Yes!!! The day is finally here!! Welcome to the Book Launch party for my first book, HOMICIDE IN HARDCOVER!! Woooo hoooo!!!!!!
But can I tell you the truth? I'm seriously wiped out from the pre-bash bash last week. Okay, fine, call it a hangover. What-ev-ah!Show of hands. Who's still recovering from the pre-party last week? Can't remember the pre-bash party? Let me remind you ... think back ... think ... Roasted Toasted Almond • 2 oz vodka • 2 oz Kalua • 2 oz Amaretto • 2 oz Bailey’s Irish Cream. Blend well with ice in a blender.
Yeah, now you remember!
Whew. Talk about a crazy pre-bash bash! So even though we need a vacation from wild partying, it's required that we party hearty to celebrate the launch of the most anticipated--by me, anyway--book of the year!! So let's par-tay!!!!!
But first, if you want to be excused to go buy the book, just click on the book cover and go!! But hurry back, we'll miss you. But go!! Buy!! But come back soon. Because ... ahem ...
But first, if you want to be excused to go buy the book, just click on the book cover and go!! But hurry back, we'll miss you. But go!! Buy!! But come back soon. Because ... ahem ...
IT'S TIME TO PARTY!!! Uh-huh! ... party! ... oh yeah! Yeoww!
SHHHHH!!!
Sorry! Okay, we'll party in a quiet, dignified way, in deference to our more sensitive {cough::hungover::cough} attendees. And ... drum roll, please ... our low-key, sedate party theme today is ...
A Weekend HOMICIDE In The Country.
It seems that our fabulously wealthy Uncle Cuthbert has invited us all to a lovely, civilized gathering at his palatial estate in the country. You'll bring a servant along with you, naturally. There will be soirees and evening recitals. A shooting party, of course. Archery, nature walks, cards, billiards, etc. Please pack accordingly.
Ah, it's lovely to be in the country this time of year! But I think it was terribly rude of Uncle Cuthbert to announce last night in the middle of an extravagant twelve-course dinner, that he plans to change his Last Will and Testament--again! Yes, he does serve excellent French champagne. But the old poop expects each of us to justify our perfectly reasonable, if a bit overly fabulous, lifestyles! It's so unfair! Sigh. Isn't it bad enough that we kowtow and pay homage to the old man every time we see him?Honestly, isn't it about time someone put an end to this nonsense?
Oh, dear.
Later that morning, Uncle Cuthbert is found dead in his office. Blood has seeped from his wound onto the Last Will and Testament he was just about to sign.
Bummer. There goes the shooting party.
But all is not lost! A hunky, if rather dour, Chief Inspector is called to the scene to interrogate YOU personally! He'd like to know the answer to any or all of these questions:
1. Who are you?
2. Who killed Uncle Cuthbert?
But all is not lost! A hunky, if rather dour, Chief Inspector is called to the scene to interrogate YOU personally! He'd like to know the answer to any or all of these questions:
1. Who are you?
2. Who killed Uncle Cuthbert?
3. Was it you? Did you kill him? Was he about to disinherit you? Why?
4. No? You didn't do it? What's your alibi?
4. No? You didn't do it? What's your alibi?
And I'd like to hear the answer to this question: What really happened in that interrogation room between you and Inspector Hunky?
And a bonus question! Who plays you in the film version?
And another bonus question! Who is that hunky Chief Inspector, anyway?
Okay, party people, I've got two signed copies of HOMICIDE IN HARDCOVER going out to two lucky random commenters!
LET'S PARTY!!!!
148 comments:
me
Yes! Yes! Yes! The GR and I are shakin' to the ooga-booga dance with a lot of hip swiveling action. Warming up the body in time for Kate's par-tay!!
I am a Hawaiian princess down my father's line. In fact, I'm the last surviving one, and I don't marry Hawaiian nobility, the line dies with me.
I of course brought my coach driver, two footmen, four outriders, two maids, and a close friend with me, including my most precious possession: The handomest, the most brilliant, the one and only: Golden Rooster. He is my personal emblem of success and fame.
As to who killed Uncle Cuthbert. It could've been any one of the invitees, other than me of course. They all had the opportunity at some point or another last evening and later in the night.
I on the other hand utterly dislike sleeping alone. After dinner, I promptly retired to my room where my two maids put me and the GR to bed, while they set up their pallets one near the door to the dressing room and one near the main bedroom door.
I read for four hours last night, but I heard nothing, saw nothing. I was too engrossed in this (blush) novel by a Lady Campbell with a devilish title.
You
I'd like Juliet Binoche or Jane Porter to play me.
Congrats on the GR, Keira! Haha - I visited too soon :X then ... ok I admit to forgetting.
Ummm... who am I? Obscure European royalty. Why not... the secret female heir to the throne of Monaco :D. I am played by... Natalie Portman! :D
My alibi? ... I was busy meeting (phone conferencing0 with a committee [member] from UNICEF - it was recorded and I was engaged in the details for a long time.
Who killed Uncle Cuthbert? Well - definitely not me... I think the other guests look shady. Or, the staff - they had ample opportunity for foul play... but then again - I mentioned to my personal body guard that security around the property looked lax... and there are rumors that Old Cuthbert had some illegitimate heir who wanted his/her rightful position... who knows where he or she is hiding...
Holy Rooster, Keira, you're fast!! But you got him!! He's yours!! I'm so happy for you. Wow, I can see you shaking that thang!! LOL
I'm just laughing so hard at your answers. I hope you brought enough servants to take care of your needs!
But I'm not sure I believe you were in bed all night! Your only alibi is a rather disreputable bird. I know! Perhaps you could recite some passages from THAT BOOK to prove your innocence. Hee hee!
And I love Juliet Binoche!
Limecello, your alibi is clearly unimpeachable. Well done! *g*
And obscure European royalty? Very intriguing! I see you wearing a rather large gold hammered tiara inlaid with chunky, semi-precious stones. Very post-modern. :-) Now, if we could just track down this illegitimate heir...
Hi Kate,
Congrats on your debut release. I'm a third cousin of "Uncle" Cuthbert, twice removed. I did not kill him. I was in the game room playing strip billiards with one of the valets. I'm played by Evangeline Lily from "Lost."
Congrats on the GR, Keira.
Congratulations on the release! What a great way to celebrate. :)
I am a super secret Russian spy. But, shhhh, you can't tell anyone else. Uncle Cuthbert isn't really my uncle, but a former KGB operative I'd been instructed to watch in case he decided to divulge what he knew about the motherland.
I don't know for sure who killed Uncle Cuthbert, but my suspicions are falling on the shady stepson - and not just because he's meaty hands keep falling on me. *shudder*
No, I have no need to kill Uncle Cuthbert. Besides, I was too busy on the grounds finding a location away from prying ears so I could check in with my handler back in Moscow. He could verify the time of my call, though my mobile records will also have the time logged. No, I will not give them to you.
Wouldn't you just like to know what was going on between Inspector Hunky and me while I was being 'interrogated'. *wink*
As for who would play me, I would choose Keira Knightley.
WooHoo Kate!!! Love a launch party!
Okay, let's settle the important things first. Inspector Hunky has an amazing resemblence to Hugh Jackman, and if he looks like Hugh-- then I better be playing myself (grin).
Allow me to freshen that drink, Hunky man.
Well, I certainly didn't do it. If I wanted to knock off the old coot, I would have used poison. I thought I saw Colonel Mustard with a lead pipe last night hanging out in the Conservatory. I'd suggest you go interrogate him - but not just yet. It's too hot to be asking all these questions. If you slip off that jacket, I'm sure you'll be more comfortable...
That's better...and you wouldn't want those pants to wrinkle, would you? Let me just lock the door...
Keira!!!!! Persistence pays. You got him!!! Brava, Bandita Buddy! Now you've got him, though, what are you going to do with him. I still think a marinade has merit...
Kate, super, super, SUPER congratulations on the release of Homicide in Hardcover. I've thought this book sounded brilliant right from when you first told us about it. And now the reviews are coming out and everybody says it's brilliant. How do you feel? Seriously. Are you excited? Surprised? Nervous. Share your feelings with the lair, my dear. They will go no further.
I'll be back tomorrow but just wanted to buzz by and book my bar stool (and the eighth best cabana boy. For some reason the others seem to have disappeared lately!).
Well done Keira enjoy your day with him I am sure he is going to look after you at Uncle Cuthberts
Congrats on the release Kate I am so excited for you this is a great party idea
I am a Countess and cousin of Uncle Cuthbert I did not kill him and did not hear anything and I am sure he wasn't going to disinherit me. I was having a bath at the time and my maid can vouch for me.
As for the interrogation room the inspector is played by Hugh Jackman and he was very nice to me and flirting with me and believed every word I said of course I was only too eager to show him my room and the huge copper bath, he only had to look into my eyes to tell I was being truthful and I am played by Kate Winslet.
As for the murderer that could have been any of the staff has the Butler be interrogated yet?
I think I need another drink this has been a very taxing time.
Have Fun
Helen
ROTFLOL,
Now what could I say after reading all the other wonderfully funny comments...you girls make me laugh!
Congrat's to you Kate! xoxo
It's mimosa time!
Hugs
Hawk
Oh oh oh, it's time! I am going to have to think about this for a while. Unfortunately I have to work today, I am only here now because there is a two hour delay for my son's school.
I will be back this evening my friends, we will get through this terrible time together. Keira, Karin, you ladies might want to let the inspector go, he has a lot of Banditas and BB's to question and he can't do that being sandwiched between you two. There is a line forming to the right for potential questionees. (yeah, I just make up words when the one I want gets away from me)
Oh, poor, dear, darling Cuthbert . . . yes, those catty gossips might have insinuated that my precious Cuthbert was stepping out on me--envious tarts!-- but the diamonds my maid tucks away every night certainly suggest otherwise. He dotes, well (sob) doted on me.
My name? Well, I must admit, after six husbands, it grows a bit fuzzy, but Cuthbert would have been the last, I swear!
An Alibi? That's a rather indelicate question, officer. . .although if you swear this goes no further. . .I was meeting privately with my physician, for a few discreet Botox injections. Nothing drastic, of course. That's why I'm smiling through these tears!
You know officer, you bear a remarkable resemblance to that new James Bond fellow. Daniel Craig? Might you be any relation? Because I have such an interest in the arts. Perhaps if you needed to speak with me later? My room is directly across from dear Cuthbert's, you know.
I am a dead ringer for Madeline Kahn, who played Mrs. White in the movie CLUE. Or she's a dead ringer for me. (Wiping eyes with a lace handkerchief.)I'm an original, of course.
Congratulations, Kate!! :)
Strip billiards, Jane?? LOL!! The valets are so cute, I hope you won! Hee hee!
Thanks, Karin!! If that's really your name ...
I wouldn't dream of questioning your alibi. I'm afraid of you!! LOL
So Uncle was KGB? That explains a lot. The comings and goings...weapons cache in the basement...the borscht...
And you could be right about Cuthy's stepson and his meaty hands. {{shudder}} I can't imagine the big ox acted alone, though. :-)
Whoa, Donna!! Is it getting hot in here or what?? Inspector Hunky, er, Jackson, you're forehead appears damp. Donna, what are you...?? My goodness, Inspector, are you really taking off your ... oh blast, they've locked the door!! LOL.
And there goes Colonel Mustard! Inspector? Inspector!!!
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH Kate's book is out!!!
Ah, now that I have that out of my system...good morning, y'all!
Seriously, congrats, Miss Kate! We've waited along time for this one to hit the shelves haven't we?
Now to the questions:(using my best southern accent)
Dear Inspector, mah name is Cloe Montague, the impulsive daughter of Uncle Cuthbert's youngest sister...and I do declare I would nevah harm a hair on that kindly old gentleman's head...even though he took great exception to mah rather indescrete liasons with my two gentlemen friends and ending up on the front page of the society section rather drunk in my flapper party dress drinking bathtub gin with that lovely man Al Capone.
Bonus question: I think that delightful actress Ashley Judd plays moi...don't you think?
Anna, my darling, thank you so much!! I'm nervous, excited, frantic, dizzy. Oh, and panic-stricken, did I mention that? Yet strangely serene. Clearly I've gone mad. Can you relate? :-)
Do come back, love. The party is just getting started! We'll have Paolo keep your barstool warm. And where are all the other cabana bad boys? Really, it's so difficult to get good help!!
I'll just start this blender up and--ah, here they come. Like Pavlov's puppies ... hello boys!!! We have guests!!
Helen!! LOL! Or shall I call you Kate? Winslet, of course. I'm Kate as well, but I'm sure there won't be any confusion. Well, except for poor Inspector Hugh. He tends to mix up his Kates. But that's to be expected in his line of work. So many Kates to be interrogated. :-)
And of course your maid will vouch for you. That's what you pay her for!!
I suppose you insisted that the Inspector draw you a bath and see you bathing in order to prove your innocence? Hmm??
Well, no wonder you're parched! I'll have Maxmilian fetch you another cocktail, you poor dear!
Good morning, Hawk!!
Yes, these ladies have had me rolling on the floor this morning!
With laughter, I mean.
Oh, give me one of those mimosas, will you please?
I am secret agent Melinda Marvelous. I'm posing as a maid here at the dearly departed's country estate but I'm really working undercover with (weep with envy ladies) Inspector Hunky. But, what the good Inspector doesn't know is that I'm also the illegitimate daughter of Uncle Cuthbert, conceived in ill-fated love with the only woman who ever held his heart, the daughter of his sworn enemy. He only discovered my existence recently, of course, which is why he was about to change his will and leave his entire estate to me. I was about to become a very rich woman. Why would I kill him?
Why yes, I do have an alibi. I was providing personal turn-down service for dear Hunky..uh..that is..the Chief Inspector. Sir!
I am played by the gorgeous and voluptuous Catherine Zeta Jones.
I don't know who killed Papa but I have my suspicions.
Really, Ms. Carlisle! Don't you know by now that what happens in the interrogation room stays in the interrogation room?
What a great party to stumble...err..gracefully walk into! Congratulations, Kate!!! Big day and big tadoins in the Lair.
Now, for my interrogation with Inspector McAvoy (it's my fantasy, I want James). My name is Charlotte and I should tell you right off Uncle Cuthbert wasn't really my uncle. He and my father were partners in business dealings. My poor father who died under mysterious circumstances only six months ago. I came to this party to get answers from that crook Cuthbert. Now that someone else has done him in, I'll never get my answers!
Perhaps if we work together. Closely together. Some all night surveillance might be just the thing...
Alibi? Simple, darling. I was stealing wireless and chatting with the lovely ladies of the Bandita Lair. I'm sure the comments are time stamped. :)
Since this is total fantasy land today, I'll say Megan Fox plays me. A girl can dream. *sigh*
Hooray Kate! It feels like we've waited forever for this day!
My name is Ermengarde. I am dear Cuthbert's long lost (and of course, legitimate) daughter! Yes, my dears, I am the secret baby. I am the product of his mad love with the daughter of a wealthy cit. Dear mama was blunt, stocky and extremely embarrassed at the way her father made his fortune (French letter manufacturer, don't you know) but she shared Cuthbert's love of a fancy high tea. Their love blossomed over lovely bowls of clotted cream. Grandfather refused to countenance the match, however, and Mama was exiled to a nunnery in Switzerland. Where she never had a scone again. Sob.
In any case, I am here now and Of Course I did not kill him! He was changing his will to leave everything to ME! It must have been one of his other nasty relatives. As if it weren't enough that they all grew up eating lemon curd and macaroons every day, the selfish things.
I was in the kitchen, learning the secret to Cook's cucumber sandwiches. Hmm, I wonder if that scrumptious inspector prefers Earl Grey or Darjeeling? He does bear a marked resemblance to Hugh Jackman, doesn't he?
Yum.
Oh, no PJ! I just posted and saw your story line. Ah, well. Great minds think alike!
Congratulations on your release day, KATE !!!! I am so excited for you!!! AND what a great house party !
Keira, Aloha, dahlink! you look mahvelous! And so does your date! And he will certainly come in handy here as he is an expert when it comes to alibis and getaways!
Who am I? Why I'm the Duchess of Hotdayum, of course! I arrived with my six footmen (poor retired Chippendale dancers that I took in out of the goodness of my heart) and my personal butler who bears a striking resemblance to Clive Owen.
And of course I didn't kill Uncle Cuthbert, though God knows the man needed killing. He was the meanest, nastiest, cruelest, most arrogant man in sixteen counties. He made children cry, beat his servants, pinched pennies until Lincoln screamed for mercy AND he wore ugly shoes!!
Any of us could have killed him. I suspect that cute young wife of his, Gillian. She's got more last names that a Gabor sister and they can all be found on tombstones shortly after her weddings. Her last wedding she got married in black just to save time. Rumor has it she's going to announce her engagement to the Inspector at the reading of the will.
Yes, I knew he was going to disinherit me. He even disinherited his dogs! Don't trust a man whose dogs don't like him.
Where was I? I was watching my butler polish the silver. The silver what? That's none of your business!
Joanne Whalley would play me in the movie. She's a redhead and knows how to handle a .... sword, that's it. Sword. You need that sort of skill in this family!!
And as to what went on in that interrogation room with Inspector Hugh Jackman. Lets just say he was smiling when I left. But don't tell my butler. Poor man gets so upset. Jeeves, honey, put the Inspector down. It was nothing. Honestly. MEN!
Hi Banditas! I'm excited! I just got confirmation that Kate's Homicide in Hardcover will be one of two featured books at the Mystery Book Club board at Barnes and Noble (BN.com) during the month of March. Please stop by and give it a plug! (The announcement won't be up for a couple of weeks, this is hot off the presses!)
Becke, that's fantastic news! I'll be sure to stop by.
Looks like March is the designated bookclub month for Homicide in Hardcover. My local bookclub has chosen Kate's book for our March selection too. :)
Deb, it's an honor to be in a GMTA corner with you! Watch your mail. You should be getting something from me today or tomorrow.
LOL Dianna! Yes, some of us are monopolizing the Inspector's time! {Ahem} I know! Perhaps he should call for reinforcements.
Ooh, what a good idea. Detective Inspectors for everyone!
And of course, we all make up words when the ones we have just won't do. :-)
KATE!!!! Congratulations on your release. It seems like we've been waiting forEVer to get our grubby little hands on HIH.
I'm going out this morning to see if Border's has a copy. If you read of a nasty incident in the newspapers, you'll know they DIDN'T!!
Congrats on the rooster, Keira. I love your one-word proclamation of ownership of him -- "me!"
I'm the impoverished daughter of a duke. I have nothing to recommend me except the somewhat tarnished artistocratic image.
I retired early, but sneaked out of my bedchamber to retrieve a book from the library to help me sleep. While there, I heard a loud noise and quickly hid behind the massive desk. I saw nothing, but the strange gurgling sounds that quickly followed chilled me to the bone.
Oh, dear heavens, Gillian!! Sympathies on the loss of your dear Cuthbert. You must be beyond consolation, poor dear. Although...Daniel seems to be consoling you quite nicely. Hmm. I can see why you'd take such an interest in the arts...
And far be it from me to spread rumors, but I believe Cuthbert was doing a bit of consolation, as well, with a certain upstairs maid. What is her name? Oh, who can keep them all straight? You know the one. The saucy one who wears her uniform a bit too tight?
Oh, but never mind that. I believe Daniel is summoning you...my, he has nice hands, doesn't he?
And yes, you truly are an original!! LOL
OMG, Gillian, I almost forgot about the Botox injections! No wonder you're smiling through your tears, poor dear. ROTFLMAO!!
And I LOVE Madeline Kahn!! I know she stole all her best lines from you. :-)
Good morning, Suz!! And thanks! :-)
Ashley Judd would be honored to play you, of course! I'll call her people and get things rolling.
Now we all know Uncle Cuthbert was a stubborn old tightwad, but imagine taking exception to that silly little misunderstanding between those two rather muscular gentlemen friends of Mr. Capone who ended up fighting for your honor. Why, it's what muscular gentlemen do!
And who knew that attractive young bartender would turn out to be a reporter? None of this is your fault!
Happily, Cuthbert didn't get a chance to sign the Will that would've disinherited you completely. What a relief that must be, hmm????
LOL PJ!!! Or shall I call you Melinda? No wait, Catherine? Er, Miss Zita-Jones? No, I'll call you Miss Marvelous!
Why, you're that saucy upstairs maid with the too-tight uniform! Aren't you? Hmm, no wonder you were providing turn-down service for all the gentlemen! It's your job, of course.
And how nice of the Inspector to declare you perfectly innocent! Poor as a churchmouse, sadly, but innocent nonetheless.
Oh, but I won't take up any more of your time because Uncle Cuthbert's fabulously wealthy partner, Eugene Bigbucks, is trying to catch your eye. Ah, it seems old Gino needs turndown service as well. Er, Miss Marvelous, one of the buttons on your uniform seems to be coming loose...oops, there goes another one...
Keira! You have the chook - and he's got his party feathers on. Rock it' baby, with the ooga-booga! Grins.
Of course, dance lessons are an obvious way to keep one's alluring shape, aren't they? You Hawaiian princesses would know all about that. As for me, you have to ASK who I am? *drawing up in outrage* Why, I'm Le Duchesse de Snorkville. Of course, no, no, please rise. I accept your apology. Yes, I have been working out and no, I don't have a new hairstyle. Now, now, no need for bowing or servility. I'm not here as an Official Personage, you understand. I'm here to protect the interests of my darling fellow peeress, the Duchess of Hotdayum.
You see, our dear departed Dukes were friends and business partners. What? Oh, of COURSE the business has tripled in size since they died in that terrible boating incident. Louisa and I are in charge now, so certainly all the young men in our factories are working full tilt. They know they have to please...us.
The boating incident? Well, winter and all. Hard to boat OR swim when the water's 20 degrees. And all that ice of course. Don't know WHAT those men were thinking. *delicate sniff* Making us both widows on the same day. Ah, the Duchess and I have leaned on one another heavily since then.
As to that odious man, Cuthbert, I had no part in his death. Armed? Of course I'm armed. So are my retainers. With the businesses doing so well and Louisa and I being such flawless beauties, the bounders and cads well...they abound. One must protect oneself.
Mercy no, I didn't kill him? Why would I? I have no dog in this fight. *wince* Beg pardon, Louisa, it's just a turn of phrase. Yes, of course we'll be sure to take in the disinherited dogs, darling. (And quite of few of these lovely disinherited footmen as well. You, sir, your name? Ahhh, Reynaldo. You may pull up a cushion for my feet. Thank you. No, please stay.)
*frowns, impatient with the question* Alibi? Why on earth would I need one? All my men will vouch for me. I was exercising. Cross training. What? Oh, yes, of course I was scantily clad, why do you ask, Inspector Jackman? *preens* Is that your real name? My, aren't YOU the public servant. I might have to be suspicious and oh...even...BAD... if you're going to interview me. Donna? The Corseted Beauty? Piffle. What do I care? You're with me NOW...
(Coming out of the interrogation room, smoothing hair) What? What? Oh, nothing happened darlings, nothing at all.
*frowns* Who would play me on film? I'm unique. It would be a difficult choice. Jessica Alba, perhaps. Mayhap Reese Witherspoon, as she would get the accent properly, but she's quite petite. I am, as you can see, more elegantly tall and curvaceous.
*whispering behind my well-manicured hand* Are you SURE that inspector Jackman works for the police?
*rushing to the parlor door, hands extended in welcome* Kate, DARLING!! Oh, congratulations on the release of HIH! Of COURSE I'm going to go purchase it. Several copies, as soon as this...Inspector...says we may leave. Wonderful party darling. *pouts* Barring the death of that odious man, of course.
1. Who are you?
Jennifer Lyon--the family witch
2. Who killed Uncle Cuthbert?
I looked in my crystal ball...but you'll have to pay me for the answer.
3. Was it you? Did you kill him? Was he about to disinherit you? Why?
NO! I can't kill, or cause harm, because of witch karma. (Any harm done with my powers comes back on me three times.) Uncle Cuthbert was about to disinherit me because he's a witch-bigot!
4. No? You didn't do it? What's your alibi?
I was drinking apple martinis! Want one? They are so yummy.
And I'd like to hear the answer to this question: What really happened in that interrogation room between you and Inspector Hunky?
Inspector Hunky, or Hunk as I call him now, had a couple apple martinis, and let me tell you, when that man knocks back martinis, he's not dour at all!
And a bonus question! Who plays you in the film version?
Jennifer Aniston
And another bonus question! Who is that hunky Chief Inspector, anyway?
Hugh Jackman! And he's mine! MINE!
I see there's going to be difficulty over the favours of the darling Inspector Jackman. You may call him Hunk, Jennifer, but he'll come back to me. Peerage, don't you know. All the men these days are raging for a title.
*Frowns* A witch, eh? I have several areas in which (ha, ha) you might be helpful.
Louisa! We have one of Cuthy's relatives here. A witch. Yes, wouldnt' she be fabulous in management at the business?
Terrio--er, Charlotte, darling!! Welcome to the party! I hope you've had enough champagne to dull the pain and confusion of never knowing the answers you came here seeking.
I do hope dear James--Inspector McAvoy--can also help ease the distress you must be feeling now that mean old Cuthbert has kicked the bucket. Well, *someone* kicked his bucket, anyway...
Megan Fox, darling? You're so much prettier than her!!!
Miss Marvelous has been called away on a mission of mercy (it's hospital volunteer day) but have no fear, gentlemen. I'll be back in plenty of time to bed you...uh...that is...assist you to your beds for your afternoon naps. I assume you will all be indulging in a nap today?
Until later then...
Kate said:
Megan Fox, darling? You're so much prettier than her!!!
For that, I'm buying at least a dozen copies.
MWAH!!
It's Deb Marlowe!! Helloooo!! *waving fan excitedly* Oh dear, Ermengarde, I didn't realize it was you. From a distance you look just like--well, never mind!
Yes, I'm afraid Uncle Cuthbert populated the world with little secret babies. Clearly his mother was reading too many romance novels while he was in the womb.
But never mind all that silliness! You're here now, and you're free to drown your sorrows in all the clotted cream you could desire! Just don't breathe in. It's not called *clotted* for nothing. I learned that lesson the hard way.
Ooh, but it seems Inspector Jackman would like to see you in his bedroo--uh, interrogation room. Perhaps you might find something more ... hmm, shall we say, *manly* to drown your sorrows in? :-)
Louisa!!! ROTFLMAO, once again!! I'm exhausted with laughing so hard! And my co-workers are casting worried glances my way.
Huh? Co-workers?? I mean, other party guests, of course! Ha ha ha, what was I thinking? Too much champers, silly me!
Where was I? Ah yes, greeting the darling Duchess of Hotdayum!! It's not a party without you, Duchess, and your Hotdayum footmen!
Now, while you're busy with Inspector Hugh, might you please send your charming and talented young butler down the hall to my room? I have some, er, umm, silver that needs polishing. Pretty pleeeze??
Well hello, Butler! Would you perhaps be ... Gerard Butler?
Becke!! Oh my God, I'm in shock. How wonderful!! Wow, one of the two featured books for March! I'm so excited!
I'm going to swing by there immediately!!
Thanks so much!! Woo hoo!! Can you tell I'm excited?? LOL
Darlings, darlings - you can begin the party! I'm here now!
*air kisses all round - except for Inspector Hunky Jackman ...*
Who's going to pour me a drink? Why thank you, my sweet Mr Owen.
No, no. No need to be sombre and sedate - Cuthy dearest would have wanted us to have a faboo time. Lord knows, he could never host a party worth going to in real life.
Me? I'm Reggie Lambert (played, naturally, by the simply divine Miss Audrey Hepburn).
Until recently I thought I was his only wife ... until that six-time black widow Gillian surfaced! Don't be fooled by that Officer Craig charade - I believe he's number (00)7-in-waiting, now that dear Cuthy has popped his ... um, sadly left us before his time.
Why would I wish to kill him? The divorce settlement would have kept me in a most confortable way. So what if his will had stated I'd get the whole bloody lot. *smiles and flutters long eyelashes, then dabs at single tear slipping gracefully down cheek* I mean, we'd all much rather dear Cuthy was still with us, wouldn't we?
Alibi? Well, I was with my new friend Peter Joshua (played by the always delicious Cary Grant) and we were trying to find dear Cuthy's secret safe - with the real will in (you know, the one where I get everything). But, some nasty men were chasing us throughout the mansion, making things rather tricky.
But, I'm confident everything will be resolved. The truth will come out. Then, we will all be able to relax with a nice bottle of wine and a good - make that great - book. This one looks pretty spiffy - it's called Homicide in Hardcover.
Darling Reggie! So good to see you here. When I came over on the train from the Continent last night, I was coming to support poor, dear Louisa, The Duchess of Hotdayum. I didn't realize you would be here!
Dear Reggie, you always bring the party with you. Such a tour de force you are. *sweet smile* Why, I can't imagine you dashing through the mansion, prying into the safes, you naughty girl!
1. I’m Lady Caroline Givens, poor cousin and unpaid governess to Uncle Cuthbert’s hellion daughters, Elsie (12) and Emma (8), from his second wife. He has four grown daughters from his first wife (God rest her soul), but no sons. His second wife has been dead for three years now; and it has been rumored Uncle Cuthbert’s mistress is pregnant and he was considering marrying her in case she had a son…
2. I don’t know; I didn’t witness the murder. I suspect though, it might have been cousin Lawrence Givens (a local poor curate) or cousin Winslow Givens (a beloved relative, but well-known rake and cardplayer). Both are in line to inherit. Lawrence before Winslow, of course.
3. No, it wasn’t me. *I* certainly don’t stand to inherit so much as a bean. Never mind the fact, I’ll have to infiltrate myself in the good graces of whatever nincompoop inherits this bloody mess. Pardon the pun. And let me just say Lawrence might be a curate, but he thinks of himself as more of a ladykiller than Winslow, who has helped himself to half the poor maids in this household.
4. I was taking charity baskets to the sick and poor. Lady Cuthbert was feeling under the weather (as always) and asked me to go in her stead. You can consult with the Cook who made the baskets, and Fanny the scullery maid who went with me to distribute.
*cocking eyebrow* Nothing happened between me and that impertinent, arrogant baggage of half-concocted theories! I am a lady, thank you very much; and he is certainly not a gentleman, regardless of his connections to the Earl of Hempshire.
Kate Winslet.
Johnny Depp—I really loved him in Sleepy Hollow—and think the wardrobe would be much the same. Plus he does half-concocted theories so well.
Congratulations Kate! What a wonderful day for you to celebrate.
I didn't kill Cuthbert since I am his closest advisor and confidante. This is a tragedy for sure.
I am played by Renee Zellweiger.
Goodness, Lady Caroline! You've had quite the time. Hmmm. I might have a place for you in my household. Anyone who had the good sense to realize that Lawrence is a complete nincompoop is a smart one. *sly smile*
I'm always on the lookout for smart, hard-working help. And the fact that you're a Lady is SUCH a benefit...and tell me more about these connections Inspector Depp has to Hempstead. :>
My, the attractive Inspectors are just legion around here, aren't they?
Ahhh, Traveler, so YOU'RE the confidante!!!
Here, come sit by me...
I am dear Cuthy's great great, really great niece. I'm the very image of that actres...you know... she plays on that Navy criminal show. the girl who has that darling accent and the ability to flatten any man who irritates her.
OH, Inspector Jackman, you have no idea how comforting it is for a sensitive, emotional woman like myself to have such a strong--my goodness dear, those abs really are amazing--man to cling to in troubled times.
I fear I must tell you that Cuthy was desperately afraid of the witch. Those appletinis of hers are positively lethal, dear inspector. Only yesterday a maid sipped at the dregs of the witch's drink and keeled right over. Would I lie to you?
Why inspector! Must we do so detailed a search of my person?
oooh. I believe you missed a spot.
And Mega Congrats, Kate!!! Wooo Hooo.......this is just the first of many!
Congrats on the release, Kate! What a fun idea for release day.
I'll have to get back to this later. My kids were on a 2 hr delay this morning too and I'm still trying to catch up.
I am the family parrot. Yes, I did kill him. After all these years of learning those silly, juvenile words he liked me to squwak for party guests like the merest performing monkey, some idiot gave him a guinea pig for his birthday, and he took such a shine to the overweight creature he was about to take my name out of the 'Guranteed Comfort and Care from Personal Butler so long as he shall live' clause and put Squeaky's in. I couldn't allow it. I poisoned him with a carefully dropped birdy bomb in his coffee. Who knew he'd hit the scissors on the way down and bleed all over his desk?
And what took place betweent the Chief Inspector and I was pleasant but shall remain a secret between the two of us. After all - a gentlement never tells.
As to who will play me in the film - alas, there are woefully few avian actors of sufficient sensitivity to do justice to my portrayal. It shall have to be I, myself, who steps in to that thespian role.
1. Who are you?
2. Who killed Uncle Cuthbert?
3. Was it you? Did you kill him? Was he about to disinherit you? Why?
4. No? You didn't do it? What's your alibi?
1. I'm Uncle Cuthbert's Chief of Security, and I might have some questions for YOU.
2. Our benevolent uncle had many enemies foreign and domestic, not to mention all you scamps after his inheritance. Extraordinary wealth attracts extraordinary people, both good and bad. Rest assured, however, my team will be following the money.
3. Was it me? No, it was not me, as I'm clearly present on the surveillance footage walking the property's perimeter. However, I cannot rule out a member of my staff working in collusion with one of YOU, since the surveillance footage from Uncle Cuthbert's office is, so surprisingly, replaced with a vintage episode of The Muppets.
4. My alibi is the surveillance tapes. However, if any of you are planning on travelling any time soon, that you please notify myself or my staff.
Bonus 1: Who plays me in the movie? Tommy Lee Jones, maybe? Even though he's nothing like me, he'd be good for the part.
Bonus 2: The "hunky" chief inspector doesn't matter, as he's constrained by his department's ineptitude as well as by laws governing civil rights and procedure. My staff and I suffer no such limitations, and are well accustomed to ... let's say, "avoiding the scrutiny of the courts."
I mentioned to my personal body guard that security around the property looked lax...
My staff is highly trained to be watchful, without being highly visible. Obtrusive security sometimes makes guests nervous.
Hmmm, Cuthy's surveillance team, eh? How...unsurprising...that Cuthy was cunning enough to hire YOU. *sly smile*
My goodness, I love the Muppets, but wouldn't have the first idea how to cut in a video track. *looks innocent*
*scanning the group* The parrot's confessed, but seriously, does anyone believe the stab wounds in the BACK were made by the parrot? Hmmm?
PJ!! I'm so honored to be the book club choice for March!
Jo, thanks!! I'm keeping my eye on CNN for word of any major skirmishes that break out upstate!
And you know that tarnished aristocratic image will get you everywhere. :-)
Strange gurgling sounds. Hmm, where was the Golden Rooster during this time? Hawaiian Princess, was he with you all night???
Kate! Super congrats on the release of Homocide in Hardcover! I so can not wait to read this book *g*
I was so upset to hear of Uncle Cuthbert's untimely demise but of course, I didn't kill him. Although I do have my suspicions of who did (eyeing the GR). Someone really should check that bird's alibi.
Dukes and Duchesses, Parrots and Secret Babys *sniff*
I am the Goddess Sangria. Yes, it can be a trial to be devine at times but I just....order another tropical from the bar and...the stress passes.
I have no clue who might have done the mortal Cuthbert but I am quite peeved at the culprit. It wasn't his will that he was laboring over but the incantation needed to bring my personal gladiator bodyguards through the time portal. (Regretably he bleed profusely over the last stanza.
Sadly, my penchant for the fruit of the vine has...dampened my celestial abilities and so I find myself stranded in this abominably snow and ice filled world.
And so I subsist on only one of my protector's Demetrius who has stocially been mourning the loss of his shield though he became rather impatient whilst that god like Inspector (Centurion, Emperor..does it matter?)interogated me.
And while that Marvoulous woman went "undercover" with him I *smooths hands along the silk of curve hugging tunica* went UNDER the covers with him.
I was in no (one) position to refuse...
*Reaches for sangria* Perhaps this time is not so onerous?
M.
RTOFLMAO....
Jeanne, ROTFLMAO and holding my stomach in pain!!! I can't take it anymore....need to breathe...must buy new keyboard...please...next time...spew alert necessary...
Oh, but I'm sorry, I should've addressed you as Le Duchesse!! Pray, forgive me, Your Grace. I've been ill or I never would've ... well, welcome!!
I'm ever so saddened to hear of "the boating incident" (just FYI, if it pleases Your Graciousness, these days the kids call it a "Hostile Takeover"). But how wonderful that you have your dear friend, her Hotdayumdedness (and her various footmen) to lean on at this troubled time.
I'm wondering if you might be looking for new investors in your little business concern. Only as a way to assist you, of course, my dear. I certainly don't need the money ...
And I know a witch who might be helpful in this endeavor ...
Oh, I see you've taken sweet Reynaldo under your ample wing ... such a generous soul you are, my dear Duchesse!!
Congrats Keira for nabbing that rooster! You get to party all day with him!!!
Did I here something about a party. Congrats on your new release!!
Let me see who am I? I am the Queen of England and I am played by Nicole Kidman. I am surounded by bodygards at all time not to mention my servants.
I did not kill Uncle Cuthbert because I did no need his money. I have a devine life. Besides I was in the Interrogation room all evening with Cheif inspector Hunky and I will not tell what we were doing.
As to who killed Uncle Cuthbert I believe it was the GR. I don't believe he was in bed with Keira all night because the GR doesn't stay still that long. Check with that Golden Rooster.
*making a note* Hostile Takeover, eh? I do try to stay au courant, but goodness, hostile? Why Louisa and I would never be hostile! We're just poor grieving widows, managing to make a mint with our late husband's legacies...
Just ask Inspector Hunky over there if either of us were hostile. I KNOW he'll deny... *waving, winking* (He's a rover, but oh-so-fun while you've got him. Just ask Donna!)
You know another witch, do you, darling Kate? Seems they come in rather handy, don't they? *wink* Even the ones that keep to that code of theirs are fairly useful when you're in business.
And speaking of business, talk of money NEVER offends me, dear Kate. We'll talk about your buying in once all this murder business is cleared up. Goodness, you invited the Gddess Sangria? She's the life of the party. Perhaps we should see if Cuthy...no, she has better taste. (Grins) That divine young man she travels with, Demitrius. Have you seen him? Whhhhoooooeee! :>
BTW, Virginia may have a point about that feckless bird of ours.
*waving* Oh, Inspector Jackman...
Oh, yes, Reynaldo. Kate, I must say, he was looking so forlorn. What's a Duchesse to do? It was a positive...pleasure...to give him something constructive to focus on. Took his mind off the murder, and possible loss of his position...
How'd that witch get in here? And she's brought her appletini concoction that spins men's heads around and leaves them, well, begging for more!!
Hello, witch!! May I call you Jennifer? No really, I'm not being insolent! Okay, sorry, LADY Jennifer. Um, I'm afraid you'll have to share Inspector Hugh with some of the others who--hey, don't point that stick at me!! No, no! Please don't turn me into a--!
*ribbit*
*ribbit*
(Witches are so sensitive. Ribbit.)
LOL Miss Marvelous! You really are...marvelous! And so good of you to come back to, um, assist our needy gentlemen into bed. They have had a bad shock and will surely appreciate your, er, assistance. :-)
How divine, Reggie's here! Yoohoo, Reggie!! Love your hair! And the shoes, darling, the shoes!!
Of course your alibi is airtight, darling Reggie! You and Peter make such a lovely couple!
And you have such excellent taste, bringing that charming new book with you for everyone to read. Who's the author? Some upstart? Carlisle, isn't it? Isn't she one of the Luddington Carlisles? Rather ragtag bunch, aren't they? Ah well, authors tend to be a bit on the bohemian side, at best. :-)
Mwhahahaha! When you refill my appletini, then perhaps I'll reverse that Rabbitt Situation you got going on, Kate.
WOOHOOOOO Kate!!! What a fantastic idea for a launch party.
I think it was Princess Keira with the Golden Rooster in the Drawing Room and I'd like to be played by Kristin Scott-Thomas or maybe Audrey Hepburn. Ice maiden or Elegant gamine? Hmm, decisions, decisions.
If the inspector looks like Clive Owen he can interrogate me any time!
Seriously, congratulations, Kate. I'm so happy to celebrate your first release with you, hangover or not!
Ms. Hellion, hello!! Or shall I say, Lady Caroline! How good of you to come.
And how lovely that you've brought Inspector Depp into the Lair!! Thank you!
And charity baskets, indeed. How wonderfully generous you are! I'm sure your good works shall not go unnoticed.
Why, I think Inspector Depp is noticing you now. He's calling you into his interrogation room. He'll no doubt wish to commend you for your goodness and generosity. :-)
Ooops, I meant frog, not rabbit! It's all Cuthy's great great, really great niece (I mean YOU Maureen Child) picking on my appletinis that got me all discombulated.
Sheesh, some days, it's rough being a drunked witch :-)
Hi traveler, thanks! I'm so sorry for your loss...Uncle Cuthbert must've been very good to you. *g*
Jeanne, LOL! It's good of Lady Caroline to alert us to the presence of Inspector Depp, isn't it? *g*
LOL Maureen!! Or shall we call you ... Ziva??? The highly deadly secret agent, Ziva? Yes, I know who you are. Can you please do something about that Witch??
Wait, you're saying Uncle Cuthbert was drinking appletinis? Hmmmm...
And my goodness, let the Inspector do his job! Yes, he really does need to strip search the suspects!
Hi Christie, thanks for coming by! Good luck with the catch-up. :-)
Congratulations on the release, Kate! I added it to my TBB list as soon as I read PJ’s review.
I’m Dr. Imagen Yus. Lord Cuthbert hired me to ghostwrite his autobiography. Who killed him? Well, I’m not one to make accusations lightly. I will say that based on my notes and the copies of personal papers Lord Cuthbert gave me, those with motives are legion. You only have to look around you to see that many of them had opportunity as well.
Pardon me. I must take this call. It’s Assistant Commissioner Debonair. I placed a call to him earlier. Chief Inspector Hunky is a lovely boy, but this situation calls for experience. I knew the Assistant Commissioner would be concerned about my personal safety too. After all, I have all this incriminating information stored in my laptop about all these vul—-uh--guests. Have you considered the secretary who has disappeared?
Diane Ladd plays me. Assistant Commissioner Debonair is played by George Clooney.
LOL, M!!! Of course, no mere *bird* could ever capture the essence that is YOU. Thank you for agreeing to do the film.
And good heavens, Squeaky was going into the Will?? Of course you had to kill that wretched Cuthbert!
Well, the mystery is solved! Hurrah, we can par-tay!!
Oh, but wait. Are those needle marks around Cuthy's ankles? And there's a bullet hole in his--what??
Keira--
Congratulations, Princess! What a cool character. Er, you didn't bring the GR to the party? Not really?
You don't s'pose HE killed Uncle Cuthbert, do you? That inheritance isn't just chicken feed.
I see Virginia and I are thinking alike here. Great minds, and all that!
Yes, he really does need to strip search the suspects
Don't you mean he needs TO strip to search the suspects?
Kate, what a cool idea for a launch party! Mega-congratulations on your wonderful debut!
As for the party . . .
I am an undercover operative for an international law and enforcement organization I cannot name. I can, however, admit that its acronym is the same filial relationship I had with Cuthbert. (I'm played by Halle Berry in her Jinx outfit from that Bond movie.)
Of course I didn't kill the old geezer. I was never in his will to begin with. He didn't approve of his family connections sullying the bloodline with such dirty work as spying. As for my alibi, I was with a fellow agent--handsome, dark-haired guy who goes by a three-digit number--stealing the latest plans for a bioweapon from Cuthbert's safe so he couldn't put them on the international market.
Of course, we'll deny that if asked for the record.
After that, we were occupied with an investigation of interpersonal dynamics in his room for several hours.
I think Mr. Green killed him in the conservatory with the candlestick. His trips to Vegas are costing him way too much since he's as bad at gambling as he is at anything else. Just two weeks ago, Cuthbert caught him selling a Roman shield from Cuthie's personal collection.
Alas, my secret identity is no more. Fine. Yes. You may call me Ziva....as to the hunky inspector, I personally saved him from the witch who was plying him with appletinis practically ATOP the corpse of dear, dear Cuthy...
Has the woman no shame??
Hey, Kate--Congrats on Homocide in Hardcover's release! We're so proud here in the lair!
As for crochety old uncle Cuthbert, well. I justify the fabulousness of my lifestyle to nobody--particularly not dour though hunky inspectors. If he wants to know where I spend my money (and my nights) he'll just have to find out first hand. :-)
Oh good heavens, who woke up the surveillance team????
As far as the CHIEF Security Officer is concerned ... Duchesse, I thought you were in charge of, er, um, distracting him with your curvaceous ways? Obviously the man is undistractable, with nerves of steel, which makes him even more intriguing ...
Tommy Lee Jones. Yes. Perfect.
(gasp) But...but, I am innocent. How come you don't believe meeee? My maids were sleeping right there in the room with me by the only two doors out or into the room. And the GR was in bed with me.
Wait, wait, Fo. Put that stick down. We weren't doing anything. Promise. We were just sleeping.
I'm innocent. Why doesn't anyone believe meeee? It's so not fair. What happened to decent folk? Don't they exist anymore?
Well. Let me tell you, honnies, I am innocent. So there!
Beth, hi! And thank you!! Glad you made it to the party. And yeah, the bird has a lot of 'splaining to do. :-)
The Goddess Sangria is in the house!! LOL! Peace, Goddess! Sorry you're unable to return to your higher plane, but yes, I'm sure you might find aspects of our world quite pleasant. :-)
LOL Virginia!! If anyone knows the GR's behavior patterns, it's you, my dear! Or should say, Your Majesty!!
And why be a duchess when you can be the QUEEN?? LOL!!
Hello again, dear Duchesse!! *waving hanky back at you*
Oh honey, I've more than *seen* that hunk Demetrius, I've--oh drat! Here comes that territorial Goddess Sangria. Oy, ix-Nay on emetrius-Day...even tanked up on sangria, that Goddess has a right hook that'll knock you into next week. And she doesn't like to share!!
Christine!! Welcome to the party! And I say elegant gamine, by all means!
Ooh. Clive Owen. Interrogate me next, please??
Kate said: And why be a duchess when you can be the QUEEN?? LOL!!
*smirking* Because, darling Kate, you're movements are watched FAR too closely when you're Queen you know. So difficult to get away with ANYTHING. Being a Duchesse has many, many benefits, wouldn't you agree, Louisa?
Louisa? Now where has that houri gone?
LOL Jennifer! Please don't turn me into a rabbit, either!!
Those appletinis really are powerful witchcraft. :-)
Duchesse, you're so good to take Reynaldo's mind off his problems. Why, he looks like a new man. My, you do work wonders. :-)
Janga, hi! And thanks so much for adding me to you TBB list! I'm honored!
Now, as Cuthbert's ghostwriter, Imagen, you might've known him better than anyone else. Please be careful!! If Cuthy was forever silenced because of the secrets he knew, his killer might now be looking at you with the same diabolical intent!!
Stay close to George! In fact, the two of you should go hide somewhere quiet and comfortable and dark until the danger is past. :-)
Demetrius? Demetrius? Where are you? {Stamps golden sandaled foot}
Ah, there you are. Who are you staring at? That woman, the blonde one with the oh so innocent demeanor? The one holding the feline {squints eyes} with a tiny little stiletto in its paws?
Oh, so you're only interested because of her fabulous debut release? Oh, well that's different. Only one question Demetrius....
I thought you only read Latin?
{Flash of lightening fills the air}
Ah, Nancy, the plot thickens!!! Or *sickens* as the case may be. :-)
Mr. Green, indeed. And a Roman shield, you say. Now, when you interrogated Mr. Green, did his breath smell of ... SANGRIA?????
Just as I suspected. This is getting deep. Very, very deep. LOL
Ah Ziva, you're back!!! And yes, your cover is completely blown. Hello, you're on national television!!
But that's just so tacky of that woman to ply our dear Inspector with appletinis while he's working. But what can we do?? She's a witch!! Hello, read my lips ... wibbit ... wibbit ... wibbit ...
Kate- *phew!* Haha - thanks! Always good to be in the clear when there's a murder investigation under foot.
Oooo I could definitely get into a tiara - especially post modern in style. Now if only I could find some way to get one... ;)
Susan, thanks for the congrats!!
Uh-oh, I think you've presented a challenge to Inspector Hunky that he just can't resist. He appears to want to take you up on that offer. :-)
LOL, Keira!! Hmm, methinks the Hawaiian Princess doth protest too much!
But Inspector Hottie seems to be willing to interrogate you further ...
LOL, Duchesse! I didn't consider the public awareness factor. Yes, I can see how a Duchess could get away with things others might not be able to. Such as ... MURDER, perhaps???
No, no, I'm not accusing anyone of anything! You misunderstand!! I was talking about that HOURI who snuck out of here! Aaaack!!
Sheesh, duchesses are almost as touchy as witches!!
... and Goddesses!! Oy, don't get me started! Sheesh, one wrong word and your butt gets struck by lightning!!
Congratulations Kate! What a great celebration and accomplishment. My part is played by Rachel McAdams.
Limecello, you would look faboo in that tiara! I think you might be able to cajole Johnny ... or Hugh ... or maybe Clive ... into helping you. After all, you've been a very good, um, character witness. :-)
Kate wrote: Now, when you interrogated Mr. Green, did his breath smell of ... SANGRIA?????
We didn't actually have a chance to interrogate Green. He was huddled in the corner, cowering from a petite, reddish-blonde woman wearing a white gown--definite sangria aroma in the air--and a hulky, half-naked guy armed with sword and shield standing in front of them. Didn't get a good luck at her, but she had a weird, supernatural aura. I got the impression she was laying into him about something.
1. Who are you?
I am his great-neice Matilda Leadbottom.
2. Who killed Uncle Cuthbert?
I think it was my cousin Horatio. Him and Uncle Cuthbert have never gotten along and when he and uncle had their last fight uncle threatened to cut him out of the will.
3. Was it you? Did you kill him? Was he about to disinherit you? Why?
Oh no, I wasn't in the will in the first place. Though uncle has always been quite kind to me, there has never been any suggestion that I would be included in the bequests.
4. No? You didn't do it? What's your alibi?
I was with Uncle Cuthbert's wife Alyse in the garden helping her gather some flowers for the table.
And I'd like to hear the answer to this question: What really happened in that interrogation room between you and Inspector Hunky?
Well, I wouldn't tell this to just anybody, but since we are all friends I have to admit that I did try to flirt a little. He didn't seem to be impressed. Sigh
And a bonus question! Who plays you in the film version?
Uh, Angela Lansbury maybe?
And another bonus question! Who is that hunky Chief Inspector, anyway?
Oh, I vote for Gerald Butler.
Thank you, Ellie! And thanks for swinging by the bash! The men are very grateful as well for Rachel's presence. :-)
Say no more, Nancy. My worst fears are confirmed. The Goddess de Sangria strikes again!!!
Poor man. Tsk, tsk. *shaking head, walking away*
LOL Dianna! Oops, I mean, Miss Leadbottom. Thank you for your forthright answers to all the questions. You seem quite innocent, completely above suspicion ... and that's why Chief Inspector Gerard Butler is so sure you're worth watching! Very, very closely! :-)
I got the impression she was laying into him
{Studies manicured opalescent nails} Indeed.
And my dear Ms. Northcutt my aura is quite natural....imbuded with the powers of Olympus and wine...but never weird..
Popping in late to say happy launch day, Kate!! Woohoo! Boy is the Lair rocking! :)
Congrats on the GR, Keira!
Hi Fedora, thanks for popping in! It really has been rocking here today. I'm glad you made it!
I'm a member of a minor branch of
the Spanish ruling family, Princess Ana. I was accompanied to the house party by my companion, Alicia; my personal dresser,Dona Antonia; and a variety of house servants. As to who killed Uncle Cuthbert, I haven't any personal information or any ideas as to the
culprit! I can only attest to my
innocence! As to disinheritance,I
believe myself to have been named
in Uncle's will for only a mere
pittance. There would not have
been anything worthy of bringing
about his death!! My maid, Jemma,
has slept in my bedroom for some
years now. She has to be present
in case I need anything during the
night. Heaven forbid that I might
have to wait for her to attend me!
That upstart Inspector had the
nerve to actually question me about this incident. How dare he
even think that I could perform
such a dastardly deed! Salma
Hayak would be perfect in an
attempt to portray me in a film!!
As to who the Inspector really
is, I can only theorize that he
is a cousin from an unrecognized
branch of the Royal Family. His
family actually dabbled in trade,
you know!
Princess Ana
*with a curtsey to Princess Ana* I'm sure you'd know better than me about the Royal Family and trade, but don't know a life supported by trade. 'Tis what's built the Empire, you know. And though I lived on the Continent with poor Francois - though much of his business was in England, with Duke Hotdayum - I must confess a dollar made in the Trade spends just as well.
*ahem* Kate, dear.... *whispering* I do believe yon Goddess and her...um, shieldbearer did you call him? Well, shouldn't you, um, show them to a private room. Perhaps?
Now, Kate, you've assembled quite the cast here. What do the Inspectors say? Tight lipped are they, or sanguine that they have their man? Or woman?
Beg pardon, Princess, but that should have been don't KNOCK a life supported by the Trade...
Snorky, dahling! So sorry to leave you alone all day to entertain Uncle Cuthbert's other relations! And my footmen, and my butler AND the Inspector. BUT, I KNEW you were up to it! The idea these others would think you were up to all that AND no good just breaks the heart. Seems nobody has any sympathy for two poor widows forced to stoop to actual WORK to support ourselves. Well, not the actual work, but we DO spend a great deal of time WATCHING the work. It is EXHAUSTING!!!
I laughed til I cried, Jeanne!! Too funny and just too perfect !! We are the Thelma and Louise of house parties!
I guess that would be Jeanne-Thelma, Duchesse de Snorkville, widow of the late Francois, Duc de Snorkville; and Louisa Louise, Duchess of Hotdayum.
Two poor beset widows...and yes, watching all that labor is exhausting. Especially when it's so HOT in the factories and those darling men take off their shirts to work...
Being forced to manage Trade is SUCH a hardship, isn't it Louisa?
It truly is Thelma, I mean Jeanne! Makes me feel quite faint to think about it. Do you suppose one of those nice cabana boys might provide something to keep us exhausted .... I mean entertained. yes, that's it. Entertained. JEEVES !!! Put that cabana boy DOWN !! It is SO hard to get good help these days. Or is that so GOOD to get hard help. I can never remember how that goes. :)
LOL
I wish I could've been around more often today, with the characters that kept appearing out of the woodwork. Who know Uncle Cuthbert knew so many royals?
Alas, my handler wanted details about the goings on and the results of the Inspector's queries. So glad nobody actually noticed my absence, wouldn't want any suspicion thrown my way...
*affronted* What does a bird have to do around here to be taken seriously? I did it, I tell you! I hatched my cunning plan watching 'Gosford Park', which taught me that the apparent cause of death is not always the true cause of death! Was it not Clive Owen, who first uttered the immortal words, 'Can a man not hate his father?' To that, say I, can a parrot not hate his owner?
To that, say I, can a parrot not hate his owner?
What a colorful if not testy bird! I do so love the colors of those feathers. Perhaps I could persuade it to part with some of its plumes.
Demetrius, hand me that parrot dictionary. Ah, yes. {ahem, reads from tome}
Polly want a cracker?
The GR decrees... No, Polly may not have a cracker.
Oh, and Chief Inspector Hottie... You-hoo. I'm heeeere. Aren't you simply dying to interview me? Uncle Cuthbert was dying to...oops, I mean, died to...oops, I mean...(giggle))Aren't I cute? Watch this cool hip-jiggling action.
Psst, GR. Shake that booty!
As far as the CHIEF Security Officer is concerned ... Duchesse, I thought you were in charge of, er, um, distracting him with your curvaceous ways?
And thus arises the first leads. Ms. Carlisle, would you please accompany Mr. Smith to the study?
And would the Duchesse of Snorkville please accompany the other Mr. Smith to the library.
I will be in to speak with each of you shortly.
Ke-I-RA! My, my, my...you and Cuthy?
Shocked, I say. I'm just shocked....at how that GR has spent the day. Grins.
Leave the parrot alone, Goddess Sangria. Poor thing's deluded. THinks it killed someone.
*squinting* Then again, looking at that wicked beak...
Oh, Inspector Jackman. You want to interview me? Again? *preening* Well, of course, it's late, but...well, naturally.
Ta-ta, all. Off to do my civic duty!
WHAT? I have to part ways with the luscious Mr. Jackman to talk to someone named SMITH?
Is this like the joke in Die Hard where both FBI agents are named Johnson...no relation? Snork.
*Irritated frown, immediately smoothed out so as not to wrinkle the forehead*
Oh, all right. Mr. Smith, I presume? Lead on...
It seems Ms. Carlisle is lacking in the operational security department. You may credit her for your parting with Mr. Jackman.
So I understand there was some sort of agreement to distract the security personnel on the grounds? Would you care to elaborate on the purpose of such a ruse?
A ruse? Me? *batting eyelashes* Never. I'm a very straightforward sort of Duchesse.
Distraction, however, is inevitable. Heavens, I distract even myself. Ha! You'll have to ask Darling Kate if she had an ulterior motive in asking me to saunter around the gardens after my workout.
Hey Kate! I'm sorry I missed the party -- but it looks like it was a great one. Not hard to believe --you're a real party animal! :-) Congratulations again on the release of your fantastic book! You are destined for greatness my dear!
I see.
*ahem*
Ms. Carlisle, it seems that the Duchesse of Snork is pointing her finger at you. She has admitted that you had an ulterior motive for distracting the security staff. One might assume this purpose was to take care of the old boy in his office.
Additionally, Ms. Carlisle, it appears that one of my associates located an interesting object in your room. Would you care to explain this?
*holding up Kermitt the Frog*
(in best Kermitt voice) Do we have an affinity for Muppets, Ms. Carlisle? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Why, goodness! Darling Kate!
I have but one word....
SNORK!
On on that note, I bid you goodnight. I fear all this excitement has been too much for my delicate Duchesse constitution...
Slipping back into the party from the back room with Inspector Hunky's deputy...the every so lovely Gerard...reapplying my lipstick....I do declare y'all have just gone wild...anyone seen that cute little cabanna boy with the tray of Mojitos? Gerard and I are simply parched!!
WHOHOOOOOOOOOOOO Kate!!!! Running in late to wish you a wild and happy launch (and hit the last of the goodies at the bar, and yes, those hunks count as goodies). I'm so so excited for you!!!!
Now back to reading the Who did What in the Where with the That *g* I love the responses here!!! What clever fun.
Ah princess Ana, welcome to our humble palatial estate! Of course you're completely innocent, but apparently our dear Inspector found something suspicious about your behavior to have behaved so insolently toward you. Or perhaps it is simply the loveliness of your personage! :-)
I can see that there has been much merriment while I was being, hmm, interrogated by Chief Inspector Gerard Butler. We were joined by the intriguing Inspector Daniel Craig and things turned very ... topsy turvy. It was a good cop, bad cop situation. I barely survived.
But I'm young, I spring back! Now, what is going on here???
Le Duchesse and Duchess de Hotdayum are up to no good, whatsoever!
Karin, where have you been? Highly suspicious, that one.
The parrot is intent on confessing. I'm not sure the poor bird is in its right mind.
Keira has lost all her marbles shaking her tail feather. Or rather, it seems she's shaking the GR's tail feather. Good heavens, Princess Aloha, what are you doing to that bird??
Oh my goodness, I believe I'm being detained ...
Uh yeah, I notice some finger pointing going on. Sheesh, leave you people alone for a few minutes and you take your chances. I thought it was bad when that witch was flying around but these Duchesses take the cake. Oy.
And, oh, by the way, Mr. Security Chief, I think if you check that Muppets show, you'll see a certain Miss Snorky performing a Tarantella where Miss Piggy used to play.
That's right, the Duchesse de Snorkville is a Muppet!!! She doesn't even have fingers to point!! Ha!
Kirsten, thanks!! Hi Suz! Hi Tawny!! Thank you, thank you!! Hello, y'all! But more importantly, HELP!!!
Le Duchesse has slipped out to "go to sleep" {ha ha} leaving me to fend for myself with these rather lovely detectives. Not that I mind, but 'delicate Duchesse constitution,' my left elbow!
Pass me one--no, make it TWO of those mojitos, will you? And a cabana boy if you've got an extra! My head is killing me after the day I had!
Ooh, thanks for the shoulder massage, Raphael. You have magic hands. Mmmmmmm.....
What was that? Did anyone else see that? Looked like lightning ...
Wow, see what happens when you get sick. You miss all the fun and now the guys, booze and everything is gone. I even peeked behind the bar, just hoping...oh well, I'll be back next time and early too. :)
A picture of the GR doing the ooga-booga hula dance can be found HERE.
Stap me. I dropped me brains and all ze scurvy marbles rolled right out. And now, I've lost all my marbles.
Post a Comment