Monday, February 22, 2010

Omelettes, redheads and well-hung neatniks ... oh my!

by Anna Sugden

I'm a romance reader. I love them. I will defend them, as well as my right to read one in public without embarrassment, to the death. If there's one hot button I have (okay I have several, but that's not the point!) it's people who diss romance novels with all that stuff about romances being formulaic, cliched, trashy, pornographic, blah, bah, blah. You notice they never talk about things like sales and popularity and being great reads!

As author Sarah Duncan (http://www.sarahduncan.co.uk/) wrote in a fab article recently - I'm paraphrasing - just because they're easy to read, doesn't mean they're easy to write or that the writing is less valuable. Just because they're comfort food, doesn't mean they're less acceptable or delicious than a five star meal. Well said, Sarah!

And, I know that if you're a regular in the Lair (even a lurking regular) you probably feel the same.

That said, I'm not blind to certain cliches and I'm all for having a little fun with them (we romance readers/writers have a sense of humour and are able to take the mickey out of ourselves, unlike some ...)

So, today, I thought we could have a giggle and roll our eyes at certain things that seem to crop up in romances.

Let’s take, for example, the omelette.

Have you ever noticed that no matter how little food there is in the house, there is always enough in the refrigerator for an omelette? What’s more, not only does one of the characters know how to make an omelette, but he or she can turn out a perfect, fluffy specimen!

And, how many times do we see a hero and heroine sharing an omelette made with only one egg. Puh-lease! That’s barely enough for one person with the appetite of a mouse, let alone two!

In recent months, I’ve noticed a tendency to have couples share, not an omelette, but a can of soup and one grilled cheese sandwich. Do these people not eat normal size portions?!

Another thing that makes me roll my eyes is the number of red-headed heroines. Clearly, blondes don’t have all the fun any more! Given that (natural) redheads only make up something like 4% of the worldwide population, how come so many of them get to have happy ever afters with our favourite hunky heroes?

For those of you out there still looking for love - maybe it’s time to get out the hair dye!

Now, let’s talk about heroines who cry mistily. Where’s the red nose, the blotchy skin and puffy eyes? And what about the women who can throw up without looking like they’re at death’s door?

We can’t let the heroes get away with it either. The number of heroes who have perfectly neat and clean apartments or houses is staggering. No dishes in the sink, no dirty clothes strewn across the floor, no newspapers left in a heap next to the pizza box and an empty six-pack. Some of them get away with it because they have housekeepers or cleaning services, but how many single men do you know with housekeepers or cleaning services? For those of you old enough to remember The Odd Couple (either the film or the TV series) - there can't be more Felixes than Oscars, can there?

And then, the size thing or, more accurately, the size of 'the thing'. Well-hung (as opposed to normal) men seem to be as common as those natural red-heads. I know, men like to think that's the case (bless them), but really ... *g*

Now, it’s your turn. What makes you giggle or roll your eyes when you see it over and over in a romance? If there was next to no food in your house, would you have enough for an omelette and would you be able to make a perfect, fluffy one?

85 comments:

Virginia said...

Mine today!

Donna MacMeans said...

Congratulations Virginia! Have fun with him!

Fun post, Anna. For me it's all the dukes racing through historicals. Let's face it - in reality there were less dukes than rednecks (grin) but they're a staple in historical romances. I should know having written a book with a duke myself.

Virginia said...

I think that what gets me the most is the size of their member, it is alway hugh, now come on that has to be a fairy tale or we are living in xxx rated movies! As far as food in the house goes I can't see me with out food in the house and I would have more then one egg. I do know someone that will take a can of soup and make a meal for two but with me I will eat the whole can because I don't want it watered down.

Jane said...

Congrats on the GR, Virginia.

Hi Anna,
I'm always reading how the hero has ridiculously long eyelashes making him the envy of all women. One of the few dishes I can master is the omelette, but it doesn't always come out light and fluffy.

Helen said...

Congrats Virginia have you got something planned for him today

Anna

What a great fun post I am still laughihg totally agree with everything you have said there is no way I would be able to make a great omelet with one egg my hubby would be asking if it was half and entree. Oh yes and size I agree come on although it is nice to dream maybe one of the reasons I love romance so much LOL.

Donna seeing as I read lots of historicals there are an awful lot of great looking well endowed unmarried Dukes around.

Have Fun
Helen

Barbara Monajem said...

Green eyes always make me roll mine.

Minna said...

That’s barely enough for one person with the appetite of a mouse, let alone two!

Maybe it's an ostrich egg!

Christine Wells said...

Hi Anna! What a fun blog! I'll have to look out for the grilled cheese sandwiches:)You're making me hungry!

Um, I suppose I do giggle a little over the 'save the orphans' plot in historicals. But then I'm sure it's been done very well any number of times.

Actually, Donna, I take issue with the too many dukes thing. Surely in fiction we each create our own worlds, and as long as one author doesn't write about 100 dukes being around at the same time, it doesn't matter what everyone else writes. That's like saying the world must be in jeopardy every five seconds because so many people write 'save the world' thrillers. It's not really logical, IMO, especially when we are really writing a romantic fantasy, anyway. Sorry, it's a bit of a hobby-horse of mine because it comes up so often! And I love writing dukes!!

Yay, Virginia got the rooster! Congrats!

Joan said...

Heck, I can't even make a fried egg without messing it up, and finally came to terms yesterday that I am "pancake impaired" (Both of which my brother has mastered)

I blame the spatula I have, btw.

As to the quitessential proportions of our heroes I sum it up the way a writer friend does. In romance it's about imagination and that we can make men "do right"....clean, cook and ...well, you know :-)

Tawny said...

Oooh, how about those heroes who smell so earthy and appealing when they sweat? Um, no -guys who've been in the jungle wearing the same thing for days,then race to the heroine's rescue wearing a 50 lb pack and boots stink. Period.

Or the perfect sex. The opposite of the well hung guys are the well endowed women who are able to do the naked sexy thing with no support and still stay perkily attentive (from any position?). Um, helloooooo gravity?

I will claim to being able to make a perfectly fluffy omelet when there's nothing else in the house, though ;-) Mostly cuz eggs are the one thing I try and always have on hand. It might be a pathetically empty fluffy omelet, though.

Christie Kelley said...

Funny post, Anna. If there no food in my house then chances are there are no eggs. We go through a lot of eggs in my house.

But what's this issue with the redheads? Hmm? I really want to know!

I know I'm reading for escapism so I don't mind some of the things you mentioned. I do think the perfectly neat men seem quite wrong (even though I live with one).

PinkPeony said...

Cheese omelette or huevos rancheros. I always have eggs, a couple kinds of cheeses, salsa and tortillas in the fridge even if the cupboards are bare. Fluffy? Add a teensy bit of water and whisk the crap out of it. Strange but true: I've read more novels in which the hero instead of the heroine whips up an omelette. :)

My heroine in my MS is a redhead with green eyes and I'm sticking with it...but she's a size 12 and wears braces. (Redheads have a lower threshold for pain. I looked it up.)
The well-endowed hero gets a bit old cause I'd like to think the heroine appreciates the total package and isn't fixated on a particular appendage. But I totally get it if the hero thinks he's "gifted" especially if he's the alpha type and/or he really thinks girls are bad a math.

Kirsten said...

Hi Anna! I have to say, I love it when romance readers/writers can poke fun at themselves. We can't take it all too seriously!

The plot device that always irritats me is when the hero is a jerky alpha male who insults the heroine...and she's hopelessly attracted to him. I gotta tell you, ladies, even if it's Will Smith, I'm not attracted to a complete jerk.

(Wait -- did I just say Will Smith? Okay, maybe if he was a jerk -- which he clearly is not -- I'd still be attracted...but he's the only one!)

Then there's the hero/heroine wandering around half-naked and bumping into the heroine/hero. I don't know about the rest of you, but my house is COLD and has lots of windows. I definitely don't wander around it half naked! :-)

Kirsten said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deb said...

Fun post, Anna.

Living here in snowy Iowa, even though the little market is only 5 blocks away, I always try to have bread, milk, and eggs on hand. What else do you need? Okay, chocolate chips and flour to make cookies.

Betty Neels ALWAYS had her hero/heroine fixing an omelette with a side salad. Side salad? With an omelette? No, no, give me bacon and toast and some chopped ham and cheese with mine. BTW, my husband makes a great omelette and we often have them for supper.

I am like Joan and cannot make a pancake for the life of me. I would have been a terrible pioneer woman...I do, however, have waffle iron and we make those instead.

Gannon Carr said...

Love it, Anna! Of course, we know we're reading fiction, but it doesn't stop some things from being irksome.

Why do all heroines--I'm talking historical right now--have incredibly thick hair, full lips and large eyes framed by thick, dark lashes (even the blondes??)? Speaking as a green-eyed blonde, my lashes are light and unless they are dyed or have mascara on them, they are hard to see!

And does no one have cellulite like the rest of us real women? Just sayin....



Congrats on the GR, Virginia!

MsHellion said...

*LOL*

I noticed the omelette phenomenon the other day in a historical. The DUKE made an omelette. Which was the most ridiculous thing I ever read. Never mind that part of me was going, "Wouldn't they have had to stoke or even BUILD a fire in the kitchen stoves?" And yet they had an omelette in the space of time it would take to flick on a modern day stove. Nice try. Never mind the DUKE making it.

But we do love men who can cook. Clearly that was the fantasy.

And I've also noticed every last one of them is well-hung. Seriously. All of them? EVERY duke? I assume that's why the duke learned to cook, to make up for the fact he wasn't that endowed. It's not fair he was both a great cook AND well hung. Save something for the other heroes.

I can usually have enough staples to at least make an omelette. I'm not very good at it though. I'd rather make you some ramen noodles, which I also almost have too.

Cassondra said...

Wooohooo Virginia!

Whatchagonna do with the boid?

Cassondra said...

Anna, I love this post. There are a number of things that bother me--cliches I still see over and over.

The one I hate the most? The broad expanse of his chest. That's the worst one. I could read for the rest of my life without seeing that one again. It is in Every. Book. I. Read.


Another one is the condom. We've come a long way Babies. There's always a condom now in contemporaries (usually), but they almost never get up to deal with it afterward. Ew.

And oh yeah...all that mattress dancing first thing in the morning. I'm reading that, thinking, "I would really have to pee first."

Just sayin...

Nancy said...

Virginia, have fun with the rooster!

Anna, omelette materials might or might not be in our fridge. And I've never figured out the fluffy bit. It's right up there with the evil "soft ball stage" of fudge for me.

When I was single, I always had the makings of spaghetti, my default dinner.

My issue is not with redheads but with petite heroines. I'm not, as you know, petite, though I realize the average woman is about 5'4" or something like that. If a book goes on and on and on about how tiny the heroine is, it undercuts my identification with her.

So I tend to write tall heroines. Which probably has the same effect on the petite reader. :-)

Nancy said...

Donna, I read an article that said putting all the earls in Regencies together would fill Shea Stadium while there are actually, really, only about 12. Doesn't stop me from creating some more, though, any more than it keeps you from your duke (a marvelous book, BTW).

Nancy said...

Virginia, a can of soup is technically two servings if you look on the side of the can (most soups, anyway), but two people splitting one grilled cheese sandwich goes a bit far. They have to be hungry after, i think.

Though maybe they're going to take advantage of each other's, er, endowments and distract themselves.

Nancy said...

Jane, I think the eyelashes are a testosterone thing. Both the dh and the boy have eyelashes to die for. That doesn't mean I want to read about them, though. Long eyelashes evoke femininity to me, my own guys notwithstanding.

Too many Maybelline commercials, I guess! *g*

TerriOsburn said...

I don't think I've ever made an omelette. But I think I could. Huh. Now I want to try this out.

The "well-hung" part I blame on the fantasy aspect of these books. If we're going to create the hero who says all the right things and does all the right things (okay, not always), with the wide shoulders and perfect stubble, why not give him the whole package? (Pun intended.)

And Christie Craig wrote a heroine who gets the blotchy face and puffy eyes and snottiest nose when she cries. So there's some reality out there somewhere. :)

Great blog, Anna! Sorry I've been AWOL, been a bit crazy.

Anna Sugden said...

Hey guys! Sorry I'm late - been struck by an icky bug. I hope it's only one of those 24 hour things.

Congrats on the pesky bird, Virginia!

Anna Sugden said...

Ah, but they're fictional dukes, Donna - so that's okay. (see comment about well-hung etc etc *g*)

Goodness knows you wouldn't want so many of the real thing bopping around - most aren't hero material. Not villain material either. Just boring.

Anna Sugden said...

Hugh? Was that a typo Virginia or do you have some insider info? LOL

I'd have more than one egg too - it's one of my staples. I could make soup stretch to two but only by adding stuff to it. If there's nothing in the house ... we'd be hungry!

Anna Sugden said...

Hi Jane - hope you're surviving the bad weather and enjoying the Olympics! We actually got to see Russia vs Czech yesterday - funny to Jagr!

LOL on the eyelashes - that's a good one. My nephew really does have those very long eyelashes and I'm always teasing him.

Yay on you being abe to make an omelette - can you feed two with a one egg omelette?

jo robertson said...

Hilarious post, Anna! Thanks for my first laugh of the day. It's good for romance writers to make fun of their own cliches.

Yay, Virginia. Monday's a work day, right; keep the rooster busy!

Anna Sugden said...

Thanks Helen! Your hubby and mine too on the one egger!

Are they great-looking, well-endowed, red-headed dukes?

Anna Sugden said...

Ah yes - the green eyes. I'm guilty on that one too.

Not as bad, for me, Barbara, as the violet eyes. La Cartland always had violet-eyed, heaving-breasted maidens *sigh*.

jo robertson said...

Anna, the omelete thing is the funniest to me. I have made many omelettes and while you can stretch them a bit with cheese and milk, an egg is an egg is an egg. I'm just saying. And I've rarely seen any of the five "men" in my life eat less than 2-3 at a time! Then there's all the onion, peppers, tomatoes and ham you have to chop up for it. Honestly, if you have fresh veggies lying around, I'm sure there's a can of tuna or two.

Anna Sugden said...

LOL Minna - fair point. But, if they have an ostrich egg, wouldn't they have the fixings for something else too?!

Janga said...

A fun blog, Anna! I've wondered about all those perfect omelettes too. :)

But what amazes me most is how active libidos are and how clean sex is. Stress and lack of privacy have no effect on the typical H/H. Bullets flying overhead or Mama and the crème de la crème only an unlocked door away never dampen the flames of desire. And heroines return to ballrooms after a hearty bout in pristine condition. No one ever worries about morning breath or baths or, as Cassondra said, the need to pee.

jo robertson said...

It's that true, Donna? I know, myself, if I find an historical hero who's only a viscount, say, I'm a bit disappointed. And if he should be a mere Mr., heaven forbid!

Anna Sugden said...

And you write lovely dukes, Christine.

I suppose there should be a more even sread of peers, though. Not so many baronets.

Save the orphans - ah yes. I liked Eloisa's twist on that in her Villiers book - save my illegitimate children!

Anna Sugden said...

I know it's romantic fiction - but I can't help feeling that some of these guys are too fantastic for comfort, ya know?!

It's the heat of the pan, Joanie!

I can make a great omelette - thought usually with several eggs - and, because I'd believed in my naive younger days it was the way to a man's heart, remember cooking one such perfect omelette for a fantasy man. Said man couldn't stand omelettes! Shold have realised that meant he wasn't hero material!

Anna Sugden said...

ROFL - oh yes, Tawny - that's another one that makes me chuckle.

Hey, if the guys can be hung like donkeys, we can be pert and perky with gravity-defying bits!

jo robertson said...

Jane, too funny, what is it about women wanting men with long eyelashes?

Recently, a magazine commented on the "Richard" character on LOST. He's the dude with the incredibly long and thick lower lashes. He's had to come out stating he does NOT wear eyeliner!

Anna Sugden said...

No problem with redheads, just amazed by the staggering number of them in romances! Even more than those pure-white blondes that used to rule the romantic world!

Luckily my personal neatnik isn't bothered about my less than stellar housekeeping duties!

Cassondra said...

Kirsten said:

The plot device that always irritats me is when the hero is a jerky alpha male who insults the heroine...and she's hopelessly attracted to him. I gotta tell you, ladies, even if it's Will Smith, I'm not attracted to a complete jerk.


Amen, Kirsten, AMEN SISTAH!!! (Stands up, waves hanky from the back row)

Anna Sugden said...

Don't forget the hot pan, Pink Peony!

Ah yes, that's the latest trend - still the one egg omelette, but now made by the gourmet-chef-in-training hero *g*.

A size 12 heroine with braces can be forgiven for her red hair and green eyes. Can she cook? ;)

jo robertson said...

Barbara said, "Green eyes always make me roll mine."

Too funny, Barbara. I think writers choose green and blue eyes so often because it's easier to find comparisons and make metaphors for them, but it does get awfully pedestrian!

I like what J.D. Robb's done with Eve Dallas' eyes, although I have to admit to not quite getting what a "long" eye looks like.

Anna Sugden said...

LOL on the horrid alphas - hate them as much as the TSTL (too stupid to live) heroines!

It's not just the half-dressed heroines - how many stories have a hero with just a twoel round his waist answering the door?!

hrdwrkdmom aka Dianna said...

There are so many to choose from! I agree with everything mentioned so far but particularly with Kirsten, if the man is a jerk he is going to have to move mountains for me to be attracted to him. Bad mouth me and you are in the bad book forever.

I can make an omelette, but not with one lonely little egg, and I do almost always have eggs and cheese but not much else. Like Tawny said, it would be a skinny little omelette. I have a teenaged boy in the house so food doesn't last long.

One thing that gets me about the Duke issue is the ton wasn't made up entirely of dukes and earls and all those titles, there were plenty of blue bloods without a title. Let's hear it for the misters!

Okay, this is going to be a little gross maybe but I gotta say it. In historicals we have lovely perfect ladies having hot sex in the library during a ball. When all is said and done the clothing is straightened and she goes back to the ball and no one knows?? Uh, not happening peeps, soap and water must be applied somewhere in the interim for her to still give the appearance of innocence. Right? Anyone else find that an impossible thing to believe?

jo robertson said...

Tawny said, "Oooh, how about those heroes who smell so earthy and appealing when they sweat?"

And what about the morning breath, Tawny? Does no one in a romance need to brush and floss??!!

Anna Sugden said...

Betty Neels - her of the Dutch Doctor fame - I cut my romantic teeth on her and Charlotte Lamb and Robyn Donald. I hadn't remembered the side salads - LOL.

I'm no good with pancakes either, Deb - but I have a handy dandy hubby who can make great ones *g*.

jo robertson said...

PinkPeony said, "My heroine in my MS is a redhead with green eyes and I'm sticking with it...but she's a size 12 and wears braces. (Redheads have a lower threshold for pain. I looked it up.)"

Ooooh, I like the size 12 gal. I'm sick to death of Twiggy reincarnations. And yes, I do write them, but I make myself sick LOL.

Anna Sugden said...

LOL Gannon - reading about orange-peel skin is a rarity, for sure! I think that's where chick lit used to do well, because it was a lot more down to earth, while keeping the romantic element.

Anna Sugden said...

Ramen noodles works for me, MsHellion!

LOL about the compensating Duke. Bless him. And know what you mean about those stoves. I swore I'd never move into a house with an aga for that reason!

Anna Sugden said...

ROFL Cassondra - amen to all that!

I have noticed a large number of heroines waking up and dashing to the bathroom to brush their teeth lately too.

Cassondra said...

Jo and Tawny said:
Tawny said, "Oooh, how about those heroes who smell so earthy and appealing when they sweat?"

And what about the morning breath, Tawny? Does no one in a romance need to brush and floss??!!


You know, I am actually okay without some of this stuff. I remember old Grace Livingston Hill novels, when the heroine was going to the bathroom all the time. "She made a very hasty toilette"....and off she goes into adventure. I was assuming at the time that along with primping, she was stopping to pee. (I think it was the word toilette when I was 13 that got me. I knew what it meant, but just could not go there without picturing the heroine sitting on the throne, and wondering why I needed to know this.

I realized later that I don't need that. I make some assumptions...they groom themselves, they go to the bathroom regularly. However, the sex in the mornings, where we see her wake up in his arms and they go at it with no break....NOPE, can't see it.

Anna Sugden said...

I love your tall heroine, Nancy.

I'm only a smidge under 5'4" and I have to say I resent all those petite women too. It's not just that they're short, but they're also waif-like! The whole 'hero can span her waist with his hand' thing. It would take one heck of a girdle for that to happen with me! On the other hand, I would have a cleavage for the first time in history!

Anna Sugden said...

Great to see you back, Terri - know how the busy life thing goes. Hope you're enjoying life too.

Christie does write great heroines and very true to life too.

Let us know how you get on with Operation Omelette.

Anna Sugden said...

Glad it made you laugh, Jo.

An egg is an egg is so right - but I always find that they go less far in an omelette than in other serving styles. I'm a 3-egg girl ... and I don't share that!

Anna Sugden said...

LOL Janga - the pristine bit after a quickie always cracks me up. I mean, really?!

And rather like when you gotta pee - when you gotta act like bunnies - a whole contingent of the enemy or mothers won't stop some couples! LOL

Anna Sugden said...

LOL Dianna - I'm with you on that soap and water thing - or even some tissues. Heck, I'm with you on that for contemps as well as historicals.

The lack of variety in the historicals can be entertaining. Men seem to be either dukes or grubby cockneys *g*. Bandita books excepted, of course.

Karyn Gerrard AKA~Drew said...

Great Post Anna, you had me spewing my tea on the monitor in laughter, great start to the day.

What gets me, is when the Duke's large masculine hands go up her smooth legs..hello? No women shaved back then, did they? Did hair not grow until the 20th century? Maybe I have to do more research.

And speaking of the stallion thing and research, I read in so many romance books of this phenomenon, I had to look it up. (gotta love the internet) Most men are between 6-8 inches...you know, in that state. The ones in the double digits? Rare, as in less than 6%. LOL! The romance heros must be in that 6% range. Or in porn films.

Oh yes, the Omelet. Always use cold water to add to the eggs, makes them fluffy.

And the 'span the waist thing' gets me too. Not only does the hero have the equipment of a stallion, but the hands of a quarterback. And long lashes you can put curlers in.
Most men I see have great lashes. Me? I have taken stock out in Maybelline. XXL Lash all the way, or you would never see them!

Gannon Carr said...

What gets me, is when the Duke's large masculine hands go up her smooth legs..hello? No women shaved back then, did they? Did hair not grow until the 20th century?

LOL @ Drew! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that. *g*

Suzanna said...

Guilty on the omelet and the redheads! The omelet was in my first NaNo novel (which I finished, but the jury is still out on whether I can rework it for submission.) And redheads ... yes, I'll admit that I love redheaded heroines. I've written two of them and I find I have to keep reminding myself during the character creation stage that they can't all be redheads. My husband does have natural redheads in his family. Alas, neither of my daughters inherited it. As of last week, however, I'm now a bottle redhead. ;)

Green eyes don't really bother me. Many people have hazel eyes and they can often look green. I have hazel eyes, and while they usually look brown in indoor light, in bright light they're definitely green (complete strangers have even remarked on it.)

Dianna, I'll admit I've thought the same thing when reading about rendezvous that happen in a semi-public place, where the heroine will have to put in an appearance afterward. There's rarely any mention of post-coital cleanup and all I can think about is the leakage that must be going on. (Yeah, I know. TMI.)

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

ROFLOL! Thanks for this FUN post, VA! For Aunty to laff this early in the AM is a rarity. :-P

I must plead guilty to the Omelette Phenomena, but my heroine cooked them, NOT the hero (who of course has an expansive chest and well-endowed... other body parts). I can only recall one character thus far who was a red head, but I write lots of Irish characters so I think I'm allowed a slightly higher percentage! ;-)

AC

catslady said...

lol great post. Actually my husband and I do share one can of soup but we get our own toasted cheese.

The condoms bother me. I know they're trying to be politically correct but it breaks the spell and after all this is fantasy so we can pretend she isn't going to get pregnant every time lol.

flchen1 said...

LOL! Love the post and the comments, Anna! I'm not sure I'm capable of a decent omelette, but I could give you scrambled eggs...

As for what bothers me, I think others have mainly said--overly gorgeous heroines, generously endowed heroes (really? every last one?), never a need for teeth brushing or peeing in the morning... on the other hand, I'm the opposite of catslady in that it actually bothers me in contemporaries when they don't bother with birth control--I'm always instantly thinking, "Oh no! They're going to turn this into a baby issue!" And then if they don't, I think, "Ugh, how sloppy and irresponsible!"

Minna said...

Kirsten said:

The plot device that always irritats me is when the hero is a jerky alpha male who insults the heroine...and she's hopelessly attracted to him. I gotta tell you, ladies, even if it's Will Smith, I'm not attracted to a complete jerk.

I couldn't agree more. And then there's that revenge thing. The so called hero has revenge in mind-> makes the heroines life a living Hell... And she still falls in love with him! Those kind of books fall in the "love to hate category" for me. If I want to read about revenge I rather read First Wives Club".

ERASURE LOVE TO HATE YOU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QES-eQ4lR5U

Anna Campbell said...

Hey, Virginia. He's back! He must have had a good time with you the other day. Well, at least that's what he's been writing on bathroom walls... LOL!

Actually I gotta say the size of the, uh, appendage is OK by me. It's part of the fantasy. As is the guy having a reasonably clean house. Mind you, I write historicals, where there's an army of servants to look after him. The bit that always makes me giggle is where she's down there doing what she does (this is such a euphemistic post) and he pulls her up at the crucial moment... You know what I mean?

Anna Campbell said...

My omelettes always stick to the pan and come out crunchy on the bottom. And one egg? Please! That doesn't even count as a hors d'oeuvre!

Actually my heroines go all blotchy when they cry!

Gannon, I sadly have horrible blonde, sparse eyelashes. But my brother has the really thick black ones - they really ARE the envy of most women I know!

Suzanne Welsh said...

I suck at omlettes! There I've confessed it. Doesn't matter if there are five eggs or one....I suck at them. Scrambled eggs however...am fab at. Add bits of bacon, cheese, some diced peppers. Wha la, omlette without the folding and flipping!

I'm partial to redheads, but then both my grandfathers were redheads. Alas, I am not. And I've written three redhead heroines. Well, okay, they were more like brunettes with lots of red...(that I do have in the summer). Not many blondes, but hmmm, I have one planned for a hero in the upcoming books of my erotica series, does that count?

Can't say as I have any neat-nick heroes. Mostly they're busy guys, so there bedrooms, if that's where they're having sex, coz you know with me, it could be anywhere, are rather messy.

Suzanne Welsh said...

Oh and well hung heroes......uh, what would be the point of having this great guy, the heroine is in the height of her needs looks down and goes...."oh, my....that's just the right size" or "oh...uh where's the rest of it?"

Anna Campbell said...

Actually, Suz, I'm great at scrambled eggs too - but for some reason, they don't have the cachet of the omelette. Perhaps if they had a French name, they would!

Tawny said...

The bit that always makes me giggle is where she's down there doing what she does (this is such a euphemistic post) and he pulls her up at the crucial moment... You know what I mean?

LOLOOLLOL I think that's another one of those feminine fantasies.

Minna said...

...And those two (jerky alpha, revenge) are the very reasons why I hardly ever read Harlequin Romance or Harlequin Presents books.

Gannon Carr said...

Fo, my 14 year old son has these amazingly long curly eyelashes! Neither my husband nor I do, so I guess our son got some recessive gene. So unfair! LOL

Louisa Cornell said...

Woot ! Virginia, he is beginning to show up at your place more and more!

Okay, I really needed this at the end of the day! One of my cake decorators quit and I spent the day running the bakery and decorating cakes!

In point of fact I usually do have eggs, milk, butter and cheese in the fridge along with Milo's tea. And I CAN make a fluffy cheese omelet. However, not even I can make an omelet for two people with one egg !! Three is my minimum! And salad with an omelet? YUCK !! Give me some sausage (boudoin sausage from Louisiana if you please!) Or an English muffin with strawberry jam and I'm good.

Well you know, as all of those dukes are so inbred perhaps that large member thing is genetic ! So you either get the crazy guy with the small member of the sane guy with the big one. And on occasion you get the crazy one with the big one. Who knows!

Men DO tend to have long thick lashes, but I read about them so much in romance novels sometimes I want to take some Nair to the whole species!

What I take issue with is the heroine who is drawn to the hot duke with the big member and she doesn't know why. Are you kidding me? He's rich, hot and well-hung! What do you THINK is drawing you to him, you ninny!

Nancy said...

Anna, thanks for liking my tall heroine!

Am currently reading a book in which the heroine was disguised as a boy. When the good guys took her in and cleaned her up, they had to borrow clothes from a child servant for her. Which I could've gotten past, but they went ON about her childish frame!

Which has a whole other ick factor I don't think the author considered.

The book is otherwise good, and interesting, and original. But I hope we're moving on from the heroine's stature now. And never come back to it!

hrdwrkdmom aka Dianna said...

There has got to be an odor as well, that is just not something you can cover up. When I am reading I just block it out and move on but really, they need to hint at some kind of cleanup.

Anna Sugden said...

Sorry I couldn't get back yesterday - much better today!

LOL Drew - thanks for returning the tea on the monitor favour!

I don't know when the trend of getting rid of the hair on legs came into being - would love to know. (Of course in some European countries, they still don't!)

Ah, what I could tell you about the various averages, based on someone I know who used to work for a condoms company!

Anna Sugden said...

LOL Suzanna - well done for admitting it! The first stage etc etc *g*.

I have nothing against redheads, it's just that for a while, EVERY heroine had red hair.

Hmm does your hubby know you're about to get lucky?! ;)

Anna Sugden said...

Oooh I made AC laugh early in the day! Excellent!

Anna Sugden said...

You share the soup, catslady! Good for you and hubby! It did occur to me that if you use a concentrated soup like Campbells, then one can of soup would work. Glad you get your own grilled cheese sandwiches!

I have to say, the condom thing tends to irritate me too. No matter how well done it is, it still breaks the mood for me.

Anna Sugden said...

Fedora!! Great to see you!! I'll take the scrambled eggs *g*.

Interesting take on the condom issue. I hadn't thought about it that way.

Anna Sugden said...

So true, Minna. I think a reader has to see the hero's softer side or the whole brutal alpha thing just falls flat. I know people do fall in love with bullies, but we expect a happy ending, not a future of misery!

Anna Sugden said...

LOL Anna, yes - we do know what you mean (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!)

Anna Sugden said...

But you're such a great cook at everything else, Suz - we forgive you for being lacking in the omelette (and real redhead *g*) department!

I'm a brunette with red tints in the summer too. Of course, nowadays, I have the red, copper and blonde highights put in to cover the grey!

Anna Sugden said...

Hugs Louisa - what a horrid day. Sending you virtual Cadbury's too!

ROFL about why the ninny is drawn to the hot, well-hung duke!

Anna Sugden said...

Oh - hadn't thought about that whole ick issue for the child-like stature, Nancy! Good point - blech!