought I heard your powerful machine roaring up. I was otherwise occupied, or I would have been here to greet you, in the first instant. (Nice scarf. Interesting way to tie it there too...)

Golden Rooster said...

Hmmm, Dominique and Delta, quit flirting with P226. You don't know his wife. *ruffles out feathers, waggles coxcomb which is standing quite proudly, thank you* She is formidable! I true woman of substance, a thoroughbred, a high-spirited--

Ahem. Mon pardon, mon frere P226. It is just that I admire her so. Oui, oui, I will stop now. Of course. As you wish.

Golden Rooster said...

Why Louisa! There you are. Maman, have you had the pleasure of meeting the Duchess of Hotdayum? She's quite the success these days. And if you want the latest "on dit" you have no further to look than the cunning mind of dear Louisa. She's quite up on all the latest.

Golden Rooster said...

*whispers* Wooster! Wooster! You ate all the corn casserole? Oh, Merci, cousin, merci!

Delta said...

What exactly is a cox-comb? And why does GR scowl at me when I ask?
....

Ask your father, dear!

{Casts a suspicious look in her cousin's direction}

Where have you been, Goldie and, er...why is your comb so ...how do I put this delicately? So...stiff?

Golden Rooster said...

Delta, mon cherie, you are looking well, despite this onslaught of family.

As to my...accoutrement...

*waggles head, winks*

I have my secrets, and my ways you know.

Delilah (the madame) said...

Gives Golden a saucy wink and a throaty laugh....I'll never tell, cousin!

hrdwrkdmom aka Dianna said...

wow, you chicks and rooster have wore my poor human feathers out! I think I got some great shots though.
Maman, (you don't mind me calling you maman do you, it just seems like I know you) the twins have made a visit to the lair before, they were our first contacts other than the GR. Not to worry about the coxcomb issue, I can photo shop that right away. (BTW GR, you owe me now big guy)

Junebug, your babies are absolutely beautiful, you have been a busy little hen haven't you?

GR, I have some great product that will take care of the humidity problem. Until you can pick it up though I can retouch the photos in a short.

Kate Carlisle said...

What are all you chickens doing in the Lair? And what have you done with the cabana boys? Where's my pina colada?

Oh hey, is that corn casserole? Yummers, my favorite!!!

Fedora? Congratulations, I think...

Golden Rooster said...

Dianna! Mon petite poulet! You are a darling!

(we'll discuss that product soon, oui? Perhaps over a nice chardonnay? Or would a nice, full-bodied...cabernet be more to your taste, eh, belle Dianna?)

Golden Rooster said...

Delilah, you minx! You are the veriest trouble maker!

Little Peep said...

Sparklers! Cool!

Look out I'm coming through!!!!

Golden Rooster said...

Ah, Kate, my little bookbinder, my svelte mysterieuse! Come over to my side, my lovely. Yes, yes. Much better.

Ah, such a lovely day I've had with Fedora....she likes to...adorn me. Oui, vraiment.

(pssst, Kate, if you value your career, I recommend holding off on the casserole. Wooster can manage it, but you, mon petite fleur...non.)

Golden Rooster said...

Sparklers? Non, non, little cousin, c'est en luciole - a firefly.

Delta said...

I found him! I found him!

And here ya'll thought I was crazy (like the people in Brownsville)

Here's my "mysterious, dark haired and growwwllllll man"

{Strolls into chicken yard with a tall, muscled man in a leather tunic carrying a shield)

I think his name is Demmy. I'm not sure...he talks funny. Must be from up north.. {preens}

Dominique said...

Oh, La, Goldie, leave Kate alone. Yes, I AM rolling my eyes at you. If I weren't a grown, sophisticated hen, I'd peck at you too.

(Glancing at Maman to see if she'd notice if I did it anyway, he's such a prat)

Now where did that Glenda go? She's got just the figure for some of my latest fashions.

*claps wingtips together* Berenard! Go find her!

Dominique said...

Well, well, well, Delta! What have we HERE?

*purrs loudly, like a cat, and circles the bewildered gladiator and the panting hen*

My, quite the tall, dark and handsome specimen. You do realize that he's...*whispers* human, right?

Golden Rooster said...

Delta, darling, you know those gypsies are all...ahem...never mind.

*Psssst! Demetrius! Mon Dieu! The Goddes Sangria will have your hide! What are you doing with Delta?*

Golden Rooster said...

Dominique, you are a constant vexation pour moi.

Kate Carlisle said...

Whoa now, what'd y'all put in that corn casserole???

I'm feeling a mite peckish ... and not in the way you'd think ...

Golden Rooster said...

Ah, Kate, my sweet....I tried to warn you...

Golden Rooster said...

(I believe GG tipped an entire jar of le Moonshine into the corn casserole. We must watch out for chere Kate)

Maman said...

{Staggers out of henhouse with..Berenard close on her heels}

Oh, darling, you're still here...I'm {giggles as Berenard whispers in her ear...not easy to do with chicken ears} I'd sent out a search party of course then Berenard here offered to show me Dominique's spring collection and well.....Goldie, Dominique, Junebug....you're going to have a new baby sister...or brother x 6!!!!

{Beams proudly}

Tawny said...

Wow -talk about a Par-Tay!!!

Check you all out, so fluffy and feathery and fun.

So... what's it gonna take to get some inside dirt on that wiley rooster?

Golden Rooster said...

Ma-MAN!! You are tres wicked!

DOMINIQUE!!! You should have controlled your...your...

*turns back to the giggling hen and the strutting Berenard*

Just what ARE you Berenard? Arm Candy or a a REAL Rooster, eh?

Golden Rooster said...

Ah, Bon Deiu, you are here Tawny! Merci! All is in deshabille...and you, my luscious renarde rouge, ah...it is is so lovely to see you.

Golden Rooster said...

Un momente, mon renarde rouge...


DOMINIQUE!!! Where has that haughty hen gone?

p226 said...

Mr. GR had better remain elusive. It's been some time since I've had him here chez P226.

And as for Mrs. P226, you should be aware you've attracted her attention directly. Seeing as to how you've skimped out on swim quals, I think I'll withhold advice on how to deal with that situation.

As for your flirtatious relatives, the one with the black toenails scares me.

p226 said...

And dear Glenda, if my backup were visible, they wouldn't be very good backup at all would they? I don't train them to be deterrence. I train them to be invisible. Did you say hi to the gardener on your stroll? Seems there's been a recent change of personnel on the grounds here and there.

Dominique said...

Ah, so you return, mysterious stranger! *pouts* Such a shame to know you are married.

Goldie, I have no control over Berenard. *smirk* Much less Maman! Goodnes, Goldie, you know how WE got here!

(And I think that P226 was serious. You better watch out for the Mrs. P226!)

Dominique said...

Ooooh, I do so like a man who's in charge. *Purrs* The gardener, eh? Hmmmmm.

Maman said...

{REAL Rooster, eh?}

Oh, he is ALL ROOSTER {giggle}

Maman said...

The gardner {giggles} I saw him over with GG by the {hic} watering trough.....

Pas th corn casserole {hic, giggle}

Junebug said...

Delilah, I'm so sorry about Putt Putt! Ever since he got that digital camera, he's been a menace to decent people everywhere. Oh...and I suppose to your "chicks", too. Hm.

*ahem* In any case, I'll confiscate his camera. Which is not to say some of the pictures won't end up on that Hot Chicks website. That little one can upload like nobody's business. So sorry!

Dominique said...

Maman, shame on you, and HH too!

Berenard, I expect you to take care here.

P226, do something with that devilish casserole. (And you'd better check out your man, Gardiner, HH can be just as tricky as Maman)

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Little Peep said:

Where have you been, Goldie and, er...why is your comb so ...how do I put this delicately? So...stiff?



Pffffffft (spews iced tea across the coop)I'm thinkin that's how FreeRange got here.

Uh, Faverolle, maybe I will have just a splash of that stuff in the jar. I think I'm gonna need it. How does it do mixed with iced tea?

Not too much though. (eyes 226 suspiciously.) I have to keep my guard up.

Junebug said...

Miss Helen, please do not encourage my brother in his comments about my drumsticks and the position thereof. Especially with the surprise appearance of little FreeRange, whom "Goldie" is choosing to ignore!

I think it's a shame he is unwilling to claim FreeRange, yet wants to persecute me for keeping my eggs and raising them to be (mostly) upstanding citizens!

Oh, he burns my tail feathers...

Golden Rooster said...

Ah, darling Junebug...wait...Hot Chicks? Hmmmm. Puttputt!

Virginia said...

What a cute post. GR I am so happy to meet your family! It looks like you came from a very large family. Thanks for bring you family to meet us.

Junebug said...

Has anyone seen Augustus and Auspice? They were playing with sparklers to amuse Little Peep earlier, but I lost track of them.

Wait...what's that burning smell?!

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Dominique said:

Now where did that Glenda go? She's got just the figure for some of my latest fashions.

*claps wingtips together* Berenard! Go find her!


Uh...I don't think so, cousin, or auntie or... well..I just don't think so.

Wait. Are they black?

Golden Rooster said...

I am NOT ignoring FreeRange. Mon Dieu! Do you not see our Maman? With that Lothario bimbo of a cockerel Dominique dragged here, eh?

FreeRange! Who is your Maman!? I will be most truthful if I know her. I am an upstanding coc...ahem, rooster.

Now, Junebug, see to OUR Maman, if you would?

Junebug said...

Dominique, darlin', we've talked about you airing your dirty feathers in public before. Don't get all het up about the fresh poultry around. Just because they're strutting and have a pulse doesn't mean they're up for your particular type of tricks!

Oh, and Maman asked about the eye hooks you mounted in the interior doorway of the hen house. I told her I didn't know WHAT those could be for. I hope you hid your cuffs and whips!

Golden Rooster said...

Merci, darling Virginia. It is delicious to see you here.

*sighs, winks at Virginia*

As you can see there is a bit of a flap over Maman's indescretions...but you, don't you look lovely tonight!

Golden Rooster said...

Junebug, I do believe your boys are about to burn down the coop. YOu'd best find Wooster and put it out. DO NOT use water from the trough, however. All will explode with that much grain alcohol poured on it.

Junebug said...

Goldie, I'm afraid Maman has disappeared into the hen house with a certain cockerel. She appeared to be under the influence of QUITE a bit of Great Auntie's 'shine. She was also mumbling something about Dominique's eyehooks.

I confess, I am much too...er...chicken to see what those two have gotten into!

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Maman said:

Goldie, Dominique, Junebug....you're going to have a new baby sister...or brother x 6!!!!


Oh, sh*&.

(smirks and plops onto a sofa in the corner)

And they say I'm the black chick of the family. This is insane.

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Well...Let's just hope some wayward POSSUM (glares at Dominique) doesn't get into the chicken yard this time.

Junebug said...

Augustus! Auspice! What are you doing with those roman candles? No! NO! DO NOT AIM THEM AT THE TROUGH!!!

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

P226 said:

Did you say hi to the gardener on your stroll? Seems there's been a recent change of personnel on the grounds here and there.


Hmmm...you mean the gardener that's now..fertilizer?

Dominique said...

*smirks* Its always insane, darling Glenda.

*Gusty sigh* There goes the coop. Wooster can't get it. Damn. I just got those hooks at the right height too.

So, the fashions...SOME of them are black. The important parts.

Dominique said...

*Smirk* Fertilizer? He was that bad, or that good, Glenda?

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

Dominique said:

*Smirk* Fertilizer? He was that bad, or that good, Glenda?



You're missing the point, as usual, cousin.

The point is, he was.

And now he isn't (squints at P226 and polishes her Bowie knife with the silk scarf she got from Dominique.)

Junebug said...

Oh, Lordy, Maman! Maman!! Goldie, Maman was in the coop and you know she's...well...enceinte. You have to go in and save her!!

Augustus and Auspice, you stay RIGHT THERE! If you burned your Grandmere to a bucket of crispy, you won't live to see your cockcombs stiffen!

Junebug said...

Wooster went to find help, but he may have gotten distracted by a bag of feed or a lightning bug.

Goldie, did you find Maman?

Glenda (the goth chick) said...

If you burned your Grandmere to a bucket of crispy, you won't live to see your cockcombs stiffen!


(rolls eyes yet again)
And the whole world sang "hallelujah!"

Cheri2628 said...

very entertaining! :-)

Dominique said...

Relax, Junie. Maman dragged Berenard off to the house, not the coop.

Wooster put that damn fire out. Jeesh.

Glenda, watch out for that silk now. Don't mind you polishing a knife with it, but please, it's so hard to get blood out of silk.

Dominique said...

*sternly* Glenda.

p226 said...

How unfortunate about the gardener. I'd never met him. He was certainly not one of mine. I hear he was good at his job though. Which was... ironically... tending the garden.

If you recall, I merely asked if you'd met him.

Remember what I said about invisibility? My people wouldn't be very invisible if I pointed my finger at them, now would they?

Golden Rooster said...

Hahah!

*coxcomb turns red*

Sorry. Levity. Not appropriate I guess when the gardiner is morte and the merde has hit the rotating blades.

Dom, you say Maman wasn't in there, oui?

Junebug, your children need a firmer hand and don't you say one word to me about any offspring of MINE - which has yet to be proved! - as yours are a menace. I'm glad my attitude burns your tail feathers. Or should I say, I'm glad your tail feathers arent' what's on fire.

*Glaring at Augustus and Auspice*

Junebug said...

My nerves are shot! *sniff* Thank the Lord Maman is safe.

Why, oh why, did I ever fall prey to Spur's...er...spurious attentions? If it's not the twins, it's Putt Putt. Cogburn is turning out just like his no-good daddy and Sebastian...well...he scratches in the slow lane, I'm afraid. Only my darling Octavia is a comfort to me.

Spur (may he rot in hell) doesn't deserve to know these children. I'm glad he ran off to Vegas! I hope he gets exactly what he deserves out there: a pushy hen with extra-large thighs and breasts and a one-way ticket to see the Colonel!

Golden Rooster said...

There's the spirit, Junebug, but you need a firmer hand, I'm telling you.

*eyes P226* Hmmmm. You're a family man...

Junebug said...

You'd best watch yourself, little brother. Don't get all high-winged with me! I'm still your older sister and I've known you since your first scratch.

Don't talk about how I've raised my brood when you've never stuck around long enough to see whether any of the eggs you fertilized were actually fertile. You'd better hope, for the sake of your roosterhood, that FreeRange is yours. Otherwise, the hens might begin to talk!

Junebug said...

Oh, no you don't! Don't try to cause a diversion and get Mrs. P226 all riled up. She knows who the real culprit is here. She is onto you, mon frere, and all your wily tricks. Mr. P226 is a gentleman and wouldn't want anyone to think anything untoward was going on if he were to take my younguns in hand. You know how the hens do talk, especially in St. Poulen!

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