Monday, April 20, 2009

SO....what about those Bears?!

by Jeanne Adams
Have you ever been in one of those awkward situations? You know the kind, like John Candy and Steve Martin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. You're whistling along, minding your business, when either you or someone in the conversation says something REALLY stupid.

Or risque. Or just plain offensive.

Or worse, you let a secret out that you thought EVERYONE knew, but really, they didn't? (And they weren't supposed to?)

Very recently, I ended up in one of Those situations. Everyone in the room knew, but me, that we weren't discussing someone's recent divorce. Uh-huh. You guessed it. I stuck my foot in my mouth, big time.

Now I'm a shoot-straight-from the hip kind of gal. Those of you who know me well know I do my best to be polite - hey, no excuse for rudeness, evah! - but I also don't dance around something too much. That said, I'm also a good secret keeper, to borrow a phrase from Harry Potter. If you tell me it's not for public discussion, then it ain't. If I deem it too personal, from MY perspective, I don't share.

This person, however had told everyone and an English village that her no-good-cheatin-spouse was shacked up with his no-good-salesperson-of-the-month. The Couple had been seperated on and off for the last two years and now she, The Angered Spouse, was calling it quits because he - Cheating Spouse - had been caught in flagrante dilectco with the Other Woman.

Divorce proceedings insued, joint custody, etc. The Angered Spouse got alimony, support and a lot of sympathy from her social circle and the world at large.

All good, right?

Wrong. She got what she said she wanted, but turns out she really loves the no-good-cheatin'-now-ex spouse. I'm not even going to ask the obvious...WHY? I'll just say that now, post divorce, she had decided to get rawther upset if anyone dissed Ex-Cheatin'-Spouse any harsher than to say it was "...a shame he'd been so short-sighted as to cheat on (Angered Spouse)"

Everyone knew but me. Now, in my defense, I was NOT dissing the Cheatin' Spouse. Nope. I just wondered, (alas) out loud, why everyone was avoiding the topic when everyone was apparently dying to talk about it. Sort of like that "big pink elephant in the middle of the room" syndrome where everyone avoids mentioning the obvious.

See? NOT a diss. NOT a direct hit, though I'm perfectly capable of it. Just an innocent (catalytic) remark.

You'd have thought I'd opened the floodgates. To a person, everyone began to discuss it. Me? Well hell, I clammed up, not expecting this avalanche of a reaction.

Then....(drum roll please) walks the Divorced Angered Spouse, into the middle of the maelstrom. So what does the crowd of discussers do?

Yep. You bet they did. Everyone shuts up and looks at ME. Talk about getting thrown under the bus.

ME??? What did I do? *looking innocent and aggrieved*

Now, you can probably visualize this scene with me. The aftermath was NOT pretty, but I couldn't have written this scene and gotten away with it. Seriously, truth IS stranger than fiction. It was all melodrama and sheer Soap Opera Digest pathos.

Part of me was (painfully) involved in the scenario, and the writer part of me was busily taking notes in case I could use this in a book.

I reviewed said mental notes later, after discussing this with the Patient, Loving Spouse (Mine!), as I peeled out of the outfit I'd been wearing - soaked by Angered Spouse and her lethal rasberry martini - and set it aside to go IMMEDIATELY to the dry cleaners.

I realized that no one, I mean NO One, would see that scene as anything but pure cheesiness, complete with tossed martini's and the dramatic Storming Out of the Divorced Angered Spouse.

(As a side note, it's hard to get martini out of wool)

So, what about you? Any of those Pure Cheese scenes ever happen to you?

What about the Stranger than Fiction stuff?

Or have you just been in one of those full-body-shudder, John Candy, Eeeeeeeewwwwwww! moments?

C'mon....tell all.....


limecello said...


limecello said...

Wow - my first comment was so fitting. (I was amused I'd managed to get the GR; literally the past few days I've been about to go to bed but thought "hey I'll check the blog" - and hit pay dirt, I guess.)

Jeanne - she *threw her drink on you*?! Are you kidding me? Only - I know you aren't. (Recently another author posted that people were mad/annoyed about something she put in her book based on real life -and the reaction was "that would NEVER happen!") Stranger than fiction indeed.

I know I'd feel differently in your situation - especially initially, but I am a bit amused. I can't think of any similar situation, but I never know what is going on. I don't know who is married/not married/separated/back together- so on and so forth. Just this past week I found out two people I thought were still dating (they're still living together) had broken up over the summer. Over the *summer.* And recently, someone asked the guy how the girl was, assuming they were still together, he responded, and didn't say anything about them being broken up. O_o honestly. If we're supposed to know things like that, I think signs should be printed up.

Jane said...

Congrats on the GR, Limecello.

Hi Jeanne,
I hope your outfit wasn't totally ruined. I try to avoid these type of situations, but it's hard because I do like to gossip. I have been in situations where the person I/we were talking about would walk by us. I did have the decency to be embarrassed and would always swear never to do it again. One of the worse situations is when your friend breaks up with her boyfriend and you talk trash about him only to have them get back together and your friend avoids you because she knows you hate her man.

Christine Wells said...

Oh, Jeanne, commiserations! Anyone who knows you knows you don't belong in a scene like that, especially not showered in someone's cocktail. I often think it's the people who aren't really professional gossipers who get caught out.

I remember being at a university ball once, where the Little Miss Perfect of our year got so drunk she threw up in the toilets. There were many witnesses, as you can imagine, but she went mad at me for mentioning it to another uni buddy who had already heard the story anyway. I couldn't believe she was serious. It was such a public display and not so very unusual for a 19 year old girl (drinking age here is 18). I had no idea I wasn't supposed to say anything. Glad to say she got over it, but I was astonished and sick at being bawled out like that.

Hope your drink-slinging acquaintance realizes what a dork she's been and apologizes, Jeanne!

Congrats, Limecello...again!

Suzanne Welsh said...

Congrats limecello! Patience is a virtue, isn't it?

Jeanne, my deepest commiserations. Been there, done that, didn't get a martini splashed on me. (That was childishness to the extreme!)

And I have to agree with Christine, I often think it's the people who aren't really professional gossipers who get caught out.I along with the entire unit knew a married nurse and doctor, (not to each other) were having an affair. And I truly believed I was the last to know. Unfortunately, I wasn't. Her best friend was. The best friend got mad at ME, for mentioning it, instead of her friend who was having the affair! Geesh.

Now I have a strict policy...EVERYTHING said to me in confidence is kept that way, unless it involved my kids and their father asks me point blank about it...then he gets to know, too.

Helen said...

Well done limcello

Jeanne I can't believe someone would throw a drink at you I hope your clothes can be cleaned.

I don't ever remember being in a situation like that personally but where I work there is always lots of gossip I hear lots of it but pretty much keep to myself they are very hard on people who gossip at work and this sort of thing has happened lots even where one staff member will hit another one I think it has a lot to do with the enviroment we work in lots of bars and resturants poker machines (slot Machines I think) it is a very social atmosphere where people are drinking and having fun. I like to stay out of it all I have my own little space away from all the activity.

Have Fun

Anna Sugden said...

Can I just say how much I love that ad about networking *g*? Really tickled me.

Jeanne - you and I are sisters under the skin. I'm like you about secrets. I'm also one of those people who says what she thinks, though I try not to be unkind. (Unless said person has picked on one of my friends - then, all bets are off!).

Sadly, I'm always the last to know gossip. So, I've been known to say the wrong thing. Even when I'm trying to say the right thing.

Like, for example, when we were going with some friends to visit some other friends. Four couples. Couple A were hosting the evening. Couple B had split up, but only we knew about it. And according to Couple A, they were both coming to the dinner. Couple C were getting a lift to the party with us. With me, so far?

So, on our way, we are called and asked to bring in some fish & chips. Great. No problem. Except, now we need to ask what everyone wants. I'm speaking to the hubby from Couple B. So, what do I do? I have to pretend like I think his wife is there and ask what she wants, because of the couple in the car with us. Except, I'm so busy working out what to say, I forget to ask. I'm then reminded by the other couple. Urggh.

You can imagine the tension. LOL.

It all worked out okay (the others still don't know what's going on, but I'm sure they must be suspicious - or think I'm a b*tch *g*). Luckily, no-one threw a drink over me - or any fish and chips!

Trish Milburn (Tricia Mills) said...

Ugh on the martini. Hope it came out.

I think my most mortifying moment ever was when I asked an acquaintance when she was due. (You see this coming, don't you?) Only she wasn't pregnant. I was mort-i-fied! I will never, ever ask someone that again, even if it's obvious she's about to go into labor, unless I know for certain the person is pregnant.

Beth said...

Jeanne, I can't believe she actually tossed her drink on you! I'm offended (and mighty ticked off) on your behalf!

As a teenager there were a few times when something I said would come back to haunt me but now that I work from home (and rarely venture out *g*) I'm always the last to know. Which helps keep me out of trouble *g*

Kirsten said...

Jeanne, other than my concern about the stains, I think I would have burst out laughing right then and there! Oh my gosh, I can't imagine! I get the giggles just thinking about it!

I just read a book recently (can't remember which one) in which the heroine is being asked by a new friend to commiserate about what a jerk her ex-boyfriend is. Although the ex-boyfriend is indeed a jerk, heroine won't join in. She says she's had too many friends get back together with crappy-old-boyfriend to fall into that trap.

Hmm...fiction really does reflect life, I suppose!

I can't remember an incident like this myself. I'm sure I've made a mess of things many time, but I think my shame is usually confined to private humiliation. *VBG* Like my pants falling down at a New Year's Party when the zipper broke. That sort of thing.

Good luck with the stain, Jeanne! At least the laugh was worth it! :-)

Joan said...

Ok, I've got Demetrius and the cabana boys (hmmm..sounds like a '60's group :-)preparing several gallons of margharitas. All I need is a name and an address.

THAT was beyond ridiculous!

Some day she will come to realize how foolish she was not even for throwing a drink ala Joan Collins style, but for still publically supporting a (%$^** a-hole.

As to my own? Similar to Trish. Twenty years ago, ran into a friend I'd not seen for a long, long time. I asked when she was due only to be told ( much more than I deserved) that she had just had a miscarriage.

The pain in MY gut is still strong!

I love that girl. She passed away from a congenital heart condition in 1999 leaving 4 wonderful children.

Louisa Cornell said...

LIME ??? Go ahead. Tell everyone. He is NEVER leaving your house!

Jeanne, how completely classless and ridiculous of this woman. Unbelievable. And over a man who is so very not worth it. Poor woman has no self esteem at all.

I had to laugh at the people who have asked about pregnancy. My Mom says don't ask unless you actually see a baby coming out of the woman!

Well, let me see. Who was there at the Ritas last year when I remarked that the person who won a certain Rita did so with the worst book she had ever written and that having read all of the entries in the category ANYBODY else, but most especially a darling author we all know, should have won?? Did you happen to see who, with her entourage of fans, was standing behind me when I made said remark? Sorry, but I do tend to speak my mind. Oh well, what is it Elizabeth says about Darcy? "We shall probably never speak to each other again." One can hope!

There is a rather famous 20th century composer of "serious" music who came to teach a master class at USM while I was in grad school there. His music was very avant garde. Okay, I considered it NOISE with no purpose. There was a concert of his music during the week of his visit. Several of my fellow grad students and I were standing around talking at the reception. Someone asked my opinion of Mr. Glass's music. (This person KNEW how I felt.) I made the remark that to me it was nothing but "Musical .... hmm I used another word, but lets call it self-gratification." You guessed it. Our composer in residence was standing behind me and waiting to introduce me to Mr. Glass. Open mouth, insert foot, chew vigorously.

Nancy said...

Limecello, congrats on grabbing the rooster.

Jeanne, the dh once made supportive comments to a separated male friend, along the lines of how his spouse had never really treated him right and--they reconciled. And he lost a friend. So he would feel your pain.

Considering that this woman laid all this out in court papers, a/k/a public records, I don't think she has much right to gainsay those claims now or be upset with anyone for supporting them. Of course, people don't always operate logically.

I have an unfortunate tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, primarily due to not being aware of who's around me at a given moment. I'm trying to break this habit. "Constant vigilance, Potter," as the fake Mad-Eye Moody in The Goblet of Fire says all the time, ironically. Since none of my examples is amusing, however, I won't share them.

Donna MacMeans said...

LOL - Jeanne -

I must say, no one could have handled a tossed martini with more grace than you...however, I can't imagine someone actually doing something like that - esp. in a public "professional" venue. Now if she'd just discovered her husband was cheating and she tossed her drink on HIM - well, that would be justified. I'm thinking the woman is now totally embarrassed about her actions and ashamed to show her face in that group again.

Now I've been known to put my foot in my mouth so many times, you'd think I'd carry a spare in my pocket. Normally, my stupidity is the result of ignorance and not meaness. So far - no alcoholic showers - at least not of an intentional nature. I really think that woman was totally out of line and needs to do some groveling.

Nancy said...

Throwing her drink on you is beyond unacceptable. That's kindergarten and should have negated any sympathy anyone had for her. People get unceremoniously kicked out of DragonCon and hustled off the premises for such things, as well they should.

I hope you intend to present her with the cleaning bill or, if the suit won't come clean, the cost of a new suit. There is no excuse for such behavior, and it should put her beyond the pale. Her feelings were hurt. Boo-hoo. The reason she was so angry and offended may well have been that she knew you were right and she's an idiot to take him back and she took out her conflict on you. Again, inexcusable. Grrrr.

Now steaming on your behalf.

terrio said...

Congrats again, Lime. You must have one happening coop.

Jeanne - Along with the others, I'm appalled on your behalf. That woman needs a swift kick to the head. And I say that as a once Angered Spouse who got rid of the Cheating Spouse and never looked back. Nit. Wit.

To be fair, I have thrown a drink on a person before. But it was a guy, I was 20, and he deserved it. Nuff said.

I experienced an awkward situation lately and only realized how awkward hours later. I went to purchase a new headboard (not a replacement, Tawny, but just a new one as I haven't had one for years) and asked the saleman if the iron-work one I was considering would get scuffed up easily.

His response was "If you bang it against the wall a lot, I guess it would get a little rough." Remember, we were discussing a HEADBOARD. Luckily, I was able to pretend he never spoke these words and only later realized I should have thrown something in his face. *g*

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Good morning everyone! Had to deal with GrrrrrComcast about my Internet connection this morning - storms last night - so I'm late responding...Off to read! Be back in a sec...

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Hey, Limecello! Go you AGAIN with the bird!!!

Isn't it funny what people think would "never happen"?

And LOL about the signs being printed up. People's willingness to live in situations like you described - used to date, but just living together now as roomies - make me crazy because how the HECK are you to know?

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Mornin' Jane! Oh my gosh, I have SO been in THAT situation. You get that friend that says "Tell me why I should NEVER go out with him again!"

So you do. He's creepy, he hit on me once at a party when you were dancing with your brother, he told my husband you needed to lose weight...that kind of thing.

THEN, the goofball girlfriend gets back together with him. WHAT????? you think, then cringe because now you have to deal with both of them! Urk. I always resolve not to fall into the trap of that. Do I listen? No.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Hi Christine! You're so right about the "not professional gossiper" designation for me. I can never keep it straight, so I usually keep my mouth SHUT. Snork.

I love intrigue and info as much as anyone, but I dislike causing anyone embarassment. This situaiton was just so stupid because everyone was talking about it, pretty much everywhere, kinda like the Miss Priss pulls a drunk at your Uni.

Fortunately Angry Spouse had the decency to be quite embarassed and paid for the dry-cleaning. My dry cleaners however do NOT like her as it took them a lot to get the jacket clean. :>

Nancy said...

Donna and Louisa, I'm glad to know someone else has this problem. I'm good about keeping secrets, but my timing on other things isn't always the best.

Nancy said...

Jeanne, I'm so glad this person had the grace to pay for the cleaning. I hope she slunk (slinked?) away, mortified, thereafter.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

I'm so with you there, Suz. If someone says, "Don't tell anyone, but...."

I don't tell. Period.

This was just so idiotic because EVERYONE was privvy to the whole messy divorce. Each of us women had gotten the whole diatribe of the guy's faults, the Other Woman's endowments (including the size of her breast implants! urk!) and so on. It was not secret in any way.

I don't usually attract this kind of attention as I'm usually the silent one on these sorts of things. You know, if you don't have anything nice to say....
(Come sit by me!) Snork

Nancy said...

Terrio, what a jerk! That remark is well over the line. A good comeback might be to widen your eyes, stare at him and say, mystified, "Why would I bang it against the wall?" And put him on the spot.

I wish I could think of these things in the moment, but I almost never do.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

I think you've hit on it, Nancy. Its not my sense of discretion that needs work, it's my TIMING! Hahaa!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Helen, you are as wise as you are delightful to keep out of the melee! :> Most of the time, I manage it too, but this sure was memorable! Ha!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Go you, Anna, for managing THAT situation with grace and aplomb! :> Its challenging, isn't it, to keep it all straight?

Now we are sisters in kind about the "when it comes to my friends" thing. :> I don't let the claws show very often - more effective that way, you know? - but don't even go toward picking on a friend. *bares teeth, growls*

So, how 'bout those bears? Grins.

SO glad no one threw fish and chips though, that oil would stain something fierce. Ha!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Oh, Trish! I so feel your pain on that one! Its mortifying on both ends of that comment, you know? When you're the recipient it reminds you you've SO not been to the gym and the tater-tot-addiction is showing a little TOOO much. Snork.

On the commenter's end, it's mortifying because you've stepped in it and there's just no going back other than to lamely try for a clothes excuse, you know - "Oh, it must be the blouse. Its so pretty, but quite billowy, you know...." Snork.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Beth, I'm right there with you on the "they don't let me out much" deal. I think I am also a bit naive about how idiotic people can be over divorce. I've done the divorce thing, and as much as I loved the guy when we married - and there are many things I remember fondly still - I'm SO glad to be where I am now, and with the marvelous man I found AFTER I got rid of the first one! I'm so much a don't-look-back person that I assign that to others more than I should! To my (obvious) detriment! Grins.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Trust you, Kirsten, to give me a whole 'nother spin. I wish I'd THOUGHT to laugh at it at the time. Then again, if I'd have laughed at her, then and there, she'd have probably needed a gurney. Grins. If she'd gone for me physically, other than with a drink (poor choice of weapon, that!) I'd have laid her out cold. Snork.

Come to think of it, those three olives rolling around on the floor and everyone's shocked, horrified, fascinated, oh-my-God reactions were pretty damn funny. Snork.

The rasberry martini wasn't bad, but I'd have preferred it IN a glass. Haha!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Oh, JT, I'm sorry about your friend. I'm sorry to say too that I've done that as well with a friend whom I KNEW was expecting. Learned a little lesson from that too. Now, I always ask, "How are you feeling?" rather than how the pregnancy's progressing. :>

As to Demetrius and the Boyz, I'm LOL. Tell them thank you for me and give them all big hugs - I know it takes a while and is a hardship I'm askin' of you, dear! - but Angry Spouse has her karmic payback. 1) She's alienated a lot of people. 2) The Cheatin' Spouse is stil Cheatin' 3)No guy will date her because she's so vocally hung up on Cheatin' Spouse

Really, pick a number. She's SO getting kicked. Oddly enough the drink incident seemed to put her off the gossip list because, although I didn't realize it with this set of people (not always my fav group), some of them like me quite a bit and this was the last straw. Either that or they think I'm the village idiot and shouldn't be kicked! Hahaha!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Oh, Louisa! My dear Duchess of Hotdayum, what a situation, in both arenas! Haha! I would SO do that, being a plain-speaking sort of gal myself.

LOL about the Ritas though. OMGosh. Glad no drinks were thrown THEN! (Esp. as we all looked so delish in our finery!)

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

I love that, Nancy. CONSTANT vigilance!

My issue seems to be that while I'm aware of who's around me, I'm not always aware of who's listening. Snork. Then again, in this situation, it was a herd mentality pointing her wrath towards ME! Snicker. Again, you could NOT write this into a book, you'd have to have the one supportive, gutsy girlfriend saying, "Hey, what're you all looking at US for?"

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Donna said:
Now I've been known to put my foot in my mouth so many times, you'd think I'd carry a spare in my pocket.

OMGosh, I nearly spewed Diet Coke. ROFLMAO! :> The visual of you carrying a neatly shod spare foot in your pocket...snork...just for the occasion....Yep. Funny as hell.

Okay. Back to topic!

The gal did do some groveling - not as much as I would have appreciated - and did pay for the cleaners, so I was mollified. But like I said, she's the loser here in so MANY ways. This venue/action just showed most of the group the truth of it, which is kinda sad in a way.

flchen1 said...

Oh Lordy, Jeanne! Huge commiserating hug--sorry the crazies take it out on you! Hope you find the perfect place to add this to one of your future books!

I'm blanking on similar situations I've been in, but I'm sure there have been plenty... I'm not the most tactful girl on the planet ;)

Congrats on the GR, Limecello! You two ARE still together, aren't you? ;p

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Terrio said: And I say that as a once Angered Spouse who got rid of the Cheating Spouse and never looked back. Nit. Wit.

See? This is my feeling about it!

And OMGosh, ROFLMAO on the headboard! SNORK!

Joan said...

And OMGosh, ROFLMAO on the headboard! SNORK!You could have told him "Well, I've worn out three already" then given him a look that said, Never. In. This. Lifetime.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Hi Fedora! I know what you mean about tact. Wish I'd gotten more of that when they handed out virtues. Sigh!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

JT! You crack me up!

Anna Sugden said...

OMG Donna - love it - spare foot - ROFL!

Terrio - ROFL - that's one of those other situations I have trouble with, where you wish you could trip the perfect riposte off your tongue, instead of working our what to say hours later!

terrio said...

Oh, these are some great comebacks. I'm usually good off the cuff, being on the radio and all, but this one threw me. Like a sniper shot that came out of no where and sent me into momentary shock. The same dude delivered the thing two days later and thought he'd "set it up" for me.

He didn't make it past the front door. Men are such idiots.

Jeanne - I'm glad to hear she paid for the cleaning and it's so sad when they get hung up like that and can't let it go. I knew a woman who would tell anyone how her ex did her wrong. Pizza delivery guy, a meter reader, the new neighbors (which was ME). She just never could let it go.

Treethyme said...

I've been out of town with minimal computer access, so today is a hectic catch-up day. I was just going to skim-and-run, but Jeanne had me at the picture of John Candy and Steve Martin. That movie is one of my husband's all-time favorites (his first: My Favorite Year), and it's filled with cringe-worthy moments.

Like everyone else, I was appalled at the drink-throwing episode -- had to read it twice to be sure I hadn't misunderstood. We must send Sven and a convoy of cabana boys and irritable roosters to get revenge for you.

I never had anything that extreme happen, but I will admit I'm a blabbermouth. My kids are always shocked to realize how good I am at keeping important secrets, but if they don't come right out and say, "This is a secret," it's liable to come out in conversation some day.

It's happened before, and I'm sure it will happen again, but -- thank God -- I've never let anything slip that caused any damage or bad feeling. At least, not that I'm aware of.

Is it gossip or enthusiastic conversation? Hard to say. I blame it on the hours I spend working in silence (except the typewritten kind of conversation), with only a cat for company. (My husband works at home a lot, but tends to have earphones on for his endless conference calls.)

When I finally get in a room with real, actual people...well, it's a little scary how many words fly from my mouth. I'm an accident waiting to happen, conversationally.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

So true, Anna! I'm a absolute MASTER of the three-hour-later-comeback. Sigh. Wish it would get easier with practice, but I'm just not that quick. ha!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Terrio said: I knew a woman who would tell anyone how her ex did her wrong. Pizza delivery guy, a meter reader, the new neighbors (which was ME). She just never could let it go.

SO true! Of course, when you're going through it, it is really hard unless you can spew about it. But there comes a point where you have to put your big girl panties on and just DEAL with it. :>

Then again, I've always thought the best "revenge" I ever had for the things that happened w/ old boyfriends and so on, is that I did my best to deal w/ my "Stuff" and move on, thereby finding True Love. :> Being happy is SO the best revenge. And I SO got that one, you know? *Blowing kisses towards my DH's office*

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Hi Becke! Great to have you back!

You said: When I finally get in a room with real, actual people...well, it's a little scary how many words fly from my mouth. I'm an accident waiting to happen, conversationally.

This is a big issue for me too. I am a rampant extrovert - not the flasher or table dancing kind, but really willing to converse with people, rocks, trees, dogs, etc. Doesn't often matter if I get a response, but I usually do. Ha!

Like Becke, I'm so gregarious that people are often surprised at how long and how well I've kept things secret. Grins. As I've matured, (yeah, right!) I've realized that there are somethings I shouldn't tell even if the person didn't say, Oh, That's Confidential. But I've told a few and gotten scalded because the person offered the info as if it were eiter fate accompli or common knowledge.

Fair game, I say! Ha! (Probably why I got martini'd!)

Anna Sugden said...

Well said Duchesse - True Love and happiness is indeed the best revenge! One which I to enjoy daily!

Treethyme said...

Jeanne - Something tells me it will be hard for anyone else to get a word in edgewise when we finally meet at National!

I just found out formals are de rigeur for the Rita Awards night. The last time I wore a formal was about 40 years and several sizes ago.

And here I thought I only had to stress about completing the story and doing pitches.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Anna, you're well on your way! Grins.

Becke, the finery at Ritas runs the gamut from nice pants and a nice top to full bore cocktail wear. Pick what you feel comfortable and beautiful in and go with it. That's what's important!

Cassondra said...

Well...haven't read through the comments, but she'd be getting a bill from me--for the cleaning, or for a suit, if it was one I cared about. And she damn well better not DARE ignore the bill.

That's beyond the pale. That's STUPID, elementary school behavior, and it's not something I put up with. Yeah, I've put my foot in it, but that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. She divorced the man. If she can't understand, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea we weren't supposed to talk about the divorce, and you know we all are aggravated on your behalf," then she needs to be pushed into a potted plant, our ceremonial public dissing here in the lair.

SVEN????SVEN!!!!! Bring the biggest potted plant we have, will ya? No, BRING TWO.


Seriously WHO throws drinks on someone who isn't a man and who hasn't been caught with someone else or insulted you directly?

Nobody. That's who.

Sven! Bring THREE! One for the others in the room who threw Duchesse under the truck.



Cassondra said...

Jeanne said:

Fortunately Angry Spouse had the decency to be quite embarassed and paid for the dry-cleaning. My dry cleaners however do NOT like her as it took them a lot to get the jacket clean. :>
Oh, good. But've gotta wonder at the lack of self-control and misplaced angst.

Now let me say that I DO understand that when you're under severe, long-term stress, as I'm sure this would involve, it does change you, and you can become not yourself.

Still. If I'm going to publicly confront someone about something, I'll tend to use the very sharp blade that is my tongue. Not necessarily better, but a tad less elementary school-esque maybe.

And I think I've done that...oh...twice in my lifetime. Neither was pleasant, but I don't regret either incident. I guess because they were premeditated. I'd made up my mind that I had to deal with it, and straight up and to the point was the only way.

As a matter of fact, I'm about to have to do that again. I have a bit of a stalker who is making my life hell. She needs to find another stalkee.

Oh, but as to the question and the mortification...I once walked up to a friend at an after-concert back stage reception and did that little, very gentle 'bump into them' thing and say, "oh excuse me" --thing--you know, that thing some people do so well???? WEll...I don't do it well. She had a drink in her hand which I did not see. Splashed all over the floor, and all over one of her companions...a REEEEEEAALY famous person. Yeah.

I apologized profusely, and exited the situation. Foot--and leg--and arm and hand--and....rear end...oh hell--whole body--all in mouth at the same time.


Haven't seen her since, and that's FINE with me.

Cassondra said...

Treethyme said:

I just found out formals are de rigeur for the Rita Awards night. The last time I wore a formal was about 40 years and several sizes ago. Oh no. You don't have to. I usually wear whatever suit skirt or pants I've had on that day and top it with a frilly blouse and some flash jewelry. I used to do the formal thing, and I have a closet full left over from the music biz, but I'm way past over dragging an evening gown and the necessary...uh..foundations half way across the country.

Now, if you're up for an award you might want to (I did when I was.) But just to attend, I wouldn't. I like looking at them, but it's just not worth it. You'll find everything from Sunday best to nice slacks and blouse to all-dolled-up glam. I wouldn't show up in jeans or sweats, but lots of folks get out of workshops, go to dinner, fluff the makeup, and go straight to the show. It's a rushed week. Dressy, yes. Mandatory formal? Not the ones I've been to.

Treethyme said...

Oh, my gosh, Cassondra, I feel for your mortification. You reminded me of something that happened about 20 years ago. I was sitting at a desk at work and had just refreshed my wine-colored lipstick.

A friend (one who always looked perfect and was always immaculately dressed) came up sort of behind me and off to the side and reached over to give me a hug. I was startled (in a good way) and turned to hug her back.

Because I was sitting, when I turned my face was level with the lapel of her beautiful (and probably expensive) white wool blazer. Lipstick, meet blazer.

Oh, it makes me want to crawl on the floor just to think of it. I wonder if she ever got it off. She smiled and said not to worry about it, but it was one of those frozen smiles, if you know what I mean.

Mortification, definitely.

Thanks for the Rita advice. I'm sure there are a lot of Rita and GH winners/nominees here, but I'm so far from being one of them, it's not even funny. You have relieved me greatly, however. I can definitely do the glitzy jewelry. In fact, my problem is toning it down.

Joan said...

Treethyme. Two words.

Basic Black.

There are LOADS of pants outfits and skirts/dresses at reasonable prices in black.

I'm hoping to lose enough of this weight to get back into a cocktail lentgh one I have with a gaze overlay.

Nancy said...

Becke, the only time I ever wore a formal to the awards ceremony was when a friend made me a silk evening gown and brought it to National. I usually wear a dressy dress. You will see people win who are not wearing formals. They're very hard to pack, cost a fortune unless you get lucky at a consignment shop, and generally need steaming or pressing once you arrive. Unless you just love the idea, I wouldn't bother.

Nancy said...

I have to confess that I spilled white wine on Deb Marlowe at National last year, and she couldn't have been nicer about it.

At least it was white wine. *sigh*

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Hey Cassondra! Wow on the mortification. You're so right on the kindergarten-esque quality of my experience. This would be why I don't like this particular group!

Becke, Cassondra's definately got it right on the dress code. :> Sunday-go-to-meetin'-wear is fine.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

JT, I'm so with you on the Basic Black. Ah, the staple of my wardrobe...

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Heehee, Nancy, I'm Deb was totally cool about it.

Someone spilled white wine on me too last year, at the GH/Rita reception. No big, especially since all the festivities were basically over. Had to LOL when I got home though because my suitcase smelled like Chardonnay. Grins.

Becke, I just reread the thing about the blazer and it sunk in. Youch. I did this sort of thing with a former boss once. I had popped back into an office where I used to work. My boss was a really big tall guy. He reached down to hug me, just as someone called my name from another direction. Lipstick on the nice, starched, pressed white sleeve of his dress shirt. URG! I offered to dry clean/replace, but he shrugged it off as nothing. (Not the shirt thank God, the event!)

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Nancy, that should have been I'm SURE Deb was cool about it. :>

Cassondra said...

Jeanne said:

JT, I'm so with you on the Basic Black. Ah, the staple of my wardrobe...

Oh...there's another color?

Someone should have told me.

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Cassondra said: Oh...there's another color? Someone should have told me.

Red,, like bloooood. Perfect for nail color, lip color, eye color...sets off all that black nicely. Esp. with a red bag and shoes.


Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Hey y'all! It's about to come a thunderstorm here, so if I pop off for a bit, I WILL be back, but I may turn the laptop off so as not to fry it...

Anna Campbell said...

Jeanne, you're hilarious! It always strikes me as amazing that you write edgy, scary romantic suspense and not feel-good comedy! Laughed myself silly at this although it can't have been fun being covered in pink martini! I'm pretty good with secrets too but every so often get caught out making assumptions I shouldn't have and finding the foot in the mouth. Really nothing much you can do, is there?

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Nope, not much you can do, Anna. Not much you can do with raspberry martini either. Snicker. And I don't like olives, so that was out as well. Ha!

You know, one of these days, I will write a comedy. Should be fun to contemplate. Maybe I can finally USE all those three-hours-later-comeback remarks I think of. You know, the sit up in the bed and think "Wow, I could have said X, that would have been a zinger!"


Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

BTW, you're one to talk, Ms. Campbell. Being the Queen of the pun would make you an EXCELLENT writer of comedic stories.

Joan said...

No, no, no, Duchesse. The OTHER color is PINK!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Pink, eh, JT? I think NOT. Black and Pink? I'd look like a 1950's bathroom! Urk! Perish the thought!

Makes me think of poodle skirts too for some reason. Oh, that's Grease...Pink Ladies...

Joan said...

Pink Ladies? If the silk jacket fits...

Ok, ok....I'll go with white. A LOT of my dress up clothes are a combination of black/black or black/white or white/black :-)

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

You could go for all white and we could be chess pieces. Grins. I've always wanted to be a Bishop on a chessboard. Grins. Or a Knight.

No rooks, though. Too much the "into the breech" position!

Jeanne (AKA The Duchesse) said...

Sweet dreams, everyone! :>

Anna Campbell said...

Do you know what the French call those inspirations three hours later, Jeanne? L'esprit de l'escalier which means the wit of the staircase - the stuff you think of as you go home. Isn't that a great phrase?

Kate Carlisle said...

Oh heck, I'm way late here but had to say hi, Jeanne! Love the subject matter! Except, what a waste of a good cocktail!

My DH and I were out with another couple a few years ago. We were all having a good time, eating chips and salsa and drinking giant margaritas, and the wife said something that annoyed her slightly inebriated husband. He took his giant margarita and dumped it over her head. It's a picture frozen in my memory, of this poor, shocked woman with slushy ice and sticky margarita dripping down her face. Very cheesy, indeed!

She left him a few months later. I would've left him that night. He was a real jerk. And again, what a waste of a good margarita!! LOL