Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentines Day - complete with goodies

by Tawny

Ahhh, Valentine's Day! The day of Romance with a capital R. As opposed to valentines with a lower case v which makes me think of conversation hearts, paper valentines from classmates and stuffed teddy bears.

Today, I want to dish on the big kids Valentines. When I think of Valentine’s Day, I think of traditional trappings. Candlelight dinner for two. Champagne and silk sheets. Roses, chocolates and better yet, diamonds.

Hand holding, slow dancing, sweet nothings whispered over bare skin.


"Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.
William Shakespeare

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.”

Lord Byron

*deep sigh* Doesn’t it just make you melt?

And then there’s real life. Those wonderfully thoughtful-yet-clueless gifts of cooking utensils, coupons for car washes and the ubiquitous tacky lingerie. You know, because women love that kind of thing (picture me rolling my eyes here). This is what I call Valentine’s Day with a cheesy sigh.

And as lovely as Valentine’s Day Romance with a capital R is, most of us live in the land of the cheesy sighs (hopefully with the occasional capital R thrown in).

So with that in mind... We Bandita’s with our love of all things romantic are hosting a special Valentines contest for our fabulous readers. We have a whole slew of prizes to offer, which will either go in full to the best of show, or be parsed out if it’s too hard to choose (hey, can’t say I didn’t learn something from the fabulously fun RNTV invasion).

The prizes:
Signed copy of Risqué Business, Sees Chocolates - Tawny

Signed copy of The Wild Sight - Auntie Cindy

Signed copy of Tempt the Devil - Foanna

Signed copy of Dark & Dangerous, Cover flat of Dark & Deadly - Jeanne

Signed copy of Firefighter in the Family - Trish

Signed copy of The Trouble with Moonlight - Donna

Signed copy of Homicide in Hardcover, See's suckers
- Kate

$10 Borders gift card - Joan

Romance Bandits Fridge magnet and post-its - Jo

Signed copy of The Dangerous Duke - Christine

Godiva Chocolates - Suz

Signed copy of Not Without Her Family - Beth

Signed copy of her most recent book - Christie

Cool Bandits Goodies - Anna S.

$5 Barnes & Noble gift card - Cassandra

To win? Write your own Valentines Poem. The only requirement? It has to be totally cheesy. The cheesier, the better.

To start you off...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
The Bandits love romance
I’ll bet you do, too

(was that a chorus of groans I heard?)

Have at it...


Virginia said...


Tawny said...

Happy Valentine's Day Virginia. I hope you and that romantic rooster have a blast!!

Virginia said...

Its Valentine's Day
And we are here to play
With the Cabana boys
And they are bring their toys!

Is this cheesy enough!

Gillian Layne said...

Congratulations, Virginia! :)

Ode to Torrid Passion

Pounding, pulsing stallion
Nobleman of naughty deeds
My bountiful breasts heave and sigh
At the mere thought
Of your masterful touch.

Linger a while . . .
Taste the sweet nectar of my
virgin kiss.
My soul soars, shattered, among the stars before our sated hearts float back to earth,

Oh, yeah. I'm thinking a Bandita poem anthology, at the very least. I mean, who could forget the haiku, and now these?

Happy Heart Day, ladies. :)

limecello said...

O_O I'm not meant to post. No joke - I tried, my computer shut down. I thought I was good? Hit "publish your comment" and... FF died.

Congrats on the Gr, Virginia!

Haha, bad poetry? I can do that!

It's Valentine's Day!
Happy Valentine's Day!
We're all here today,
to enter the fray, for chocolates!
And pray -
Don't eat so many that you get a tummy ache.

Haha, success! ;) Happy V-day, All!

Tawny said...

Ohhh, Virginia that's cheesy!!! NICE job LOL. Very well done. For that, a Cabana Boy is at your disposal (don't let the bird chase him away)

Tawny said...

LOL Gillian. You had me at pounding pulsing stallion!!! I'm snickering and laughing. Nicely done. What talent we have in the lair!!

Tawny said...

limecello- its a conspiracy!!! I'm glad you got in, though, to share that wonderfully cheesy poem.

*snicker* tummy ache. Very well done.

Helen said...

Congrats Virginia

Great post Tawny I am going to have to think about this and I will be back

Have Fun

Donna MacMeans said...

LOL Gillian - I can tell already it's going to be a great day in the lair (grin). Bring on the cheese!

Sadly, I am spending my Valentine's Day teaching a class on Taxes and the Writer. Could they have found a less romantic topic for me to address? But I'll be checking back this evening (I'll need the laughs!)

Virginia - We dyed the rooster just for V-day. Today, he is the blushing rooster (and he hasn't read all the poetry yet!)

flchen1 said...

LOL! What a challenge! My brain's fried:

Valentine's Day is famous for red roses and hearts,
Class parties with cookies and games (not darts!)
Whatever happened to candlelight dinners for two?
That fell by the wayside with mini-me and mini-you ;p

Congrats on the GR, Virginia! Hope you and he enjoy this day celebrating love and romance!

Thanks for the fun, Tawny!

Suzanne Welsh said...

Happy Valentine's day everyone!

I'm working this weekend, so my valentine's will be celebrated later.

Good luck on the poems, I'm glad I'm out of it this year.

Tawny said...

Thanks, Helen! I can't wait to see what you come back with ;-)

Donna, taxes and romance? Thats right up there with a frying pan as a valentines gift in the romance department LOL. Have fun presenting, though - If anyone can make that topic rock, you can!

Tawny said...

Awwww, Fedora. I think thats sweet! Mini-me and mini-you *g* I'd call that more sappy than cheesy, since it made me go all gooey inside ;-) Way to go!

Suz - have a wonderful workday. We'll miss you.

Jane said...

Congrats on the GR, Virginia.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ply me with chocolate and champagne
And there'll be naked dancing for two

Happy Valentine's Day.

peggy said...


Cupid shot me with an dart.
It hit me right in the heart.
Boy did that smart.
It's now romance you will have.
What a silly little lad
In love I did fall
To a rake who is tall
My thanks cupid lad for the dart to
my heart.

Tawny said...

*snicker* Naked dancing, Jane? YEAH baby! Love it.

Peggy, giggling at cupid lad. Clever. Very cheesy and clever.

Helen said...

OK I have had some dinner put the thinking cap on and this is what I came up with LOL

Bandits are the best
Always lots of fun
Never short on chocolate
Increasing our TBR piles
Telling lots of stories
Showing us the ways of love&romance

Is that cheesy enough
I am looking forward to everyones poems I love the ones posted already

Have Fun

Helen said...

I have just re read mine and left a line out I'll try again

Bandits are the best
Always lots of fun
Never short on chocolate
Daring us to be creative
Increasing the TBR pile
Telling lots of stories
Showing us the way of love&romance

Thats better
Have Fun

Minna said...

Happy Valentine's Day!
Hmmm. I guess it's time to use haiku editor again.

Glenn Mederios - nothing gonna change my love for you

Carol said...

Um...Virginia don't let the GR see my litte ditty!

It’s the 14th of Feb,
No longer a Deb!
No More roses
More like… a few hoses!
Thou don’t have to cook,
We’re having a chook,
From just down the road!
I think I’ll explode!

Cheers Carol

PinkPeony said...

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

This isn't even close to iambic pentameter, nor is it poetry. But it's late!

Sinfully handsome
Your arrogant take
Moody and charming
Typical regency rake

Muscled chest bare
Nankeen breeches undone
My night rail hitched
We'll be the talk of the ton

Eyes wicked gleaming
Corinthian sparks
In order to please me, Lord
The chocolates must be dark

Anna Sugden said...

Happy Valentine's Day all!

I'm ROFL at the posts so far - I never fail to be amazed by the level of talent in the Lair. You guys are GOOD! (or should that be BAD *G*)

Donna - hugs on the taxes class. I know you'll make it a worthy way for folks to spend their Valentine's Day.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Hockey hunks and fizz
for me, will do.

ReadingIsSoMuchFun said...

Hello everyone. Happy Valentine's Day. Awesome prizes I would love to be entered please, thank you.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet and so are the Romance Bandits Authors

Or here is another one :-)

It's Valentine's Day and the Romance Bandits authors or spoiling us readers
Helping us build our over grown TBR pile with more books to read and sharing the love of chocolate.

Are these cheesy enough? *g*


cas2ajs said...

Oh, wow, the poems are all great.
Here's my contibution:

The flowers are nice
And the candy is grand
But is anything better
Than a book in your hand?

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
Cheryl S.

sarabelle said...

Happy Valentines Day Banditas. There is a very good reason that I am a reader and not a writer but I will get in the spirit of things and give this a try.

Congrats on the GR Virginia.

Ode to Virginia

Roses are Red
Violets are blue
I am so jealous that the Golden Rooster is with you.
Not only that but you get a Cabana Boy TOOOOOOO.
Please dont be greedy and share the Wealth.
I heard that their "TOYS" are good for your health.
I like chocolate, flowers, and diamonds too.
But what I really want for Valentines day is the Roosters "CockaDoodleDoo"!

Gillian Layne said...

Sarabelle, let me be the first to congratulate you:

You are most certainly a writer! :)

Suzanne Welsh said...

Roses are red,
Violets are navy,
started Valentines off
by delivering a baby!

Maureen said...

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
Here's my poem:

There once was a priest named Valentine
He has inspired lovers throughout time
He fought hard for love
With help from Above
So to honor him I will break out my best boxed wine

Lois said...

My try at cheesy --

Roses are red
Violets are blue
romance is sweet
as is my chocolate eats! :)


Louisa Cornell said...

Here's a little cheese for you before I go to work. Wal-Mart on Valentine's Day. Can you say EEEEEEEK?

Ode to the Golden Rooster

(sung to the tune of Elvis’s Blue Christmas)

I’ll have a blue Valentine’s Day
without you.

I’ll have a few margaritas and cabana boys,
just thinking about you.

Decorated with Banditas
dancing on tables in the Lair

This day won’t be a waste
even if your Golden Butt’s not here.

sherrinda said...

Ode to Chocolate

Chocolate, my love
So creamy, so smooth
So many varieties,
You are my favorite food.

My tongue craves your textures
I just want a nip
Give me one bite, no two
to make even, both hips.

Pathetic, I know!

By the way...what's with the rooster and what is a chook? You guys have way too much fun! :)

Minna said...

Haiku for Valentine's Day:

Valentine's Day
chocolates and roses
moonlightning and stars

Here's a free ebook for Valentine's Day:

And more free ebooks:

Legal free ebooks:

Harlequin is offering a free audio book, too, but unfortunately that one seems to be available only for those in North America. *sigh*:

Keira Soleore said...

Happy Valentine's Day to the Banditas, Buddies, GR, and Virginia.

A cheesy line
Is de rigueur
Over here,
As Banditas mine
Kick up their heels
All everywhere.

The skirts go hither and yon
Exposing jewels to their mon
Salacious and lascivious
Banditas at their bash at the con

jo robertson said...

Hope you have a romantic valentine's day with the rooster, Virginia!

Here's my try:

Golfing is great
Football is fine
Give them all up
For your Valentine!

Virginia said...

It's Valentine's Day in the Lair
The Banditas they really do care
They will be getting candy
From their mighty fine Dandies
There's definitely love in the air

Beth said...

Happy Valentine's Day! I love all the Cheesiness here today ;-)

Virginia, congrats on the GR. Don't let him eat too many chocolates. He gets hyper.

Even though I'm not eligible to play, I can't resist *g*

Much fun in the lair
Hanging with Bandit Buddies
Cheesiness galore

Oh, or how about:

Valentine's poems
The cheesier the better
cheddar, gouda, swiss


Dina said...

Happy Valentines day all!

Roses are not always red,
And I am sometimes feeling blue,
But to read the likes of Anna, Christine, Jo and Suz,
Keeps me from running away and joining the zoos..

Donna MacMeans said...

Off to teach my tax class but wanted to leave this:

Roses are red, violets are blue
They taxed this card, and my bouquet too.
They taxed the candles, the champagne, the steak
But they missed the one thing of value most great
For no treasure can match my deep love for you.

Hey - at least I'm not teaching a class on body disposal (grin) - Jeanne - that's a challenge to you.

hrdwrkdmom aka Dianna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hrdwrkdmom aka Dianna said...

Wow, you guys have been busy today! Can't wait to finish reading all the posts. Congrats on the chook limecello!

A writer or poet I am not but I had to add my two cents...... here is a link to my poetry of the day. Copy and paste since I haven't figured out how to do click thing here.

For those who don't want to follow the link here is my poem.

The Romance Bandits and Valentine's Day,
What a wonderful start to this Saturday

We get gifts and knowledge to go with the chook,
New authors to meet, I won another book!

Yummy chocolates and autographed books,
Cabana boys and whole days spent with chooks.

Intelligent discussions of books and more,
Sometimes contemps and sometimes yore.

So much to do, such wonderful company,
We've even discussed murder and larceny.

We live to shop and new friends make,
Such pretty shoes, do a double-take.

We go from shopping to vacation,
And from beaches to the station.

Strengths and weaknesses are carefully tended,
Watch the chandolier or you'll be upended!

From bucket boots to corsettes, the choices sublime,
Harrison or Hugh, no no, Colin is mine!

So cheese is the subject of that I have plenty,
Oh no, gotta go, it's already 12:20!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Donna, Donna, Donna...don't you know better than to throw down the gauntlet to ME?! Bwah-ha-ha!!

Blood is red,
Veins are blue,
Body Disposal,
I love you....

Or, in the spirit of the Day,

My beloved is tall
My beloved is smart
He's the best one for me,
He stole my heart.


Call ya' and raise ya', Donna!


Tawny said...

ROFL Helen - glad you added that creative line. I did grin and sigh at the last line... thats so why we're here!!

Minna, you use a Haiku maker? where were these things when I was in school???!!?

Anna Campbell said...

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Although here in Oz, it's over. Sigh. And still no handsome Scottish Duke knocked on my door. Obviously he must have copied my address down wrong! ;-)

Congratulations on the golden one, Virginia. You've been so close lately, it's about time you got him! Watch out if he gets amorous - he's got six arms...uh, wings when that happens!

Anna Campbell said...

Sherrinda, fabulous entry into our contest! Make sure you come back and see us now - as you can tell, we have way too much fun to keep it to ourselves!

The Golden Rooster is a wicked and mischievous mythical bird who gets to spend the day causing mayhem with the person who is first to post. To everyone's surprise but his (he's rather vain!), he's become the most popular boy on the block and everyone fights to win him!

p226 said...

To me what is hot,
is a valentine not,
no flowers or cards,
no candies or hearts,

What gets my heart racing,
is a machine gun a-blazing,
cupid's arrows arent' felt,
like a full metal belt,

So dress her in camo,
and pile her with ammo,
is it really so strange?
this love on the range?

Treethyme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Minna said...

Minna, you use a Haiku maker? where were these things when I was in school???!!?

Well, although there at least was Haiku maker somewhere in the internet -just push a button and you have Haiku on your computer screen- this Haiku editor I use simply tells me when I have the right number of syllables and whether the poem is Haiku or something else.

Back To The Future Music Video - The Power Of Love

Treethyme said...

Try again, the format came out wrong the first time:

Keep the boas,
keep the glitter
These hot covers
have me all a-twitter

Keep the chocolate,
keep the flowers
I’ll be busy with
these books for hours

Those sexy heroes,
those manly chests
Romance Banditas make
Valentine’s Day the best!

Anna Campbell said...

Dina, yours was a hoot!

Loving these entries. Keep them coming, people!

Dianna, that was brilliant! Thank you for your ode to the Banditas!

Treethyme said...

Chocolate, honey
and whipped cream
orgasms that make
women scream

Frou frou drinks
with juicy cherries
Steal inhibitions
from virgins wary

Hunger in romance
is always heated
And those hot scenes
just can’t be beat(ed)

Anna Campbell said...

P226, you crack me up!

Your love is so strange
When home on the range!
No arrow for Cupid!
Who feels kinda stupid!
He's swapping his darts
For rifleman's arts!

Anna Campbell said...

OK, here's my entry. I can win, can't I? Smiles winning at friends in the lair!

Roses are red,
Violets are Blue,
The Rooster is Golden
And this cock will doodle too!

Anna Campbell said...

That should have been 'winningly'. Sigh. Clearly I need typing training!

Anna Campbell said...

Becke, loving your poems. Keep 'em coming!

Tawny said...

*snicker* Carol, that poor bird is gonna get a complex. You know he's hiding in a box of chocolates right now, right?

Treethyme said...

OMG, Anna -- I love it! All of these poems are cracking me up, but "this cock will doodle, too?" Too much!

Tawny said...

Oh my, PinkPeony *fanning myself* Hot stuff!! Love it.

Anna, only you could work hockey hunks into cheesy poetry. TOOOOO funny!

Tawny said...

Linda -definitely cheesy enough!! And hey, thanks for writing poetry to us *g* Thats too cool.

Cheryl!!!! Can yours be the new valentines standard? Bulletin: Husbands everywhere, forget the chocolates - give your lady Bandits Books!!

Anna Campbell said...

Hiding? Snort, Miss Tawny! You're a gullible critter. You know how he LURVES his chocolate. I think we may get a fatter rooster and an empty box of chocolate before we're done!

By the way, Pink Peony, you steamed up an already warm morning in Oz with your entry! Great stuff!

Minna said...

But why didn't the teach maths like this at school *g*:

Treethyme said...

Pink Peony, yours is a classic! I could see it in a sexy ad for dark chocolates!

Christie Kelley said...

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I love the poetry and wish I had time to add to the collection. But my deadline is staring me in the face and I must retreat to the cave and get it done!

Have fun!

Minna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tawny said...

Dying here. OMG I'm rolling -e!!!! You kill me, "cockadoodledoo" indeed. LOLOL.

Like Gillian said, you have writing talent for sure!

Suz - YAYYY for a Valentines Baby!!! I hope the momma got extra flowers and chocolates.

B.H. Dark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tawny said...

Bext boxed wine? Ohhhh, Maureen - perfect accompaniment to all this cheese!!

Lois, love chocolate eats LOL.

Mmm, Louisa, now I want a margarita (and yes, that will get me dancing on tables) And I've got Elvis stuck in my head LOL

Pamela Clare said...

Hey, Bandits! What a fun contest! Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

OK, here's one about Valentine's Day for married couples:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'd think myself lucky
If you'd say, "Come f*** me."

Ahem. :-)

Back to writing...

Anna Campbell said...

Pamela! That's not fair. I now have tea all over my keyboard! Hilarious! Lucky and f*ck me? Classic!

Whoa, is it just me, or has the temperature in the lair risen lately?

Tawny said...

Hi Sherrinda!! Welcome to the lair. The Golden Rooster is a mythical mascot to the Romance Bandits. He's a naughty bird, always up to mischief and he goes home with the first person to post each day (night, usually... sneaky bird). And we ARE fun - I hope you stick around!! If you're poem is anything to go by, you're in the right place.

LOL on the hips reference. Ooooh, you just slowed down my chocolate consumption for sure.

Pamela Clare said...

Hi, Anna,

Your book (TTD) is on the very top of my TBR stack. Can't wait to get to it! I hope you and yours are safe. I've been following news from Down Under and keeping my Aussie friends in my thoughts.

Sorry about the keyboard. LOL!

Tawny said...

Nice Haiku, Minna!! And thank you for tooting the Harlequin Horn :-) Harlequin rocks *g*

Awww, Keira, that might be too good to call cheesy. You have such talent with words.

Tawny said...

Jo... methinks you have a sports loving husband?? LOL - great ode to valentines priorities, huh? Nicely done.

Awww, Virginia- we do care!! We really really do! Love it.

B.H. Dark said...

O my darling Valentine,
I will surely make you mine,
Spending Feb. till next December
With your lovely throbbing member.
I could never become bored
With your mighty long pork sword.
Of course it's not all sex—
I also love your rock-hard pecs
(and oh yes, your Ph.D
in molecular astronomy)
Please say that it's all mine,
O my darling Valentine.

(Sorry, I edited to add a little extra gouda.)

B.H. aka Julie Cohen

Barb W. said...

Too much fun! I'm ROFL after reading through these! And couldn't resist the challenge to come up with something totally cheesy...

VALENTINES DAY ODE to My Favorite Daytime Talk Show Host

I want to love you
Like dust on my tv
Charged with static electricity

I want to love you
Like lint in my dryer
All snuggled together in one lump

I want to love you
Like dust-bunnies under the couch
Dark and hidden

I want to love you
Like plates in my dishwasher
Hot and sudsy

But mostly,
I want to love you
Like leftovers in my fridge
You know the ones I don’t throw out,
And eat for lunch
While I sit on the recliner
and devour your every word.

Minna said...

This a very old Finnish poem:

Should my treasure come
my darling step by
I'd know him by his coming
recognise him by his step
though he were still a mile off
or two miles away.
As mist I'd go out
as smoke I would reach the yard
as sparks I woud speed
as flame I would fly;
I'd bowl along beside him
pout before his face.
I would touch his hand
though a snake were in his palm
I would kiss his mouth
though doom stared him in the face
I'd climb on his neck
though death were on his neck bones
I'd stretch beside him
though his side were all bloody.

#1 ANGEL - Love Song For A Vampire [David Boreanaz]

penney said...

Happy Valentine's day everyone!
Roses are red, violets are blue
Sweet for kissing and only for you.
This is one I sent my husband today!

Anna Campbell said...

Wow, Minna, that's a really powerful poem, isn't it? Thanks for sharing it with us.

Hey, Barb, that was brilliant. They've ALL been brilliant. I don't envy Miss Tawny having to choose the winner/s.

Tawny said...

Gouda and swiss, Beth? Oooooh, thats cheesy!!!!

Dina, you have excellent reading taste ;-) Nice job on working zoo into that, too.

Tawny said...

Oooooh.... Its a challenge. Donna and the taxes vs Jeanne and the dead bodies. Hmmm, its so hard to decide which is more romantic!

Tawny said...

Dianna!!! You mentioned shoes and I was hooked. LOL- very well done! Hats off on the ode to the Bandits. I'm touched.

Tawny said...

Holy Cow. P226, you slay me!! I am so impressed, you worked machine gunes into a cheesy valentines poem. My husband likes yours best *g*

I have to say, though, now I'm humming "love, love on the range, where the deer and the antelope are slain"


limecello said...

Tawny, thanks ;) I'm glad the task was to write a cheesy poem, rather than a good one!

Virginia - have you been stuffing the GR with Valentine's chocolates?

Esri Rose said...

Thanks, Anna Campbell, for mentioning this on Facebook. It's been too long since I showed my face.

There once was a nubile young pal o' mine,
Met a man with a big, throbbing valentine.
He had smoldering eyes,
And he baked apple pies
While massaging the length of her naked spine.

I don't know if that's cheesy. It's not true, that's for sure.

A Cheesy Valentines Poem

Your lips are Gouda,
Your sighs like ripe Cheddar.
If you were made entirely of Gorgonzola,
I couldn't love you better.

Paisley Scott said...

There once was a woman named Paisley,
who some thought a little bit crazy,
When she asked Fairy Godmom,
to bring her Hugh Jackman,
(*edited since the end is too racy!)

Heh heh heh!

Paisley (and Hugh)

Nicki Salcedo said...

Ode to my husband...

There once was a man from Salinas,
Who had a very big...sense of humor.
He really loved romance,
claimed it lived in his pants,
While his wife claimed hers lived in her bloomers!

Bandits, if it weren't for the prizes I'd have posted anonymously :-)

Tawny said...

Cool on the haiku maker, Minna. I'm hiding that from my kids, they love finding "shortcuts"

YES!! Treethyme rocks the ode to manly chests! Its all about the half-nekkid guys on the cover, baby! I love it

Tawny said...

Well, well... Treethyme topped the manly chest with screaming orgasms (and how's that for a visual?) I'm in awe. And laughing hysterically.

Anna's right, this is going to be so hard to judge!

Tawny said...

Anna... riflemans arts and doodling cocks. Nicely done!!!!

You'd think the chook was working off all his chocolate consumption with that doodling he's doing today!

Tawny said...

**Waving to Christie**

Thanks for poking out of the cave to say hi! we miss you.

Tawny said...


Oh man... you I chocked on my chocolate when I read "come f*** me"

Nicely rhymed, Pamela. Nicely rhymed. And way to raise the stakes LOL. Its gonna get interesting in here, today. I think I should take notes.

Tawny said...


*covering keyboard in plastic so as not to do any further damage* OMG long pork sword? I snorted there, but lost it at molecular astronomy!!! Soooooo fabulously cheesy. hats off.

Esri Rose said...

Still reading the entries...

Barb W, I love that. Kind of the modern version of that very extraordinary Finnish poem from Minna. Without the danger. So, maybe not really like it.

Still, I like them both.

Anna Campbell said...

Nicki, stand up and be proud! That poem was BRILL!!! Bloomers and big...humors??? LOVE it!

Oh, man, and I've just read Esri's and Paisley's efforts! Too funny, girls!

Margay said...

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Someone shot Cupid,
And ate my chocolates, too.


Dina said...

These are all so great.

Tawny, I didn't even think of using hockey hunks and I had my pic taken with a few last night.

Tried to list most of the banditas, but though it would be a long sentence, lol, but you all count in my books. ;)

Christine Wells said...

Oh, I am LOVING these! You all are so clever with the fromagey-ness!

Hmm, let me see. My fave poetic form (next to the sonnet) is undoubtedly the limerick, so here goes:

There once was a Bandita called Tawny
Who on V-Day was never forlorn-y
She had so many beaux
Who wrote odes to her nose
That were terribly, terribly corny

p226 said...

I have to say, though, now I'm humming "love, love on the range, where the deer and the antelope are slain"

Tawny, now why'd you have to go and do THAT?

Now I have the tune, with those lyrics, stuck in MY head.


Anna Campbell said...

"Where nothing is seen, son
But a man with a machine gun
And Banditas so naughty all day!"

Tawny said...

Oh Barb, anyone who can put lint in a poem is cheesy in my book. I have to tell you, though, the leftovers are what really got to me! LOL

Minna, thats beautiful. Just lovely. Thanks for sharing!!

ReadingIsSoMuchFun said...

You're welcome Tawny I tried my best *g*


Happy Valentine's Day All.

Tawny said...

Awwww, Penney, that IS sweet. I'll bet your husband loved it, huh?

pssst, Limecello- I'm sucky at poetry, so I wouldn't have been able to judge GOOD poetry. Hence, cheeeeeeze.

p226 said...

Hahahaha, AC, you're not helping!

Treethyme said...

Minna, I love the poem you posted -- so evocative and powerful!

Lisa said...

From the man’s point of view:

Oh, alluring car-pool maven of mine

My heart quickens at the sight of the balding tires on your Quest van

My pulse jumps at the exotic scent of mac and cheese wafting from the kitchen!

Get me a beer, will ya, honey, and turn up the TV?

I can’t seem to find the remote.

From the woman’s point of view:

Another Valentine’s Day shot to hell

You’d think he could have plucked a rose from the endcap at Kroger, but nooooo-

And to add insult to injury, he expects me to cook.

That’s okay, I’ve got a Dove bar hidden in the sock drawer I don’t intend to share

And turn up the damn TV yourself!

Tawny said...

Esri, brava!!! Wonderful ode to cheese. Nicely done and great to see you in the lair again ;-) We missed you.

Hottie Hugh definitely deserves his own poem, Paisley. Although now I want to read the unedited, racy version. *g*

Tawny said...

*g* Nicki - LOVE it. Big sense of humor, indeed. Thanks for posting - We're glad you came to play unanonymously.

*snicker* Shot Cupid?? why am I now picturing P226's machine gun?? Nice Margay, both at the cheesiness and the visual LOL

Tawny said...

Dina, thanks. You're right, there are a lot of us *g* And you got pix with hockey hunks? Does Anna know? LOL

Tawny said...

Tawny, now why'd you have to go and do THAT?

Now I have the tune, with those lyrics, stuck in MY head.



Fair's fair. After all, they are stuck in my head, too *g*

Of course, so is the image of cupid being shot down with a machine gun ;-)

Tawny said...

Oooh, Christine, that IS cheese! I've never had a ode written to my nose before. I have to say, its a sight higher than usual ;-)

"Where nothing is seen, son
But a man with a machine gun
And Banditas so naughty all day!"

Oooh, Anna. How could you. Now that song is guaranteed to be there all day. ALLLLLLLLLL day!!!

Evangeline said...

Oh wicked duke
with sinful eyes that
melt my breeches
when I am cross-dressing
as a page or stablehand
in disguise.

This masquerade
I am a boy
and oh how thrilling
it is to adore
a roguish duke
a rakish duke
who thinks he's mad
because I'm a boy

I confound his senses
and he cannot guess
why he has suddenly
bat for the other team
Oh wicked duke
Oh sinful duke
Take me in your arms

And rip off my pants!

Tawny said...

Lisa, I had to call my husband in to read yours! He's still cheering for P226, but he said you nailed it LOL. Fab cheese, turn up your own damned TV indeed. LOLOL

Evangaline -that is so fabulously naughty!! Wonderful and hilarious. Well done!

PinkPeony said...

Candles burned
Down to the nub
My gruyere fondue
A cold congealed glub

Your promises broken
Just like before
Your amends, wasted words
Time to settle the score

For I am not lonely
I know the drill
Your pecker, your pride
Eh, so run of the mill

I sit alone
And plot your demise
You, no gentleman
I've finally surmised

My TBR pile beckons
Dashing heroes galore
Sweet redemption
Steamy sex and more

I settle in
My countenance serene
Devour a chocolate
Dream of hunky Marines

Helen said...

Keep them coming everyone I am having a wonderful time reading them all

Have Fun

Tawny said...

My stomach hurts from laughing!! OMG PinkPeony - 'your pecker, your pride'? LOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLL

I was snickering at the congealed glub, but that line slayed me. Too excellent.

This is so fun -please, like Helen said, more more more!!!

p226 said...

Hallmark can jump from a sophet
Thier holiday manufactured for profit
Jewelers are no better
There's no appetite whetter
For cash under hearts of red

We know that true romantics
Ignore poetic semantics
So forget cards and hearts
And lets all do our parts
On this day spent best in our bed.

PinkPeony said...

Tawny...I needed a word to rhyme with nub...but I don't think glub is a real word!

Becke...I loved your poems. Imagine his eyes widening as you come hither with a can of Reddi-Whip!

P226...there's a thing about a guy in uniform, but a woman in camo holding a big gun is very sexy. ;)

Anna...just what is that poor rooster for anyway? Certainly not Coq Au Vin! Doodle cock? Wicked girl!

Okay..I'm headed to the basement to get up close and personal with the lint in the dryer.

Tawny said...

On this day spent best in our bed.

:::: applause :::::

Julia Smith said...

Here I go:

Roses are expensive
Violets are pensive
Bandits love Valentines
And heroes for whom we pine

Cupid's had his rampage
Contest ups the ampage
Kisses, wine and flowers
And books to while the hours

p226 said...

Doodle cock?


Now I have a HORRIBLE visual in my head of ... something ... aimlessly drawing pictures on a little notepad......

jo robertson said...

Dina, what a sweet valentine poem. We certainly don't want you to run away to the ZOO!! LOL.

Jeanne! ROTFLMAO, should've known you'd get the blood in there somehow!

P226, too funny, a girl in camo -- only from you, sir!

jo robertson said...

You guys are hilarious. Can't believe you can write such cheesy and funny poems! WTG!

Barb W. said...

This is a totally entertaining read today!

Did I miss it or no one has mentioned Velveeta? Oh wait, that would be fake cheese-y ;-)

Thanks for the laughs all, these are GREAT!

(And thank you for the nice comments on mine-- so cool my cheesiness left an impression LOL)

Happy Valentines Hugs,

Tawny said...

Wow. Julia, thats a great poem *g* Nicely done. We DO love valentines! And what a fabulous day for it - you all have rocked this cheesy poetry!

Thank you *g*

P226... crayon or ballpoint? Just askin'

Tawny said...

Jo, they are amazing, aren't they? I'm blown away at the cheesy goodness!!

and Barb, I'm so glad you shared your poem. Too fun. LOL that velveeta hasn't made it into the odes yet. I'm open for cheese-food type poems, if ya'll want to toss a few in. I can't wait to see what you come up with.

p226 said...


hahahah I just can't respond to that.

Laughing too hard.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...



Tawny, what a fabulous cheese-fest. The crackers just don't do all this cheese justice.

BTW, P226, I have it on good authority that Friday the 13th is Freya's day - a day best spent in bed celebrating the sensual pleasures for the goddess of love. :> However, St. Val will do JUST as well.

These are so snorkingly funny I'm glad it's you and not ME, Tawny, picking the winners.

And for darling Jo, and her mention of my love of a little bloodshed:

Blood doth splatter, I tell you true
When suspense is rife with fear
Evildoers will turn to a path they'll rue
When at my heroines they leer

She'll cut you down, ne'er be blue
As she makes her way downtown
Thru murky mess, she'll find the clue
To nail the villain down

After meeting a hero of derring do
She'll make a serious change
And with cheeks of rosy hue
Agree to true love on the (firing) range...

Kate Carlisle said...

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!! Congrats, Virginia!

OMG, Tawny, how will you ever choose from among these brilliant yet cheesy selections?!!

Not that I could ever compete with these winners, but, well, hmm, I've been working on a little something involving Velveeta...on a muy bonita... :-)

Pat Cochran said...

Love is in the air,
Forevermore we shall share
Hot times in the Lair!!

A sight oh so rare,
Velveeta-coated fellows
Abound in the Lair!!

Cheesy enough, Tawny?

Pat Cochran

Joan said...

Now I have a HORRIBLE visual in my head of ... something ... aimlessly drawing pictures on a little notepad......



All of these are GREAT! (I liked "pecker pride" too, PP.


Pat Cochran said...


Those are two separate poems!
I should have numbered them or something!

Pat Cochran

Tawny said...

Hubby's taking me to dinner -back to comment and applaud and be dazzled in a bit - keep a'posting. I'm ready to end the night with a major cheese-fest!!!

p226 said...

Hahah, Joan... what's maybe worse...

Is that I'm thinking of trying it later.

I wonder if I can draw hearts. It is valentine's day.

Janga said...

Am I too late? I've been trying to get back here to post all day.

To My Lover from a Rabid Romance Reader (with apologies to Shakespeare)

Shall I compare you to an alpha rake?
You are less daring and less masterful.
Rogue dukes do cause a woman’s heart to quake,
And their desire ne’er knows a moment’s lull.
Each time so hot the hero’s love does blaze
That she is left a sated, sighing mess.
More wonder that he can endure for days.
More wonder that she always cries, “Ohhh, yes!”
But you are growing bald, my dear, and slow.
Our love scenes are not played in snow or field.
If you did sweep me up, your back would go,
and if you shucked your shirt, I’d see no steel.
But long as I can breathe or heart can beat,
I’ll still choose you for my Valentine, Sweet.

traveler said...

My favorite day of the year
Valentine's Day is here
Chocolate, flowers and goodies galore
These are the things that I adore

Romance is my one true love
It gives me chocolate above
All else to my sweetheart
I remain true blue

Anna Campbell said...

Janga, that was gorgeous! Thanks for getting back to us. That's one of my faves - although I'm not choosing the prizes!

Janga said...

Sorry! I know that last line totally blew all my careful iambic pentametering.

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Roses are red,
Shamrocks are green,
This is the most cheese,
I've ever seen!!!

WELL DONE one and all! I just got home from my V Day book signing and am now laughing so hard I can hardly type.

I see NO WAY IN THE WORLD Tawny or the rest of us will be able to choose just one winner. We may be dividing up those prizes. Hope you all don't mind.


Joan said...

There is nothing quite like art
To bring out joy and warm the heart

Wha..wha..what? You're interuppting my poem. The heart was made with what? Your neighbor? Look out the window?


Dear God!!!! My eyes!!!!

p226 said...

Ahahaha, Joan, now I'm truly disturbed.

And Loucinda, that might be the first time I've ever been wished "happy VD."

Amy S. said...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Today would be even better
With a book from you

Kammie said...

Happy Valentine's Day to my favorite Bandits
I bring you flowers and a wee bit of my wit
Oh, how I love the stories you tell
It's an escape that puts me under a spell
So many books there waiting to be read
Steamy ones, too, that make you want to spr**d
Hot hunky heroes that are there to please
To tempt me, torment, and surely tease
Wish I could have one come to my door
I'd quickly turn into one day whore
I'd wear my sexiest red thong underwear
and bare my lovely, plump derriere
I'll keep dreaming till I reach the end
When the book is closed, I'll know it's just pretend.

Keira Soleore said...

"And Loucinda, that might be the first time I've ever been wished, 'Happy VD.'"

I agree, p226. Thanks, but um no thanks, AC.

With an acronym so atrocious
'Tis a wonder at all
That Cupid's arrow precocious
Can pierce the heart's wall

Keira Soleore said...

Kammie, wonderful!!

Keira Soleore said...

Janga, bwahahaha!! OMGoodness. You're so incredibly talented.

Tawny said...

Jeanne... you scare me. Just a little.

Muy bonita, Kate? LOLOL - that goes so well with my Valentines dinner margarita. But where's the poetry? C'mon...

Tawny said...

Velveeta coated fellows, Pat? LOL, I'm picturing an overspray of canned tan on our cabana boys.

Hearts. *snicker*

Tawny said...

Janga. Wow. Thats fabulous. Very well done with a light coating of cheese.

Anna... what do you mean you're not choosing? You have to help me. I'm a smidge overwhelmed here. The talent is overflowing.

Tawny said...

Traveler great cheese!!! I really liked 'romance is my one true love'

AC... happy VD? really? *snort* YAY on the awesome Valentines Day signing- and great poem.

ROFL Joan, and ick *g*

Tawny said...

LOL- way to play to your audience, Amy. A book from you *g* Love it.

Kammie!! Love it, the spread made me think of cheese (I'm going to be lactose intolerant by the end of all of this *g*) but then the one day whore - OMG LOL. Awesome.

Tawny said...

*g* Keira... exactly.

What a great day filled with cheese and romance!! You are all so great.

ReadingIsSoMuchFun said...

I don't mind at all about splitting the prizes. I be happy to win any of the prizes ;) *hint,hint* LoL


danie88 said...

I haven't visited the lair in awhile... my internet connection and computer have been going wacko lately, but I'm back! :D

I haven't even read anyones poems yet, but I'm sure they are gonna be way better then what I've come up with :P lol here it goes...

I give you the key to my heart
to unlock what is meant to be
You and me forever
and forever we shall be.

danie88 said...

ok I'm not sure if we are aloud to enter more then one poem, but I got another one...

Love is like the sun so beautiful and bright
Love is like the moon that we fall asleep to at night
Love is like my heart which you hold in your hands
So please don’t break it, you are my one true man.

Tawny said...

Danie -we missed you!! So glad you got to stop by and play for Valentines ;-)

Fab cheesy poem, btw. Nicely done.

kim h said...

happy vday all

rose are red
violets are blue

i love romance novels
and so should u

penney said...

Wow! So many beautiful poems thank you everyone.
I hope you all had a lovely day yesterday!

uxb said...

Couldn't get on the Blog yesterday, but can't resist cheezy Valentine Poem's

The GR's mind, Mr. Hyde's or Dr. Jekyl's?
Subject of crass jokes and heckles
But the crafty doodle cock
Played great connect-a-dot
Said the girl with five thousand freckles

Esri Rose said...

Janga, WOW. I vote for your sonnet. I lubs it SO MUCH!