posted by Aunty Cindy
What a week we've had in the Lair! After having no less than THREE great guest bloggers, today you have to come back to reality with a post from me.
Louder, I can't hear you... BAH HUMBUG!
That's more like it. Excuse me while I turn the blog Grinchy green. I know, I know, Hanukkah only started 2 days ago, Christmas is still a couple of weeks away and Kwanzaa one day after that, but ENOUGH ALREADY! Please join me while I embrace my inner Grinch.
I've heard enough Christmas carols. Ever notice how certain songs get played TO DEATH over certain holiday seasons? Like about a dozen years ago when the Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer craze hit? I swear I heard that song at least once every hour from the day after Thanksgiving until New Year's Eve, and if I NEVER hear it again, it will be too soon. I mean, come on, what little charm the ditty had was lost halfway through the second hearing. And honestly, is a song about matricide amusing?
I think not.
Then there was Feliz Navidad. Maybe this was just in California when we were trying to get back to our Hispanic roots or something, but a few years ago every time I turned around I was treated to Feliz Navidad, which is cute and catchy... Up until about the nineteenth time. After that I was ready to stomp on Jose Feliciano's dark glasses and give him a swift kick in the culo.
This year, they are out to ruin what used to be one of my favorites, the Carol of the Bells, thanks to that uber-annoying TV commercial.
MAKE IT STOP!
And while I'm in full Grinch mode, let's make a deal with the presents. I'll give you nothing but cash or gift cards and YOU do the same for me.
I used to think giving money was a TOTAL COP OUT. This stems from the year my son was three and the week before Christmas, I got a card and a check from my Mother-In-Law saying, "Sorry, I didn't have time to shop. YOU do it for me." WTF?!?!?! I had a part-time retail job and a toddler! (she had neither) I was already DONE with my shopping. But have you tried to explain to a three year old why he has no presents from Grandma and Grandpa? So out to the Mall I went, snarling all the way!
This no giving cash for presents lasted until my Lovely Child was in his late teens and I bought him a boom box for Christmas. After he tore through the ribbons and wrapping paper, he curled back his lip and snarled, "This isn't what I wanted." Guess what his present has been every year since? Right, a cute little check with Merry Xmas written on the notation line in the corner. If I'm feeling extra festive, I write it with red ink.
I really hope my friends have taken the hint, especially the one who gave me the knife block a few years back. I know, I know, what is so bad about one of those huge blocks of wood bristling with about a dozen different sized knives? Probably nothing except for two small details: 1.I DO NOT COOK (and yes, the friend knew this fact) so why would I need a dozen or more knives? 2. She bought me THE EXACT SAME knife block the Christmas before!
So please, do we have a deal on the presents issue? PLEASE?
Finally, there's the whole Holiday Goodies extravaganza...
Wait a minute, I actually LIKE that! Well, except for the I do not cook part. Notice I didn't say I don't know how to cook, because contrary to popular rumor, I do. And just to prove it, I'll include my super simple recipe for cream cheese cookies.
But first... GET GRINCHY WITH AUNTY! Tell me what bugs you most about the holidays. One commenter will win a cool Hawaiian Christmas Ornament, a nifty Bon Voyage purse calendar, and some Alaska Post It notes.
Aunty's Easy Cream Cheese Cookies
1 boxed cake mix (Devil's Food, of course! But Lemon is also very good.)
1 8 oz. brick of cream cheese (go with the light version if you are trying to pretend you're eating healthy)
1 stick of margarine (ditto with the above)
Soften the cream cheese and margarine slightly (try NOT to nuke it into goo)
and mix them together
Stir in the egg (sans the shell please!)
Pour in the cake mix about a half cup at a time and keep stirring until the whole thing is mixed together.
Stick the bowl in the fridge for about an hour so that the cream cheese/margarine firms back up (this may take longer if you nuked it too much)
Drop rounded tablespoons full on a non-stick cookie sheet (or three, and try not to consume too much of the dough before you bake it, quality control notwithstanding)
Bake at 350 for about ten minutes (or until the edges look done)
ENJOY! And HAPPY HOLIDAYS!