posted by Christine Wells
Former British agent, the Duke of Lyle (aka The Dangerous Duke) sits, scowling, on the floor of the Bandit Lair. He is gagged. His hands and feet are bound. Mud mottles his knee-high boots, his blue coat is rumpled and torn and his breeches hug a pleasing expanse of muscled thigh. His black hair is overlong, tousled, as though in a high wind. Lightning grey eyes glare with cold fury at his captors.
Aunty Cindy cracks her whip and then her knuckles. She and her fellow Banditas are breathing a little heavily and it's not wholly due to the man's rugged good looks.
Trish: That was unexpected.
Vrai Anna: He's a former agent for Her Majesty's Government. We should've been ready for him to try something. Glances to the corner. Poor Sven. He suffered the worst of it, didn't he?
Christine: Yes, well, Lyle had a score to settle after Sven gave Lady Kate that massage.
Jo nodding sagely: And the cocktails. Don't forget the cocktails.
Christine: Right. Listen, we have to get him to cooperate. There isn't much time until The Dangerous Duke comes out and I want him working hard for me, meeting and greeting and making nice with readers. But he's a tough one. It was difficult enough getting him to do what I wanted when I was writing his story. Don't know how I'll persuade him to cooperate now.
Tawny slinks towards him, running her gaze over his manly form: Leave him to me, Banditas. I know all about persuading handsome, rich dukes.
Beth (pouting): Aw, Tawny gets all the fun. And the great shoes...
Foanna: I think we should torture him. Shrugs. That's what I do to all my heroes.
Suz: You know, I'm a nurse. I'm familiar with any number of unpleasant things you can do to the human body.
Cassondra, stepping forward: If y'all would just let me--
Banditas (as one): No!
Christine: No. Placing a gentle, restraining hand on Cassondra's arm: We still want some of him left when we're finished, C. Let it go. Looks around at her comrades. V-A's right. The man's a former spy, not an easy nut to crack. You know what this calls for, don't you?
Kate: (gasp!) You don't mean...
Christine: Yes. Yes, I do.
Susan: But he's at Jennifer Y's house & he won't leave her. You know it's against his religion to disappoint his lady friends.
Kirsten: Nothing gets between the Golden Rooster and his duty. Except maybe Tim Tams. Do we have Tim Tams?
Christine lowers her eyes and toes the floor with her bucket boot: Sorry. I was on deadline. I'll get some more.
Jeanne: The rooster's a double agent. How do we know we can trust him? Let me plant a bug under his wing so we know exactly what he's up to.
Joanie T: Sigh. I wish Demetrius was here.
Nancy: You and me both. But I'll settle for that ripped cabana boy over there. Later, though. We have Bandita Business to do. Looks around. Where's KJ?
Caren: She's off snowboarding on Everest, bless her heart. Didn't you know?
Christie (hurrying in, covered in dust from house renovations): OMG what are we, kidnapping characters now? Hey. Not a bad idea.
Donna: I tried it with my Moonlight heroine but she kept disappearing.
A voice cuts through the chatter: If you're quite finished discussing my future in this godforsaken dungeon, might I have a word with Ms. Wells?
All eyes turn back to Lyle, who has managed to spit out his gag. Cassondra sends Christine a withering look.
Christine looks guilty and shrugs: Would you mind?
Cassondra (to Lyle): Just don't try anything. I'll be right outside the door. Eyes narrow. You got anything in your pockets?
Lyle: Breeches don't have pockets. Anyway, that husky voiced redhead just searched me. Twice.
Cassondra: That's our Tawny. (nods to the other banditas)
Sven and the Banditas file out, leaving Christine alone with Lyle.
Lyle turns his piercing gaze on Christine. Where's Lady Kate?
Christine: I'm afraid I can't tell you that. She gestures at the laptop next to him. Read her diary. You can see for yourself, she's perfectly well. With Sven for company, I'm sure she hardly misses you at all.
A low growl rumbles from somewhere in that big chest. In spite of herself, Christine takes a quick step backwards, then recovers her sangfroid: You know, you do that glowering thing extraordinarily well. It was one of the reasons I cast you for the role.
Lyle (dripping sarcasm): I'm obliged to you. Yes, I've read the damned diary. Edited it, too. But she looks to me like she's ready to make her escape. And I don't think you Banditas are equipped to deal with Lady Kate on the loose.
Christine: Never you bother your handsome head about that. As long as we have Lady Kate, you'll do as I say. And now, I've got some friends I'd like you to meet . . .
Over to our readers. What do you think? Should the banditas:
(a) bring in the Golden Rooster to subdue the prisoner
(b) reunite Lyle with the lovely Lady Kate
(c) let the more bloodthirsty Banditas have their way with him
(d) let Tawny have her way with him
(e) send Lyle on a mission to forage for more Tim Tams
(f) Other...
Who or what (fictional or real) would you like to kidnap and bring to the Lair. What would you ask them?
My favourite comment will win an autographed Advanced Reader Copy of The Dangerous Duke. I'm also giving away 5 gorgeous signed coverflats, so come and join in the fun!
And if anyone wants to read about Lady Kate's adventures in the lair and Lyle's pithy commentary on the same, go here.
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154 comments:
Brilliant, Christine! Absolutely brilliant!!
Oh my, and now that bird is going to follow me home. I'm more than a little nervous, let me tell you...
I'm not sure I get a vote, but I'd like a chance to get back in there and have at that Lyle character. With legs like those, who needs pockets?
Woohoo, the Golden Rooster is back in the Lair. Great work, Kirsten:)
Damn you beat me to it... Ah well, perhaps I could bring Mr Richard Armitage or a little bit of Gerard Butler for us all to share? Would that make me popular or what?
How's the writing going Christine? Getting much done on the holidays?
Kirsten wrote: With legs like those, who needs pockets?
Indeed.
Hi Natalie! Hmm, I like your thinking on our next captive. Maybe I can get my people to talk to Richard's people. Or maybe the Banditas can indulge in a little kidnapping. Where's he filming right now?
As for the writing, I'm up to the final chapter of my WIP and just can't seem to leap that final hurdle. But I'm getting there! How about you?
Watch out for the bug under his wing. And the fleas in his tail and the worms in his gullet and...
Hey, Kirsten, congratulations! It's a while since he visited you, isn't it?
Christine, what a brilliant blog! Lyle is lucky having you as a minder. Although I'm sure he doesn't feel like that right now!
I hit the big slumpy bit... have been slogging my way through it. I've found out that I need to just push past and write even though I think it sucks at times...
Hi Fo! You must be exhausted after the day you've had. Lie down on the chaise longue over there and let Sven fix you a Fluffy Duck.
Snork about the bugs, worms, etc. You're really cramping the GR's style making all that public.
Natalie, I think you've just summarized the life of a writer!!
I'm slogging along as well right now. Trying to figure out exactly what I'm writing, actually. I think I'm getting on track, but it's been a bit of a challenge. Sometimes the book can't decide if it wants to be YA or adult, contemporary or paranormal. KWIM?
Yes, Fo, I'm not sure when's the last time the chook came to Oregon. Maybe that's why he's been so grumpy!
Natalie wrote: I've found out that I need to just push past and write even though I think it sucks at times...
Yes, it's harder than it looks, isn't it. But that's a great attitude, Natalie. As Nora says, you can't fix a blank page.
Hmm, don't tell the chook but I'd much rather have a fluffy duck than a golden rooster!
Kirsten, hugs on the slog. And you've been traveling so much it's no surprise that you'd have a hard time getting back into the rhythm.
I was all set to do pages last night and realized I had to blog today. There's always something, isn't there?
I'd much rather have a fluffy duck than a golden rooster!
Snork! Especially one with bugs.
I find the kids know exactly when you've found your writing rhythm and walk in at that moment to interrupt... why does it happen? who knows, intuition I guess.
Yes, exactly. I find husbands are much the same;)
Hubby's been reading my first mss, and going I think he needs to say this instead.. oh and he comes home and tells me that American troops never used Colgate toothpaste in WW2, he's great isn't he? So now I have to edit the word Colgate from my story, oh well, he's helping...
OMG ROFLMAO tooo brilliant, Christine. You are my hero, this is so insanely funny. And hey, I only patted him down to assure Cassandra he didn't have any hidden weapons, yanno? But seeing how tight those breeches are, not much is hidden now, is it?
oh - Kirsten, just ply the bird with margaritas and tell him naughty stories as you tie him to the bedposts... he's so easy that way.
btw, do I get to vote? I promise I won't *hurt* him...
at least... not much.
Natalie, great that your hubby is interested in your ms! I forbid mine to read my books. He's too critical;P
Tawny wrote: btw, do I get to vote? I promise I won't *hurt* him...
at least... not much.
Well, only in a good way. Right TawnyD?
Well done Kirsten but be careful what you say
Christine what a fantasic post I can't stop laughing I have been really enjoying Lady Kate's diary Sven is so good to her.
I say reunite Lyle and Lady Kate but after Lyle has been sent to find more Tim Tams don't be too easy with him but I am sure he is gonna be one hell of a Hero.
I would love to kidnap Hugh Jackman I really wouldn't know what to ask him other than if he minds if I just look he is such beautiful eye candy we could ask him to sing a few songs for us he is good at singing and dancing.
Have Fun
Helen
Ooooh, Helen... Hugh Jackman is so gorgeous. I'd just want to sit there and pat his biceps LOL. YUMMY!!!
And Christine *shocked look* Of course in a good way... after all, I'm a little afraid of Lady Kate.
Helen--
Richard Armitage
Gerry Butler
Hugh Jackman.
Am I sensing a pattern here?
Great to hear you're enjoying Lady Kate. Thanks so much for reading. Lady K might make an appearance later. Who knows?
Yeah, right, Tawny, I believe touching his biceps is ALL you'd do with poor Hugh!
Wanted to say to everyone, I've been lucky enough to read the Dangerous Duke and it's a beauty! You REALLY want to win this one!
The husky redhead wrote:
I'm a little afraid of Lady Kate
You are right to be afraid, beautiful lady. Then again, what is life without a little risk?
Thanks, Fo! That's so lovely of you to say. Anna helped me enormously by critiquing The Dangerous Duke last year, thereby putting me in debt to her for the sum of a kidney and a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream.
Thanks Christine, I needed that! The weather here is awful with no signs of summer but your post made me forget it all!
One more duke for my collection, great!!
I agree with Helen, reunite them and he could send some Tim Tams over here, everybody is talking about them but we don't have any here...
I'd love to see Colin Firth in the lair, you don't have to ask him anything, some great pictures would be enough..
BRAVO, Mme D-W!
I knew we could subdue that rascal! Now don't be naughty again Lyle, or you will force Aunty to use her crop once more...
I say bring in the GR and send both him AND Lyle out for Tim Tams! But we will send Cassondra and that sneakily treacherous Nancy with them, just to be sure they return.
Meanwhile, I'm with Helen! Let's start planning how to kidnap Hugh J! He doesn't have to sing or dance, he can just stand there and I'll LOOK at him. Unless of course, he'd rather see Aunty do some fancy crop work.....
Eva S--you collect dukes??? Now that is a collection I'd like to see. As long as they're goodlookin' and not those old decrepit blokes with one foot in the grave.
Colin Firth. Right, I'll add him to the list.
Fancy crop work, Aunty? You know, I came across a bit of that in my search for pics of dungeons.*g*
Thanks for whipping Lyle into shape! Hoping he won't give us any more trouble.
LOL Aunty when you said Crop Work I thought immediately "Crop Circles" so it's been you this whole time there are no aliens... then the penny dropped "oh not that crop, the other 'crop'"..... sheesh, see I'm naive, need to read more I guess, where's anna with a copy of that new book of hers...
Natalie, Natalie... ::shaking head::
Stick around the Lair and you won't be innocent too much longer.*g*
Christine, if Lyle is being played by Clive Owen, I would like to re-search him....no matter how thorough our Tawny is, I'd truly love to have my way with him....er before the blood thirsty banditas do....pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee
Well, Suz, you can't take a photo of a fictional character. It's a sad fact, but there it is. So I found a picture that looks very much like Lyle and posted it instead. IS that Clive Owen? ::blinks innocently:: I had no idea.
Christine I can't wait to read all about Lyle and Lady Kate it is on my must have list.
Aunty Cindy you are really good with that crop I would love to see you in action LOL
Tawny don't you just love Hugh Jackman and Gerry and Richard
This is going to be one great party
Eva I would love to send you some Tim Tams but after you have tasted them you would need a constant supply
Have Fun
Helen
Love, love, love it!!!!
And the answer to your question is really quite easy -- it's a combination of all of the choices Just follow my lead . . .
1st -- other -- you need to let me have my way with Lyle. All you ladies know that I'm pretty good with the hotties :)
2nd -- all you Banditas can have your way with dear Lyle, although I'm pretty sure he won't have much strength left in him :)
3rd -- by now, poor Lyle is pretty wiped out so it would be a great time to bring in GR. See this way that good ole rooster won't have to work too hard.
4th -- reunite Lyle with Lady Kate and send them both on the mission for more Tim Tams.
Helen, you're such a sweetheart! Not sweet enough to share your Tim Tams, I notice!LOL
Speaking of which, someone is going to have to tackle me at the airport in San Fran and lock those Tim Tams away because I'm likely to eat them before they ever get to the Banditas. I bought some for my prize stash last week and where are they now? Adding inches to my thighs, is where!
Greetings, Buffie, oh connoisseur of the hawt male--your reasoning is very sound and your methods of torture should be adopted by nations across the world. I hear prisoners giving a resounding cheer!
But I must tell you a secret--Lyle is a fictional hero, ergo he is energized rather than worn out by so many women having their wicked way with him. The Golden Rooster would not find him 'softened' by the experience, believe me!
However, for such a creative answer, you are definitely in the running for prizes. Thank you!
Hilarious post, Christine! I just watched 'The Princess Bride' for the millionth time--the dashing Westley would fit right in at the Lair. He's no stranger to kidnapping. Plus, if you ask him for a lifetime supply of Tim-Tams, he's likely to say, "As you wish!"
Vanessa
Vanessa--Be still my heart! Westley is one of the best heroes of all time, isn't he? I'd love to have him in the lair. And I'd be asking him for more than Tim Tams. *g*
Great answer!
It looks to me like Tawny already had her way with him - twice - sorry, Tawny, but I think you need to step aside and let the other Banditas have a little fun with Lyle for awhile. I think they need to exercise a little payback for all the times they were tortured by the dashing heroes that just wouldn't cooperate on the page. Great idea there, Christine: If they fail to cooperate, kidnap them and sick the Banditas on them! Can I be an honorary Bandita and join the fun? I'll even bring my own heroes to torture - I mean, question - and I'll go search for the Tim Tams myself. Hey, anything to contribute to the cause.
And the first hero I'd want to bring is Mr. Darcy. I want to know what hi secret is. How does he continue to charm so many women after so many years and to this day still end up in their fantasies and books? Hhmmm...maybe Lyle knows the answer. Go get him, ladies!
Snort! Too funny, Christine!
Hmm, I say, Aunty Cindy hands her whip over to FoAnna, who really *does* know how to torture a hero! Then hand the Tim Tams over to Tawny and let her stay alone with him and the chocolate for a few minutes. He'll be eating out of your hand!
I think the picture of Sven is my favorite bit!
Now why did you guys have to get him here today?? I gotta go to work but I will be back!!!!!!! Don't let him get away.
Oh, and Kirsten, just keep your eye on that feisty bird. He will have you wrapped around his wing before we know what happened.
Hilarious, Christine!
I know exactly what needs to be done:
I will have my wicked way with Lyle (especially if he looks like the delicious Clive Owen), plying him with Tim Tams that the GR will have brought us--the GR will do anything I ask after his day at the wine and cheese shop!
Maybe Lyle will have some energy left to deal with the rest of the Banditas, but after I'm through with him --and I intend to be VERY thorough--I do believe dear Lyle will need a lengthy recovery period! ;)
In all the excitement over Lyle's capture I forgot to tell Christine that I truly love the cover. It's gorgeous!
Hi Everyone,
Sorry to barge in here, but I'm at ThrillerFest with K.J. Howe and she wanted me to let you all know that she is featured in my Publishers Weekly blog, Beyond Her Book today, talking about the Bandits.
I'm waiting for PW to post the blog now because they have to add the video, so it should be up shortly. Enjoy!
http://www.publishersweekly.com/blog/880000288.html
Christine, you're brilliant!
I vote we send the GR over to Lady Kate. Your dangerous duke would move heaven & earth to bust her out of that nefarious creature's clutches, & that would make good entertainment here in the Lair. :-)
But if we get to bring in one of our own favorite tortured heros into the Lair just for our viewing (and frisking) pleasure, can I vote for Christian Bale's Batman? Or, heck, Christian Bale's anything? I've been in love with that kid since (dating myself terribly but hell, I'm among friends) Newsies. Anybody remember that little singing/dancing fiasco?
I do love me some Christian Bale.
I think you should choose a-f, ALL of the above. As for the "other", I think the gentleman would make a fine cabana boy who can serve us all our favorite drink Lusty Bandita Margaritas! Ole! ;)
I agree with Eva. Some Tim Tams would be great! Not to mention peanut butter sweets.
And I wouldn't mind seeing Paul Gross in the lair. Hmmm... Can't think of any questions for him though.
http://images.google.fi/images?hl=fi&q=paul+gross&btnG=Etsi+kuvia&gbv=2
OMG, hilariously witty and ROTF bursting at the seams funny, Christine. It's not 6:30 in the AM here in California and Dr. Big keeps giving me dirty looks because I can't stop laughing.
I vote for turning him over to Cassondra and letting her good friend p226 take care of the dude.
Wait, on second thought, I don't think I could bear those gorgeous features being ruined. Hmmmm, let Tawny slink her way into his confidence and report back to the Lair.
Susan - I LOVED Newsies. And I loved him in Little Women too. Yes, we'll have to share Christian. And if you promise not to tell anyone, I'll share some of the rather *revealing* pics of him I have in my stash. ;)
This is hillarious! Love the kidnapping scheme. And Tawny is a girl after my own heart. As I've spent years talking for a living, I'm pretty sure I could talk this Dangerous Duke into giving up his secrets. Or at least those breeches. (smiles innocently)
I say send the Rooster for the Tim Tams, put Sven on a constant message rotation, and bring in Lady Kate to spar with Lyle. I think watching these two squabble sounds highly entertaining.
And congrats on the GR, Kirsten. Don't forget to frisk him! I hear he likes that...
LOL - Christine! Too funny!
I vote for whichever option that gets Tawny away from Lyle so that the rest of us Bandits can have a chance *g*
I think the picture of Sven is my favorite bit!
Deb, that picture of Sven cracks me up every time I see it!! Don't ya love it? :-)
Hi Barbara! Please feel free to drop by anytime!
Thanks for letting us know about KJ being on Beyond Her Book. I hope you're gearing up for a Bandit invasion :-)
Oooh, Kirsten got the bird. She can talk him into helping out with Lyle. Who needs pockets indeed!
Christine this was hilarious perfection! Too funny! I can't wait to read this book. My Mom came to visit and saw my framed coverflat. She started cruising my bookshelves. I said "What are you looking for?" She said "That book. It looks really good!" She was disappointed it wasn't out yet! I have to watch her when she visits. She is a notorious book grabber! If she sees Annie West I KNOW she is going to nab it!
I would have to say that my take on this list of possibilities is - ALL OF THE ABOVE!!
Of course we could send Tawny to forage for Tim Tams and when she returns cover Lyle with Tim Tams and have a free for all bout of Tim Tam wrestling involving all of the Banditas. Would that be in bad taste? It would certainly wear poor Lyle out to the point the GR could get him to tell us ANYTHING!
And count me in on any trip to kidnap Hugh Jackman!! I have fur-lined handcuffs and silk ropes should we need them. I mean .... uhm .... I know somebody who has some ... just saying. Don't want to bruise the merchandise!!!
We could always send the gladiators after Gerard Butler. Hmmm. What kind of wrestling could we entice that combination into?
Okay ladies, I've got the GR under heavy surveilliance (er, I locked him in a hen house with twenty "ladies" -- he'll be busy for some time!). Unfortunately, I have to run to work, but let me know if you need him released. He'll be a bit tired, but I'm sure he'll bounce back quickly. ;-)
(Louisa, fur-lined handcuffs? hmm...this requires some explanation, dear!)
Christine, I'll take custody of the TimTams. I can't eat chocolate, you know. But I am keen on the donuts...
Oh Christine, that is just so brilliant! And hysterically funny!!
You Banditas have had your shot at cracking Lyle. Now it's the Bandita Buddies' turn. First we need to arrange a charter flight to Oz (I'm assuming that's where you're holding poor Lyle?) because as rowdy as this bunch is, no commercial airline crew would survive the flight. No, this mission calls for a very special, very skilled, very experienced all-male crew. Hmmmm, I have some very interesting ideas for said crew's uniforms...oh. sorry. wrong mission.
Anyway, on to poor Lyle. I'd load the plane's cargo hold with fresh peaches. They're in season here and very plump, sweet and juicy. Then I'd load gallon jugs of my homemade hot fudge sauce. We'll add the ice cream when land in the wonderful world of Oz. (Yes, I know I seem to be focused entirely on the food. So sue me. I'm on a diet and a girl needs her fantasies!) After our mellow and supremely satisfied air crew (it was a very long flight) ::grin:: delivers us, and the food, to the cave we'll slice the peaches, heat the hot fudge sauce, spread the ice cream (yes, I said *spread*) and have ourselves a delicious, delectable, sinfully sweet, bad-boy dessert. Trust me, by the time the last fudge-drizzled peach slice is a sweet memory, Lyle will be so mellow he'll follow Kate anywhere. I'll even gift them with a year's supply of hot fudge sauce to ensure their happiness. (wink)
Oh, and please add me to those who would love to kidnap Hugh J. to the lair. What would I ask him? I'd ask him to pose for me (and maybe with me) and fill a couple 2g photo cards with pictures of him. I think that would make lovely wallpaper for my library/computer room, don't you?
Christine - Fabulous blog!! I'm speechless.
Hang on - Tawny gets to frisk Lyle and gets the great shoes?! VA looks down at her sexy scarlet Manolo's Hmmm.
Naturally, I'm all for patting down Lyle. We English are used to captives in our lairs ... and we have ingenious methods for ensuring complete surrender. Don't we, Lady Kate?
Definitely send the GR out for more Tim Tams and snag that camera off him!
Must dash, the hockey hunks are getting restless ... someone needs to soothe their aching muscles.
I'm thinking option D, followed by C. At least let the poor guy go to his maker with a smile on his face.
Hmm.... who to kidnap and bring to the lair....
If I were after brownie points and free books for my wife, it'd probably be some dude that shows up in blog photos like Pierce Brosnan (am I even spelling that correctly?) or something. But what if I wasn't after brownie points... whom to bring?
I have to admit being a little stumped.
Would I kidnap some author? Naw. They'd wind up empathizing with him/her and turn on me.
Some character? Well, I think the characters would all wind up like the Duke here, contemplating death by nookie. Or 9mm, should Cassondra get the honors. Some real-life figure? Sheesh, who?
Ooooh, I know. I'd fire up the wayback machine and bring you THREE victims. Arthur, Lancelot, and Guinevere. You guys could torture the REAL story out of them, or alternately, use them as muses. Then I'd toss Arthur and Lancelot in a boxing ring with some of those little MMA boxing gloves. "No rules fellas, sort it out." Would the wily old vet win, or the "unbeatable" young talent? What would Guinevere think watching them try to kill each other in the ring? Who would she cheer to victory? Would we have to post Cassondra on Wizard Watch, to ensure Merlin didn't show up and zap 'em off to freedom?
I have to throw in a vote for kidnapping James McAvoy into the Lair. He's my newest crush and it's so unlike me. But have you heard the boy talk? Scottish accent. Very thick. Very intelligent. Charming. Talented. Adorable. I need to stop now.
*sigh*
LOL! Oh my gosh, this was hysterical. Personally, I vote for Option D. Get to work, Tawny. :)
I agree with Susan -- Christian Bale would be an awesome visitor to the Lair. Good looking, intelligent, intense.
p226 -- LOL! Death by nookie. Snort.
Oh, I like Terrio's suggestion too -- James McAvoy. I want to go see Wanted but haven't had time.
Trish - I saw Wanted last weekend. Very violent and over the top at times, but I loved it.
By the way, Christine...the Suz: You know, I'm a nurse. I'm familiar with any number of unpleasant things you can do to the human body. comment is one I've actually threatened my son and his friends with during their highschool years!
Ooh! I love Choose Your Own Adventure stories!!!
I'm going to vote for the Banditas to have their way with him. Hello, I'm shallow...
If I was kidnapping someone and bringing him back to my lair, who would it be? Naturally I'd say Captain Jack Sparrow, but he's already part of my crew. And a plenty supply of rum keeps him amenable to the idea...so...
I'd probably kidnap James McAvoy or Gerry Butler--just so I could listen to that Scottish accent and swoon all day. And I'd kidnap a kilt right along with them...just because I like my Scotsmen in kilts...
*waving at Barbara* Hope you and KJ are having a fab time in NYC at Thrillerfest!
Louisa said: Of course we could send Tawny to forage for Tim Tams and when she returns cover Lyle with Tim Tams and have a free for all bout of Tim Tam wrestling involving all of the Banditas. Would that be in bad taste? It would certainly wear poor Lyle out to the point the GR could get him to tell us ANYTHING!
OMGosh, Louisa, you are a woman after my own heart. Grins.
Christine, what a great blog! Now I'm really looking forward to the book!
Hhmmm... Let me see, such a variety of choices. I choose b - reunite Lyle with the Lovely Lady Kate, but make sure Lyle's brothers/ cousins/ best friends - what ever, are there so the Banditas have some sort of diversions.
PJ, PJ, PJ! *shaking head in admiration* You had ME at "spread the ice cream..." Especially after a 22+ hour flight with an all-male, very hunky flight crew. Hmmmmmmm.
SNORK!
I'm all for A, then C, by the way. Tim Tams rule. Grins.
Great post Christine! And congrats on the GR, Kirsten.
P226, I like the way YOU think too, I've always wanted to see those two duke it out. Call me a prude (I dare ya!) but I was just disgusted with Gwen the whole 'way round. Little hussy.
BTW, Cassondra's a good one to have on Wizard Watch, Nancy's a good one as well. She's quite well armed, that one, and we KNOW Cassondra's armed. Don't let that attractive, siren-red dress fool you. :>
Hey VAnna, I wanna see THOSE shoes. Are you bringing THOSE to SF? :> (I love red shoes. Can't steal 'em though, your feet are much smaller than mine.)
e) of course! Haha I loved this post! I discovered Tim Tams a few months ago -and have been searching for ways to get more. Mmmm.
A hero I would kidnap? Only one?! Haha - um... I think Lorenzo Gage in Breathing Room by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. An international star on the silver screen and someone who can cook? [Not to mention he has a villa in Tuscany...] Be still my heart ;)
You guys crack me up. I choose (e)send Lyle on a mission to forage for more Tim Tams. These are dangerous times, without Tim Tams world peace hangs in the balance. this is needed for stability. I would like to kidnap and interrogate Christian Bale. I would ask him what's under the Bat suit? Does he go commando? Will he have his way with me in the Batmobile?
Margay--
Of course you can bring your own heroes to torture. All victims welcome in the Lair!
Ah, the timeless classic, Mr. Darcy. Maybe now Lizzie's softened him up a bit more he'll be less reticent about his manly secrets.
Deb, I like your thinking! And isn't that a lovely shot of Sven? Pity he's not animated on the blog. He actually waves and says hello on the Berkley/Jove forum.
Sven came into my life when I played Mystery Author on Romance Novel TV. We're virtually inseparable now. What with the cocktails and the massages, I'm in a perpetual state of relaxation. Mmm.
Sven asked me to let you know that he's set up the massage table by the pool today, if you'd like to avail yourself of his services;) Cocktails at 6pm!
Dianna, looking forward to seeing you when you get back. Sven will be waiting!
I can't believe no one's mentioned these two names:
Colin Firth
George Cloonney
Need I say more? Just think...tying George to the bed. Making Colin Firth jump into a pond with that linen shirt and nothing else.
LOL
Love the blog, Christine and loved Scandal's Daughter. The Dangerous Duke sounds like it's an awesome book!!!
Miss Gannon, a point of clarification. Just how 'wicked' is your way? Purely theoretical interest, you understand.
And I refer you to Mrs. Wells' previous comments re: the stamina of fictional heroes.
Buffie, it is a lovely cover, isn't it? The same wonderful artist, James Griffin, did both my covers. He's a lovely fellow, too and was kind enough to send me huge prints of them which are framed and hanging on my study wall.
Hi Barbara! A hearty welcome to the Lair!
That KJ gets around, doesn't she? Hobnobbing with Barbara Vey at Thrillerfest. I thought she was still snowboarding on Everest but obviously that was yesterday. Way to go, KJ! I'll head over to PW soon.
Smoov, obviously you have a sharp and devious mind. I like it!
OK, Christian Bale. I'll add him to my list. Wondered if anyone had a suggestion that was remotely actually, um, possible? I mean, those Hollywood stars are pretty well protected. Maybe a fictional character would be easier to kidnap?
LOL...love it! And I love how I got a mention...y'all snuck the rooster away from me anyway.
Hmm...I choose, f) other
Give him to me...I'll keep him happy and occupied...
...with books, people, with books...
...he can rest comfortably on my futon and read to me in that deep, masculine voice of his as I snuggle up in his arms...
...he can also help me think up ways to thwart the Golden Rooster. We'll put his agent skills to the test and he can teach me what he knows so I can use his sneaky tricks in San Francisco.
As for the other question, well, kidnapping won't be necessary...once the Duke tells everyone how much he enjoyed being at my home every fictional and real-life hero or hottie will be lining up to visit the lair in hopes that you send them my way.
Number one on that list would probably be Christian Bale...he and I could read and watch movies...his, of course,...and see what else we could get into ;o)
As for what I would ask him...why waste time talking when there are so many other things a mouth can be used for... ;o)
...eating chocolate, people, eating chocolate... ;o)
Cheri--
A cabana boy? A servant??? Madam, surely you jest.
Wondered if anyone had a suggestion that was remotely actually, um, possible?
I wouldn't mind having more of the Bandita's heroes kidnapped and brought to the lair...it would allow me to get to know more about them and maybe weasel some tidbits about each of you from them...I think I have been around that rooster for too long ;o)
Minna, I do not know these peanut butter sweets, to which you refer. Tim Tams, on the other hand, I am *well* acquainted with.
These nefarious Banditas plied me with them to cement my addiction, and now are withholding that delicious biscuit in he hopes that I will crack under the strain of going, as they phrase it, 'cold turkey'. This preoccupation the Banditas have with poultry is just one of the many bewildering aspects of my incarceration.
Well, there are peanut butter M&Ms, Reese's peanut butter cups and bars, Hershey's peanut butter kisses...
Mrs Robertson wrote: Hmmmm, let Tawny slink her way into his confidence and report back to the Lair.
Just try it.
Please, be my guest.
I got totally addicted to them in the States.
My thoughts: the Duke is already in
custody, disregard a. Besides the
GR could be totally out of it after being locked in the hen house! But
the GR appears to have mysterious
recuperative powers, so I would
implement c & d substituting the GR. I would then go to e, with a
promise to the Duke that when he returns with a lifetime supply of Tim Tams, I would then go to b, reuniting him with the lovely Lady Kate. I would not kidnap my most
favorite fellow. I would invite
David Boreanaz to join me in the
Lair in hosting a gathering where
the chief refreshment would be
Tim Tams. I believe in sharing,
but David would not be on the
list of goodies to be shared!!
Pat Cochran
Terrio, if you've spent years talking for a living, you will get on very well with Lady Kate. The woman never stops. Except during certain activities which a gentleman must not mention.
Beth, how many are there of you again? Twenty? Lady Kate would have my guts for garters. But it's almost worth the risk...
And as I can't get them here in Finland, I have to make myself some peanut butter bars when the craving for peanut butter sweets becomes too bad.
Louisa, you are a naughty girl.
Tim Tam wrestling? Two questions--what will the Banditas be wearing? And will the Tim Tams be melted and slicked over their lissom--
Lyle!!!!
That was so a blast!! I think he can be released on 'release day', in the meantime, continue on with your ways, so that would be f) since you Bandits will have to give him up but not quite yet! I sadly don't watch movies, but I so love Darcy, that I'd love to bring him in and we'll be in another room with the shackles :)
Gosh I so love that cover Christine!! Its one I want to pet :) Really between this and your first release, you've gotten so beautiful covers!
Kirsten, if we need the rooster, I'll let you know. At the moment, Lyle is sitting here quite happily beguiled by the fantasy of 20 banditas covered in chocolate and wrestling one another.
I shall deliver you the Tim Tams as soon as I arrive in SF. But I'm very sorry you can't eat chocolate, although I'm sure it's one of the reasons you look so terrific.
PJ, you're too hilarious! Love the idea of a charter flight. But you know, it would have to be Wonder Woman's invisible plane because the Lair is in a top secret location, a bit like the Bermuda triangle. Only a true stealth mission will accomplish what you're setting out to do.
So. Tell me more about those uniforms...
Oh, and Lyle would come to the laptop but he's sitting there in a pleasant daydream, murmuring: Bandita buddies... peaches... cream... hot fudge sauce...
PJ, the thing about Hugh is that he seems like such a nice guy on top of those amazing looks. So, you know, photos would be good and all, but how about video?
Thanks, Donna. I learned from the best!
Will I get kicked out of the lair if I say that I don't know if I have ever had Tim Tams? I think I may have tried them once, but I can't remember. Are there lots of different flavors?
Vrai-Anna, Jimmy Choo invented a new bucket boot just for you, never fear!
Hey, bring the hockey hunks over. Sven's making cocktails by the pool. He knows sports massage as well as the Swedish kind;) But, uh, I see you already have dibs on that.
P226--great answer! And you know, I can't really decide among Hugh, Clive, Christian, et al, so you've been a wily fellow yourself, going in a different direction. Your wife is going to be proud.
I love the idea of Arthur, Lancelot and Guinevere, but yanno, maybe Guinnie would be too busy flirting with the cabana boys to watch two territorial men slug it out to win her. Women tend to get ideas about equality when they enter the Lair. Just look at Lady Kate. Although, she wasn't terribly troubled by her supposed inferiority in the first place;) Maybe you could give Lyle some tips on living with an independent-minded woman. I'm sure you know all about that.
Terrio, I SO agree with you about James McAvoy. He is unexpectedly attractive. There's that memorable scene in Atonement when he sends the wrong letter. Mmm.
Jennifer Y. said: I wouldn't mind having more of the Bandita's heroes kidnapped and brought to the lair...it would allow me to get to know more about them and maybe weasel some tidbits about each of you from them...
Since my hero Donovan O'Shea has The Sight, I'm afraid he might be impossible to catch. He'll know in advance and all that, nag dabit! But Donna and Tawny usually have very naughty heroes, and would undoubtedly make very entertaining captives...
AC
Hey, Trish! Tawny's getting lots of votes.
But something tells me Lyle might be proof against even our redhaired temptress's wiles. He has it bad for a certain Lady Kate.
LOL, Suz! I know you too well.
Hellion, the Scots produce some mighty fine male specimens, don't they? Men who can really fill out a kilt. *g*
I think James Mc is winning!
Marisa, now you're talking! I can't allow Lyle to fraternize--and to do him credit, there's only one woman in the world for him and he knows it--but your suggestion of bringing other beautiful noblemen in for the Banditas' and the Bandita Buddies' entertainment might just work.
Thanks for the kind words about the blog and the book!
Good morning, Banditas! Bandita buddies. Mrs. Wells said she is getting a mysterious thing called RSI from so much typing and asked me to take over her duties for a while.
I must say, I'm intrigued by the er frankness with which all you ladies express your, er, animal natures and I look forward to seeing the relevant pictures in due course.
Let me see... ah, yes,
Duchesse--
Being of equal rank with Lyle, perhaps you might bring some influence to bear. Please tell him from me (in the dulcet tone that presages danger) that if he lays one fingertip on any of those scarlet bucket-booted women, I shall chop off his nether regions and serve them to the Golden Rooster. Forgive the crudeness, but I fear the situation warrants plain speaking!
Limecello, Mrs Wells became strangely agitated when you mentioned Lorenzo Gage. Perhaps he is a candidate for kidnapping. Mrs Wells wonders if someone called S-E-P would condescend to visit the lair.
Miss Jane! I am biting back scandalized laughter at your answer and can only say that Mr. Bale seems to have almost as many admirers as Lyle. The Banditas are discussing plans to take him hostage, but they're concerned about his superheroic powers in the Batman guise. They might have to wait until he turns into Bruce Wayne.
Elyssa, you are too kind! Mrs. Wells is in transports over your praise for Scandal's Daughter. I must tell you that the history of Lyle and my association is a trifle--well--spicier than Gemma's and Sebastians. ::blush::
I must say, I do miss Lyle terribly. Even Sven is not an adequate substitute, I fear.
Jennifer Y wrote: As for what I would ask him...why waste time talking when there are so many other things a mouth can be used for... ;o)
Miss Jennifer, you are naughty! Anyone will tell you I am a gabster, but less so, of late. Lyle has proved the rule that silence can be golden. *g*
Jennifer wrote: I wouldn't mind having more of the Bandita's heroes kidnapped and brought to the lair...
My dear, pray don't encourage them! THey need no excuse to torture their characters, believe me. Although there *are* some I would like to meet...
Minna wrote: Well, there are peanut butter M&Ms, Reese's peanut butter cups and bars, Hershey's peanut butter kisses...
Keep going, my dear. I'm making Sven a shopping list.
Miss Pat, my head is spinning! But I think I have noted down your instructions.
And I so sympathize with your unwillingness to share your man. Let that be a warning to all Banditas who can't keep their hands to themselves!
Should the banditas:
(a) bring in the Golden Rooster to subdue the prisoner
(b) reunite Lyle with the lovely Lady Kate
(c) let the more bloodthirsty Banditas have their way with him
(d) let Tawny have her way with him
(e) send Lyle on a mission to forage for more Tim Tams
(f) Other...
What choices!! Uh, I choose F, let the bandita buddies have him for a while. We can make him behave I am sure of it.
Who or what (fictional or real) would you like to kidnap and bring to the Lair. What would you ask them?
I agree with Margay, Caffey,Elyssa Papa, and Eva S, let us get Colin Firth/Mr. Darcy here. What would I ask him??? This is a G rated site right?
Miss Caffey--
I cannot possibly wait 6 weeks before my reunion with Lyle! SOmething must be done.
You wrote: Gosh I so love that cover Christine!! Its one I want to pet :)
Miss Caffey, the artist is talented, of course, but we must remember that even a talented artist cannot make a silk purse from the ear of a sow. I flatter myself that his subject contributed a little to the beauty of the piece. Particularly that wonderful view of Lyle's thigh.
Jennifer, there are many flavours of Tim Tams, but as in many things, only the original will do.
Mrs. Dianna said: What choices!! Uh, I choose F, let the bandita buddies have him for a while. We can make him behave I am sure of it.
My dear, Lyle is most entertaining when he MISbehaves.
Mrs. Wells told me to tell you that yes, this site is G rated. Or maybe M. But if you'd like to email her privately with your suggestion, she'll see what she can do.
I didn't read the other replies before putting mine on and didn't realize how many wanted Darcy as well :) We are indeed romance readers at heart! I so wished my DVD wasn't broken because I'd love to watch P&P again! Sadly not the one with Firth, its not closed captioned for me :(
so I watch the Sir Lawrence one!
Lady Kate said: Although there *are* some I would like to meet...
You better not Lyle hear that...but out of curiosity, who would you kidnap, Lady Kate? Besides Lyle that is.
Lady Kate, I understand your dilemma, six weeks is agony.
As for me, I reach out to the screen and touch the cover, Lady Kate, its indeed only how close I can get...
Oh I just saw the beautiful blog and reading there now at Dangerous Diary!
Its my first time visiting there so if my comments were mixed up, I'm catching up with it all! In the meantime, I'm back to reading more over there!
My apologies to Lady Kate and your wait for Duke Lyle!
Lady Kate said...
My dear, Lyle is most entertaining when he MISbehaves.
Lady Kate, I am sure he is but he only MISbehaves that way for you. In the lair he is misbehaving in a most unpleasant manner and the Banditas are not taking it well at all. They are very supportive of each other and if he is being naughty then the Banditas may very well take matters into their own hands. Mrs.Wells' problem is she needs for him to make nice with all the readers when he meets them and he is in a snit to say the very least. What do you suggest dear lady?
Mrs. Wells told me to tell you that yes, this site is G rated. Or maybe M. But if you'd like to email her privately with your suggestion, she'll see what she can do.
If you wouldn't mind passing a message back to Mrs. Wells that I changed my mind. I thought I saw Mr. Darcy going round the turn and I will make my suggestions directly to him ::::EG::::
Caffey, I'm always looking for more friends to gossip with! Thank you for calling;) And believe me, touching a cold dead screen simply does not compare to touching The Real Thing!
Mrs. Dianna you raise an interesting question. How to keep Lyle happy? Hmm. Bring me to him and I shall demonstrate...
Oh, but you are bold, Mrs. Dianna. Do let me know how your meeting with Mr. Darcy turns out!
Christine, I have an idea, can I change my answer to the question???
Let's just turn Lady Kate loose on Lyle and she can make him play nice with the readers. In the meantime, let us send GR for the Tim Tams, Tawny can lure Colin, Richard, Gerald, Hugh and all the others into range. Since Caffey doesn't have the Colin Firth version of P & P I think we should let her have first shot at him.
While all of this is happening, can I have Sven???
Lady Kate said...
Oh, but you are bold, Mrs. Dianna. Do let me know how your meeting with Mr. Darcy turns out!
:::sigh::: it didn't pan out My Lady, he was too quick for me. I am waiting now to see if Mrs. Wells will go with Plan B, I am very sure Ms. Weber can lure.. uh I mean talk him into coming to the lair.
Mrs. Dianna, as long as I have Lyle you can have Vrai-Anna's entire team of hockey hunks for all I care. Nice answer.
And good choice with Sven;)
Lady Kate said...
Mrs. Dianna you raise an interesting question. How to keep Lyle happy? Hmm. Bring me to him and I shall demonstrate...
That is part of my Plan B, I know you could er.... talk him into being nice to the readers.
Miss Tawny, Mrs Dianna has your a mission for you, should you choose to accept it...
Au revoir for now, Bandita Buddies! I hope to entertain you over at A Dangerous Diary http://dangerousdiary.blogspot.com/
Now that we've been properly introduced:)
Lordie Christine, you're a trusting soul, aren't you? Bring a gorgeous hottie over to a Lair crammed with feral, chook-wrangling lust-filled banditas. No, for that way madness (and a badly mangled hottie) lies.
If I scored my current hottie ( who's the face and body of my current hero) I wouldn't bring him within a mile of the Lair!!! He's mine, I tell you, all miiiiine!!!! ( er, cough -- with an occasional short-term loan to Anne McAllister, as she gave him to me)
Hello, Ms. Gracie!!
Actually, you're so right--I am a trusting soul. But it's not the Banditas and the BBs I trust with my hottie--it's Lyle I trust. After all, I wrote him. I know he would never, not EVER, be unfaithful to Lady Kate.
Actually, Ms. G, perhaps you'd lent us HunkThighs one day. I'm sure the Banditas would welcome him warmly, if you know what I mean. *VBG
And, er, who's your current hottie, Ms. G? Anyone we'd know?
My mum always said I was never good at sharing my toys, so if I grab Richard or Gerard, well sorry girls once I was bored playing then I'd let you have a go, but how could you get bored with them?
My current hero is all muscle + brains, he's driving me nuts wanting to flex his physique all the time, I keep telling him he's the secondary character, it's the heroines tale, but he has a way of just charming me silly... I'm a sucker for dark hair and great biceps/triceps (something about a mans arms... weird).
So sorry to be late to this party! What a fabulous post! And I'm loving the votes ;) I surely wouldn't mind seeing Hugh or Westley in the Lair at all... I wouldn't mind seeing Sebastian St. Vincent in the Lair for some questioning either, but I wouldn't want to get on Evie's bad side...
And did someone mention Tim Tams??
Congrats on the GR, Kirsten!
*wipes out her saber with much flair and panache*
Back off Buffie and Gannon! Lyle, his smoldering eyes and bulging...parts are all MINE!
*wipes around to the GR to snatch the Tim Tams*
And give me those too. You need to eat grain, not chocolate. *in my best condesending mommy voice* Bad bird!
Come Lyle, I'll save you from these marauding Banditas. *oogles him from behind* Yes, come with Kim. I'll save you. Let's get you out of those dirty clothes and into a hot bath. How about a cold glass of ale. Yes, just run that dripping glass against your sweaty chest just a bit.
*swishes out with a satisfied grin*
Awesome blog, Christine! And I love the diarie. Brilliant!
Kim!!!! You bring that duke back here right now :::stomps foot:::
I too am late to the party but find I must respond to several comments:
Helen said: I would love to kidnap Hugh Jackman I really wouldn't know what to ask him
Ask? Ask? You'd let him talk? (Well, I am a sucker for the Aussie accent) Nope, no talking. He must sit there and be perfectly quiet while I give him a thorough tactile inspection.
giving up his secrets. Or at least those breeches. (smiles innocently)
One word for this: Tunics. Saves a lot of time and reveals a LOT more secrets :-)
Pass the Tim Tams
Oh, goodie, I'll just start rounding up my victims - I mean, heroes - now. And I want to be the one to soften up Mr. Darcy!
And, er, who's your current hottie, Ms. G? Anyone we'd know?
"Tell me all about your hottie, says the spider to the fly...."
Honestly Christine, I know all about that warm cooing tone. He's called Thomas and that's all I'm saying.
Fabulous job, Christine!! Lady Kate's diary is a ton of fun as always.
Kirsten, do tell, what do pockets have to do with well-muscled legs?
I suggest that Tawny have first dibs at him, followed by all the Banditas in alphabetical order, and the GR gets to peck him last. Oh, and the Bandita Buddies get to be part of the peanut gallery.
Oh what a funny post. I have really enjoyed this one. I think we should go with C and E which I think is a good choice. But then again we could kidnap Matthew McConaughey, there is a lot of things I could think to do with him and they would be on the sexy side. Just use your imagination.
Natalie's an arms girl. Interesting...
Hi Fedora, glad you could make it! Yes, St. Vincent is to die for, isn't he? Loved Devil in Winter. Good choice!
Kim, ROTFLMAO!! I loved your answer. Brilliant.
Thanks for the compliment on the blog and diary, Kim. I'll pass them on to the relevant parties.
When I can find them. They both seem to have gone missing!!!
Tunics, Joanie T? I'm beginning to see what ROmans and Scotsmen have in common--and it's not just air circulation. *g*
And that foot stomping is formidable. Can you teach me how to do that?
Margay, you go easy on Mr. Darcy, now! Remember, he's a conservative Regency gentleman, unused to wild and wicked ways of the modern woman.
Anne Gracie wrote: Honestly Christine, I know all about that warm cooing tone. He's called Thomas and that's all I'm saying.
Warm cooing tone? Moi?
But now I'm going to have to search Anne McAllister's blog. She's good at finding dishy men, isn't she?
Hi Keira, thanks for dropping in and for the compliment on the diary. Wow, it's been quite a day.
As for pockets/thighs etc. I think Kirsten was referring to a brilliant blog Cassondra did about pockets the other day. Probably has something to do with that famous Mae West quote, I suspect.
Virginia, I love Matthew McConnaughey! That lazy smile and laid back attitude is so attractive--reminds me of some of SEP's heroes.
I can't promise anything, but I'll try. When it comes to Mr. Darcy, restraint is not one of my long suits!
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