by Cassondra Murray
They know. You've heard what they say about dogs and small children, haven't you? If your dog doesn't like it, or your little kid doesn't like it, it's probably got an evil soul. Well, I can verify that most kids don't wanna go anywhere near this guy. And is it any wonder? Somehow, over the years, using his plushness, the Bambi-fying of the animal kingdom by Disney, and the massive marketing tool that is Hallmark (I think they're all in cahoots) he's lulled the adult population into a false sense of security.
The thing is, that cute fuzzy guy at the top of the page? That picture was taken by an adult, at adult eye level. If you'd get down on your knees or even a little lower--at two-year-old level--and take a look at that dude with the big ears, you'd see an entirely different picture.
But The Easter Bunny? What religion is this?
While I have not done a study on the origins of El Diablo Conejo, I did find photographic evidence of a cult of fanatical worshipers. Check out the living monument on the right. He's come a long way from Beatrix Potter and Mr. McGregor's garden.
And in case you're wondering, yes, even I have some unfortunate leanings toward the religion of El Diablo Canejo. No, I did NOT sit on his lap, and as far as I know, he's never touched me directly. Even on that life-changing day when I went to interview him, I was careful to maintain my distance. But no amount of precaution was enough. Now I recognize that he has other ways of injecting an unwary population with his seductive, addictive venom.
So this year, if you haven't already exposed your little ones, please, think twice. Things are not always what they seem.
Tell me, Banditas and friends, has his venom spread to where you are? Is El Diablo Conejo out and about in your city--or your country?
Did you ever visit the Easter Bunny? Did you sit on his lap and have your picture taken? Have you been...dare I say it...assimilated?
Do you take your kids to see him?
Do they cry, or is it too late for them already?
Have you fallen victim to his chocolate Graven Images? Or have you been able to resist?
What are your fondest Easter memories?
Do you still color eggs at your house?
And one last question. When you're facing down El Diablo Conejo, do you bite off the ears first?