Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Hope Floats or Love by the Lockers

by Joan Kayse

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. There will be flowers and candy and little stuffed animals with goofy expressions distributed to thousands of special someone’s. Some might even send a singing telegram or pay someone to print their exclamations of love in the paper. How much you want to bet that there will be a high percentage of proposals wrapped in the red and white tissue paper of Cupid himself. All in the name of love.

But I’m not going to talk about that.

Well, actually I am but from a different perspective. I’m talking about unrequited love. You know, the type that is one sided, that goes unrecognized, that leaves an ache wrapped in hope deep in your heart. The most hopeful love of all.

It is hopeful, it really is. Occasionally, in an unrealistic way if you were to sit back away from the longing and analyze it. But I think the hope imbued in this type of love is the purest type imaginable.

What got me to thinking about this was a memory of Valentine’s Day from my childhood. Ok, sure in elementary school everybody got a Valentine. But there was always that one special boy that you would save the BEST Valentine out of the box for and take extra care to print his name just right. And when you received his in your red heart decorated paper bag you just KNEW he had taken the same care with yours…even if he gave the exact one to all the other girls.

Then high school came and with it lockers; the perfect spot for a “secret admirer” to slip a Valentine. For six periods your heart would beat just a bit faster, you’d chew on your lower lip as you punched in the combination. Your eyes would search for a pink envelope or the sparkle of glitter. When it wasn’t there you’d assure yourself that there was always next period.

At the end of the day after you had admired your friends cards and stuffed animals you gained comfort with the hope that there would always be next year.

Fast forward to adulthood and the hope takes on a different flavor. You hope to find “the one”, the man who will build a family with you, take out the garbage and kill the spidersJ. You meet some promising fellows; fall for their easy smiles, their wit, and their blue penetrating eyes. You practice being demure and flirt in an entirely sophisticated manner, of course ( and bake tons of cookies. That adage abou the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? Not entirely convinced of that).You spend time with him and hope that he will look at you with the same conviction and promise that you are willing him to recognize in you.
Now as a grown up, you go to your mailbox on Valentine’s Day. You hold your breath when the flower delivery guy arrives at work with a dozen red roses. You hold your breath as he squints at the card and paste a smile on your face when he asks for Susan. You ooh and ahh at your friends engagement rings and their little stuffed animals. You clock out at the end of the day and you….hope.

Unrequited love is hard but the hope inherent in the “happily ever after” dulls the pain and helps you keep going, helps you believe that “the one” is still out there….just around the corner….waiting by the locker.

Have you ever suffered from unrequited love? What was it that attracted you to him (her)? What is the goofiest Valentine’s present you ever got?

The Hamster picture doesn't mean anything really, unless? Unless he's hoping the flowers will make an impression on his own true love :-)

59 comments:

Jennifer Y. said...

Oooh...

Anna Campbell said...

Goodness, JY, do you sit up at night just to get the rooster? I'm still fiddling with the post, gal! Congratulations! He loves that he's so popular. He's especially happy when you win him, JY, because you give him such good reading material ;-)

Eva S said...

Congrats Jennifer! Now he found a nice place, take care both of you!

Jennifer Y. said...

Well, I have been gone from the lair for the past few days thanks to a killer cold that has me bedridden...still not 100% and checking things from the laptop in bed, but I thought I'd stop by and say hello!

As for the post...I LOVED IT...most of my crushes have been unrequitted...LOL. My first one was in kindergarten and I broke my arm trying to impress the boy...not sure what attracted me to him...I was 6...LOL. There were a couple more throughout the years that saw me more as a "friend who is a girl" than as a "girlfriend."

As for the goofiest gift, I have never actually gotten one on Valentine's Day...but my dad still buys me a stuffed animal almost every Valentine's Day...LOL...last year it was a bright red dog.

Jennifer Y. said...

LOL Anna...no I don't sit up at night...just can't sleep because I keep coughing so I decided to cruise the blogs.

Don't worry, I will refrain from eating chicken soup while the GR is in my company. :o)

Trish Milburn said...

Jennifer, hope you get to feeling better. I hear the GR is good company when you're feeling bad. He might even cheer you up by doing the chicken dance. :)

Oh, unrequited love. Let's just say most of my loves were unrequited -- until I met my wonderful hubby in college. He made up for my dismal teenage years. He even proposed to me on Valentine's Day 16 years ago.

Eva S said...

Great post! Most of my crushes have been unrequited, too. Once it was my best friend's big brother and I just loved visiting her home to get a glimse of him...I don't now if he ever knew, but I cried a lot when he found his sweetheart (they are still married). Nowadays I can laugh, but back then it was very serious...Why not me?!
It was my luck, otherwise I wouldn't have met my own sweetheart, we have been together for 32 years this Valentine...

Aunty Cindy said...

Congrat, Jennifer Y!
Sorry to hear you've been sick! The GR has recently spent time with Joanie so he should have picked up some nursing tips. Let HIM PAMPER YOU!

AWWWW! What a sweet post, Joanie! I think my first unrequited love was for Paul McCartney. I was 12. LOL! And EVERY Valentine gift is a good one! Or maybe I've just received far too few of 'em.

AC
who just received some great hand-drawn art work from the grand-nieces & nephews

p226 said...

Unrequited love? Hmm. I have to question it's existence. I think it's a flawed concept. Though, I suppose it depends on ones definition of "love." Most of the time, I think the contemporary use of the term really means "lust" or maybe "infatuation." And, man, I've had bazillions of cases of unrequited lust/infatuation.

But, consider for a moment the deeper, more real meaning of the term. That connection that only two people, intimately familiar (in all senses of the word) with each other, and deeply in love, can feel. If we concede that this is truly love, unrequited love is an impossibility, because it requires two people who love each other as a prerequisite.

Sheesh. Did I really type that?

I'm gonna go do something manly. I need a beer and a skillsaw. If you don't hear from me, send paramedics.

Anna Campbell said...

Hey, P226, you've been hanging around the Banditas too long! ;-)

Eva S said...

I'd rather call it love or crush than lust/infatuation...

p226 said...

You have a point Eva. "Lust" may be a bit too strong of a term. But I'll stand by infatuation. At least in my definition above.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Good gracious. It's only 12:51 East Coast time (and a sleety nasty East Coast US is is, too!) and ya'll are already snaggin' the GR. Sigh.

jennifer, feel better! The GR will keep you good company. :>

Eva and Trish, how wonderful about your many years together with your sweeties. :>

P226, heck, I need a beer and a skillsaw after that. Grins. However, I agree with you, for what it's worth.

Then again, I've got a lot of those unrequiteds back there in the annals of my own personal history. The guy who was 85% right for me...if only I could have shown him that other 15%...or so I thought at the time. But thankfully, I moved on and found The One. It's kinda like waiting for The Call. Don't settle, don't give up, just keep looking, polishing up your own act, looking some more...you know.

Preaching to the choir, aren't I? Grins. Too late for philosophy - or is it too early? Either way, I'm gonna stop before I say sumthin stoopid. Snork.

Christine Wells said...

Ohh, loved the Golden Hamster, Joanie T. Is he related to our rooster, perchance?

Had a little lump in the throat when I read your post. If it's real love and unrequited it must be very painful. I've never been in that situation, but certainly have had unrequited infatuations before. Actually, I think P226 has something there--who would have thought it?*g* I think you'd have to be very close friends with someone before you could call it love. Infatuations can still be very intense, though. It all depends.

Tawny said...

*sigh* unrequited love... ouch.

Okay, grand confession time. I had the major hots for a guy once, and being the shy retiring type (oh wait, we're being honest here?) okay, being anything but shy and patient, when he stopped by the agency one day I put on my best smile, fluttered my lashes and asked him to a picnic a bunch of us were going on that weekend (well, would be going on if he said yes since this was a total spur of the moment thing). He said yes, I made arrangements... all aflutter and excited. Sexy, but not slutty dress. Cute, but grass appropriate shoes. Delish food, complete with a friend to BBQ meat (being a vegetarian, this was quite a sacrifice, let me tell ya). And then...dum da dum... he arrived. Hot, sexy and gorgeous.

With his date.

I made sure his meat was burned...

Helen said...

Congrats Jennifer on the GR and I hope you are feeling better soon I am sure the GR will cheer you up.

I don't think I have ever gotten anything goofy I have had the usual flowers chocolates jewellery and my Hubby and I often buy each other practical things that we need especially when money has been tight over the years.
Unrequited love I have been there a long time ago before I met my Husband as you all know I was young when we started dating so there was probably only one guy that I can think of and he actually had the same name as my Hubby must be something in the name.
Great post Joan
Have Fun
Helen

Joan said...

Congrats on the GR Jennifer and I hope you feel better soon.

Great comments so far and ouch, Tawny on the trio picnic.

I'm on my way to slide on ice to work so won't be back till later this evening. I can't post from work, but I'll give ya'll a shout out when I get home.

Deb Marlowe said...

Oh, Tawny, that is painful!

And Trish, I'll bet you have a great Valentine's day every year! How sweet! My dh proposed on the night before Thanksgiving--not quite so romantic! Though the story itself is cute.

Unrequited love--it's almost a prerequisite of the teenage years, isn't it? When you can wallow in every sad song and sigh away to your heart's content and almost enjoy yourself. My personal favorite wallowing song was Journey's I Want to Know What Love Is. Still, everytime I hear that song, I think of my high school crush.

hrdwrkdmom aka Dianna said...

Unrequited love, lust, infatuation, was the name of the game for this ole girl....LOL :::Sigh::: I survived :-) The first and hardest was 6th grade, I loved that boys big brown eyes, but he gave the pretty bracelet to my cousin instead of me.

flchen1 said...

Ooh, congrats, JenniferY, and I hope you're feeling better!! Maybe a good cuddle with the GR will help ;)

Very fun post today, Joan! And p226, yes, I agree that most of the situations we're describing are not technically love but infatuation--but who hasn't been there before? I have several awful one-sided crushes from HS I still recall. I wasn't confident enough to go up and introduce myself, but there was one guy I'd had a class with before that I did ask to dance at one of those horrible high school dances... it took everything I had to just make the approach! Wow, my palms are sweating just recalling... Now I don't even remember his finer points--I think it was likely something quite shallow--his eyes, or something ;)

Now I do also love those one-sided romances where the two characters are friends or it's her best friend's brother or those kinds of situations :)

Can't recall the goofiest present ever, but I'm quite admiring the hamster--what a cutie!

AndreaW said...

I suffered from unrequited love while in high school. Maybe that's why I love to read about it! :)

Happy Valentine's Day, Banditas!

~Andrea

MsHellion said...

I've suffered from unrequited love all my life.

Oh, if only Johnny Depp would answer his emails.

Okay, so not Johnny (he does love me), but yes, I've had loads of other instances where this is the case.

Depressing.

p226 said...

I wasn't confident enough to go up and introduce myself,

Hehe, I took confidence out of the picture and made it a math problem.

Ask out 100 girls, if 99 of them rejected me, it was a win. (the actual hit/miss ratio was a bit better than 99-1. But you get the point)

But yeah, I had unrequited infatuation plenty of times. Say, from 3rd grade to oh, 9th or so it was all the same lil blond. I later found out she rejected me because of my hair. (I looked like Sammy Hagar on the Van Halen 5150 tour, aka, a blond q-tip shoved in a light-socket) Oh the irony....

Then I went to a military high school, so, well... that just screwed everything all up in the romance department. From high school to the Marines... Plus, I had pretty much the same girlfriend for most of those high-school years. That ended... Let's just say, "prematurely."

So pretty much all of my significant "unrequited infatuations" happened before I was fourteen. (but there were a lot of them) All of the rest of them would've been quite temporary and fleeting from that point forward. And by then, I'd learned not to spend much time/energy on a chick I couldn't have. Far, FAR too many fish in the sea.

Kirsten said...

Love the post, Joanie, and love everyone's comments! Who didn't suffer a little in high school? (Well, my annoying husband, who was on the football team and dated the head cheerleader, but that's another story...he got his punishment--cause I ain't no cheerleader!) I suffered right up until about senior year of college, when I had my first real boyfriend. Lots of angst and waiting for love, but it never really hit. But soooo worth waiting, cause even after ten years of marriage and two kids, I adore my husband more every day.

Deb, I love the wallowing song! I recall VERY CLEARLY dancing to a Richard Marx song in high school (wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you...GAG) sighing about how I'd NEVER find love (wail!) never never never!

Not unrequited love, just pining away for love to strike. Does that count, Joanie? I remember that almost as painfully as I remember the unrequited stuff.

yes, P226, you're right, we're not really talking about love--but we like that word so much that we say it over and over: love love love love love love love love love love love....(now you know you're surrounded by women)!

Jennifer, I love that your dad buys you stuffed animals. I don't always have the perfect relationship with my dad, but I recall a certain Valentine's day when I was in college when he sent me a dozen roses and it was the most wonderful gesture ever. Made me feel very loved.

eva, congratulations on 32 years! wow! I love to hear those stories.

Tawny, that was an AWESOME story!! :-)

Fedora, you left us hanging--did the boy with the dreamy eyes say yes?

terrio said...

Feel better JY. Just try not to give the bird the flu. hehehe Get it? Bird flu? Ok, not so funny.

Pretty much every minute of my life from age 8 to 22 was filled with unrequited whatever-you-want-to-call-it. And I also thing p226 has a great point about it not being called love. I'll call them crushes the usually only resulted in me being crushed.

Tawny's story reminded me of a friend of mine who became a pen pal to a dude in the Air Force during the first Gulf War. They eventually got very close and she fell head over heels. Invited him for a visit, rented a fancy hotel room and had all this romantic stuff planned. Then when he arrived, he told her he'd just gotten engaged right before the trip.

She was crushed and spent the entire visit pretending they were only friends. The frustration of the close quarters was so bad she ended up smoking again after years of kicking the habit.

Beth said...

Congrats on snagging the GR, Jennifer. Hope you feel better soon! But please, don't offer our GR a nice hot bath. He might get the wrong idea and think he's being turned into a batch of feel-better soup *g*

I've had many, MANY crushes over the years. I blame them on my adoration of all things romancey (that should be a real word) combined with my love of drama :-)

I've definitely had a few that were unrequited and the one that sticks out most for me is the super nice, cute guy I crushed on during Junior High School. He never thought of me as anything other than a friend though, leaving me broken-hearted.

The summer between 8th and 9th grade I just sort of got over him -and moved onto the next crush ;-)

Great post, Joan! Love the little hamster!!

FilmPhan said...

Oh yeah, I know exactly what you are talking about. My story is that this guy ended up dating one of my friends for like 2 years. She wasn't an uber-close friend but I had known her since we were just kids and talked to her on a regular basis. He was a really good frined of mine though sort of like in "My Best Friend's Wedding" me being Julia Roberts. I didn't really want to kill the relationship with her or him so I dealt with seeing them together all the time. For a long time, it was a strong love-hate relationship. I loved his personality and everything but I hated the fact that he never saw me as more than a friend. Now I don't see them at all which surprisingly doesn't bother me all that much. When I think back on it though, I think we could have been good together. When we do see each other (like once or twice a year), we still have that click.

I guess you could say I'm more of a matchmaker than a dater myself. Not sure why, but I usually end up screwing up my own love life (which is pretty much nonexistant) to make someone else happy. Although, it gives me unmeasurable joy to see 2 people happy together even if I do fall for the guy. I love Valentine's Day. I'm a true romantic at heart and that's enough for me.

jo robertson said...

Darling post, Joanie! Congrats on the capture, Jennifer Y.

Unrequited love, yes, it's painful in its beauty. I think, like you said, Joan, it's about the hope. There's always the chance that the blinders will fall off the fellow's eyes and he'll see what he's been missing all those years!

My unrequited love was Tommy L., from 5th grade all the way through high school. Tall, blonde, athletic, and -- get this -- totally a good boy, nice to everybody, smart. He was my ideal and of course hardly knew that I existed except for homeroom where we sat aphabetically, both last names "L."

Did I mention I was cured at a high school reunion when he was balding. Yep, cured me right off the bat!

Donna MacMeans said...

Great post Joanie! I adore the cute chipmunk.

Terrio - Oh...I feel your friend's pain. There's such an intimacy about exchanging letters. You wonder why the guy didn't mention earlier that he was engaged. Hmmm...

P226 - LOL on the blonde hair fried in a electrical mishap look.

I've been on both sides of the crushes. I remember a friend of my brother bought me one of those huge two-foot-high Valentine's cards once. I'd missed the signs because I wasn't interested in him at all. Then there was the kid in middle school who showed his affection by pulling everything out of my locker. It's tough being a kid.

But then I remember being in college and having a major crush on this cutie who was in pre-med. I figure I'm smart, he's smart, I'm sure we could have more in common than study habits. THen my roommate, the cute one with the lousy GPA, comes back from a mystery date with my cutie on her arm. At first I was crushed, hence the meaning of the word, but then I remembered the kid with the two-foot-card and realized this was karma. I recovered.

My hubby isn't all that into cutesy gifts so I have nothing to offer on that score. He proposed about three months after we met but we waited a couple of years to get married. It was a long distance relationship and we wrote a lot of letters. I fell in love with him through those letters and a card with a handwritten sentiment just reminds me of those times again.

Cassondra said...

Actually I think it's ENTIRELY possible to be in love with someone who does not feel the same about you.

Love, to me, does not have to go two ways to BE love. Love is something we choose to do. And sometimes our psyche chooses to love even when it's not a conscious choice.

Often, with young people I think, yes, it is infatuation. But not always. I think some young people are capable of deep love.

I had a few crushes. I also fell hard for a guy with whom I was good friends. That's when it sucks the most. That "hello, stop looking through me while you tell me about HER" thing. Loved him for YEARS but he didn't feel that way about me, and I valued the friendship too much to blow it by letting him know. I have a couple of those in my past.

I've also had this kind of love/care focused on me, and later, when I found out about it, honestly it was a little humbling. I think that's actually harder--being on the receiving end and knowing it but not returning the feelings. It doesn't hurt as much but it's really uncomfortable.

So now, as I've witnessed a lot of one-way love (not just my own), I think Joanie, you're absolutely right. While a lot of situations don't fall into this category, it's quite possible to love somone DEEPLY and honestly and have it unreturned.

Love is a force. It's powerful. Consider the words from the Bible:

"He who loves not, knows not God, for God IS Love."

(forgive the removal of the "loveth" King James language)

Love between two people is love between two people. That's nice and this is the ideal we all want and we write about it. That's the Happily Ever After.

It takes two people to make a great relationship exist. But I don't believe it takes two people people to make love exist. Love IS.

MsHellion said...

I love Cassondra's response. I think it's so true. I too think crushes are "love" more than infatuation.

Reminds me of that Billy Graham saying: "It may be puppy love, but it's real to the puppy."

Jennifer Y. said...

Thanks everyone!

Feel better JY. Just try not to give the bird the flu. hehehe Get it? Bird flu? Ok, not so funny.

Hey, it made me chuckle! Of course it could just be the cold meds...LOL.

Claudia Dain said...

Nope, never did it. It must be something in my genetic make-up. I may have eyed a guy with hope and butterflies in my belly, but if he wasn't interested in the Wonderfulness of Me, so long and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Yes, I am strange. I've learned to accept that about myself. LOL

flchen1 said...

p226, so true that mathematically you only need one hit out of 100 to be successful, but as a rather wallflower-ish teenager, I would probably rather have done extra trig homework.

Kirsten, so sorry to leave you hanging, but the climax to the story (as it were) was rather anticlimactic--it took me so long to work up the nerve that although he said yes (he said YES!), we danced for about thirty seconds before song ended and he thanked me politely and went back to hang with his friends. Ah well...

BTW, Tawny, I just wanted to say GREAT story and boy, yay for you!! (I'm just imagining this guy with a plateful of charcoal...)

And Cassondra, humbled again I am by your eloquence. Thank you!

Nancy said...

And Jennifer scores again! Congratulations, Jennifer. The GR must like it at your place. Glad you're feeling better!

Joan, I've so been there with unrequited love. Though I think it was probably more like an "unrequited crush." I participated in a summer study program at Oxford between my junior and senior years in college. One of the tutors was tall, with classical features, jet-black hair and beard, golden eyes (I kid you not!) and that accent, on top of impeccable manners. We were all half in love with him, but he took no notice of most of us.

Trish, a Valentine's Day proposal is like something out of a book, just like Joan said. How cool!

AC, you my Beatles buddy should get together. McCartney is just "it" for her, and I'm sure you can imagine what she thinks about Heather.

p226 wrote: If we concede that this is truly love, unrequited love is an impossibility, because it requires two people who love each other as a prerequisite. That really does make sense, p226. And in these circles, thinking about love is manly.

Jeanne, The Call is a great metaphor. It's much the same thing. Right person, right place, right time versus right project, right editor, right time. I used to say my tombstone would read "the timing was always wrong." But it eventually proved to be right, for which I'm grateful.

Tawny--owww! Darned right, the meat should burn.

Nancy said...

Deb, I love that song! For me, high school involved many unrequited attractions.

BTW, the professor I mentioned was just the only one I'm willing to share! As Kirsten said, the right one is worth waiting for.

Helen, I never have gotten anything strange, either. We usually go in more for cards than gifts.

We were 32 when we got married. For me, I think the wait was beneficial. I'd been alone long enough to come to terms with the possibility that I might never find the right person, and accepting that possibility and learning to be okay with it gave me the assurance to be certain the relationship really, truly was right, rather than just handy, before I gave up my hard-won independence for it.

Claudia, I wouldn't say you're strange. Just secure.

Joan said...

Ahhhhh....back from the salt mines.
Thanks to all my Banditas and Buds who kept the lair warm in my absence.

Jennifer that is so sweet that your Dad still gets you a gift. Daddy's are like that, aren't they? Your true first love.

My Daddy used to get a Strawberry Pie from a local resturant...you knew Valentine's had arrived when he came in with that!

Trish, how cool that you were proposed to on THE day! It was so worth the wait, wasn't it.

Oh, Eva...yes to suffer from unrequited love only to watch him make a mistake and choose someone else! Kind of like grinding salt in a wound. And all of this suffering in relative silence...in our own worlds....

Joan said...

AC, Paul McCartney? Mine was Davy Jones of the Monkees. Oh my I had it bad for the little squirt :-)

When they announced that the TV show was being cancelled I went into my bedroom, closed the door, turned on their latest album and just sobbed over his picture. I was heartbroken, I tell ya.

Joan said...

p226. Unrequited lust? Hmmm...at one time I might have argued that but once I had an older lady patient. I came out from the medicine room to find her grandson leaning against the nurses desk.

This guy was a CLASSIC Viking prototype....6'6, solid muscles, shoulder length hair and THE most piercing blue eyes I'd ever seen in my life. One look at him and zing, zing, zing...well, lots of zinging going on especially of the physical kind :-) Never experienced the like before nor have I since.

Alas, nothing came of that despite my efforts to show him how much his grandmother liked me. He just jumped into his dragon ship...er, car and left me with a lot of unused zings.

Joan said...

Don't settle, don't give up, just keep looking, polishing up your own act, looking some more...you know.

Well, that's been my philosophy Jeanne though it sure is taking a bit longer than I'd hoped to find The One. (He's late and doesn't even know he's in the doghouse LOL)

I have lots of friends who like to give lots of advice and yet some of these same friends "settled" and are miserable.

Joan said...

Christine,

If you're friends with someone for a while you do kind of "build" your side of the love...the wall just comes out lopsided when they aren't reciprocating.

Last year, someone very close to me...who had for over a year been telling me about this special someone...told me he had confessed his feelings to her...only to be turned away. The hurt radiated off of him in waves....crashing waves.

I didn't know exactly what to do to help (being a nursling, I have an affinity for easing pain) but ultimately could only be there for him. I did tell him though how much I admired his courage. That there had been times in my life I wish I had had that much.

I also told him he was too good for her, she didn't deserve him and if I saw her I'd run over her with my car VBG. Didn't help him feel much better, but did WONDERS for me!

Joan said...

Deb,

Yes, the teenage years are rift with crushes, puppy love, infatuation and "He has to love me or my life is over" drama moments.

I could hear that song in my head. Another one...one that you play when you realize he's overlooked the best thing in his life...is Bread's "One Is The Lonliest Number"

Joan said...

hrdworkedmom,

Darn the boy! My first "love" was Gary in 6th grade only he had red hair and freckles. (sigh).

My friends went around singing "Mrs. Gary C, sitting in a tree.."

Thing is last year I think I saw him on TV being busted for a meth lab. So it's a good thing I "let him go."

flchen1 Ah, yes. The sweating palms phenomena.

As I've mentioned before, my heritage is strongly Irish. With tha comes fair skin and a propensity to blush. One time, I was flirting with this resident doctor who interuppted my witty banter to ask "What's that rash on your neck?"

Instant deflation of all hope.

And the hamster? He was just a cutie! Glad you like him.

Joan said...

andreaw, Happy Valentine's Day to you too!

mshellion. You're not alone girl but keep that Hope floating....I STILL firmly believe in it.

Just around the corner....

Joan said...

Kirsten,

Pining for love...to me...is a different type of suffering. It takes a bit more for Hope to stay afloat.

But going forth with your life, recognizing you are a person of worth even without a significant other helps you deal with it.

It is liberating to come to the realization that you don't NEED a fellow...you just WANT one really, really, really bad. :-)

Joan said...

Ah, terrio...how sad for your friend.

Friendships/relationships initiated and maintained over a long distance esp the internet has a whole unique framework for lost love...especially when you discover "truths" conveinently hidden by the cyber world.

Joan said...

Jo...high school reunions? (shiver)

I went to my last one about 8 years ago. A significant one is all I'm admitting to.

Anyway, I wasn't going to go but my friends coerced me. I was thinner then, fixed my hair all cute, new outfit and walked into....total devastation! All the cute guys from HS had not only balded, but paunched to. Except one...Fred had gained tons of weight and sat there wearing sandals with socks telling us all about his toenails !!!!

Ughhhhhhh

Two other guys had obviously "bought" dates to come with them. Who knew, Deja Vu had a dating service LOL


Donna, I know what you mean about being on "the other side". In 10th grade poor ole Richard L ...I was told "liked" me. The boy had greasy hair, extremely thick glasses and stared at me all the time. I was never cruel to him but took lots of detours to avoid "the stare."

Joan said...

Love IS.

Well said, Cassondra. Well, said.

Faith, HOPE and Love...these are the greatest things....

Joan said...

TICD,

If ONLY I had had that type of conviction in my youth!

I have it now, but if only then...

I wouldn't have spent my senior prom eating pizza and watching "Blazing Saddles" LOL

p226 said...

I wouldn't have spent my senior prom eating pizza and watching "Blazing Saddles" LOL

I can think of worse things. Though, not on my senior prom night. Didn't have one. We had a "Military Ball." Or, reportedly we had one. I can't remember. Presumably I was there, and presumably I had a date for it. I think her name was Katherine. Or maybe Tania. But, I'm not sure. Because I can't remember it.

That's probably not good.

Claudia Dain said...

Joan, don't they say that youth is wasted on the young? LOL Confidence is something that usually comes with age, and aren't we thrilled when it arrives!

Joan said...

Because I can't remember it.

There was a special about Military Balls on the Military Channel....You had a great time, p226...with Katherine and her twin Tania :-)

Don't worry about not remembering...they make pills for that.

doglady said...

Congrats Jennifer!! The GR should be a great comfort to you! Just don't say the "S" word (soup)!

What a great post! Unrequited love has to be one of the worst heartaches imaginable. I am sure I had my share as a young girl growing up although I don't really remember any of them clearly. (Thank God!) I think I am more like Claudia. By the time I was in high school if someone wasn't attracted to me I thought "Eh. Their loss." I think the reason was my Dad. I was his oldest child, his only daughter. I was Daddy's Girl in a BIG way. But, the thing is, while he spoiled me in some ways he always expected the best from me. He did tell me I was pretty (eh, Dad's have to) but more important he told me I was smart, I was capable, I was a force of nature. Anything I did he supported me, but he also expected me to give 100% and to succeed. He never doubted it. I realize now how very lucky I was. He gave me my sense of self-worth and THAT is an incredible gift. I know now why my Mom married him after dating him for a week - First date May 4th. Married May 11th. They were married 40 years when my Dad died. They had written to each other for a year before they actually met.

Now my unrequited love story is about me and a very abused Rottweiler named Monster. He was a fighting dog that was dumped on the highway when he got too old to fight. They brought him into the shelter on two catch poles which he was trying to eat through while trying to kill the animal control people. Everyone wanted to put him down immediately. The head of the shelter board, a dear friend who has since passed away, called me and asked them to let me try. Long story short, he came home with me. He lived another five years. They estimated his age when I got him to be about ten or so. He lived in a large dog run with electric wires on the inside and outside and BEWARE OF DOG signs all over it. It was padlocked in three places. He had a nice luxurious dog house with a crib mattress in it. He had a kiddy pool in the summer. He had a heat lamp in the winter. He was mean and ornery. We had to put drugs in his food to take him to the vet. I went in and out of his run to feed, water and clean up after him. I never petted him. I sat outside that run and read to him. I did everything I could to make him like me. He tolerated me at best. He had a seizure and they diagnosed a brain tumor. He did well for six months and when the time came he let me know it was time to go. I had the vet come to the house. This was the only home he had ever known and he HATED the vet's office. We drugged some hamburger and when he went down we went in and I held his head in my lap while the vet let him go. He looked at me the whole time and then is when I knew he may not have liked me, but he trusted me. I sat there and cried for hours and petted and hugged him for all the times he wouldn't let me. That is my big unrequited love story.

p226 said...

doglady.... just... wow. Talk about a powerful story from an angle I never would've considered... Wow.

Anna Campbell said...

Oh, Pam, that's a heartbreaking story and it made me cry, you wicked woman! Goodness, what an amazing bit of writing - yeah, we never lose the chip of ice in the heart with art, do we? Who said that? Just looked it up - it's a Graham Greene quote.

doglady said...

Sorry about that, Anna C! I actually wrote Monster's story in my journal so I would remember him. It has always been very important to me that each of the furry kids that passes through here is commemorated, that there is a record of their existence. He had such dignity and everything was on his terms and I have always admired that in him.

theysaywordscanbleed said...

I dont think I can consider it unrequited love as it was more of a school girl crush. i guess, as ive grown up, i realized that love is when you actually know a person and when they dont reciprocate it, i guess that's what unrequited love is.

theysaywordscanbleed said...
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Caren Crane said...

So sorry I missed this great conversation! Have I mentioned lately that I hate working? *g*

Unrequited love: John H. I knew him from probably kindergarten or first grade on through high school. Tall, dark, cute as all get out. Kind of quiet. A nice boy. But, as it turns out, not too smart.

Here is what he wrote in my 8th grade year book: "To a real nice person, good luck with the words I don't know the meaning of, which you say and have a million letters. Also, see ya next year (unfortunately)."

Believe me, that cured the unrelenting crush of years in NO TIME FLAT!