Monday, July 27, 2009

Marie Force Reveals What She Can't Do

posted by Marie Force with an assist from Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy

Thanks so much to my dear friend (and evil twin) Aunty Cindy and all the Banditas for having me back to the lair again. And thank you all for the lovely gathering in Washington, D.C. during the RWA conference. It was great to meet most of you in person after reading your blog the last couple of years. What a fun, dynamic, and successful bunch of women! I’m delighted to be in your presence today.

This is the last stop on my blog tour for my second book, Love at First Flight, which was released on July 1. (Can you hear me huffing and puffing as I reach the finish line?) And yes, I saved the best stop for last!

I’ve had the idea for this blog running around in my head all month after a comment a friend made recently. Lisa, a CPA, said, “I can’t believe you write books. I can’t write a letter.” Ahh, but my dear friend, you would not want me doing your taxes. Trust me on that.

I get this comment quite often, and I’m sure many of you do, too. People simply can’t believe they know someone who has the ability to write books. I can’t speak for the rest of you Banditas, but the writing gig is all I’ve got. There’s nothing else. To prove this, I thought it would be fun to make a list of all the things I can’t do . . . You might want to settle in with a cup of coffee and a snack as the list is rather long. Here we go:

I can’t:

  • Do any kind of math. I have never balanced my checkbook, which the accountants I work for can’t bear to hear. They get hives and twitches when this subject comes up. Despite this lack of accountability, I’ve only ever bounced one check—sadly, the first mortgage check I ever wrote but that was my husband’s fault. We discovered that he can’t make a simple deposit correctly. My boss and I have a deal—I write for him, he does the math for me. It’s just better that way as I’ve proven it is possible to actually add incorrectly when using an Excel spreadsheet. I’m sure there’s some sort of class for that, but I lack the attention span to attend.
  • Run in flip flops in the rain. This is a recent discovery learned the hard way when I hit a shiny painted crosswalk and went flying into the intersection as my horrified and mortified teenaged daughter looked on. After a moment of debate, which I saw on her face, she came back to pull me to my feet. But she didn’t want to.
  • Do any sport that involves defying gravity. The list includes skiing (disastrous—generating the kind of stories that are told for a lifetime), ice skating (see skiing), rollerblading (see skiing), bike riding (a category unto itself), surfing (LOL, as if I’ve even tried it), and windsurfing (twenty years later, the ex-boyfriend no doubt still talks about trying to teach me).
  • Garden. I am the killer of green things that most usually can’t be killed. Want it dead? Bring it to me. My brother-in-law, the professional horticulturist, has begged me to stop. Just stop. Please.
  • Cook. A girl has one or three oven fires in a year, and suddenly she has a reputation. . . Somehow, my family manages to stay fed but the scream of the smoke detector is a more common occurrence than it probably should be. When the kids hear it, they yell, “Dinner’s ready!”
  • Sing. This is a subject of some major controversy in my house. We’ve been talking about forming a garage band with my son playing his two chords on the guitar, my daughter on trombone, my husband on the drums, and me on vocals. My voice, I say, is my instrument. They have the nerve to mock me! I envision myself in Stevie Nicks-like flowing gowns playing air tambourine, but they deny me my dream. I have, however, recently come to the conclusion that I don’t actually sing well enough to have qualified for American Idol were it not for that pesky age requirement. (Don’t tell my family I said that as I hope to one day prevail on the garage band argument.)
  • Drive. I hit things. Often. So far I’ve only almost hit one person, but that was her fault not mine. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. The car I recently traded in lacked paint on all four corners. I’m not entirely sure how that happened, but since the car was mostly mine, I probably had something to do with it. But just try to prove it . . .
  • Fix anything. As my husband likes to remind me, I’m a mechanic’s daughter but can’t turn a wrench. The way I see it why should I? That’s why I have him.
  • Paint. After I ruined the dining room carpet in our old house, I’m no longer allowed to use a roller. I love when he gets bossy with me and forbids me from doing something I hate to do anyway. Ohhh, scare me! Did you see that episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond?” The one where Ray teaches Robert that if you screw something up often enough your wife won’t ask you to do it anymore? Well, the same strategy applies to husbands. I’m not saying I messed up the carpet on purpose. I’m just saying I don’t have to paint anymore. You do the math—it’s not my thing. I tried sponge painting once. My cousin asked who’d been shot. I don’t do that anymore, either.
  • Diet. I once told the same cousin that my goal in life was to get so thin people would worry about me. He suggested I get a more attainable goal. Yes, I still speak to the fink but only because he’s my son’s godfather.
  • Arts and crafts. Other women sew, they make scrapbooks, they cross-stitch, etc. My idea of a scrapbook is keeping huge, overflowing boxes of certificates and keepsakes for my kids. Someday I’ll do something with all of it. I swear. And besides, my husband sews so why do I need to? I went through a cross-stitching phase in which I started a baby blanket for my godchild. The kid is now 12. The blanket remains unfinished. It might make a nice high school graduation gift. Don’t you think? (Note to self: pay someone to finish blanket in next six years.)
  • Clean. When you have two full-time jobs something has to give, right? I have my priorities. My husband and I like to say that it’s a good thing we have company once in a while otherwise the Board of Health might be interested in making a stop at our house.

So, as you can see from this list, it’s a good thing I can write somewhat passably. The rest of my life is a certifiable disaster!

Are any of you like me? What can’t you do? I bet my list will get longer when I hear some of your disaster stories. I’ll be saying, “Yup, me too!” I’ll give copies of Line of Scrimmage and Love at First Flight to two different people, so let me hear from you! While you comment, I’ll be seeking therapy as this list turned out to be quite a bit longer than even I expected it to be.

Finally, I suppose I should end my blog tour with a plug for Love at First Flight: When Michael and Juliana meet in the airport on their way to a weekend in Florida, he’s engaged to Paige, and Juliana has been living with Jeremy for four of the ten years they’ve been together. Michael and Juliana are in committed relationships that they expect will go the distance. Neither can imagine on that Friday night how dramatically their lives are about to change. Over the course of the weekend, both relationships hit major speed bumps. So when Michael and Juliana meet up again on the flight back to Baltimore on Sunday evening, both are reeling and trying to process what’s happened. Over the course of that return flight, they strike up an unlikely friendship that later leads to love!

Thanks again for having me! I look forward to chatting with you all today.

Aunty here, FESS UP everyone! What do you do really badly? Or not at all? Don't worry, what's said in the Lair, stays in the Lair!

57 comments:

Helen said...

Is he staying with me

Have Fun
Helen

Helen said...

Well we haven't finished re arranging the books so he wanted to stay and help.

Thank you Aunty Cindy for inviting Marie back.

Fantastic post Marie and I have to agree with most of the things you can't do
I can do maths as long as it isn't too hard
I too have fallen on a footpath in thongs (that is what we call flip flops her in Oz)
I can ice skate(or I could when I was younger) I met my hubby at the local ice rink when I was 15
I am hopeless in the garden as well only really strong plants seem to last
Cooking I can do
Singing no way I tried out for the school choirs in infants,primary and high school and all of them said no thank you
I have never had and accident in the car
I don't try painting because I don't like it
Diets I just give up on them I am the way I am
I used to knit a lot and do some sewing but never have the time any more too many books to read
I am the worlds worst housewife
I am not any good at fixing things I would rather pay someone who knows what they are doing to do it

I really am in awe of authors who give us such pleasure and adventure in places I would never get to visit. I thank you for writing and no that is another thing that I could never do.

Marie I loved Line Of Scrimmage and I ordered love At First Flight and have it here to read and am so looking forward to it.

Thanks again for a great post
Have Fun
Helen

Jane said...

Congrats on the GR, Helen.

Hi Marie,
Congrats on the new release. I suck at math, too. I'm not good with directions, can't bake, don't have any artistic talents at all. I'm pretty decent with a needle, but can't do anything fancy.

Anna Campbell said...

Helen, looks like he had a good time yesterday! Congratulations!

Marie, welcome back to the lair! Lovely to meet you in DC. Wasn't it a madhouse?

Laughed at your list. I think I tick most things there although I do bake a mean cookie and I can follow a recipe which I don't think means I can cook. I can't dance! Completely uncoordinated which feeds into my lack of sporting ability too.

Congratulations on Love at First Flight - great title, by the way!

Laurie said...

Marie, What a great sense of humor you have!! I don't have it...terrible timing with jokes too.
I'm extremely gullible. I'll believe anything someone tells me.

I lack patience. I dislike people who are always late. I'm early.

Skiing- one sport that I'm totally uncordinated for. I went straight down a hill once and that was it for me.

I love music and dancing but I totally suck at both . Piano and guitar playing ..I recognise the notes and chords my rhythm is off/awful . I thinck I'm tone deaf too!

I can't crochet. I've tried with disasterous results.

I like math. So I do all the finances and taxes prep work. I get agravated with kids who always use calculators and can't figure out the better deals in grocery stores or what 25% off equals.

Finally, I tried windsurfing several times but I concluded that my back wouldn't survive if I had to lift that sail out of the water one more time. I also tended to drift down stream and had to be rescued as I couldn't tack back.

If your books are as humerous as your post, I'll be laughing all day.

Best of luck with your writing!

Frank said...

Marie, we're still out of town, so just wanted to say hi before we zip out today! Lovely to see you here! And what I can't do? LOTS! Throw a ball, hit a ball, many activities that involve athletic ability of any kind, keep plants alive, cook, clean a house reasonably well... ;p It's looking unclear exactly what I CAN do well!

--Fedora (posting from her husband's account)

Susan Sey said...

Good morning, Marie! Thanks so much for swinging by the lair today! It was great to chat with you at the bandita party at RWA. I would never have suspected you harbored such a list of things you can't do! Add me to the list of people who are math-challenged, however. I blow at math.

I am also unable to play board games or card games that require a coherent, plotted-in-advance strategy. I can barely outline a book. But my husband? He excels at such things. Which is one reason we no longer play cards or board games together. Healthier for our marriage, we decided, if we're always on the same team. :-)

Your book sounds fabulous, btw. My sister met her husband on a flight from Detroit to Phoenix so I have a soft spot for romance in flight. Can't wait to read it!

Barbara Monajem said...

Congrats, Helen, on the GR. Watch him carefully! There's no knowing what he might decide is helpful, LOL.

And congrats, Marie, on the new book and surviving a blog tour. Whew!

I can't do anything that has to be done regularly and repeatedly except brushing my teeth.

CrystalGB said...

Hi Marie.Congratulations on your new release. I am horrible at math. I can't dance or sing either. I am horrible at home decorating.

Marie Force said...

I knew the Banditas would have some good stuff to add to my list! So great to see you all here bright an early! Congrats on the GR, Helen! He came to visit me once, too. Says he wants to come back, but now that he knows what an incompetent fool I am, he's probably better off with you!

Great list Helen! You seem to be as uncoordinated and lacking in skills as I am! Congrats!

Jane, what exactly is it you do with that needle? Hmmm...Inquiring minds want to know!

Anna, it was fabulous to meet you in person. You know I'm a big fan of your books!

Laurie, I also have ZERO patience. That should be on the list. That, of course, makes all the WAITING we do as authors much more difficult for me than it would be otherwise!

Fedora, as long as you remain a great READER, you will have our hearts! LOL

Susan, it was so great to meet you! I can't wait to read your books!! I'm with you on the board games. My husband is such an ASS playing Scrabble that many of us have signed a form declaring that we will NEVER play with him again. He always wins by 100s of points. We suspect cheating. He says it's superior intellect. What-eva! I also lack the attention span to play board games. There's always something else I'd rather be doing... Such as writing?

Barbara, funny about brushing your teeth! I suppose if you can only do one thing regularly, that's a good one!

Maureen said...

Hi Marie!
Your list gave me a laugh this Monday morning. The most annoying thing that I am horrible at is hitting a nail into a wall. It should be easy but for some reason they always bend or go crooked. I cannot tell you how many holes I have patched in our house because I just wanted to hang something up.

Marie Force said...

Ohhh, Maureen good one! In our old house (same one with the ruined carpet) my friend and I made swiss cheese in the wall putting up curtains in my son's room. I don't think my DH ever saw that mess!!

Blodeuedd said...

Really badly, well I obviously can't row a boat, or draw. Trust me.

Marie Force said...

I can't draw, but I can row a boat--quite well, actually! Phew, glad we discovered something besides writing that I CAN do! I feel better now!

jo robertson said...

Hi, Marie, welcome back to the Lair. What a hilarious post!

Congratulations, Helen, maybe you can get the rooster to help finishing up your library.

Ack, there are so many things I can't do. I hide behind the veil of old age, but the truth is I couldn't do them very well when I was young.

Anything athletic has to be at the top of my list. Frankly, I don't like to sweat. And then there's that whole lack of coordination thing. When I had my first child, my husband followed me around holding his big hands under the baby I was carrying in case I dropped the kid. Good thing too!

Marie Force said...

LOL, Jo, basic coordination should be on my list, too! I've fallen down the stairs in my current house three times and have the battered tailbone to prove it!

April Force Pardoe said...

This is great. Now you tell me you're a bad driver after driving me to VA for years. Guess I should count my lucky stars I'm still in one piece.

My list?
-can't sing or do anything musical
-uncoordinated in sports
-basic math is also not my thing (also don't balance check book)
-house plants barely survive in my house b/c that requires care and water
-i can sew on a button
-my 5 year old is a better artist than I am
-cannot stay on one task at a time to save my life.

:) great post!

Julia Smith said...

'The writing gig is all I’ve got. There’s nothing else.' - LOL! I hear ya...

Marie Force said...

LOL April, you were NEVER in any danger! I swear! Thanks for coming by.

Julia, you're feeling my pain, huh? At least we can write!

Donna MacMeans said...

Marie - I think we may be sisters. We share some of the same traits - though I really do excell in the Math department (smile). Here's my list of can'ts.

I can't not talk. Short of putting duct tape over my mouth, it's really impossible for me not to add an opinion or two (or three or four).

I can't no laugh. Unfortuantely I find humor in most serious things, which is a real pain at funerals.

I have no fashion sense - which is why black works so well for me at the conference (smile).

I can't keep a house clean. I've tried but I haven't the interest and thus fail every time. I live by that saying "if a cluttered desk represents a cluttered mind, what does a clean desk mean?" I love my clutter.

Marie Force said...

DONNA! We are sisters! I too am an inappropriate laugher! I'm going to have a heroine who laughs at bad times (such as funerals) in my next book! I can't wait to write that since I've lived it! Laughed during the Our Father at my aunt's wake. It was my cousin's fault. She looked at me. Where do you go from there except for straight to HELL? Glad it's not just me!

Beth said...

Welcome back, Marie! Congrats on Love At First Flight - sounds fantastic :-)

I've often said I was destined to be a writer because there's nothing else I can do. (Okay, so the truth is, there's nothing else I want to do *g*)

I tried skiing once and it was NOT a good experience. And like Maureen, I'm not very good at hanging things on the walls. Which is how I became fairly decent at patching holes ;-)

Oh, and my penmanship is truly awful. I hate to even look at it and often have my older daughter write notes and fill out forms for me *g*

How has the release of your second book differed from your first release? What's next for you?

Marie Force said...

Hi Beth,
Skiing and I definitely don't get along. Years ago, the instructor at Pat's Peake in NH had to tie himself to me to get me off the mountain. My cousins still tell that story! Then years later, we took our daughter there for a lesson--same guy! I swear he recognized me! Fortunately, she got her father's coordination and was on the intermediate slope the first day.

How did the second book differ from the first? Well, this time I knew what to expect--that launch month would be crazy and it was. I found that it's just as exciting the second time around, especially with a book that was inspired 10 years ago and written three years ago. My editor and I are talking about the possibility of doing books about Jeremy and Paige, the two who end up on the outside in Love at First Flight. We'll see! Thanks for coming by!

Janga said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janga said...

How great to have a new contemporary to add to my TBB list. Love at First Flight sounds terrific.

I'm so uncoordinated that my family applauds when I get a key in the lock on first try. Any child over the age of two begs me not to sing, and the height of my math achievements was learning to count to one hundred. After that--disaster.

On the plus side, I write well, and I'm a champion reader and a world-class procrastinator. Wait. Maybe that last gift doesn't belong in the plus column. :)

Marie Force said...

Ohhh, procrastination! I'm good at that, too! Glad you are excited about a new contemporary, Janga! I hear my genre is undergoing a resurgence! I say bring it ON!

Kristan said...

She can't drive? Now she tells me. I just spent 7 hours in a car with her last week. And I thought it was One-Eyed Mike who was the threat behind the wheel...

Marie Force said...

LOL Kristan--just like I told April who I used to commute with--you were never in any danger!

terrio said...

Hello, Marie! We sort of met at Nationals. I was the moderator of Eloisa's workshop then felt bad when you recognized me at the Sourcebooks signing but I didn't recognize you. LOL!

We are very much alike, except now I'm thinking Donna and I may have been seperated at birth. Math is a breeze for me, but I do nothing artsy/crafty, can't keep plants alive, and can't ever stop talking. Can you believe some people find that annoying? LOL!

The other thing I really can't do is cook. I try, I really do. But I have no talent for it and since I'm an extremely picky eater, I'm pretty sure I have the blandest diet ever. You'd think I'd be skinnier, but no. I'm basically a giant walking carb. *sigh*

chey said...

Hi Marie. I think your can't do list might be just slightly longer than mine. Except sometimes I can do things. Just don't count on it! I was doing fairly well at baking. until 3 things in a row either did not rise or burnt. I'm giving it a rest for a while.

catslady said...

A lot shorter list would be what I can do lol.

I can't drive much because I have no sense of direction and get lost easily. I'm also afraid of merging and large highways - sure is limiting. So maybe I can get on of those GPS thingies if I can get over the fear.

I can't do any sports - none! Can't even tread water or ride a bike.

I can't talk without using my hands :)

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Morning all!
Yes, it is still morning on the Left Coast and Aunty is in the midst of prying her eyelids up...

Glad Marie is more of a "morning person" than I am! But she also has a 3 hour time advantage. (grumble, grouse)

CONGRATS Helen! You've taken the chook 2 days in a row so he MUST be able to do something! LOL!

AC

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Catslady,
Donna has one of those KEWL GPS devices (I rode to Le Duchesse's house with her) and she has it programed to speak in a British male voice! YUM!!! Just tell me where to go, sweetcakes... (AHEM!)

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Chey,
I understand completely. Just because I don't cook doesn't mean I CAN'T. I simply choose not to. :-P Besides, it's not the cooking part I mind so much (except on a day like today when it is supposed to be 103 -- UGH!) but I really HATE the clean up. Again, not that I CAN'T, but I don't wanna!

AC

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Fedora,

Just gotta say your husband's avatar is ADORABLE! You MUST be doing something right to have such a great looking family. ;-)

AC

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Beth,
Do NOT get me started on penmanship! ACK! I think only a pharmacist could decipher my scratchings. Sometimes *I* can't even read what I wrote. THANK GOODNESS for computers and keyboards.

Are you left-handed, Beth? I am and I use that as an excuse for my terrible handwriting. That's my story and I'm sticking with it!

AC

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

All right, since everybody is confessing and "confession is good for the soul" I guess Aunty better admit to a few things...

I CAN do certain types of math but NOT geometry, nor calculus. Angles? Spheres? Theorems? ACK!!!

Sports? Fergittaboutit! My idea of skiing is sitting in the lodge wrapped around a hot toddy.

Anything that involves a ball -- NO WAY! Oh wait, I was fairly decent at volleyball about a hundred years ago, but that's IT!

Swimming must involve floatation devices and NO WATER in my face, esp. my ears!

I have some slight musical ability but NOT for singing. As someone else said, anyone over the age of 2 asks me to PLEASE STOP.

As for fixing ANYTHING? Maybe a PLOT HOLE but that's about it. :-)

And I am confident that if there were a bad housekeeping Olympics, I would take the gold!

AC

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Laurie, I CAN crochet! Even left-handed. Though my mother tried unsuccessfully for years to teach me, I learned in an adult ed. class. However, I HATE sewing little pieces (like granny squares) together, so my crochet projects tend to be one or two very large pieces.

And, Terrio, given a couple of blocks of uninterrupted time (say two hours each with NO adult beverages) I COULD teach you to knit! Right-handed!

AC

Karen Olson said...

Congratulations on your new book!

I can't cook. Which is why I'm so lucky to have a husband who can cook really well and who loves to do it even after a long day at the office!

(and the only thing I'll say about skiing is...never let go of the rope tow halfway up the mountain. Not a good idea)

terrio said...

AC - Notice I did not say I cannot knit. LOL! Someday I'll practice (and I still have that little instruction book) and get it down. It's the scrapbooking, stamping, craft making things I can't do.

Though I think I could figure out sewing. I even have a sewing machine I'm saving for a rainy decade. :)

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Karen,
LUCKY YOU to have a DH who cooks. Mine does too, even if he isn't the greatest I do NOT discourage him!

I think we have a new rule for the Lair: NO SKIING! Shield Sledding ONLY! LOL!

AC

Loucinda McGary aka Aunty Cindy said...

Terrio,

"Rainy decade?" (SNORK) I used to sew, back in the days when I was young and energetic and worked in a fabric store. Now I don't even know where my sewing machine is!

See what I mean about the bad housekeeping Olympics? I KNOW it's in here somewhere... But to search for it would require waaay more house cleaning than I'm willing to do!

AC

PJ said...

Hi Marie! Welcome back to the lair. I picked up your new book at National and can't wait to read it. I'm still laughing over your daughter deciding if she was going to help you out of the street. Is this the same daughter who was with you in DC? Btw, I got a terrific photo of the two of you at the signing. You can see it here. http://tinyurl.com/kts6g2

There are lots of things I can't do. I totally suck at math. Kind of funny when you consider that I had a successful career in banking.

I'm a sports junkie who can't play a single sport. Yep, I'm the ultimate "no coordination" fan.

I can't sew.

Not so great at ironing either.

Or housekeeping.

On the flip side, I'm really good in the kitchen so I like to think that balances the scales with the other poor to non-existent homemaking skills.

Minna said...

Maths isn't my cup of tea, either. And obviously I can't control my brother's dog nowhere near as well as I'd like to.

Marie Force said...

Thanks for all the great comments, ladies. It's good to know I'm not the only incompetent one!

PJ--will you email me the password to look at your photos from RWA? (marie@marieforce.com)

And you know, I'm surprised that no one has said what does it matter if we can't cook and clean? We have OTHER skills... Read that any way you wish to!

lunaticcafe said...

As I'm typing this post, with henpecking speed, I realize that this list could be quite long.

I am a terrible swimmer- don't like water in my face so I might be part cat.

I have very little patience but to be fair, I do try when I know that it's needed. Like when we have to attend some long and boring military function extolling the virtues of people I do not know.

Baking is not my thing, not even a little. My children know this to be true and request that Dad does all the cookies at Christmas.

I am the worst traveller in the world and cannot get on an airplane without mass hysteria. I cry and my husband says I scare people with my fear. I just don't think people were made to take to the skies. If we were then we would have wings.

Martha Stewart I'm not. I can do a chicken scratch drawing of stick people but that's the extent of my skill. I also cannot sew, craft or decorate. I am too eclectic to have my rooms contain any kind of theme and I do not like glitter, sequins or furniture that looks like a magazine cover.

However, I can read a book doing most household tasks- read and brush teeth, read and cook dinner.

Becke Davis said...

Well, I don't do it badly, I just avoid it as much as possible: driving, that is. I've never received a ticket, but driving is just not something I enjoy. When my son sold his car to pay for European travel, he was sure he could do without a car at school. He couldn't. It was no sacrifice to let him take my car to Chicago -- my husband and I both work at home, so it makes sense. Only thing, my husband drives a stick shift and I don't, so I'm relying on him until we get this one paid off so we can buy one we both can drive. I'm in no hurry. . .

Pat Cochran said...

Hello, Marie! Thanks for visiting
with us today!

Now for the sad tale: no driving, swimming, running in flips (at my
age could be very problematic!),
absolutely NO gardening, bicycle
riding, or skiing! Aunty Cindy,
I would give you a "run for your
money" (or your medal!) in the
Bad Housekeeping Olympics! At that I would definitely excel!
I think I will stop here, I think
you have gotten the idea!

Pat Cochran

PJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christine Wells said...

Marie, a hearty welcome to the lair! Thanks for hosting, AC:)

I must admit I identified with far too many items on that list! Particularly the math thing. Jetlagged and overwhelmed in D.C., I was grateful to anyone prepared to calculate my tip at restaurants for me. In fact, I probably would have paid 20% just to make it easier for my poor brain.

Thanks so much for being with us, today, Marie.

Helen congrats on the Golden Rooster. He has lots of goss to tell you about D.C. I'm sure.

Joan said...

He has lots of goss to tell you about D.C. I'm sure.

It's all fabrication, I tell ya!

What?

He has pictures?

Gulp

Becke Davis said...

Marie - forgot to mention, I'm going to check out your books. Not that I need anything to read right now, but they look good!

Marie Force said...

You gals have made me feel much better about all my many inadequacies today! Thanks for the great turnout. I'll get with Aunty Cindy to give away some books!

Nancy said...

Helen--more rooster time? Glad you have something to keep him out of trouble.

Marie, welcome back! I also cannot defy gravity or do anything with plants besides kill or eat them. I also can't do taxes or any math involving algebraic functions. If I could pick one talent, though it'd be singing. I have a good ear and an off-key voice.

Your book sounds like great fun!

Virginia said...

Congrats Helen for nabbing the rooster again.

Congrat on your new release Marie. Some of the things I can't do is spell. I can't spell worth a crap. Not read good at math either but do take care of the checkbook. I don't do well with diets, thats why I am over weight. I can cook though. Also can't ice skate, the last time I roller skated I fell and broke my wrest. I also can't back a car to well. I just think of the things I can do and go with it.

limecello said...

I'm bad at keeping on track. Obviously, because I should be sleeping now >.<

Lynz Pickles said...

Reading this post was the best part of my day, Marie. You're so funny! Of course, since we seem to have a lot of "can't"s in common, part of the appeal is that reading it was like laughing at myself.

Math? The idea of me doing anything mathematical - and getting it right - would send anyone who knows me well into insane fits of laughter. I can add small numbers together, though! I'm no good at science, either. AT ALL.

Running in flip flops - not happening, regardless of the weather. But I think my ability to run in heels balances this one out.

Sports - whenever I had ski days or ice skating days in school, I was guaranteed to fake sick. Or literally be sick from stressing myself out over the prospect of having to participate. I can ride bikes and swim pretty well, though.

Gardening... well, I can admire pretty flowers, and I can put them into a vase without making them wilt, but that's about it. I always forget to change the water in vases or to water potted plants, so the plants die pretty quickly when I'm around.

Fix things - that's what men are for! Or people who are competent and won't nearly accidentally kill themselves with the screwdriver!

Diet - I think this one ties in with the sports part. I like my food, and I don't like my exercise, so losing any weight is never, ever going to happen. I've decided to switch my focus away from losing weight and towards not gaining more :)

Do Things Ahead of Time - I just can't. I have a book review for Louise Allen's August release due in a couple of days, I've had the book since June, and have already read it (twice!), but have I written more than one paragraph about it? Nope. I also have to review a book I read back in May, but haven't finished writing about yet.

Walk the Dog - I kid you not, I am incapable of doing this well. If he goes out with someone else, he follows along happily and does the usual walking dog thing. If I take him out, he refuses to go anywhere I direct him and constantly stops to sniff stuff, no matter how hard I try to get him to move. Sadly, the balance of power in our relationship couldn't be clearer.

But I am very capable musically, am bilingual and learning two other languages, and can cook, so I figure I'm not too bad!